Authors: HT Pantu
“But I….”
“Yeah, I know; ye would’ve been fine with it. Ye’ve made that clear enough. But ye were—still are, really—a kid. And it’s like yer brother said—I should o’ known better. But that’s the kind o’ guy I am. And that’s the kind o’ guy ye want to sleep with, right? The one that would think it’s okay t’ sleep wi’ ye, the whore who would sleep wi’ anyone? ’Cause that is who ye’d get. Not the Ide that sits ye on his knee and looks after ye and talks ye through what yer first time would be like. The other me wouldn’t have done that for ye; I would’ve taken ye to bed and just done what I wanted, and ye would o’ liked it, but ye probably would’ve been scared.”
“You’re just saying all this to put me off.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Why else would you make yourself sound so horrible?”
“Because I know what I’m like. I know I’m messed up; I just didn’t mind being that way. But….”
But what?
But I was going to change? Because Trystan had asked me to. Was that what I was going to say? I ran an absent hand through my hair.
“Look, Josh, it’s not like I don’t know yer brother isn’t gay, he said as much to me. But I’m not sitting here imagining he’s going to want me for the rest o’ his life or some shit like that. He’ll get bored and he’ll go back to girls, or maybe he’ll find himself another guy, one who’s less hassle, maybe. I’m not an idiot.”
“I’d never get bored with you! And what about Dan? You guys have been together in that stupid fucking relationship for over two years, and is he bored?”
I sighed. “Josh, yer young, of course ye think ye’ll feel this way about me forever, but last night I watched ye look at another guy in exactly the same way ye look at me; I watched ye grinning like an idiot when he called ye. Ye only like me because I was the first gay guy ye ever met, the first guy ye could be open about yer feelings with.”
“No, I—”
“And as for Dan,” I interrupted. “Ye have no idea, so don’t even try and talk to me about D—” My words were drowned out as a mouth was pressed over mine.
He squeaked as I forcefully removed him from my face by tugging a handful of his hair and thudding my hand into his shoulder. I scowled and dropped his hair to scrub the back of my hand across my lips as I glared at him.
“What the fuck, Josh?” I kept my voice furiously low. And he just stared up at me with his eyes narrowed in defiance.
“What the hell, Ide…?” I looked up and Trystan was standing in the doorway to the kitchen wearing just his sweatpants, with his perfectly toned abs and arms and, well, everything. His eyes were still creased half with sleep, and a couple of days of stubble dusted his chin. He looked totally gorgeous and thoroughly pissed off as he took in the scene of Josh standing up against me with my hands pressed against his shoulders.
“Oh for fuck’s sake.” I was done being nice.
I shoved Josh out of the way, sending him stumbling to one side as I stalked across the kitchen and kissed Trystan. I pressed my lips against his, and I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him against me, backing us against a wall. He got the idea, and I moaned as he parted my lips and drove his tongue into my mouth. I ground my hips against him as I let my hands tug at his arse.
“Ye think ye can give me what I want, Josh?” I deadpanned over Trystan’s shoulder when he let me up for air. “Ye think ye can fuck me like yer brother fucked me last night? Well ye can’t: yer too fricking young and yer too fricking small, understand?”
Josh was alone in the middle of the kitchen. He held my gaze for a moment and then dropped his eyes to stare at the floor.
“Not that I don’t enjoy being kissed like that, and not that I don’t enjoy rubbing Josh’s nose in it, but do you fancy explaining to me what is going on?” Trystan asked against my ear. There was a faint note of amusement in his tone and beneath it a husky undertone of desire that was only enhanced by the ever-so-subtle roll of his hips against mine as he kept me pinned against the wall.
“Later, Trys,” I said as I reluctantly peeled myself from underneath him. I crossed back over to Josh, and he flinched slightly as I dropped a hand on his shoulder.
“Piss off.”
“Look, Josh, I’m sorry it had to come to this.”
“I can’t believe you made me listen to you having sex with my brother, then made out with him in front of me. I think I’m scarred for life.” Josh’s voice was just loud enough to make out. I could hear him trying to keep his tone light, and then he turned his back to me and busied himself riffling through cupboards.
