How to Wrangle a Cowboy (12 page)

Lindsey had always wanted to tell her grandmother about her marriage, especially during the dark nights after everything had gone wrong. Talking to Grace had always made everything right when she was a child. Surely it would have helped her navigate the treacherous slipstreams of adulthood too.

But now, she pulled the words from her heart with reluctance. She wasn’t proud of the way she’d allowed herself to be seduced into a life that didn’t fit her, by a man who wasn’t worthy of a Ward.

“Rodger was everything Granddad said he was.”

“Goodness.” Grace’s tone was light. “That bad?”

Lindsey nodded, blinking back tears. “All he cared about was money and image and status,” she said. “He helped me start up the clinic—financially, I mean—but then he didn’t want me to work there. He said I was the queen bee, not a drone.” She sighed. “He didn’t understand that it was the work I loved—the patients, not the money.” She tilted her chin a touch higher. “Now that we’re finally divorced, I want to prove I can succeed on my own, that I’m worth something all by myself.”

“So succeeding would make you worth something?”

“Of course.”

“To whom?”

Lindsey struggled with that one for a while.

“People,” she finally said.

Alice gave her a disapproving look. “You’re still trying to impress Rodger, aren’t you?”

“No,” Lindsey said. “I’m done with Rodger. If anything, I want to succeed just to spite him.”

“Then he’s still running your life.”

Lindsey forked her fingers into her hair and swept it off her forehead, clutching the long strands in her fist. “I know,” she said. “I know. It’s just so confusing.”

They were silent for a while, until Lindsey couldn’t resist asking the question her grandmother had planted in her head.

“You said you talked about me. What did Granddad say? Did he say he was leaving me the ranch?”

Grace shook her head. “He thought he had a lot of time left. He never told me about the will.” She leaned over and patted Lindsey’s hand. “What he wanted was for you to be happy. I think he left you the Lazy Q so you’d know for sure he forgave you.”

“You think so?”

The last argument between herself and her grandfather had been so harsh, she’d thought it could never be resolved. She’d been hurt that her grandfather couldn’t see how lucky she was to be marrying Rodger. He was a doctor, after all. A surgeon. Brilliant. Accomplished. Wealthy.

And a jerk.

Looking back, it was clear as the blue sky that she’d been making a mistake, but at the time, she’d been dazzled.

“I always meant to come back and apologize, but I wanted to be truly over Rodger before I did it. I didn’t want Granddad to see what—what he did to me.”

“What did he do to you?”

Lindsey looked down at her hands, clenched in her lap.

“I know something happened.” Grace’s tone was gently coaxing. “Tell me about it. There shouldn’t be secrets between us.”

No
, Lindsey thought,
there shouldn’t be. Not about this
.

Besides, her grandmother, of all women, would understand. Sucking in a deep breath of pure country courage, she spoke, staring at the floor.

“I was going to have a baby. I thought it would make everything all right. I’d stop working and stay home, just like Rodger wanted me to, because my child would be so precious.” She didn’t bother to wipe away the tears now streaming down her face. “But I had a miscarriage. He—he died before he was even born.” Her voice stilled to a whisper. “Daniel.”

“That was his name?”

Lindsey nodded.

“It’s a good name.”

“Rodger didn’t understand why I was so upset.” Lindsey wiped away her tears as her sorrow turned to fury. “He said it didn’t matter, because we could have another baby. He wanted to try again, right away.”

“And you didn’t want to?”

“I needed to mourn for Daniel. Maybe I’d have had another baby. Probably. But first I needed to get over what had happened.” She felt the tears stinging again, but this time they were tears of fury. “Rodger didn’t get it. He said Daniel wasn’t
viable
. That he wasn’t a real person, and I shouldn’t mourn for him.”

“But he was a real person to you.”

“I talked to him. I sang to him. I loved him so much. And he died.” Lindsey looked down at the floor, her vision blurred. “Rodger didn’t even want to bury him. That’s when I left.”

“You did the right thing.” Grace stared off into the distance. “I wish Daniel could have seen the ranch. He would have loved it here.”

Lindsey nodded, her throat aching. She wasn’t surprised her grandmother knew just what to say. There were two little tombstones in the family plot where Bud lay, two little lives put to rest when they’d barely begun. Of course Grace understood.

