HUGE X3: A MFMM Menage Stepbrother Romance (11 page)

I’m frozen.
 
Everything in me stops while I take in what is happening.
 
Bryan is kissing me, and it’s soft and gentle
and exactly what I hoped it would be.
 
His hand goes to my cheek, fingers slipping into my hair as he angles my
face to his.
 
The press of his lips, the
slow movement of his mouth is so good that all the hairs stand up on the back
of my neck.
 
My hands itch to pull him
towards me and for a few moments I slip into the world where this kiss means
everything I want it to mean.
 
That he
loves me the way I love him.
 
That he’s
willing to make a go of a relationship with me in the way I’d always dreamed.
 
But as Bryan seems to lose himself in the
moment and the kiss becomes more demanding, my heart seems to close.
 
This isn’t what I want.
 
This is about him being worried for me.
 
It’s about him not knowing how to make things
better.
 
It’s about him trying in the
only way he knows, and it hurts.

I push against his chest and pull back. His eyes seem
glazed and his lips are swollen from our kiss.
 
He puts his hand to my cheek again and I take hold of his wrist.
 
It’s that motion that makes him realize that
things are not how he was expecting.

“Katy,” he says.

“This is not what I need,” I tell him, lowering his
hand and letting it drop to his side.

He looks confused.
 
“I thought…”

“You feel sorry for me, and you know what, Bryan?
 
That feels shit.”
 
He shakes his head but he doesn’t say
anything to deny it.
 
“Tell Carrie I left
okay.
 
Tell her I’m okay but I can’t be
around people today.

“You don’t need to go,” he says.
 
“I’ll go if that’s what you want.”

“That’s not it.
 
Go back inside with your brothers.
 
I’m going home.”

I turn and stride down the driveway and onto the
sidewalk, hurrying to where I parked my car.
 
When I get into the driver’s seat, I look back toward the house and see
the three brothers in the doorway, all with their hands in their pockets,
watching me leave.

And although I know that leaving is the right thing to
do right now, I still feel like I leave my heart behind in Carrie’s family
driveway.

12

The waiting is hard.
 
I just want to know what the results of my biopsy are so I can deal with
it head on.
 
I sleep badly after Carrie’s
baby shower.
 
She called me when it was
done and we had a short chat about the tough subject of the C-word and a very
long chat about the subject of Bryan and the twins.
 
Bless her, she still can’t get her head
around me following in her footsteps, or the fact that Bryan has confessed his
feelings but is still not really following through.
 
She was even more surprised when I told her
about our parents’ marital intentions.
 
At least my current ‘situation’ is putting all that on hold for a
while.
 

It’s 9am when my phone rings.
 
I’m just stepping out of the shower and when
I see it’s Nathan.
 
We don’t usually talk
on the phone so I know this must be him calling with some news.

“She’s gone into labor hasn’t she?” I squeal.
 

“Yeah.
 
We’re on
our way to the hospital,” he says sounding breathless.
 
“She’s in a lot of pain.”

“Well, I think that’s kinda standard when you’re
having a baby.”

“I don’t know.
 
She’s bleeding a little too.”
 

“Bleeding.”

“Yeah.”

“You need to get her there as quickly as you can,” I
say.
 
I put Nathan on speaker and start
to throw on my clothes.
 
I may not have
any real life experience of having babies but I’ve watched enough hospital
dramas to know that any kind of bleeding is bad.
 
My heart starts pounding as I hear Carrie
moaning in the background.
 
I hear
Ethan’s voice saying something in a soothing tone.
 

“Ethan’s driving,” Nathan says, as though that’s
enough for me to understand they’re going as fast as they can.

“I’m on my way to the hospital,” I say. “She’ll be
fine. They’ll all be fine.”

Nathan is quiet for a moment.
 
“We’ll see you there,” he says.

I hang up the phone and slip on my sneakers, then grab
my purse and coat and I’m running out the door as fast as I can.
 
The drive to the hospital passes in a
blur.
 
I know I speed most of the way and
swear at a few too many slow drivers, but I need to know what’s going on.
 
I need to be there for my friend.

In the lot, I swing my car into a tiny space and dash
into the main reception.
 
