Hush (22 page)

He grunted and slid a plate of eggs across the counter to me. He chewed a bite and swallowed. “I have to go into the office for a bit,” he said.

“We just got back,” I
whined.
“
You’re
supposed to still be off today.”

“I know, I know. But Jacob called and there’s some sort of issue th
at I need to sort out,” he said. Even his delicious accent didn’t soften the fact that he had to leave me.

I sighed. “I understand. Just hurry back,” I said.

He grinned. “And here I thought you were ready to be rid of me.”

“No, never,” I said and kissed his cheek.

We finished our breakfast and I cleaned the plates while Siva dressed to go into work. He came down into the kitchen and kissed me goodbye.

“I love you,” I said relaxing against him.

“I love you too. Always will
,” he murmured and kissed my neck before he left.

Since it was Sunday and I had no idea when Siva would be back in I decided to call Lyndi and see if she wanted to do anything. She eagerly agreed and we decided to meet up for lunch. I meandered upstairs and into the shower. I decided to take the time to s
tyle my hair. I didn’t usually bother with doing anything fancy to my hair. But I had the time.

I finished straightening the last piece of hair and then dabbed on a bit of makeup. I dressed in a cute pair of white pants, a flowy red top, and a black jacket. I looked at the time and decided I better hurry to the restaurant.

Siva had left the Porsche so I grabbed up the keys. I wasn’t used to driving in the London traffic but Siva had forced me to learn. It
wasn’t too bad but all the taxi
s freaked me out bit. Plus, the tiny little cars, bikes, and people that insisted on darting in and out of traffic.

I pulled up in front of the restaurant and headed inside. Lyndi was already there and stood to wave me to the table. She smiled when she saw me and pulled me into a hug.

“Look at you! You’re so tan!” she said.

“Thanks,” I said.

“How was your honeymoon? Spain?” she asked.

She had already ordered my water so I took a sip. “The honeymoon was amazing,” I said. “And Spain… I loved it. It was so beautiful,” I said a bit wistfully.

Lyndi giggled. “I’m glad to hear that.” Even though it was the afternoon she was already drinking a glass of wine.

“So,” I said with a smile, “how did things go with you and Nate?” I wiggled my brows a bit.

She laughed and fiddled with a piece of blond hair. “He was great.” Then she sighed, “I really like him, Sloane. He’s so nice and I can see myself with him. But-”

“The distance?” I asked.

“Yeah,” she sighed and her face fell. “We’re so far away from each other. How would that ever work?”
She frowned a bit.

I laughed a little. “I never thought I’d see that look on your face about some guy,” I said.

She giggled. “Me neither.”

“You know… you can always talk to each other on the phone and there’s video chat,” I shrugged my shoulders.

She sighed. “I know and we’ve done that a bit. But Sloane- it’s not like we’ve been dating and he moved away or I did. We just met each other. It’s quite an undertaking to try and get to know someone when you’re thousands of miles away from each other.”

“Is he worth it?” I asked.

She got a dreamy look on her pretty face and sighed, “Yes.”

“Then you have your answer. You just try,” I said. The waiter came
and we ordered our
food but immediately lapsed back into conversation.

“Yeah, I guess we try,” she said.

“He seems to like you,” I said.

“Really?” she asked and her face brightened.

“Yeah,” I said and nodded my head. “I haven’t talked to him since the wedding but what I saw… He definitely feels something. Maybe it’s love at first sight.”

“Like you and Siva?” she asked.

I nearly spit out my water. Instead it went down the wrong way and I began to cough and sputter.

“With Siva and I…
It definitely wasn’t love at first sight,” I said.

She laughed. “You’re such a liar Sloane.”

I looked down at the table. “I know. It’s just… I met him for the first time at Dev’s funeral. How wrong is that? Dev just died and then I meet Siva and it’s like… bam!”

Lyndi patted my hand. “That’s how love is. You can’t predict it. You can’t fight it. Sometimes it comes softly. Sometimes it comes fast. Sometimes it’s easy and sometimes it’s hard. But always- always you have to fight for it.”

“You’re right,” I smiled.

“Of course I am,” she said and laughed.

We finished our lunch and walked down the streets. We came to a pet store and I couldn’t help but go in.

The puppies immediately began to paw and whine for attention. “I want one,” I said softly.

Lyndi laughed. “Are you sure that’s a good idea Sloane?”

I shook my head. “Probably not. But-”

She looked at me and sighed. “But you’re going to do it anyway aren’t you?”

I bent down next to a
black lab. He was an adult dog. The sign said that he had been found alongside the road, beaten, and the animal shelter didn’t have room for him. He looked at me with the biggest, bluest, eyes I had ever seen. His black coat was dull and his tail didn’t wag. He had a scar down the side. He was beautiful and he was perfect.

