Hunt and Pray (4 page)

There didn’t appear to be any soap, so he used the suds from the shampoo to clean himself as best he could and then rinsed off. When he finally felt like he’d dragged it out as long as he could, he shut the water off and reached around the curtain for the towel on the counter.

As he dried himself off, he sighed and wished he had some clean clothes. His were dirty from rolling around on the floor of all the kidnappers’ vehicles.

When he finally stepped out of the shower, he was shocked to see a strange pair of underwear and some socks folded on top of what looked like a T-shirt and a hoodie. His jeans had been dusted off and draped over a towel bar as well.

He looked up at Chance, but the man refused to meet his eyes as he spoke to Drew. “The underwear and socks aren’t new, but they’re clean, and your shirt was kind of torn up.”

Drew just stared at him for a moment before turning his back to get dressed. He pulled the underwear on first then dropped the towel from around his waist before hanging it up and then pulling on his jeans.

He could feel the other man’s eyes burning a hole in his back and turned around as he pulled the T-shirt over his head. Those cool blue orbs stared back at him, and Drew could feel his curiosity building.

“How did you know I was gay?” That wasn’t what he meant to say, but it was what came out.

Chance appeared startled for a moment, and Drew thought he wasn’t going to answer him at first.

“We saw you—” Chance looked down for a moment and then continued, “—kissing a man. We were driving down the street yesterday afternoon when we went into Colorado Springs for some supplies, and you and some other blond guy were making out on the street.”

Chance was blushing furiously as he spoke, and Drew couldn’t help but smile.

It was curious, though. He didn’t really seem disgusted, just embarrassed. When the words he said finally filtered through, Drew started to laugh almost hysterically.

Chance was looking at him like he was going out of his mind. Drew wanted to explain it to him, but he just couldn’t seem to stop laughing.

After a few minutes, he finally got himself under control and grabbed the socks and slipped them on. He looked up to find Chance still staring at him.

“You think I’m nuts, right? What could I possibly have to laugh about in this situation?”

Chance nodded, obviously nonplussed by Drew’s reaction.

“It’s the irony of it all, really.” He looked at his watch and discovered it was eight fifteen Sunday morning. “At this moment, I should be on a beach at a gay-friendly resort in the Dominican Republic, sipping on an ice-cold beer and getting a sunburn on my shoulders.”

He bent down and grabbed his shoes and then the hoodie and his watch from the counter. He moved toward the door, smiling a little as Chance backed away from him.

“Instead, I’m stuck here waiting to die, and do you know why?” Drew was feeling a little out of control, and knew he should really get a handle on it but couldn’t seem to figure out how.

Chance shook his head, frowning.

“That man you saw me kissing? He’s my boyfriend… well,
was
my boyfriend. I was kissing him good-bye after having lunch with him. We were supposed to spend the night at his apartment and then catch a plane yesterday.”

Drew stomped down the hall and into the bedroom, then tossed his shoes on the floor angrily before flopping down on the bed.

“Then why were you walking alone in the dark in the middle of the night?” Chance sounded so confused it was almost funny.

“Because that fucking asshole went out for a drink with his work buddies when they were done at the office for the day, and Jason ran into his old boyfriend. Apparently he’d only been stringing me along for the last six months to make this guy jealous, and it finally worked!”

Drew could feel the tears burning in his eyes again and reached over to punch the wall in frustration.

“He showed up back at the apartment, almost falling through the door because he was so desperate to have this guy fuck him!” Drew was yelling, and he couldn’t help it. Chance just stood uncertainly by the door.

“I was so pissed off I punched him in the face and took off out the door.” He looked up at Chance, and he knew all his fear and pain was showing, but he couldn’t stop it. “I just wanted to get home and call my mom. I was going to hop on a plane and fly back to my family for the week and come back feeling better.”

The tears started falling, and he hated letting Chance see him being this weak.

“But instead, you assholes grabbed me, and now you’re going to kill me, all because that jerk decided to treat me like I was a piece of garbage.”