It takes a
while for me to work out where I’m going, but then I’m sprinting toward the
maternity unit as fast as my little legs will carry me.
 

I buzz at the door to the maternity unit and once I’m
in I ask the lady at reception where Carrie is.
 
She consults a piece of paper in front of her and then points me down
the hallway to the waiting room.
 
When I
round the corner I see Ethan and Nathan sitting on chairs with their heads in
their hands.
 
I’m not expecting them to
be out here.
 
They should be in with
Carrie supporting her through this.
 
I’m
about to tell them that when Nathan looks up.
 
His eyes are red and his cheeks are wet.
 
My knees almost give way.

“What’s going on?”

“She’s been rushed into the operating room,” he
says.
 
Ethan looks up and his face is as
devastated as his brothers.

“For a C-Section?”

“Yeah.
 
She’s was
bleeding a lot when we got here.
 
They
didn’t even really talk to us, just put her on a gurney and wheeled her
away.
 
Then a nurse came out and said
they think she has a ruptured placenta.”

“Oh.” I take a seat next to Ethan and rest my hand on
his shoulder.
 
“She’s going to be
okay.
 
She’s in the best place and they
probably deal with this kind of thing all the time.”

They both nod but don’t say anything.

We sit and wait in silence.
 
Neither of the twins is in any state to deal
with people, so I send a quick message to Bryan to let him know what’s
happening.
 
Just as I’m pressing send, Carrie’s
mom and the twin’s dad burst into the waiting room.
 
The twins are up on their feet in a second to
hug their parents and everyone looks so worried.
 
I stand and hug Carrie’s mom and do the only
thing I can do; reassure her that everything is going to be fine, even though I
know I don’t know anything.

We all sit down and wait in silence.
 
It’s about ten more minutes before a woman in
scrubs emerges from behind the doors to the surgical wing.
 

We all stand and she comes to stand in front of the
twins.

“Your daughters have been born and they’re fine.
 
We’re taking them to the NICU because they’re
a little on the small side.”

For a moment I breathe a sigh of relief that there is
good news, but it is short lived.

“I’m afraid there have been some serious complications
for Carrie.”

I stand, looking at the back of this medical
professional’s head, not wanting to believe what I fear she’s about to
say.
 
My hand goes to my mouth because
I’m crying and I don’t want to make the terrible sound that I can feel is about
to force its way from deep inside me.
 
My
friend.

“She has a rare complication called Amniotic Fluid
Embolism.”

It takes a moment for me to realize that the doctor or
nurse is speaking about Carrie in the present tense.
 
“What does that mean?” Carrie’s mom
asks.
 
Her face is so grave and ashen.

“It means that some of the fluid or cells from the babies
has crossed into Carrie’s blood stream.
 
It’s triggered a severe allergic reaction.”

“She’s allergic to the babies?” Ethan asks, sounding
confused.

“Not to the babies as such.
 
The presence of this foreign matter in her
system has disrupted her own functions.
 
She’s suffered cardiorespiratory failure and hemorrhaging, and the team
are working to stabilize her.”

“She’s had a heart attack?” The twins’ dad says
slowly, as though he can’t believe it could be true.
 
I can’t believe it either.
 
She was fine yesterday.
 
She’s so young.

“It’s a very rare complication but very serious.”

“You mean she could die?” Ethan says so quietly I
almost don’t hear it.
 
Nathan looks at
his brother like he wants to punch him for voicing such a terrible thing, but
also like he wants to hug him.
 
They’re
locked together in their devastation.

“There is a risk of that.
 
The hemorrhaging she is suffering is very
serious.”

“Oh god,” Carrie’s mother says.
 
Her knees seem to go out from under her and
Carrie’s stepdad scoops her up and helps her to take a seat.
 
She’s crying so uncontrollably I have to turn
my back or else I know I’ll be there with her.
 

Ethan has his head in his hands and Nathan…I can’t
even.

I know I should be stronger. I know I should be able
to stand with these people who love my best friend as much as I do, but I
can’t.
 
My legs carry me out of that
waiting room so fast I don’t register where I’m walking.
 