“I want him,” I said.

Lyndi
sighed. “Siva?
Yeah
remember him? You’re husband. He’s going to kill you.”

“But look at him,” I said, petting the dog behind the ear. The poor dog didn’t wag his tail or give me a toothy grin. I wanted to save him. I wanted to show him love.

Someone that worked at the store came over to us. “Hi,” she said. “I see you’re looking at Jet. He’s a great dog. We’ve had no problem with him around the other dogs and he’s great with kids. Just a little skittish.”

I stood up and said, “I want him.”

Two hours later I was leaving with everything I needed to take care of my new dog, plus the dog. He seemed to know to go outside to do his business and he was pretty calm. Although, he didn’t like the sounds of traffic.

I knew Siva’s building allowed pets because I had seen many on occasion. The big question mark was Siva himself.

Luckily he wasn’t home when I arrived so I quickly acquainted Jet with the apartment and waited for Siva to get home. I made dinner in the hopes of softening the blow. Jet stood beside me the entire time. He seemed to have become attached to me. It brought a smile to my face.

I heard the door and braced myself. Jet let out a bark.

I closed my eyes, oh no.

“Sloane?” said Siva angrily coming around the corner into the kitchen. “Is that a dog in my house?”

“Our house,” I whispered.

“Why is there a dog in
our
house?” he asked.

I looked down at Jet who was looking at me sweetly. “I wanted a dog,” I breathed. “I miss my dogs.”

Siva closed his eyes and clenched his jaw tightly. “I’m your husband. You didn’t think you should have asked me before you brought a dog home?”

“You would’ve said no,” I said softly.

“Sloane, you don’t know what I would’ve said because you didn’
t ask me,” he said icily.

“I’m sorry,” I said and for some strange reason began to cry.

“Sloane?” said Siva softly. “I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m sorry. You can keep the dog,” he said and enveloped me in his arms. “Please don’t cry,” he said, wiping away my tears.

I hiccupped and he continued to hold me. “I’m sorry, honey. I’m just in a bad mood. My dad called today.”

“Your dad?” I asked and pulled away so I could see his face.

“Yes,” he said and pinched the bridge of his nose. “He wants us to come to his house this coming weekend. Something about
reconnecting
,” he sneered the word.

“Maybe your dad does want to improve your relationship,” I said and rubbed his chest.

Siva shook his head. “It’s too late for his apologies. Eleven years too late.”

“It’s never too late,” I said.

Siva shook his head. “Rajas Kapur apologizes to no one. It’s not in his nature. He probably made some big deal and he wants to rub it in my face.”

“Or maybe he wants to get to know his son again. Are we going to go?” I asked.

Siva sighed and scrunched up his face. “I don’t want to but I said we would.”

“Can we bring the dog?” I smiled.

He laughed. “Rajas would hate that. So yes, we can bring the dog.”

“Great,” I said. I ran my hand up his chest and put my mouth against his neck. “Why don’t we go upstairs and work out some of this tension.”

He bent and kissed me deeply.

“Or we could do that right here,” he said and lifted me onto the counter.

Chapter Eighteen

“Hey guys. I’ve got to head out. I have a doctor’s appointment. I might be a little late returning,” I said to Alice and Mae.

“Take your time,” said Alice. “Is everything okay?”

“I’m fine,” I said.

“Call us and let us know,” added Mae. Her hair was even more impossibly pink today. “We’ll worry about you.”

“I will,” I said and hugged them both. Mae and Alice had become like my second family.

I slipped into the Porsche which had basically become my car. I had packed my lunch so I ate it in the car while I drove. I pulled into the doctor’s office and took a deep breath before going in.

I had originally believed that I
had
picked up a bug in Spain. It always seemed that when I went on vacation I got sick. I just had bad luck like that. But now… Now I wasn’t so sure.

I didn’t have to wait long before I was called back to see Dr. Fletcher.

Dr. Fletcher looked much the same as I remembered him. Gray hair, thick gray beard, and kind brown eyes.

“Sloane what brings you in today?” he asked.

“I’ve been sick every morning for the past week or so. I feel fine otherwise. But Siva made me come,” I sighed.

The doctor laughed. “He can be very stubborn. Congratulations on your marriage,” he said.

“Thanks,” I said.

He pulled out a chair and sat down. “So besides morning sickness what other symptoms do you have?” he asked. I flinched. Morning sickness.

“I’m irritable and tired when I shouldn’
t be…” I whispered.

Dr. Fletcher looked at me. “Sloane, I think you already know what’s wrong with you.”