He looked up to see Chance’s face go a chalky white. “I’m sorry.”

Drew was incredulous.
He was sorry?
“Fuck you, Chance. Take your sorry and shove it up your ass.” He glared at the other man. “I’m gonna die… and probably more after me, because you’re too much of a fucking pansy to stand up to your father about what’s right.”

Chance clenched his fists and took a step toward Drew. “You shut the fuck up! You don’t know anything about me and my father, you stupid faggot!”

Drew didn’t care anymore. “What are you going to do, kill me? News flash, jackass! You’re gonna anyway! You’re a fucking soldier, Chance, and I’d bet a fucking good one! I heard what you said to your father about only killing terrorists. You don’t want to do this, but you’re going to anyway, because of him.”

Drew angrily wiped at the tears on his cheeks with the hem of the T-shirt Chance had given him. “Do me one favor, will you? You owe me that much!”

Chance looked taken aback. “What?”

“Leave my body where someone can find it. That way my family will stop looking for me and move on. I have brothers and sisters who don’t need to spend the rest of their fucking lives wondering if I’m dead or I’ve just abandoned them. If you won’t do it for me, then do it for them. They’re just kids.”

The other man’s face was ashen as he stepped back toward the door and then out of the room without a word. Drew looked at him defiantly until he grabbed the doorknob and shut it.

Drew heard the lock click into place before letting his grief overtake him.

Chapter Four

B
REAKFAST
was brought in an hour later by a silent and unsmiling Chance. Drew ignored him as he set the tray on the bed before backing out of the room.

Drew looked at it, and when his stomach rolled, set it on the floor and turned back on his side, not really sleeping, opting instead to let his mind wander.

When Chance brought in his lunch later on, Drew meekly asked to visit the bathroom, his aching bladder the only reason he crawled out of bed.

Chance nodded, his whole body rigid, and stepped back to the door. Drew plodded listlessly to the toilet, uncaring of who was watching. When he was finished, he washed his hands and walked past Chance back to the bedroom. He flopped back onto the bed and turned his back to the door.

He heard Chance approach the bed and flinched when he set down the tray.

“You need to eat something.” The words seemed to be pulled out of Chance against his will.

Drew didn’t even look at him. “What difference does it make? Not like
keeping my strength up
is going to make it take any longer for you to kill me.”

Chance didn’t say anything, yet he didn’t leave either. Drew turned onto his back and looked up at him. “How are you going to live with yourself, Chance? Now that you know what he is and what he’s going to make you do?”

Drew’s gaze never wavered, and Chance finally looked away.

“I knew what he was a long time ago. I never expected to live long enough to have to worry about living with myself.”

Drew stared a moment longer before nodding and closing his eyes. He didn’t open them again until he heard the door close and the now familiar click of the lock.

He sat up and looked at the lunch tray. Tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich, one of his favorites. It made him feel a little like a condemned prisoner being treated to his last meal before his execution. He supposed that was exactly what he was.

When he went to pick up the sandwich, he noticed something sticking out from under the plastic plate. When he lifted it, he realized it was the picture of his family that was usually in his wallet.

He picked up the treasured photo and carefully traced the faces of his loved ones with shaking fingers. Drew had always suffered from a bit of homesickness when he was away from his family, but the wave of longing that overwhelmed him as he looked at the photograph would have driven him to his knees if he’d been standing.

He thought of all the wasted opportunities he’d let fall by the wayside when it came to them. All the birthdays and Easter dinners he’d missed because he was too busy to make time for them. He regretted every single one of them now, and it broke his heart that he’d never have the chance to make it up to them like he’d always promised himself.

It occurred to him then, the only person who could have put the picture there was Chance, and Drew couldn’t help but wonder about his motivation.

Was it just simple kindness, or was there a different reason behind it?

He lifted the tray from the bed and set it on the floor, all thoughts of food forgotten once again. Lying on his side, Drew stared at the picture until he fell asleep.

