“Hello?” Sam glanced at Tori. “I’m fine, Robert.” She listened and shook her head. “No, I’m not alone. Tori’s here.”
Tori got up, pointing to the bathroom. Sam nodded and sat down on the sofa.
“No, I’m going back to work tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow? Samantha, that’s too soon. I think you should at least stay out the rest of the week,” he said.
Sam heard the water running and she imagined Tori standing under the spray, naked.
“And do what, Robert? Hang out here at the apartment?”
“You need to rest.”
“I’ve been resting. I’m fine, Robert. You’re the one who said I needed to get out and not hide in here,” she reminded him.
“I didn’t mean go back to work, Samantha.”
Sam sighed. “Why are you calling, Robert? Just to lecture to me?”
“I’m calling to check on you. You said you’d call.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I just don’t understand, Samantha. Why would you rather have her there with you than me? I should be the one you reach out to, Samantha. Not her.”
“Why not her? She’s my partner,” Sam said.
“I’m your boyfriend.”
“Robert… you’re not. Please, let’s don’t get into this again. Not now.”
“Samantha, I can’t take this. Please, you’ve got to tell me what’s going on. You can’t just end our relationship like this and not tell me why.”
She grabbed the bridge of her nose and squeezed. “I told you why, Robert. You want to get married and have kids. I don’t. You need to find someone that wants the same things you do. I need to do the same,” she said.
“Why don’t you want to get married and have kids?”
“I just don’t, Robert. I can’t tell you why. It’s just how I feel.” She heard the water turn off and she closed her eyes. Tori would be out soon. “I’ve got to go, Robert. Please, don’t keep calling. In a few weeks, we can talk, okay?”
“You know I’m going to call, Samantha. Like I said before, I can’t just turn off my feelings like they were never there. I love you, Samantha.”
“Why are you making this so hard, Robert?”
“Because love is hard, Samantha.”
She listened to the dial tone for a second, then tossed the phone on the sofa. She never thought Robert would be like this. In fact, when she thought about their relationship, it was always so controlled and orderly. No fights, no arguing… no passion. She actually found it hard to believe that he was all that much in love with her. He was more likely in love with just the idea of getting married and starting a family.
“Everything okay?”
Sam looked up. Tori’s hair was still damp. She wore flannel boxers tonight and a white T-shirt. She looked so… sexy. God, did she ever think she would find flannel boxers sexy on a woman?
“He’s… having a hard time with this,” she said. Then she stood up. “I want to grab a shower, too. Do you mind?”
“Of course not. I’ll clean up dinner.”
Sam slipped out of her jeans, then stood looking at herself in the mirror. She tucked her hair behind her ears and stared, the bruise on her thigh beginning to fade as was the bite mark on her breast. Her eyes followed the length of her body in the mirror. She was probably too thin, she thought. Her breasts were small. Robert had always teased her about them. She wondered if Tori even found her attractive. Wouldn’t that be just her luck? Here she was, about to combust any time she was around Tori. How ironic it would be if Tori had no such feelings. She met her eyes in the mirror. But Tori did, didn’t she? She hadn’t mistaken Tori’s reaction last night, she hadn’t imagined the thundering heartbeat below her ear. And she certainly hadn’t imagined that little scene that took place early this morning. No, Tori appeared to be in the same shape she was. Both struggling with their feelings, both fighting against the desire that was creeping closer and closer.
She met her eyes in the mirror. She didn’t want to fight it. She wanted to embrace it. She knew in her very soul that this was meant to be. And knowing that, it frightened her a little. She could very well have denied it. She could have continued to plug along in her relationship with Robert, only wondering what might have been. As she’d told Amy before, Tori would never be the one to initiate anything between them. Even now, Tori’d been the one to keep her distance, the one strong enough to keep their relationship on a friendly level. Then she laughed quietly. Friendly? How many female friends would she hold hands with? Snuggle up with at night? No, they were past that. And if it went any further, Sam would have to be the one to do it. Tori never would.
She finally walked into the shower, scrubbing herself. She wondered how long she would be compelled to take three showers a day, as if she could wash herself clean. She hadn’t mentioned that to Dr. MacIntyre. She assumed that would only ensure her another visit with the good doctor.
When she walked out, Tori was in the bedroom, pulling the covers back. Their eyes met.
