Authors: HT Pantu
“Yeah, well, yer’ll get over it.” I started to collect the stuff I’d need for uni. “What’re ye doing today?”
“I’ll keep looking for places to stay,” he said with a small shake of his head as he dropped his holdall in the middle of the room. “So this is it? You’re just going to ignore me?”
“I’m not ignoring ye, Trystan. I’m letting ye stay in my room and drink my milk; that’s as far from ignoring ye as it gets.”
“So that’s why you’re calling me Trystan again?”
“It’s yer name. Not my fault if ye don’t like it.”
“Fucking hell, Ide. You’re like a petulant child.”
“Yeah well, yer the one that decided to stop talking to me over a fricking kiss, and yer the reason that my sister hasn’t spoken t’ me in two months, and yer the one that called me up and asked for this. So if ye can’t deal, then go book yerself into a b-n-b.” I stuffed notebooks and pens into a bag.
“Ide.”
I flinched as he grabbed my shoulder. I’m not sure why, maybe because I’d gotten so used to being on the defensive with James around, but I felt a jolt of fear stir itself in my gut and I slapped his hand away. I stood and twisted round to face him and something must have shown because the irritation that had been narrowing Trystan’s dark eyes changed to concern. “Shit, Ide. I’m not going to hurt you, for fuck’s sake. Are you all right?”
“I’m fricking hunky-dory,” I replied as I sucked down a deep breath through my nose. I was far from fine; I was wound up like a child’s toy and ready to go spinning in any direction if I let myself go.
“Has that douchebag downstairs done something to you?”
“
Trystan.
” I fought to keep my voice calm. “I fail to see how ye think he is
any
different to ye? I’ve dealt with ye all my life; one more asshole is no big deal.”
“I’m not—”
“Yes, ye were.
Are
. Ye can spout some nonsense like ye did in Scotland, but yer still the same at the end o’ the day. How’s Josh? He seeing guys yet?”
“How’s that important…?” He scowled as I raised an arched brow up my forehead. “He decided it was a phase,” he said reluctantly.
“Well he’s lying to ye. That boy is gay, and he won’t tell ye because he’s scared, and he has good reason to be.” I glanced down at my watch. “I’m going to be late. I’ve got to go.”
And with that I stepped around Trystan and left him standing in the middle of my room.
“Y
OU
’
RE
JOKING
?”
Patrick said as we made our way between our first and second lectures. On his other side, Suze was looking wide-eyed as I finally got a chance to explain what yesterday’s phone calls had been about.
“Yeah, I really wish it was a joke.” I balled my fists into my eyes against the rare autumn sunshine.
“So he’s in your house right now?” Suze asked.
“Yep,” I said and pulled my phone out of my pocket in case he’d texted me about something. Thankfully only the unopened messages from Jorja flashed up and I shoved it back in my pocket—I didn’t need my sister if this was how she was going to treat me.
“Why didn’t you just say no?” Patrick asked.
I shrugged. To be fair to him, it was a good question. The answer was that I wasn’t usually very good at saying no to people—the modeling gigs were an exception. Which was kind of what had got me into this situation in the first place, wasn’t it? The other reason was that although I was ignoring my sister, I wanted to use taking in Trystan to prove something. As for what, I wasn’t quite sure.
“Isn’t it a bit dangerous? Having two people who don’t like gays in your house. What if they gang up on you?” Suze asked, looking genuinely concerned.
“Ha, I don’t think Trystan would
physically
hurt me.” I was mostly sure of that. “And if he wanted to, he certainly wouldn’t need James’s help.” I might have been taller than Trystan, but that was more or less my only advantage and wasn’t much of one given there was only about a centimeter in it.
“Oh, Ide, I’m worried. Do you want to come and stay at my house until he’s gone?” Suze said.
I shook my head slowly. “Nah, I think that would probably be worse. But thanks, love.” I gave her a brief one-armed hug as we arrived at our next lecture. The next few hours were a welcome respite from having to think about anything nonacademic, but that seemed to be over in a flash and suddenly it was time to head back to my home.
Once again I paused outside my front door and had to psych myself up before I put the key in the lock. The kitchen was blissfully empty, and I made myself a drink before heading wearily up to the top floor.
“Ide?” Penny’s door was open and her voice called from inside when I reached the first floor.