D
REW
awoke with the overwhelming feeling that he was being watched. When his eyes fluttered open, he could tell from the light coming in the window that it was early evening. He was immediately crushed with sadness over letting so much of his last day slip away.

He felt a sob catch in his throat, but the sound of someone moving made him freeze on the bed. He looked toward the door to see Chance leaning against it while sitting on the floor. The man’s clear blue gaze felt like it was trying look right through him as their eyes met.

It made him feel exposed and vulnerable.

He lay there, not moving, waiting to see what his captor was going to do. Drew wasn’t someone who could hold still for long, though. His restless nature and an insatiable curiosity had served him well as a reporter despite sometimes driving people crazy.

“What do you want from me, Chance?” He used the man’s name deliberately, trying to establish some kind of connection.

Chance just sat there, some internal struggle plainly showing on his face but obviously unable to give voice to it.

“Are you looking for absolution? Do you want forgiveness?” Drew’s voice was raw with emotion. “I can’t give it to you. I might be able to on my own behalf because I have a feeling you’re almost as much a prisoner as I am….” He trailed off and looked down at the picture in his hand again before holding it up. “But I can’t forgive what you’re going to do to them.”

He curled his knees up and smiled at his family in the picture.

“When they finally realize I’m missing, my parents are going to blame themselves for not knowing sooner. They’re gonna get on a plane, along with two or three other adult members of my family, and go to Colorado Springs to look for me themselves.”

Drew could feel the tears pushing at the back of his eyes at the thought of his mom searching through every horrible place in the city looking for him.

He pointed to the two girls in the picture. “These are my sisters. Anna is the older one. She’s gonna be so mad… mad at being left behind, mad at me for not staying at home in the first place, and mad because she’s at that age that everything just makes her angry.”

He wiped the tears away and kept speaking. Chance still hadn’t moved a muscle.

“Meg’s just gonna be scared. I missed two calls in two days from her on my cell once, and I got this call at work from her. I felt like an insensitive jerk. It took me twenty minutes to get her stop crying because she was sure something bad had happened to me. She couldn’t believe her big brother would just ignore her.” Drew shook his head before giving a watery chuckle. “Man, I felt like shit for days afterward, and I never ignored a call from her again.”

Chance had pulled his knees up and rested his arms on them. His eyes never left Drew’s face.

Drew didn’t know what it was that made him keep talking. He just needed to make Chance realize this wasn’t just something that was happening to Drew. He wanted him to know about all the people he was going to be hurting.

“And this is my little man Brady.” He pointed out the smiling boy with messy brown hair and an innocent face that hid his mischievous spirit.

“He’s so funny and smart, and it makes me real proud when Mom and Dad tell me he’s just like I was at that age.”

He stroked his finger over Brady’s face as he spoke. “He probably won’t remember me when he’s older. Might be for the best actually, but damn, it hurts to think so.”

Chance had let his head fall back against the door as he listened, but when Drew stopped speaking, he brought it up to look at him once more.

There was a question in his eyes Drew didn’t know the answer to, so he kept talking.

“I have an older brother too.” Drew smiled at the thought of him. “Aaron’s gonna hit town ready to kick ass and take names, but I wish he wouldn’t. His wife’s gonna have her baby in the next month or so, and she needs him there with her, not halfway across the country looking for me.”

He shook his head. “Maybe Dad will be able to talk some sense into him, but I doubt it. Those two are like oil and water sometimes.”

Drew pointed to the last two people in the picture. “These are my grandmothers—Sally and Katherine. They’re as different as night and day but get along like crazy. You will never meet two sneakier, more interfering, loving women in your life.”

He held the picture close to his heart. “Sally’s gonna be looking after the kids at the farm while my folks are away, and Katherine is going to be trying to call out the National Guard to look for me. They were the first two people I told about being gay after my parents. I expected Sally to be upset. She’s a church-going woman, and I know how some of the more pious members of her church feel about gays, but she just hugged me and said it didn’t matter. If anyone at her church ever said anything about it, she never let on.”