Authors: Lindsey Kelk
‘Shall we get a bottle of wine?’ I asked, trying to convince myself that a hair of the dog would be a good idea. And it would go well with the steak I was absolutely about to order.
‘Ah, no, I don’t think I’m going to have a drink,’ she declined. ‘But you should.’
‘I’m OK,’ I replied, eyeing her closely. ‘Saving yourself for tomorrow?’
‘Actually,’ Louisa handed her menu back to the waiter. ‘I’m not really drinking at the moment.’
‘You’re not?’
‘No.’
‘Right.’
‘Yes.’
I set down my Diet Coke and looked at my friend. She had put on weight since the last time I’d seen her, but she didn’t look fat. She looked healthy. She looked glowing.
‘Louisa?’
‘Angela.’
‘Are you pregnant?’
She covered her face with her hands, peeping out at me through her fingers. ‘Yes?’
‘Oh bloody hell!’ I jumped out of my seat and ran around the table to give her another almighty hug before the tears started again. At least this time it was both of us.
‘I wanted to tell you,’ she bleated. ‘But I only found out last week and then when you said you were coming I thought it would be better to tell you face to face and oh, you’re not mad at me?’
‘Why would I be mad?’ I asked, finally putting her down and wiping away the last traces of make-up from my black eye. Who cared if it put other people off their lunch? ‘Oh, Lou, I’m so pleased for you.’
‘I thought you might be mad that I hadn’t told you yet, but you’re the first, apart from Mum and Dad. And Tim’s mum. And his dad. And well, his brother, but then you,’ she rattled on, sipping her water. ‘I’m so glad I got to tell you in person.’
‘Me too,’ I agreed, reaching across the table for her hand and trying to stop my tears. ‘And I don’t mind that you told his brother, he’s hot.’
It was easy to tell myself I wasn’t homesick when I was in New York, so far away and constantly busy. Regular phone calls, reluctant Skyping (did anyone look good on that thing?) and constant emails meant that I always knew what was going on in Louisa’s life, but seeing her now, face to face, it was a lot harder than I’d thought it would be.
‘I just can’t believe you’re not going to be around to be a full-time godmother,’ she said, giving my hand a squeeze.
‘Godmother? Really?’ I asked. What was she trying to do? Have me dehydrate completely? ‘Are you sure there isn’t someone more, well, adult that you’d want to pick?’
‘Don’t be bloody stupid!’ Louisa laughed out loud at my concerned expression. ‘It’ll be you and Tim’s hot brother. God knows you’re more adult than he’ll ever be.’
‘But I blacked my eye on my way back from the toilet,’ I protested. ‘And that’s just my most recent cock-up.’
‘Angela,’ Louisa stopped laughing and gave me an even look across the table, ‘there is no one else in this world that I would pick to be godmother to my baby and you can keep chattering on about it all day, but I am really quite aware of your catalogue of disasters. I’ve been present at most of them, if not involved one way or another. You’re going to be the godmother. Accept it.’
‘I don’t even know what to say.’ I pursed my lips to staunch a fresh flow of tears. ‘Of course I’ll do it. And I’ll be amazing. I won’t buy him or her booze until they’re at least seventeen and I promise not to swear in front of them or anything. I’ll do anything you want me to.’
‘It’s a start, I suppose.’ Louisa moved her knife and fork to one side to make room for her steak. Good girl. ‘Now, how about you make a start by coming home for my anniversary party tomorrow?’
I looked up from my bloody steak. ‘Lou, you know I can’t. Tomorrow is Alex’s show.’
‘I know,’ she sighed, carving up her meat. It was so well done that it took some serious work. How could she? It was steak sacrilege. ‘But I had to ask. You know your mum is going to kill you. She reckons she’s been leaving you loads of messages and you haven’t replied.’
‘You told her I was here?’ I shrieked far too loudly. Staring around the café, I half expected to see her charging over in her M&S finery, ready to bash me with her holiday handbag. It was slightly smaller than her regular handbag, but just as formidable a weapon. ‘Jesus Lou, I told you not to!’
‘Not me.’ She held up her hands in her defense, a piece of charred steak going flying into our neighbour’s bread basket. ‘Tim mentioned that I was coming out here when he saw her in Tesco. You know he’s a rubbish liar, he would have only buggered it up if I’d told him to keep quiet.’
‘Oh, crap.’ I took a big swig of Diet Coke. I should have got the wine. ‘I’m going to be in so much trouble.’
‘Not if you come back tomorrow,’ Louisa suggested. ‘Just come for the party. We’re having it in the afternoon, surely Alex’s thing isn’t until the evening?’