“Hey, Penny, good day?” I asked as I stuck my head round the door. Penny shrugged and I nodded to Matt, who was sitting on her bed with his laptop on his knee. “Ye guys met Trystan yet? He’s going to be crashing in ma room for a couple of days.”
“Oh yeah. I didn’t realize he would be staying.” She gave me a funny look. “Don’t you think it’s a bit silly, with how James is?”
I ground my teeth. “Well, ye may remember I was here first. But Trystan isn’t gay, he’s just a fr—guy who’s friends with my family. So James shouldn’t have a problem, or does he get to say whether I’m allowed guests now?”
Penny pouted. “Ide, you know that wasn’t what I meant. I’m just worried.”
“Yeah, well, maybe instead of being worried we should kick that jerk out” was my unkind response.
“You know we can’t afford to do that,” Matt piped up. He was being reasonable, but it didn’t make dealing with James any easier.
“Yeah.” I heaved a sigh.
“Horseshoe as usual later? You coming for a couple before you go out?” Matt asked as he dropped his laptop to one side of his knees. He was referring to the pub round the corner to our house.
I pressed my eyes shut for a moment, because back before my life had been picked up and dropped on its head with an addition of Trystan Jackson I’d organized to spend my evening with Dan. Which usually meant a few drinks, possibly a dance, and then hopefully back to his house for some
exercise
. I usually went out with my housemates for a pint or two beforehand because he worked in a bar and wasn’t usually free until ten or eleven.
“Meh, yeah, I’ll come. Mind if I bring Trystan? Ye guys can talk to him for me; damned if I have anything t’ say to the guy,” I replied.
“Not a problem, eight-ish as usual?” Matt said with a chuckle, and I nodded and left with a faint wave as I headed up to the attic.
Trystan was sitting at my desk; he’d pushed my laptop to one side and was on his own, flicking through housing websites with one foot up on the edge of the chair. He swiveled around as he heard me. He had an unamused look on his face. I imagined it mirrored mine.
“Ye coming out for drinks wi’ me and my housemates? Eight-ish?” I asked as I dropped my bag and myself onto the end of my bed.
He looked marginally surprised at my question and I rolled my eyes. “If I introduce ye to more people, I don’t have to deal with ye and ye don’t have to deal wi’ me: solves both our problems.”
“That dickhead from the ground floor going to be there?” Trystan’s tone was curt and a flash of irritable anger darkened his eyes.
“James? Not usually, he’s got his own friends,” I answered honestly and wondered briefly what James had done to piss Trystan off.
“Then yeah,” Trystan said.
I actually chuckled and the sound surprised me, but Trystan didn’t look amused at my reaction. “I’m kind of offended you’d even think I’d get on with him. Then again, I guess you have a pretty low opinion of me.”
“Something like that. Any luck with houses?”
“I managed to book a couple of viewings for next week,” Trystan replied, looking thoroughly unamused by my dismissal.
“Good” was all I could think to say.
He gave a weary shake of his head. “Look, Ide, we were getting on pretty well to begin with in Scotland. We’re going to be stuck together for a few days at least; can’t we try and sort this shit out? I know your sister is worried about you as well. She wants you to call her back.”
“First off, what’s going on between me and Jorja is none o’ yer business. Secondly, what is there to sort out? As far as I’m concerned, ye used me for a good time, then had the nerve to get jealous over a fricking kiss—like a teenage girl—when two days earlier ye’d been practically begging me to take the boy’s virginity. I have no problem wi’ what we did, Trys; it was fun watching ye squirm and battle wi’ yerself over whether it was worth it. What I have a problem with is yer fricking jealous, holier-than-thou attitude that ruined the end of the holiday, which my family assumed was my fault and now aren’t talking to me.”
“Why
wouldn’t
I be bothered? I think it’s weirder that you think it’s fine. Yeah, I said that stuff about Josh, but that was
before
I’d kissed you and offered to fuck you; then you start hitting on my brother—in front of me. I’m sorry if I have some pride.”
“And this is why straight guys are a pain in the ass,” I said through clenched teeth. “Ye think it’s different because I’m gay and yer not? Because ye
forced
yerself to kiss me by thinking I was a girl and because ye
deigned
to consider fucking me? Was I supposed to feel super honored and fall at yer feet, Trys?”