A single tear leaked out of my eye and I hastily wiped it away. I nodded my head. “I think I’m pregnant.”

* * *

I’m pregnant.

Dr. Fletcher confirmed my worst fear.

I was having a baby.

Siva’s baby.

I put my hand to my stomach and let the tears fall. I had always wanted kids.
Maybe after being blissfully married for a few years.
Not eight months after
my honeymoon. I knew Siva wanted kids too but not now. He had proclaimed that very verbally one night when I asked him if he wanted kids. But fate had other plans. He was going to be so mad. I knew he thought he
wasn’t ready to be a father. He had finally given me his heart and he didn’t think he could give another being his heart yet. But he was trying.

“In a few years Sloane,” he had said. “Not yet.
Just not yet.
I’m too broken. I can’t- I can’t be the father I should be. I’m too much like my own right now.”

I had assured him that he was nothing like his father but he wouldn’t listen and I wasn’t ready for a child either. So I let it drop.

But now a child was coming all too soon. I feared this news would send Siva back into his dark hole after he had finally joined me in the light. I didn’t want to break him.

This news, especially when married, should be joyous news. Instead I felt like I was dying.

A sob escaped my chest. How had this happened?

“Nothing is foolproof,” said Dr. Fletcher when I had voiced the question out loud. “Sometimes these things just happen. I hope this is… happy news.”

When I burst into tears and shook my head no he had simply walked away with a murmured, “It’ll be okay. He’ll come around.” I hated that the doctor knew why I was upset. Siva.

Siva was ruining what should be a joyous moment in my life and he didn’t even know yet.

I finally pulled myself together, w
iped my face off, and drove back to Callahan’s Books. I knew Mae and Alice were worried. They had already left several voice mails. It was almost
time for the store to close. I felt bad that I had left them hanging but I didn’t want to see them like this. But of course, they would notice anyway.

“Sloane, are you okay?” Mae immediately asked when I walked into the store. “Grannie and I have been so worried. Have you been crying?”

At her questions I burst into tears again. “Oh my God!” said Mae and she wrapped me in her arms. “What is it? What’s wrong? Is it bad? Oh, Sloane I’m so sorry,” she said.

Alice came ou
t of the back room A
stor at her heels. I didn’t know how she managed to not trip over him. Ruby hissed at me.

“What’s the matter?” asked Alice. Mae shrugged her shoulders. Alice came over and patted my shoulder. “What is it pet?”

When I couldn’t answer her Alice took me from Mae’s arms, led me to the back room and into a chair, and told Mae to get me something to drink.

Mae returned with some water which I tried to sip but it was difficult with all the sobs.

“We’re here for you Sloane,” said Alice tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.
“We’re your family.”

I turned to her with red rimmed eyes. “I’m pregnant,” I whispered.

Alice and Mae smiled. Then Alice’s smile disappeared. “Then why are you crying. These are certainly not tears of joy,” she said and wiped one away.

I shook my head back and forth. “I’m not ready. And Siva- He finally found love for me but he doesn’t think he can love a child yet. He’s going to be so mad,” I whispered the last part.

Mae had disappeared and returned now with some wetted paper towels. She began to wipe my face.

Alice took my hand in hers. I looked at her soft liver spotted hand. “It’ll be okay pet. I know it will. A child is a joyous miracle in life… except when they turn out like Mae,” she said and managed to get me to crack a smile. “Everything will work out.”

“I hope so,” I said softly.

* * *

I walked into the flat and closed the door behind me. The click of the door closing sounded like the ticking of a clock or maybe a time bomb.

“Honey!” called Siva from the kitchen. I passed by a mirror and shuddered at my appearance but there was nothing I could do about it. “How did it go at the doctor’s?”

Leave it to my overprotective husband to not forget I had a doctor’s appointment. When he looked up fr
om putting a chicken in the oven
he saw my face.

He sucked in a breath and said, “Sloane? What is it? How bad is it? It’s not just a bug
is it
?” he shuddered and looked down at the counter. “Are you going to be okay?”

Tears leaked out of my eyes. He continued to stare at the countertop. He repeated the question. “Are you going to be okay, Sloane? Answer me!” he screamed.

I flinched.

“In about nine months I’ll be okay.” I laughed. “More like seven and a half.”

He looked up at me. Shock reflected in his violet eyes. “What are you saying Sloane?”

“Please don’t make me say it,” I shook my head back and forth.

“Say it!” he screamed into the silent room.

“We’re having a baby,” I whispered.

He closed his eyes and a look of pain shot across his face. “How did this happen?” he asked, his voice was so eerily quiet that I wished he would have screamed at me instead.

“The typical way Siva,” I said.

