Hurting To Feel (Carpool Dolls) (26 page)

Addison's
chin dropped to her chest, and her hair hid her face. His chest squeezed, but
he swore when he came here that he would not touch her first. Whether she hid
her disgust or couldn't face the truth, he had no idea.

"I
only have one more thing to say, and then I'll leave you alone," he
whispered. "I don't want you to beg me to keep you, because I'm not worth
having. I want you, and I need what we have together. I would give anything to
take you home, because that's where I believe you belong. I want you to come to
me on your own power. For the first time in my life, I'm going to step back.
It's up to you whether you want to continue being with me. I can't ask you to
change for me, and I can't promise I won't hurt you. You know who I am, but I
can promise that I will do everything in my power never to cross the line of
hurting the goodness inside of you."

His
voice, barely audible, cracked and he struggled to inhale through the tightness
of his chest. He had no relationship experience, no education that taught him
right from wrong, and he lacked pretty words to give her. He only knew the
truth.

He
pulled his feet under him and shifted to stand. Addison reached out and put her
hand on his thigh. He froze. The heat from her palm seared him through his
jeans.

Afraid
to reach out, he waited for her to say something, anything, to put him out of
his misery. He'd purposely left out how she was the only one he needed. The
only one who made him feel complete. The only one who ever gave a damn about
him.

Chapter
Twenty-Nine

Nathan's
admittance shook the foundation of Addison's stance on never seeing him again.
She slid off the bed and climbed onto his lap. One leg on each side of him, she
cupped his face and forced him to look at her.

"You
are worth my begging," she whispered. "I might not understand the
reasons you've done things or will do them in the future, but I know how I feel
when I'm with you."

She
ran her hands down his cheeks, her thumb swept over his lips. "The only
way you can hurt me is by giving yourself to someone else."

He
opened his mouth. She shushed him. "That's my only condition. Your hands,
your anger, your attention, your frustrations, your…love, can only be given to
me. So, despite your warnings and trying to scare me, I'm going to beg. I need
you to take care of me. You were born to love me. If you want to argue that
what you have inside of you isn't love, I want to fill your days and nights for
the rest of my life arguing back with you that what I've experienced in the
short time we've been together, you've given me more love than I've received in
all my life."

"Addy,"
he mumbled. His hands tightened on her hips.

A
flutter curled in her lower stomach and warmed her soul. She moistened her lips
and brought her mouth to his ear. "I don't know if I've ever been loved,
but if I had to guess what love felt like, I'd say it's a lot like how I feel
when you hurt me. Because that hurt demands me to feel and when I feel, it's
the most wonderful experience in the world."

She
pulled back, needing to see him. His eyes, bloodshot and full of hurt she
couldn't even comprehend, begged her silently, and she had to kiss him. She
laid her lips on each eyelid, his cheeks, and his chin.

He
hooked Addison's neck and pulled her down until their foreheads rested
together. Tremors wracked his body, and she ran her hands over his shoulders
and down his arms. Unable to think of what he needed from her, she kissed him
with a desperation meant to take all his pain away.

She'd
never experienced the degree of neglect he'd lived through. And, she didn't
need to know the details because he'd shared more with her than she imagined
he'd ever shared with another living soul. For that reason, she molded herself
around him, holding him in the way he always enjoyed and accepted the way he
crushed her against him.

Finally,
the tension left his shoulders and he eased back. She pulled her lips from his
and gazed into his eyes. "You have to remember that every choice you've
made in your life, you've done to survive. Whether it's wrong or right, it's
not my place to judge you." She kissed him again, and framed his face with
her hands. "All that's important is that you know you're worthy to have
me. So very worthy."

He
closed his eyes. She laid her head on his shoulder. "You said you weren't
sure if you were capable of loving, and I'm hungry for love. I'll take what you
can give me, because when you touch me, I feel loved. I don't know if it's the
normal way or the wrong way, but I need you to keep showing me attention in the
only way you know how. I accept all of you. Even the parts I don't
understand," she finished on a whisper.

He
nodded. She locked her arms around his neck. If she thought they'd connected
before, when he'd held her down and taken everything from her, she was wrong.
Nothing compared to him opening up his soul and sharing parts of himself with
her. Whatever the future brought them, she'd hold on to this moment when they exposed
themselves and admitted they needed each other with a passion that would rival
anything that came their way.

"I
need to be inside you," he said.

She
stroked his face. "I know."

He
had her on her back, on the bed, her panties off, her T-shirt and robe stripped
from her body before she could help him. Like always, she only knew pleasure.
Whatever he did to her, she took, flowing and warming, burning for him.

"Just
need to feel you." His lips brushed over hers, so gentle, so caring, the
kiss brought tears to her eyes.

All
she knew was the addictive need for more of his touch, more of the violent
pleasure only he gave her. She writhed underneath him at the lick of his tongue
on her neck.

"Addy,
tell me you'll live with me," he murmured against her skin. "I need
you, doll. More than I ever needed anything."

She
shook her head, panic tearing through her. He had to believe her. She couldn't
walk away this time. She had to know that wherever they went from here, he'd
lead her and she'd follow him to the ends of the earth.

"I'll
never leave," she said, panting.

"That's
good." He kissed his way down her neck and sucked her nipples, nipping the
sensitive buds.

She
jerked beneath him, begging.

He
moved down her body, spread her thighs, and eased himself between them. She
raised her head, and he planted his hand in the middle of her stomach, forcing
her down. The pressure, the control, along with his tongue stroking her clit
had her bucking against his face.

