‘Um,’ I said. ‘Sorry. What I meant to say, in a calm and reasonable manner, was that I’d rather you didn’t read any of this. I’ve been writing practice papers and working on sketches for the entrance exam, and it’s all super-rough.’ I batted my eyelashes at her, pleased with the awesomely plausible lie. ‘And yes, I’d love a coffee. Thank you.’
‘I was under the impression that you were still waiting for Theo’s go-ahead. He hasn’t agreed to any of this college stuff yet . . .’
‘“Yet” being the operative word,’ I said with a bravado I didn’t feel. ‘Plenty of time to work on him.’
Holly shrugged, losing interest. (Thank God.) ‘There’s always night school, squirt.’
‘I don’t want to go to night school. I want to do this the normal way. The regular, human way. In the daytime while I still can.’
Before it was too late.
‘You just want to be a Real Girl, don’t you?’ Holly said in a mocking tone.
She was only teasing, but my hackles rose all the same. She was way too close to the truth, and it hurt. I did want to be a real girl. So freaking much that I could taste it like blood in my mouth. I wanted to turn the clock back. I wanted everything to be the way it was before – before I’d met Theo and fallen for him, and he’d ended my humanity in a loss of control that had shocked even him.
Making
me had been a big enough no-no that he’d lost some respect among the other vampires – respect he was still trying to win back.
I rubbed my arms, not because I was cold, but to comfort myself. I was nothing more than a blot on his copybook. A mistake that could never be erased.
Holly tucked wavy blue hair behind her ears and sat on the end of my bed. ‘It’s not so bad, Moth.’
‘What isn’t?’ Wow, she was actually being nice to me, but I was too upset to care.
‘Living in the dark. You get used to it.’
‘I don’t want to get used to it,’ I whispered.
‘You’ll have to.’ Her tone was firm, but not unkind. ‘I’ve lived like this for a long time now. I get along just fine. Believe it or not, there are lots of good things about being a vampire. You need to find those things and embrace them.’
I sat cross-legged and watched my roommate carefully, trying to figure out how much I could ask her without making her mad. Usually, when I asked her anything too personal, she flounced off in a huff. Much as I wanted to pursue this whole Nemesis/Subject Ten investigation, I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to talk to Holly when she was in a sharing mood.
Holly smiled. ‘C’mon, out with it.’
Was I really that transparent?
Yes
, was the easy answer to that.
‘It’s just that . . .’ I hesitated, searching for the right words. ‘There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t wish things were different. Sure, there are times when I actually think something I can do is cool. Like, being super-strong, or eavesdropping on conversations across a room. Or whatever. But, honestly, that hardly ever happens.’
‘If I could wave a magic wand over you right now, would you really want to be human again? Ordinary? Mortal?’
‘In an instant,’ I said.
Holly shook her head. ‘I hate to break it to you, roomie, but that’s never gonna happen. There’s no cure for what we have. It’s not a disease – we got bitten, that’s true, but we died and came back. We weren’t transformed by something mystical in a vampire’s bite. Technically, although modern vamps don’t like to use the term, we’re
undead
. There’s no going back.’
I sniffed. ‘Why are you being so nice to me?’
Her smile was crooked. ‘You think I’m being nice? I’m telling you what you don’t want to hear.’
Emotion pounded at my throat and threatened to spill out, but I swallowed it away. I couldn’t break down in front of Holly. ‘Maybe telling me what I don’t want to hear is what I need. The only other person I can talk to about this is my little sister, but I have to be all upbeat about it. I’ve even told her that maybe one day I can find a way back to normal.’
Her expression darkened. ‘Better not to fool yourself, Moth – or her.
This
is normal now. For both of us.’
‘I know that. Really. I guess.’ I fiddled with the embroidered roses on my black comforter.
‘Hey,’ Holly said. ‘Look at me.’
I looked at her.
‘No, I mean really. Look at me.’
I frowned. ‘I am. What do you mean?’
‘See these?’ She pushed up the long sleeve of her fitted black T. Her almost translucent white skin was puckered and scarred. The scars looked old, old, old – older even than the twenty years she’d been a vampire and I could still see them. They hadn’t healed.
My mouth dropped open.
Holly waited for me to formulate a question.