“Yeah, well payback’s a bitch, isn’t it?” Trystan said, his voice cheery as he appeared next to me and pulled me against his side. He caught my jaw and pulled my face around to take my lips with his. “You left me hanging this morning. You owe me a morning fuck,” he added under his breath.
And holy crap, his words slid straight down my spine and into my groin. And his smirk as my face slackened and I pushed myself into him wasn’t nearly enough to counteract the lust I felt right then.
“Well this is a new level of messed up, even for you, Ide.” A half-asleep Jason was standing in the doorway to the kitchen. He rubbed absently at his bleary eyes as he looked pointedly between the brother I was kissing and the brother who had just hastily turned away to pretend he wasn’t watching. Then with a flick of his eyebrows for me, he waltzed into the kitchen and helped himself to some breakfast.
With his cereal bowl in hand, Jason dropped himself on the couch and cocked his head to one side. “Sorry, please continue, I thought this was a public incest show?”
I flicked him the finger and detached myself from Trystan’s side.
“So you two finally fucked? Or have you been fucking this whole time and you’ve only just been caught?”
I went back to my tea. Unsurprisingly, it was cold, so I set about making more.
“None of yer business, Jason,” I said cheerily as I waited for the kettle to boil. Josh had made himself some toast, and he sat himself at the dining table with his feet tucked up on the chair and stared at his knees as he ate.
“Well, it will be my business if you two have some bitch fight and hate each other and I have to live with you.”
“Well, look at it this way,” I began pleasantly enough, but I let my voice drop as I caught Jason’s eyes in mine. “Nothing could be more fucked up than the housemate ye guys chose, so….”
Jason had the good grace to look a little sheepish. So I let him be and set to making two teas for me and Jason and two coffees for the Jackson brothers. Then I sat opposite Josh. Trystan sat down too, looking thoroughly unimpressed that I was not heading upstairs to bed—which quite honestly I would have loved to do. Instead, I turned to Josh.
“So, what did Chris say?” I asked as I stole a bite from one of his bits of toast. After three months of getting my food frozen or thrown out, I’d gotten into a habit of not having much in that I hadn’t shaken yet.
“Doesn’t matter.”
“Does sulking like a bitch usually solve yer problems, Josh?” I asked archly as I returned his toast.
“You’re such a bastard, Ide,” Josh grumbled back, but I watched as he straightened his shoulders a little. “He offered to take me out on Monday.” He turned big brown eyes on his brother. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but then I realized Trystan had said Josh was here for half term. Which meant he probably had to go back home tomorrow.
“Can we run interference?” I asked Trystan, who glanced up at me with a disapproving frown creasing his forehead.
“Josh needs to go to school.”
I laughed lightly. “I’m not suggesting he drop out or something, just that maybe he could get a bit sick for a couple of days and head back later in the week?”
“I can’t believe anyone would trust you to be a responsible guardian,” Jason added from the couch.
“Hey, I took him out and brought him back in the same state o’ deflowerment; what more do I need to do to prove myself?”
“The fact that you think that’s an achievement kinda proves my point,” Jason said.
“Well then ye don’t know our little Josh very well, do ye?” I mocked lightly. Josh winced a little but looked like he was trying not to smile at my comment. I turned my eyes on Trystan. “Come on, Trys, think of it as making up for scarring yer poor little brother.”
“Fine, you can stay. I’ll call Mum and tell her you’re sick.”
For the first time all morning, Josh managed to look a little happy.
“Right, I need to get some work done before I meet Patrick,” I said, getting up. I shot Trystan a grin.
“I left my phone in your room,” Trystan said as he got up to follow me.
“Course you did.” Jason looked as thoroughly unconvinced as he sounded. “Can you guys try and at least not make out in the communal spaces?” he shouted up after us when we were halfway up the second flight of stairs.
Having Trystan following me made me oddly self-conscious. I could feel his eyes on my spine and arse, and the expectation that he might reach out and touch me was killing me. Well not killing me exactly, in fact it could probably be described as the exact opposite. I could feel every inch of skin on my back; every nerve waited impatiently for the contact.
