I Hated to Do It: Stories of a Life (14 page)

I also explained to Kurt that my thinking on the subject was more atheist, and that the story of my disbelieving is epitomized in the story about the man who died and found himself in this big glass bubble. There was no one in the bubble but a funny-looking little green man who was running around the bubble and pushing buttons. The man saw a parapet around the bubble and peered over the side and looked down at what was obviously the earth down there. But what startled the man was the fact that there were thousands and thousands of strings coming from this bubble, and they were all going down to the earth. The funny little green man was pushing all these buttons, which were all fastened to the strings going to earth.

“My God!” the man exclaimed in awe, “This must be him, this little green man must be God, pushing all these buttons and controlling the strings which control all the people down there on earth.” And the man, quivering with excitement, was all ready to get down on his knees before the little green man and vow his allegiance and love, when the man looked up to the top of the head of the little green man, and at the top of his head he saw a string going up, up, up, up.

That ended the conversation we had that day, as Kurt was understanding where I was coming from and I knew what he was about with his humanitarianism.

Give Back the Money

Kurt, as he always did when he was working on a new book, sent me the first sixty or seventy pages for my reaction. This time he brought me the first fifty-seven pages. Kurt was not happy with what he had started, was having trouble going on with it, was tired of struggling to continue to come up with innovative material, and wanted out. He started the diatribe, which went on for months: “I have nothing more to say. I have said it all. I can’t finish the book. Give the publisher back the advance they gave me.”

“Kurt,” I argued, “the money was spent, it’s gone. You don’t want to give back the money.” If the money was given back, it would mean returning several hundred thousand dollars at the rate of about $500 every month, which would take 250 years. “Forget it, something will happen.”

He didn’t stop. Every three or four months over a period of three or four years, Kurt would rail, “Give them back the money. I don’t want to owe them the money and I can’t finish this. I don’t want to write anymore.” You have to understand, this is the guy I worked for, a then famous writer, a guy I loved and cared for, but you also have to understand that this is the guy who wrote on a poster he made, “For Don, Without whom this life would not be possible.” So we are at an impasse with two guys who have mutual respect for each other. I couldn’t finish the book for him, and he knew enough not to force me to give back the money.

Kurt did not finish the book. The publisher did not get the money back. Actually, the publisher got something better. After Kurt’s death, I put together some of Kurt’s stories he had sent to me, which I had hoarded, and I suggested to the publisher that they could publish these in a book and they would not have to worry about giving an advance payment on the book, that we would consider what was paid on the unwritten, unfinished book as the advance payment for this new book of short stories. The publisher ended up with a hugely successful book, sold a lot of copies, and did very well. Kurt did not have to give back the money.

God Bless You, Dr. Kevorkian

It started with a series of ninety-second interludes that Kurt did for WNYC, the New York City public radio station. The pieces ended up in a book published by Seven Story Press entitled
God Bless You, Dr. Kevorkian
. Each piece consisted of Kurt taking a trip down the blue tunnel to the Pearly Gates and beyond, and then returning back to life after having a conversation with some of the occupants of, well, I guess we can call it heaven, or wherever.

His trips down the tunnel each resulted in an interview with people like William Shakespeare, Clarence Darrow, Eugene Debs, Adolf Hitler, Sir Isaac Newton, Isaac Asimov, Kilgore Trout, and a bunch of other people you may not have heard of but who were important for Kurt to interview. Since his name was part of the title of the book, of course, I thought it in order for me to send Jack Kevorkian, in jail at the time, a copy of the book. I treasure the letter he wrote me in response, thanking me and Kurt.

Kurt’s interviews turned out be priceless, and he never stopped saying and writing those funny things that amused me so much. I received copies of so many translations of Kurt’s works in languages I didn’t even know existed.