“I figured you wanted me to sleep in here again,” Tori said shyly. “I mean, if you want me to take the sofa, I can.”
Sam smiled. “You know very well I don’t want you on the sofa.”
“Okay. I just wanted to be sure.”
Tori crawled under the covers, extremely aware of how nervous she was. What if tonight, she couldn’t control it? What if she gave in to what she was feeling? Then what? Maybe Sam was better tonight. Maybe she wouldn’t want to sleep in Tori’s arms again. But that thought caused a deep ache in her chest.
Sam turned off the lamp and lay on her back, much as Tori was doing. She wanted to be in her arms and she was nearly frightened by the need she had. Did Tori have any idea how she was feeling? Yes, certainly she did. But she made herself stay where she was, hoping sleep would claim her. It didn’t.
“Tori?”
“Hmm?”
Sam took a deep breath. “Would you hold me again?” she whispered.
Tori’s resistance melted at those softly whispered words. “Come here.” She pulled Sam to her, slipping one arm around her back and cradling Sam to her side. She shivered as Sam slipped an arm around her waist, fitting her body next to Tori’s.
“Thank you,” Sam murmured.
“Mmm.” It was glorious, the way Sam felt in her arms. She reached out a hand and brushed lightly at the hair on Sam’s forehead, moving it away from her face. Sam’s arm tightened around her waist. Then Tori gasped as Sam’s hand slid under her shirt, rubbing lightly against her skin.
Sam trembled as her hand moved across smooth, soft skin. It would be so easy, so easy to slide it higher. She wondered what Tori’s breast would feel like. Soft, like the skin under her hand now? She ached to know how it would feel and she lost what little control she had left. She slid her hand higher, across Tori’s ribs, feeling the swell of breast just under her fingers.
Tori couldn’t stifle the moan that escaped. She tried, but it was out before she could stop it. She slid her hand to Sam’s, stopping her movements. “Sam, I’m dying here,” she whispered. “Please stop.”
“I can’t.” She lifted her head, her mouth just inches from Tori’s. “When are you going to kiss me? You must know how much I want you to,” she whispered.
“Oh Sam, don’t do this to me.”
“I you want to. Please don’t fight this, Tori.”
Their eyes met in the darkness, so close that they breathed the same air. Tori tried to fight it, she did. But her arms tightened, bringing Sam even closer to her. Then, against her better judgment, she gave in, taking what was offered. Their kiss wasn’t gentle. Sam’s mouth opened under hers, meeting Tori’s tongue wildly.
Sam thought she might very well faint. She moaned, her hand finally moving the last few inches to Tori’s breast. It was soft and firm beneath her hand, the nipple hardening immediately against her palm. She heard the groan that escaped Tori, felt Tori press hard against her hand. Then Tori pulled her on top, opening her legs, and Sam settled between them. She pulled her mouth from Tori’s, breathing hard as she felt Tori’s hands grip her hips, pulling her firmly against her.
“Oh God,” she whispered. Desire swept over her body, taking complete control. Her hips rocked against Tori as her mouth was captured once again. Then Tori’s hands were at her face, her kiss gentle now, lips moving lightly against her own, then stopping.
“Sam, we can’t,” she whispered.
Sam groaned. “I want you. God, I want your touch. We can.”
“No.”
Sam nearly sobbed. She laid her head against Tori’s chest, hearing the pounding of her heart, her rapid gasps for air. All these years, she thought, wasted. Right here, right now. This is what she wanted… what she
needed
.
“Sam… listen to me,” Tori said. “I want to make love to you. God, I do. But you’re not ready for this.”
“I’ve been waiting for you my whole life,” Sam whispered. “Please, Tori, don’t do this. Don’t push me away.”
Tori squeezed her eyes shut and held Sam tightly to her. “It’s not because I’m a woman that you’re not ready, Sam. You know that. I won’t do that to you.”
Sam let her head fall back to Tori’s chest. “I know.” Then the tears came without warning, sobs that shook her. She clutched at Tori.
“Talk to me. Please,” Tori whispered in her ear. “Tell me what happened.”
Sam cried harder. “They hurt me. They… hurt me,” she cried.
“I know, sweetheart.” Tori cradled Sam to her, rocking her in her arms. “Tell me how they hurt you.”