I cleared my throat. ‘Were you . . .? Did you . . .?’
‘I was an addict when I was Made,’ she said. She said it like it was the most ordinary thing in the world. Her voice was level.
‘Oh.’ I couldn’t take my eyes off the scars. ‘And your other arm?’
She showed me that she had a matching pair.
‘Oh,’ I said again. ‘Why didn’t they go away after you were Made?’
Holly pushed down her sleeves again. ‘They’ve faded some. Actually, they’ve faded a
lot
. But because it happened before I became a vampire, I’m left with a permanent reminder of my life . . . the way it used to be.’
‘How come I’ve never seen them before?’
‘You’ve never seen me in short sleeves or a tank top, have you?’
Slowly, I shook my head. I hadn’t really thought about it.
‘And I don’t just wear long-sleeved pajamas because I think they’re cute,’ she continued. ‘You want to know something, though? Something cool?’
I nodded. I was hanging on her every freaking word.
‘After I woke, after I survived the transition, my addiction was gone. The sickness and need and everything that came with it –
poof
. Like magic. Not the scars, of course, but everything else.’ She watched me, as though she expected me to ‘get’ the oh-so-wise message she was trying to impart.
‘You don’t mind the scars?’ I asked.
‘Nah,’ she said. ‘Why should I? They remind me of what I used to be, and of the life I used to live. The way I spiraled down and down until I could get no lower. I wanted to die, and in a way I guess I got my wish.’
‘Only, you came back,’ I said.
‘A second chance.’ She nodded. ‘A second chance that will last forever.’
‘Who Made you? I’ve always wanted to know.’
Holly’s eyes flashed silver. ‘Get used to disappointment, squirt. I don’t talk about that. Ever. But try to understand what I’m telling you here: being a vampire isn’t always a curse. There is good to be found in the experience. Second chances are a powerful gift, and I wouldn’t change mine for the world.’
A gift.
I wasn’t so sure, but I didn’t say anything. My usually taciturn and super-private roommate had given me a lot to think about. When Theo had first insisted that I live with Holly, he’d considered her to be a mentor for me. In all honesty, I can’t say Holly has done all that much ‘mentoring’ over the past year.
But she had her moments, and today was certainly one of those.
Holly sat quietly, waiting for me to say something else. Waiting to see if I was done. It was as though she could see right inside me, but for once she didn’t dig the knife in any further.
That would be me, one day. I’d be just like Holly, unable to go outside in sunlight at all, forced to live my life forever in darkness. I ignored the fear vibrating through my body and tried to focus on what my roommate had said. There was something positive in her words, I knew that; I just didn’t feel the same way about it. My life hadn’t exactly been a bed of roses when I was Made, but it was probably a lot better than Holly’s. I’d lost so much . . . but what had I gained? I needed to think about this more, but now wasn’t the time.
I cleared my throat, changing the subject. ‘How was Theo when you left him?’
‘I didn’t see him,’ she replied, sounding peeved. ‘He just shut himself away and moped. It was very un-Theo-like.’
‘Hmm,’ I said.
‘That’s all you have to say?’ She raised an eyebrow. ‘What aren’t you telling me?’
‘Nothing.’ I cleared away the papers and pretended that I was super-busy all of a sudden.
‘
Hmm.
You still want that coffee?’
‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘Thanks.’
She nodded and stood up, her quick vampire movement so natural to her.
‘Wait,’ I said. I touched the back of her hand. ‘I meant, thanks for talking to me about that. I think it helped.’
‘You
think
?’ Holly laughed. ‘Don’t do me any favors, squirt.’ Still laughing, she headed for the kitchen.
‘I’ll be there in a minute,’ I called after her. ‘Just have to make a quick call.’
I stared at my laptop and thought about Subject Ten, about who she really was. Was
she
a real girl?
I would make it my business to find out. Starting with a certain Dr Helena Stark and her appearance at Harvard’s Science Center. For one thing, I needed to confirm her link to Quinn and Subject Ten. Whether I could find that ‘evidence’ right there and then was doubtful, but at the very least I could follow her after the event and find out where she lived. That would open up all kinds of future snooping opportunities. I needed to get Jace off the hook, once and for all.