And now that someone else knew about her son and acknowledged that Daniel had been real, she could feel something glowing inside her again. It felt like a sunrise, like something she’d been waiting for. She’d tried to tell Rodger the darkness inside her needed to lift before she could love another child, and she could feel it lifting now.

“I think you’re right.” She pictured her Daniel, a little dark-haired boy, running across the field, a flower clutched in his small fist. “He would have loved it.”

“But now you have a chance for a new start,” Grace said. “You know what I’d do if I were you?”

“What?” Lindsey leaned forward. Finally, Grace was going to give her some advice.

“I’d go for a horseback ride. I always find I can think more clearly on the back of a horse.”

Lindsey laughed. She couldn’t help it. Horseback riding was Grace’s cure for everything. “Are any of your horses fit to ride?”

“Try Parsnip, the pretty gray. She’s old, but she’s still strong.”

“Like you.”

Grace smiled. “Like me. Just make sure she minds her manners. She was a pistol in her younger days.”

Lindsey laughed. “Also like you.”

Grace nodded. “I was always an independent little cuss, and it surprised folks because I looked so darn sweet.” She let out that tinkling laugh Lindsey loved. “I never lived my life for any man until Bud came along, and then we lived for each other.” She gave Lindsey a probing look. “Don’t give up just because you made a mistake, dear. Not all men are bad. I can vouch for that.”

The assurance, meant to comfort, stabbed Lindsey like an arrow to the heart. She stood, turning away so Grace wouldn’t see the pain and disillusionment on her face.

Striving for a light tone, she picked up the empty cookie plate. “Well, I’m not going to worry about it now. It’s not like I’m going to find the right man out here in the middle of nowhere.”

A picture of Lockhart flashed through her mind, but she erased it as quickly as she could. He wasn’t the right one. It’s just that he was the
only
one.

This really was the middle of nowhere.

“Don’t be so quick to dismiss your chances. You never know what you might find out here.” Grace winked. “Life is full of surprises.”

Chapter 15

Grace was right. Life was full of surprises, and a very pleasant one greeted her as she headed out the door to go riding. So often, a sight on the ranch would strike her as a picture she wanted to save in her mind forever. This one made her wish she could paint.

Two horses were tied to the top rail of the corral. They matched in every detail—chestnut coats; long, wide blazes; and socks on all four feet—but one was a good deal smaller than the other. The two cowboys saddling them were a matched set too, with nothing but size to set them apart. Shane tossed a saddle blanket over his horse’s back, then hefted a saddle on top while Cody struggled to emulate his every move with his own horse. The boy staggered under the weight of his saddle, but he managed to heave it into place.

Lindsey strolled over and leaned against the fence, resting her elbows on the rail.

“What’s your horse’s name?” she asked Cody.

“Lightningbolt Thunderflash Lockhart the Second.”

She checked the boy’s face for a hint of humor, but found none. “That’s a real mouthful.”

“I know.” The boy pooched out his lower lip. “But everyone was calling him Pickles, and he didn’t like it.”

Lindsey glanced over at Shane, who ducked behind his horse’s neck a second too late to hide a smile.

Good Lord, the man was transformed when he smiled. The stern furrows around his mouth and eyes relaxed, and his dark eyes lit with humor.

“How come they called him Pickles?” Lindsey asked.

The boy shrugged and scuffed one boot in the dust. “Dad said he kept getting into pickles, so I guess somebody around here grows ’em. I’ve never seen a pickle garden, but I guess Lightningbolt Thunderflash has.”

Now it was Lindsey’s turn to hide a smile. “Is there a Lightningbolt Thunderflash Lockhart the First?”

“No,” Cody said. “I just thought it sounded better that he was ‘the second.’ More
noble.
”

Lindsey cocked her head and considered Pickles, who looked relaxed and a bit sleepy, but hardly noble. “I think you’re right. He needs a noble name.”

“See, Dad?” Cody, who hadn’t missed a beat in the horse-saddling ballet, shoved one foot in the stirrup and swung into the saddle like a seasoned cowhand. “I told you it sounded better!”

“You win, Son.” Shane mounted up and grinned down at Lindsey from horseback.