“I didn’t—” He dropped his head back so he was staring up at the ceiling. He took a deep breath and turned those dark brown eyes back on me. “You have some messed-up relationship habits. If I’d done what I did with you with a girl—even if it was just for a bit of fun—I still wouldn’t kiss someone else in front of her the next day.”
“Said the guy that asked me to fuck his brother after I sucked him off? I honestly didn’t think ye were bothered. Seriously, ye just wearing good drag and yer actually a girl?”
“I don’t think it’s me that has the attitude problem here,” Trystan muttered.
“Ye didn’t think my attitude was a problem when ye asked me to blow ye. Twice.”
Trystan’s frown was reluctant and slightly insular, but really, there wasn’t much he could say about that.
“So you’re saying it was all my fault?” he began again eventually, his tone arched.
“No. I should’ve said no—to ye
and
Josh. Yer a pair o’ teases and I should’ve known better than t’ mess with a straight guy or to get involved in the hassle of a guy who isn’t out o’ the closet.”
Silence settled over the room. Trystan considered me and I glared right back. Eventually his shoulders deflated. “Shit, you really think Josh is actually gay?”
“Would ye like me to explain how I know?” I asked archly. Trystan grimaced and looked away.
“So you did do stuff in the end?” he asked, and a frown lowered my forehead because Trystan had dropped his gaze away from mine.
“No.” My tone was weary. “Just the kiss. Know many straight guys who get hard from kissing a dude? Well, apart from ye.”
He flicked me the finger. “I didn’t get hard from kissing you, fag; I got hard ’cause of a dream and I stayed hard ’cause of your mouth. The second time I was drunk.”
“Whatever, Trys.” I rolled my eyes at him and was surprised by the smile that quirked the edge of his lips.
“So I’m Trys again now?” I returned the finger and he chuckled, then sighed. “Poor Josh; he’s been dating girls these past two months and everything.”
“Yeah, well, I can’t imagine it’d be easy to admit yer gay wi’ ye and Vince as brothers and Jerry as a dad.”
Trystan’s weary resignation was replaced by a flash of irritation. “Honestly, Ide, I don’t know how many times I have to explain to you that I have no problem with gay guys. It’s really starting to piss me off. I was a teenager, I did some shitty stuff, and I’m sorry, but I don’t have a problem with it anymore. I would have thought that was pretty obvious by now.”
“Ye say that, but yer attitude still sucks. Ye still call me a fag—just like that dick downstairs does—which is pretty insulting, by the way. And yeah, maybe it’s in jest, but does Josh know that?”
“I just—”
“Say it ’cause that’s what yer’ve always said, ’cause that’s what yer dad said,” I finished for him. “But yer dad’s a homophobe, and ye know it.”
He let out a slow, deep breath and ran a hand through his hair.
“Fuck.” He glanced round at the time. “Shit, is it too early for a beer?”
I laughed because it was only about five, and I’d already experienced that Trystan was a bit of a lightweight. But given the circumstances I decided we both deserved a beer.
Several beers later I was in the pub round the corner from my house with my housemates and Trystan Jackson. I leaned against one of the partitions that split the bar and stared at the table of chatting people. Honestly, if someone had asked me when I had woken up yesterday morning what I’d be doing this evening, it would not have been drinking in a pub with Trystan. Hell, if someone had asked me this afternoon, I still would have said anything but this.
I watched from my removed position as Trystan demonstrated one of the many talents I resented him for and was chatting with my housemates as if he had known them for three years, not three hours. He had integrated himself with smooth comments, witty banter, and a dark look from beneath those thick eyelashes. I rolled my eyes as I sat back at the table.
“Trys?”
“Hmm?” He looked round at me from Matt and took a swig of his beer as he did.
“I’m meeting someone. Ye want me to leave ye here or d’ye want to go home?” I asked as I glanced down at the time; I’d already cut it pretty fine. I glanced back up and caught the end of him rolling his eyes. “What? I made plans days ago, and I told ye.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he cut me off. “Do what you want, Ide, I can find my way back or go with these guys. You don’t mind if I stay, do you?” He turned to Matt, who shrugged.
“Sure, no problems here,” Matt said to Trystan and then he turned to me with a wry look, but his words were for Trystan. “Idrys is always like this. You’ll get used to him eventually.”