Each
lick, each swipe, each time he sucked her clit into his mouth took her higher.
Desperate, she clawed at the bed and sobbed with each flick of his tongue on
her. And still, he loved on her sex with his mouth.

He
stabbed his tongue inside her and held himself still. Her womb rippled. She was
almost there.
Oh, God.

When
he finally worked his cock into her pussy, she was going to die with the
pleasure.

"Nathan,"
she moaned.

He
pulled his tongue out and again thrust it inside of her and held still.
Perspiration broke out on her body. She burned from him taking her almost to
orgasm and easing off.

Then
his touch was gone. She gazed down at him, afraid he was stopping. He couldn't
leave her this way. Not now.

He
gazed at her from between her legs. Her stomach flexed. God, he was her
everything.

Slap.

Her
body stiffened and she screamed out in guilty pleasure. The sting from his hand
spanking her sex was too much. She was too sensitive, too close to exploding.

He
slapped her pussy again.

Right
there. With no way to stop, she soared into ecstasy.

Nathan
crawled up her body. A guttural moan tore from her as his cock filled her body
in one swift move.

"I'm
going to fuck you," he said. "So deep and hard we'll both feel it
tomorrow."

He
eased back. He pumped back into her. Her pussy rippled around him until her
core decided she could accept everything he gave her and she lifted up to meet
each thrust of his hips.

Together,
they rode, they battled, they reached until she slipped into a place where she allowed
him to do anything to her, and she'd let him. It was at this point, he owned
her heart and soul.

Barely
coherent, she drew in a harsh breath. He impaled her in one, hard stroke. She
screamed and arched against the bed. Her muscles spasmed as her orgasm
exploded.

"Addy…"
He groaned and buried his face in her neck.

She
held him as his body shuddered its release.

Long
after he grew heavy and his arms gave out, she left her legs and arms wrapped
around him. When he rolled off her, she went with him.

Past
the time her body cooled off, the sweat on him dried, and he'd covered them
both with a blanket from the bed, she held on to him. Afraid that daybreak
would send reality crashing down on her, she voiced her concern.

"Was
that enough?" she whispered. "Do you need more?"

He
kissed her forehead. "Tonight…that was more than what I needed."

Chapter
Thirty

Twenty
minutes after Addison left for work—despite telling her she needed to take the
day off and sleep—Nathan let Donny into the house. Because he'd taken the day
off, he promised Addy he'd oversee moving her belongings to his house. A few of
the guys from the street would drive the U-Haul Donny brought with him.

"You
can start in the kitchen. Make sure you wrap everything well." Nathan
pointed down the hall. "I'll do her bedroom, and then we'll worry about
getting the furniture out into the truck. She said she only wants the china
hutch out of the dining room and the chest in the living room. She wants the
rest donated to St. Mary's to the food program."

"Right."
Donny shook his head, walking away from him.

Today
wasn't about Donny and his bad mood over Nathan dragging him out of bed to come
and help. He jogged up the stairs and entered Addy's bedroom. The stack of
boxes he'd ran out and bought while Addy took her shower earlier lay on the
floor. After he taped together enough boxes to pack her clothes, he opened the
dresser drawer.

The
silk panties caressed his fingers as he scooped them into his hands. His balls
tightened, putting them in the container. He knew the important things about
her, but he looked forward to learning all the secrets she held. Like
discovering if she'd parade around in her underwear on a Sunday morning or if
the garter belt he found in her second drawer would be as sexy on her as he
imagined.

He
opened the third drawer and paused at the sight of pictures scattered over a
sweater. Last night Addy hid what she was looking at when he came into the room.
She'd been angry. He picked the top picture off the pile and frowned.

A
naked woman, bent over a chair, displayed the welts from a belt given to her by
the man who—He brought the picture closer and squinted.

"Fuck,"
he hissed.

The
man in the picture was Professor Frank. His heart pounded and he found it
impossible to inhale.

He
took a second look at the woman. From the blur on the picture and her face not
showing, he couldn't tell—his fingers curled in, crumbling the photo. He
scattered the pictures in the drawer, frantic to find one of the woman's face.
"Come on, come on…"

He
found one with a side view and stared, finally dropping the picture. His hands
went to his head, and he paced the room. "No. Fuck no," he muttered.
"Fuck. No."

He
returned to the drawer, peered inside and cursed. Professor Frank and Addison?

Not
stopping to think, he removed the whole drawer from the dresser and hurled it
across the room. He struggled sucking air into his lungs. Every muscle
constricted in agony, and he curled his fingers.

"Hey."
Donny stood in the doorway. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Get
out," he said, between clamped teeth.

"No
way, man." Donny walked into the room and headed toward the broken drawer.

Nathan
tackled him before he could pick up any of the pictures. Rolling on the floor,
he wrapped his arm around Donny's neck and smashed his face into the floor.

"Fu—stop,"
Donny muttered, fighting to breath.

Nathan's
vision blurred and he saw no one. Only anger and disappointment and fear. He
ignored the kicks, the elbows, and concentrated on the need to hurt. The pain
too much, he wanted to snuff out the feelings of seeing the woman who owned his
heart and the man who saved his life together.

Donny
punched him. His head whipped back and he lost his hold on his brother. A kick
landed on his stomach, and he rolled inward, drawing up his legs.

"Let
up, Donny." A man's voice came from above Nathan.

Nathan
raised his head and another hit took him down. Then a pair of hands brought him
to his feet and he stared at Gary and Nug, trying to make sense of what
happened.