Time Passes

The last time he was in the office, he stopped by to talk because he was lonely and wanted to cover some of the few business things we had hanging. He was not anxious to stay very long this time and, unlike his usual trip to see me, he cut the visit short. I walked him to the elevator. He was not very steady on his feet and I had to help him on with his coat. I steadied him so he didn’t fall while getting into the elevator. I knew then that Kurt was not in good physical condition and his condition at that time troubled me, but there was little one could do. Aging had had its effect on him.

Few Knew Kurt
—Others may Try

A lot of people out there are thinking about writing a book about Kurt, or trying to write one. There will be psychiatrists, pseudo-psychiatrists, psychologists, pseudo-psychologists, professional writers, amateur writers, psychics, publishers, editors, six-year-olds who read him for the first time, eighty-four-year-olds still trying to read and understand him, people he talked to on the park bench, women who claimed to have slept with him, Bokonists, Tralfamadorians, Trouts, know-it-alls, etc.

Other conjectures will be pitched as gospel.

Each and every one will be coming up with the explanation of the motivation and explanation of why Kurt wrote what he wrote the way he wrote it. And there will be explanations of Kurt’s personal life, his way of thinking, his personal relationships, and what they were and why they were, all explained with psychobabble and other incomprehensibles by all these people, none of whom really knew very much about Kurt, even if they think they do.

4.
How Kurt Did It

Work

To best understand Kurt’s work is to settle for the concept of inconsistence. In his writings, Kurt was deliberately inconsistent. He was a skillful craftsman. He knew what circumstances or words resulted in humor. He used shock to cause laughter.

Kurt constructed his story lines with the careful planning that came with the Vonnegut family architectural inheritance. He would not think of writing an entire book and then editing it. No, it was a page at a time for Kurt.

He would start writing a page, and a few lines into it, toss it into the wastebasket. Lots of pages were thus disposed of until finally he would end up with a good enough start to continue to work on it. Then it was a consideration of each word for the proper context, each sentence, each paragraph, and he didn’t stop until that page was the way he wanted it so he could put it away and go on to the next page.

His editors all had easy jobs. No editor would think of ever changing the subtle meanings that Kurt slipped into his work.

The inconsistency created the continuing interest, the surprise, and the ending up at the right place by way of what appeared to be a wrong way, a devious route. The writing was often circular, and if the reader got lost a bit on the way, they would end up where Kurt wanted them to be.

Personal

In his personal life and personal relationships, Kurt was not always consistent, nor was he deliberately inconsistent. When he was inconsistent with his personal life, it was as a result of unplanned happenings, some of which were significant to his relationships. It was just the way it was, and the unexpected was always a possibility to be expected. Confusion sometimes reigned, and preventing it from happening was not an option.

***

After Kurt’s tragic fall, I was alone with him in the hospital to say good-bye to him just before he died.

After Kurt’s death, we had a small gathering at the Algonquin Hotel.

The Trust U/W of Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
Donald C. Farber, Trustee

During Kurt’s lifetime, I really did handle all of his business and a whole lot of his personal matters. I had a power of attorney to do whatever for Kurt, in his name, and to sign all documents on his behalf. In setting up the Trust, which I would control as Trustee, Kurt wanted to make sure that I could do for his Trust after he was gone the same as I did when he was alive. This being the case in the Will establishing
the Trust, Kurt made sure that I had very broad powers to do all the things that I thought desirable to enhance the value of the copyrights the Trust owned and to do all things that I felt advisable to make sure his works were always treated with respect. He almost never questioned my judgment or even thought about changing the terms of a deal. I must say, however, if it was something he did not want to do or he thought it not in good taste or highly unethical, he would not do it. But I always knew ahead of time when something like that would come up.

5.
In Memoriam

Kurt had given very specific instructions that when he was no longer with us, he wanted no “event,” but a quiet ceremony. It was a small invited group that assembled, and I read a few words; Mark Vonnegut spoke; Tiger, one of the orphaned nephews, spoke; and an old friend, Dan Wakefield, said a few words.

This is what I said:

I’m the guy who received all of Kurt’s fan mail.