And, talking of a certain Mr Murdoch, every good detective needs a partner. I scanned through the tiny contact list on my cell and hesitated with my thumb over the call button. Did I really want to do this?
Of course I did. I hit ‘connect’ and waited.
Six rings (I counted) later, Jace picked up.
‘Yo.’
‘Jace? It’s me, Moth.’
Well, duh.
He had caller ID, didn’t he?
For once, he didn’t tease me about my Stating-The-Obvious superpower. ‘To what do I owe the pleasure? Did Theo find the Big Bad Vampire Slayer?’
‘Not exactly. I need a favor, but it does involve investigating something that might be related to all this.’
‘OK,’ he said. ‘Fire away.’
‘I was just wondering if you’d mind being my “plus-one” at a thing . . .’
There was a long silence at the other end of the phone.
‘Jace?’
He spoke very slowly. ‘Are you asking me out on a
date
?’
‘No!’ Why did he always have to do this to me? ‘No, I’m not asking you out on a date. This is
work
.’
‘Right,’ he said. ‘Sure.’
‘Get over yourself, Murdoch. Are you going to come with me or not? This could actually help us clear your name, so I don’t know why you’re giving me such a hard time about it.’
‘Well, in that case, count me in. Can’t pass up a night out on the town with my favorite vampire. That’s my dream date.’
‘Stop calling it a date.’
‘When is this
date
supposed to take place?’
I mentally gritted my teeth. ‘Friday.’
‘Date night,’ he said. ‘Told you. And that’s really not much notice. I don’t know if you’re giving me enough time . . .’
‘What for? Do you need to get your highlights done?’
He didn’t miss a beat. ‘That was last week.’
I rolled my eyes, listening to the sound of traffic in the background. ‘Where are you, anyway? I hope you’re keeping a low profile, especially after sundown.’
Jace told me that he was holed up in South Boston, staying with ‘a friend’, but he didn’t give me any more information than that. Before I could wonder whether or not the
friend
was a girl, he said: ‘Are you
worried
about me? Because you sound worried.’
‘Just worried that Theo might pull a muscle ending your puny little life,’ I said.
‘Uh-huh. More like, you’d be bored if I wasn’t around.’
‘I think I’d get by,’ I said super-sweetly.
I hung up before he could reply and my phone immediately rang again. It was probably just Jace, wanting the last word.
I pressed the phone to my ear without even looking at the display. ‘What now?’
‘Marie,’ my older sister, Sinéad, said. ‘Dad’s in the hospital. Mass Gen. He’s in intensive care and—’
The sound of her voice was drowned by a wave of panic that made it impossible for me to focus on what she was saying. My ears buzzed and my whole body froze as I tried to listen to Sinéad’s directions, but all I really heard was:
Heart attack. Emergency surgery. Triple-bypass.
We hung up and I hesitated, remembering all the times I’d fought with my dad.
It’s serious
, Sinéad had said.
I don’t care.
Theo needs me and I just tangled with the girl responsible for Nicole’s death. Or, at least, who was the most likely suspect. I had to find out about dahmpirs, and Nemesis, and all the things that had nothing to do with my old life.
I stared at the phone.
I really don’t care.
I listened to the hum of passing traffic.
Dad might not make it.
Sinéad’s voice in my head wouldn’t shut the hell up.
I touched the phone one more time, as though I could somehow glean an important piece of information from its surface. My life was complicated, it was true, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t deal. I’d learned the hard way that I could handle a
lot
. And this was family. Not family with a capital-F for vampire Family, but my birth family. My dad. The kind of father who organized a seaside vacation every summer, picked me up when I fell down as a child, and took me to my first ball game. Just because he was different now, that didn’t mean I no longer cared.
The truth is I didn’t
want
to care, and that’s an entirely different thing.
Thinking about second chances, I knew what I had to do. Blood was blood.
Crap.
I rushed to the kitchen to speak to Holly – I had to tell her what was going on – then headed straight for the hospital. I didn’t pass Go. I didn’t collect two hundred dollars.
I almost got stuck in the revolving entrance doors of Massachusetts General Hospital because I was moving so fast. I disentangled myself, then entered the familiar main lobby, once again using my vamp-speed to
move
through the milling crowd and into the corridor. I headed for a row of elevators, but changed my mind when I saw how many people were already waiting there.