I pushed the door to my room open and the sight of my bed brought back a tumult of memories of last night. They had a dream-like quality to them already. I had a moment to wonder how long this twitchy breathless feeling and the self-consciousness was going to last. Then Trystan’s breath was against my ear and I was melting from the inside out, the core of me filled with something like the color of his eyes.
“I’ll leave you to work, shall I?” His words stroked my ear, but the touch I’d longed for was still absent as he drew away and sidestepped around me to pluck his phone from where it lay on my bed.
I laughed and came up behind him, wrapping my hands around his waist, pulling his spine back against my chest, and taking my time to whisper into his ear.
“Ye should be careful playing games wi’ me, Trys; if I ye don’t keep me
entertained
I might just pounce on ye….” I let my hand slide down his side and slip between us. Over his sweatpants I pressed my fingers into the firm muscle of his ass and traced the crevice of his backside as I hummed into his ear.
He twisted round in my grip and my lips were suddenly under his. He kissed me aggressively, all teeth and plunging tongue, and I kissed him right back. I could feel myself already melting inside as his tongue ravaged my mouth and sent me spiraling down somewhere dark and delicious. I already loved this, I loved the games, the desperation, and the things he did to my head and body. I was definitely going to fuck that sweet virgin ass of his at some point, but right now I was in ecstasy as he dominated me.
“Suck me off,” he ordered and he brought his hand to my head, pushing me down onto my knees.
I didn’t hesitate, just dragged his sweatpants down as I went. I wrapped one hand around the already half-hard flesh of his cock and grinned as it came fully erect in my grip. I did that to him; the knowledge made my own cock throb in response.
I started slow, tasting and licking his head, enjoying the impatient moans and little halfhearted jerks of his hips as he tried to get more. I held myself back and my hand still as I worked just his tip. And then his grip was tightening in my hair, and he was cursing under his breath as he forced my head down over him and I didn’t mind that either. My own body bucked as it craved him doing that to a very different part of me. I dropped my hand so it was just circling his base and sucked and suckled and pressed my tongue against him as he drove himself into my throat. He pulled me back with a handful of my hair, and I was groaning with him, dropping my free hand down to my hips and taking my own straining cock in my grip. I worked myself as Trystan pumped my mouth against his cock, and I was in bliss. I glanced up and grinned at him round his erection as I struggled to suck in air and never let off the pressure around him.
When he started to strain, I felt myself uncurling in response; I felt my cock shudder at the memory of how he’d felt coming inside of me, and then I was spraying my load into my pants as Trystan rammed my head onto him and juddered to a stop. I stroked myself a little more gently as I continued to suck on his now overly sensitive flesh, drawing out groans that bordered on agonized as his hand tightened in my hair. He didn’t stop me or pull me off; he just twisted in tormented pleasure and gave a reluctant sigh when I eventually drew off with a last gentle lick that sent a visible shudder through him.
“Ye want to come to the climbing wall wi’ me and Patrick?” I asked as I stood up and kicked my trousers off into the washing pile. I chuckled as he pulled me half-naked against him and pressed kisses into my neck.
“Shitting hell, you’re so fucking amazing at that.”
“Yeah, I know.” I reached for his lips, and he surprised me by deepening the kiss, taking the taste of himself with a chuckle as he brought his hand up to hold my head against his.
“Yer really taking this gay/bi thing pretty easily.” I was a little breathless as he let me go, and despite my recent release that was definitely the stirrings of desire churning in my hips again. Perhaps Trystan coming to the climbing wall wasn’t such a good idea. I had a sudden image of staring up at his back, the muscles twisting and bunching under his flesh as he made his way up, and that was enough to convince me that it was probably best if we didn’t do any public physical activities together until I’d gotten myself back under control. I didn’t tend to hide what I was or what I liked, but I wasn’t about to start rubbing people’s faces in it in places where I genuinely liked to go just to relax and have fun.
“It’s not like I just decided I liked guys yesterday, you know,” Trystan said with a chuckle as he pressed a last chaste kiss against my lips and stepped away from me to pull his sweatpants back up from around his ankles.
“So yer’ve really been crushing on me since Scotland?” I asked as I dug out some clean underwear and trousers. “I’m not trying to be cocky or anything, but—”
“You’re going to anyway?” Trystan cut in.