I’m the guy who received the letters from Kurt’s worshippers.

I’m the guy who received the letters from the young teenagers who wanted to marry Kurt.

I’m the guy who received all of those letters thanking Kurt for inspiring them and saving their lives.

I’m the guy who received all of those letters of praise you can hardly believe.

I’m the guy who negotiated all of his contracts, took care of his money, and spoke with him constantly.

I don’t like reading a speech. Of the over one thousand lectures I have made, I would never read one. I am making an exception today, because as I have it figured, much of the language will be Kurt’s, not mine, and I must get it exactly right.

I could but won’t talk about our guzzling huge martinis at the Century Club, sometimes with John D. MacDonald and Max Wilkinson. And for me to talk about Kurt’s character is unnecessary; we all know what a great guy he was in so many ways.

So here is what I want to share with you. Kurt signed about seventy books and works of art for me and my family through the years. It occurred to me that what he wrote in my books is a condensed summary of our time together during the last thirty-eight years. In sharing this with you, we will share the development of our relationship and the progress of his career.

What Kurt wrote in my books was an expression of his feeling at that particular time of (1) our friendship, (2) the progress of his career, (3) our professional relationship, and (4) even his attitude at that particular moment.

First, Our Friendship

Our Early Encounter

Early on in our getting together, in
Breakfast of Champions
and in other of his many books, Kurt simply wrote:

“For Don and Annie.”

We got more friendly and it became:

“For Dear Annie and Good Old Don.”

After a while, in our
Palm Sunday
copy it became:

“For Don and Annie with Love.”

And in a copy of
The Sirens of Titan
, Kurt wrote:

“For Annie Farber, God Love Her.”

And this was from a guy who didn’t believe in God, but then he also had God blessing Mr. Rosewater and later on Jack Kevorkian in books.

I think our friendship reached its peak when shortly after the making of
Happy Birthday, Wanda June
, the play was published and Kurt wrote in our copy:

“For Don and Annie, who were Co-Authors
and Mommy and Daddy Too.”

Those were nice words!

In a copy of
Slaughterhouse-Five
, Kurt wrote:

“For My Fellow War Hero, Don Farber.”

Don’t be fooled, Kurt often belittled me for not getting captured by the Germans. He always teased me that I didn’t even know how to surrender in the German language.

Second, Kurt’s Career

When we met, professionally things were not that good for Kurt but starting to bloom. Shortly after that his books began selling a lot; he was becoming famous and successful and a large number of his books were being sold. At that time he wrote in our books:

“Yet Another for Don and Ann.”

“My Lord, Don and Annie, the forests we have slain by now.”

In the leather-bound copy of
The
Sirens of Titan
he wrote:

“For Don and Annie yet again.”

In
God Bless You, Dr. Kevorkian
it was:

“For Don and Annie, this is getting tedious.”

I did send a copy of this book to Dr. Kevorkian, who was in jail, and he wrote me back a very warm thank-you letter, which Kurt was very pleased with.

Third, Our Professional Relationship

I was negotiating with Dell Publishing Company, and things were going so well. To say that Kurt was pleased with what I was doing is an understatement. It is an easy thing to negotiate from strength, and Kurt was becoming strength. In a German edition of
Schlachthof Fünf
he wrote:

“For J. Cheever Loophole in Celebration of Taking Dell to the Cleaners, October 19, 1972.”

Let me tell you what that J. Cheever Loophole thing is about: it was more of Kurt’s humor. The Marx Brothers movie
At the Circus
in 1939 had the character of J. Cheever Loophole, an attorney, and Kurt would autograph my books “For J. Cheever Loophole also known as D. Farber” or “Love and Kisses for J. Cheever Loophole, Don Farber.” Kurt even bought me a fancy pigskin bag engraved “JC Loophole” for my fiftieth birthday.

I guess the success with Dell prompted him to write in my copy of
Palm Sunday
:

“For My Partner Don.”