People passing me stare and for a second I
wonder why, before my mind catches up on the fact that I’m crying so hard I’m
struggling to catch a breath.
 
Carrie.
 
Fuck.

I start praying for her.
 
I’m not a religious person in the true sense
but I’m spiritual enough to believe that my pleading for her life is worth a
try.
 
She’s a good person, a kind
person.
 
She loves her family and
friends. She’s loyal and fun and has a whole amazing life in front of her. She
doesn’t deserve this fucking twisted set of events.
 
She should be cuddling her babies right now,
surrounded by peace and love, not be fighting for her life in some sterile
operating room.
 

I sob, now running through the corridors, desperate
for air.
 
My body is racked so hard that
I feel bile rise in my throat, and, as I hit the door to the parking lot, I
feel myself heave.
 
I make it as far as a
patch of soil and plants before I lose my breakfast.
 
I can’t even hold myself up and my knees hurt
so badly when I flop down onto them.
 
My
fingers are in the dirt but I don’t care. I just want my friend to be
okay.
 

I kneel there, half sobbing, half pleading with the
universe to do the right thing for a change, when I sense someone kneeling down
next to me.
 
I can’t look to see who it
is.
 
Probably hospital security,
wondering what I’m doing.
 

“Katelin?” Bryan’s voice is confused. “Are you sick?”
He touches my shoulder and I flinch.
 
“Hey.
 
What’s going on?”
 

I don’t know how to tell him.
 
I guess Nathan must have called Bryan when he
called me so he can’t know yet.
 
I don’t
know how to repeat the words that medical professional seemed to spout so
easily.
 
For me to say that Carrie might
die will make it even more real in my mind and I can’t bear it.
 

“Carrie’s sick,” I say. It’s all I can manage and I
guess Bryan must guess from my current state that it’s serious because he puts
his arms around me awkwardly and pulls me into his lap.
 
I know I must stink but he doesn’t seem to
care.
 
He holds my head close to his
chest and rocks me gently.

“I just…” I don’t know how to tell him how lost I am,
how scared I am.
 
In his arms I feel safe
but angry.
 
Always angry, because there
is so much lingering between us.
 
Why
didn’t he care for me enough to tell his dad that I was more important than his
stupid rules?
 
Why couldn’t he put me
first?
 
I would have for him.
 
I’d have told my mom that the things she was
holding out as important were ridiculous.
 
Who cares if our parent’s get married?
 
Not me.
 
But it’s all too late
now.
 
My results will be in tomorrow and
I know in my heart of hearts what the news is going to be.
 
My family history writes my future.
 
Months of treatment to heal my body from
itself, followed by weeks of accepting that nothing will work.
 
Our DNA is a language that our human efforts
just don’t seem able to crack, and the gene I carry will score out my destiny
in thick black permanent marker.

I’m shaking now, my heart racing at a rate that is
frightening me.
 
I’m out of control in a way
that I’ve never experienced before, and I don’t know how to deal with it.
 
“Things are changing,” I say, my voice
shaking.

“I know,” he says, rubbing my back.
 
His voice is gruff with emotion and I cling
to him tighter.

“I don’t like it.”

“I know.”

“What do I do?”

Bryan’s face is so serious.
 
I know he doesn’t have any more of a clue
than I do, but I need help.
 
“We go
inside and clean you up.
 
Then we go and
find out what’s going on with Carrie.”

I shake my head vigorously.
 
I can’t face it; all the worry and the distress.
 
It’s clawing at me inside.

“We have to.
 
They need us.”

I don’t want to hear him, but I do.
 
It’s those six words that make me realize how
selfish I’m being out here in the lot, wallowing in my own self-pity.
 
I know that just by being there, by showing
our concern and keeping vigil, that Carrie’s family will feel supported, and
although it’s going to be fucking hard for me to get up and walk back in there,
I have to.
 
She’d do the same for
me.
 
Bryan kisses my forehead as though
he can sense that I’ve changed my mind, then he helps me stand before getting
up off the dirt himself.
 
We both brush off
our clothes and I pull some tissues from my purse to wipe my face and blow my
nose.
 
Just as we’re about to head back
into the hospital, Ethan appears.
 
He
looks wrecked and my heart sinks to my feet.