Lindsey laughed. She couldn’t help it. Now that she’d seen a hint of Shane Lockhart’s softer side, she thought maybe she could tame him into a friend and an ally. She didn’t see how she could keep the ranch, but if through some miracle she managed it, she’d need Shane Lockhart’s help.

“So are you guys going out to round up cattle?” she asked.
Cattle, not cows.
Bud had taught her that. “Looks like there’s rain coming. Do you need an extra hand?”

She was sure she had all her cowboy terminology right, so it surprised her when Shane turned a mocking smile on her.

“Rounding up cattle? In the middle of summer? I don’t think so, unless you’d like me to run the weight off ’em before they go to market in the fall.”

“Um, no.” Lindsey felt a flush warming her face. “I guess not.”

He grew suddenly serious. “You could help us though, if you don’t mind.”

She nodded eagerly. If she could only be a part of things for the short time she had left, she’d at least build good memories of the ranch.

“You’re right about the rain,” he said. “I’m thinking we ought to bring the cows their slickers. You want to get ’em for us?”

Lindsey paused, puzzled. “Slickers?”

“Yeah, you know. Cow slickers. They’re yellow.”

Did he really think she was that much of an idiot? She glanced up at his face, which was stonily serious. Only his eyes hinted at the joke.

Furrowing her brow, she did her best to look confused. “I think I’ve seen those. They have hoods, right? With holes in them for the horns?”

The small smile he’d aimed at his saddle horn widened slowly, revealing strong, straight teeth, and he broke into a hearty laugh. Cody, who had managed a straight face through the whole setup, giggled along.

Faking anger, Lindsey set her hands on her hips. “Do you really think I’m that stupid?”

“A man can hope.” He gathered his reins. “It would have made for some fun around here. Besides, I figured any rancher who rescues a kitten from a perfectly dry, comfortable barn probably thinks those poor cows need to be protected from the rain.”

Lindsey pictured the cows, grazing in a rain-swept field with their slickers on, their horns poking through the holes in the hoods, and had to laugh. And laugh. For some reason, the idea struck her as hysterically funny.

Leaning back against the fence, she let herself go, laughing loud and long. The cowboy joined her. Cody too—and there it was, that sunrise feeling again, shining away the grief that had shrouded her heart for so long.

It wasn’t easy to let her sadness go. She was the only soul on earth who had known Daniel, the only one who had loved him. But as she clutched her stomach and caught her breath, she realized it was time to start living again.

Joy welled up in her heart. It was an emotion she hadn’t felt in a long time, and the relief nearly overwhelmed her. She struggled to contain her laughter as Shane and Cody’s amusement tapered into occasional chuckles.

“Can’t help it.” She clutched her stomach, breathless. “I was picturing the cows. I can’t…” She closed her eyes and covered her mouth, taking a deep breath. “Can’t stop laughing.”

But she wasn’t laughing anymore. To her horror, there were tears running down her face. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak. All she could do was lean against the fence with her hands over her face and cry.

“Ma’am?” Cody edged his hors a few steps toward her. “Are you okay?”

She tried to stop for the boy’s sake, but her emotions washed over her in great, crashing waves.

Daniel. Daniel. Daniel.
She had to let him go. She’d never forget him, but it was time to lift the weight of mourning from her heart.

But then he’d be truly gone. And Bud—his death was one thing, but the secret he’d kept robbed her of her respect for him, though not her love, and tainted everything in her world. It proved you couldn’t trust anyone. Any
man
.

Through eyes blurred with tears, she looked up at Shane.

“I’m sorry. It’s just—everything
changed
.” Her normally husky voice sounded broken somehow, even to her. “Why did Bud leave the ranch to me? What did he want me to do? I need him here. I need to talk to him, to ask…” The laughter started again, this time with a hysterical edge.

Shane slid down from the saddle in a smooth, practiced motion.

“Cody, go back to the house.” He was all business. “Stay with Grace until I call you, okay?”

“Okay.” Cody dismounted reluctantly. “Is Lindsey okay?”

“She will be.”

Lindsey was barely aware of the boy’s backward glance as he ran for the house, or of Shane’s grimace as he tossed his horse’s reins over the rail. She simply cried, crumpling as strong arms pulled her away from the fence and held her against a strong, solid chest. She breathed deep, struggling for control as he held her, not gently or lovingly but firmly, the way he’d hold a fractious horse.