He smacked his fist on the counter. “You’re on the pill Sloane! This isn’t supposed to happen! I told you I wasn’t ready to be a father! An innocent child doesn’t need to have me as its father! I’m not good enough for this! I’m not good enough for you,” he whispered the last part. He put his hands on his hips and let out a breath. “We agreed that in a few years-”

“You think I did this on purpose don’t you!” I screamed. “I’m not ready to be a mother! I’m just learning how to be a wife!” I shook my head back and forth. “I don’t want to bring a baby into a broken household where neither one of its parents want it.”

He paled. “What are you saying? You’re not thinking about-”

I glared at him. “Never! This is
our baby
Siva!” I put my hand to my stomach.

He clenched his teeth.
“Then what are you saying Sloane?”

I closed my eyes and pulled out the sonogram from my purse. I put them on the counter and slid it towards him. “This-” I pointed to the blur that was our baby, “changes things. Hearing
our baby’s heartbeat-” I shook my head back and forth. “I’m saying that if you don’t want to be a part of this-” I bit my lip and tried to stop the tears. “I’ll do it on my own.”

“Sloane! Don’t walk away from me!”

But I did. I picked up my keys and left. I called Lyndi and cried myself to sleep on her couch.

* * *

“What happened?” asked Lyndi sliding a cup of coffee across the breakfast table. I held the warm cup in my hand.

I sniffled. “We both just kind of… freaked out.”

“About what?” she asked and sipped her own coffee. “Sur
e
ly the honeymoon stage isn’t
over yet.
You’ve been married for like two weeks.”

I sighed and traced the rim of the coffee cup with my finger. “
I’m pregnant
,” I whispered.

Lyndi smiled and then frowned. “Shouldn’t that be good news?”

“Maybe when you’re a normal couple but I think everyone knows that we’re not normal.”

“Sloane,” she said consolingly.

I put my head in my hands. “He doesn’t want this.”

“Did he say that?” she asked.

“No,” I said. “But- he… he freaked out like I knew he would. We had talked about this. He said he wasn’t ready and I agreed. We said in a few years we would talk about it. We just
wanted to enjoy being married. Falling in love… marrying me… it was a big step for him… A baby… I think it might be one step too many. I don’t want to lose him Lyndi. It’ll kill me. I love him too much.”

“You should’ve stayed and talked to him.”

I sighed and looked up at her through my lashes. “Can I blame my actions on my hormones?”

“No Sloane,” she said and laughed.

“He probably hates me now. We both overreacted.”

“
Yeah, you did,” she smiled. She put her hand over mine. “Go home. Talk to him.”

I nodded and wiped away a tear. I had done enough crying the past two days to fill a lake. I stood and gathered my stuff. I straightened her futon and left her tiny flat cleaner than when I got there.

Lyndi leaned against the door and looked at me. “It’ll be okay,” she said.

I hoped she was right.

* * *

Siva wasn’t home.

Jet wasn’t either.

The chicken was still in the oven. At least he’d remembered to turn it off.

I rubbed my face and yawned. I really hadn’t slept well on Lyndi’s futon but she had been kind enough to offer it to me with no questions asked. She really was a true friend. 

I went upstairs and found the bed
unslept
in. I sighed. I wondered where he had gone.

I climbed in the shower and stood under the water until my skin turned
prunish
. Clean and looking better I put on some pajamas and climbed in bed. I couldn’t sleep though. The bed was far too big without Siva in it. Eventually I cried myself to sleep while I held his pillow.

* * *

Siva didn’t come home that day. He was gone all day Friday too. He didn’t return until late Friday evening. I hated how happy I was to see him. Jet was at his heels. Siva said nothing to me. He climbed under the covers and immediately put his back to me. Jet slept on the floor. I cried myself to sleep again. Siva knew but he said nothing.

In the morning I ran smack into a naked Siva in my haste to empty my stomach. One would think it wouldn’t be awkward running into your naked husband but it was. He glared daggers at me as I threw up. In my mind I tried to will him away. Finally he grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. I watched him disappear into the closet. He didn’t say anything to me.

When he finally emerged from the closet he was dressed in a pair of loose khaki pants and a long sleeved knit blue shirt. The shirt was beautiful against his skin and brought out his eyes. He was so perfect. Under normal circumstances I would have led him to the bed and proceeded to undress him.
But not now.

“What is it?” I asked as he continued to stare at me.

“We have to go to my dad’s house.”

“Oh. Right. I forgot.”

“I assumed. We’ll be home tomorrow night,” he said.

“Okay,” I said.

He walked out of the bathroom and then out of the room. Jet trailed behind him. Traitor.

I quickly made myself presentable and packed a bag. I knew that this weekend would be the catalyst of something. I just didn’t know what.