“I tried to fight them, Tori, I did. I screamed and I begged and I cried. But they wouldn’t stop… they just wouldn’t stop. And the rest, they just… watched. And laughed.” She cried as she’d never cried before, nearly wailing as Tori held her. “They wouldn’t stop. They tied me to the bed and took my clothes off… I was so helpless.”
Tori’s heart was breaking as Sam wept. Her own tears streamed down her face, and she gathered Sam more firmly against her.
“I kept hoping that you would come for me,” Sam whispered. “I tried not to think about how they’d hurt you, how they… dumped you in the lake. But I was so afraid. I was afraid that you were dead,” she cried. “And there was nothing I could do. So I just closed everything out. I was back on your boat, it was sunny and warm. You were fishing. You looked so relaxed. You looked so happy. That’s all I thought about. I didn’t feel them anymore. I wasn’t there. I was with you.”
“I’m so sorry,” Tori said softly. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I’m sorry I didn’t find you sooner.”
“No. It’s not your fault. And you were there for me, Tori. Only you. I never gave a thought to anyone else. Not Robert, not Amy… just you. Somehow, I knew you would come for me.”
It was Tori’s turn to cry and Sam pulled Tori to her, wiping at the tears on her face. “Don’t cry. Please. Don’t cry.” For some reason, Sam didn’t want Tori to ever cry again. She’d had so much pain in her life and so little love. Sam couldn’t stand for her to cry.
They lay quietly together, still wrapped in each other’s arms. No more words were spoken. They fell asleep listening to each other’s heartbeat.
Chapter Thirty-five
Tori knocked, then waited, looking quickly at Sam. Her eyes were still puffy, but she looked better than she had earlier. Last night had been so hard, but she knew that Sam needed to get it out. She knew that Sam had not cried before. Had not really accepted what had happened to her.
“You okay?”
Sam smiled. “For the third time, yes.” Then she reached out and squeezed Tori’s arm. “Thank you. And we haven’t really talked about… what else happened.”
“I know.”
The door opened and Belle greeted them.
“Good morning, Detectives. Please tell me you’re not here with more bad news.”
“No.” Tori held up a piece of paper. “We have a warrant. We’re going to need all your records on current and past residents,” Tori said.
“You didn’t need a warrant, Detective Hunter. I would have gladly given you anything. I want this to stop as much as you do.”
“I know. It’s just procedure.”
“Come in. You know where the office is.”
Tori and Sam followed the older woman inside. It was early and quiet. Either the residents of the hostel weren’t up yet or they hadn’t spent last night there. Belle opened the door to the office and motioned for Tori and Sam to enter.
“I was just about to get coffee. Would you like some?”
“That would be nice, thank you,” Sam said.
“I’ll be right back.”
Tori walked to the file cabinet and opened a drawer, leafing through the files inside, stopping when she came to Julie Barnes.
Sam walked around the room, glancing at the pictures on the shelves, many of young women posing with Belle. She recognized Rachel Anderson in one. She picked it up, her brows drawn as she remembered the young girl who was left in a Dumpster. When she moved to put it back, she saw another photo on the shelf. A photo of a young man, probably a high school picture. She picked it up and stared.
“Tori.”
“Hmm?”
“Look at this,” she said. She held the framed photo to Tori.
“Shit,” Tori murmured. “It’s him.”
Sam quickly put the photo back as Belle approached.
“Here you go,” Belle said, carrying a tray with three cups, along with sugar and cream. She set the tray on her desk, then offered a cup to Sam.
“I never noticed all your pictures before, Belle,” Sam said. “They must go back quite a ways.”
“Yes. Over the years, so many young girls have come to stay here. I watched them grow up and then leave. These are some of my favorites.”
“You have one of a young man here,” Tori said. “Did he stay with you?”
“Oh, you mean Ricky. No, that’s my son.”
“Your son? I didn’t know you had children,” Tori said casually as she took the cup of coffee Sam offered.
“Just the one.” Belle sat down and smiled, looking at the photo on the shelf. “When I was your age, it wasn’t quite as easy to be gay as it is today,” she said. “My family was having a very hard time with it, in fact. I was thirty and at a crossroads. I thought if I had a child, my family would accept me, would accept him. And they did. For a while. But then I met someone. A woman. And none of it mattered to them. I was still a lesbian.” She sighed. “But I had Ricky. He was a good kid.”
“Where is he now?” Sam asked.