‘It’s a festival, I think he’s planning on being there all day,’ I muttered, trying to remember what he’d told me at dinner. Before he’d told me he didn’t want to live with me, marry me or have babies with me.
‘So you have to be there all day?’ Louisa raised an eyebrow. Some of her slyer expressions reminded me so much of Jenny, it was scary. ‘Really, Ange, you never used to follow Mark around like such a helpless puppy.’
‘As I remember, Mark didn’t want following because he was shagging your tennis partner,’ I replied quickly, stabbing a piece of steak and biting down too quickly, getting the fork. Karma was bloody fast around these parts.
‘Fair enough.’ Louisa didn’t look as if she was about to give in that easily. ‘Shame you can’t come, you look so amazing and I know everyone is dying to hear about your adventures. I’m forever telling them all about you and Alex and everything. They’re so jealous.’
‘Louisa,’ I started slowly, ‘when you say everyone, are you talking about someone in particular?’
‘Tim’s hot brother?’
‘Anyone else?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Louisa?’
‘All right, Mark’s going to be there,’ she admitted, putting down her fork for a moment. ‘Tim invited him because he’s been so bloody pathetic lately. I wasn’t going to tell you, but apparently things aren’t going very well with that Katie girl and he’s just drunk at the tennis club all the time. Turning up for work late, same clothes as the night before, all that. And don’t tell me that seeing him now you’re looking all fancy and glamorous hasn’t crossed your mind. Let alone with the rock star live-in lover.’
‘Firstly, this is not me looking my most glamorous,’ I pointed to my black eye and bruised cheek, ‘and secondly, I’m not so sure I can be bragging about the live-in rock star right now.’
‘I thought you were going to be moving in with him soon?’ Lou asked, a milder version of the ‘has your boyfriend been punching you?’ concern in her eyes. ‘Is everything OK, babe?’
‘It’s been better to be honest,’ I admitted, trying to work out how best to paraphrase our last conversation. ‘Um, it was his birthday yesterday and we went out for dinner and he told me he didn’t want to marry me or move in together.’
Given Louisa’s news, I didn’t think I needed to include the ‘and he doesn’t want kids’ part of the conversation just yet.
‘What? He just came out with that?’ she asked, her voice getting slightly higher with each word. ‘What did you say?’
‘Well, no, not exactly,’ I munched thoughtfully on a
frite
. ‘OK, basically, he had this ex who messed him around a few years ago, and because of that, he said that he doesn’t think he needs marriage and kids to be happy.’
‘He doesn’t want to have kids?’ she shrieked.
Bugger, I’d forgotten that I wasn’t going to mention that.
‘No, he just said that he doesn’t need them to be happy,’ I repeated. I couldn’t help defending him, even if I didn’t understand what he meant any more than Louisa did.
‘And what about the whole moving in thing?’ she asked, her lips pressed together into a tiny cat’s bottom. Not one of her more attractive expressions. ‘How come he’s gone off that idea?’
‘I think that’s my fault. I kept saying we’d talk about it later because well, I was a bit scared given what happened the last time I lived with someone, and now he’s decided it’s a bad idea and that it’s too soon. Even though I’ve decided I want to. I suppose it’s ironic.’
‘So, you’re not allowed to be worried about moving in with him because of what happened in your last relationship, but he’s allowed to keep you dangling by a thread for the rest of your life because of what happened to him in his last relationship?’ Louisa demanded.
I stuck out my bottom lip. Well, when you put it like that…
‘Oh, Ange, it’s just like
Sex and the City
—’
‘Don’t start,’ I cut her off quickly. Her eyes were dangerously glittery and excited. ‘Just because I live in New York doesn’t mean everything that happens in my life is just like
Sex in the
bloody
City
. I’ve got enough of my own real problems without piling on Sarah Jessica Parker’s.’
‘I still think he’s out of order.’ Louisa shrugged, annoyed at being cut off mid-Miranda flow. ‘He’s allowed to be messed up by his past, but you’re not? And what’s brought this on all of a sudden anyway? Hasn’t he been all super keeno?’
‘Yeah, the thing is,’ I took a deep breath, ‘his ex is sort of here.’
‘Here in Paris?’
‘She’s from Paris.’
‘And he knew she would be here?’
‘No.’
‘Whatever.’
‘He didn’t,’ I protested. ‘Yes, she’s from Paris and she’s in a band, but he didn’t know she’d be here. Or performing at the festival.’
‘Oh come off it,’ Louisa scoffed. ‘Listen to yourself Angela. Your previously adoring boyfriend has suddenly gone off the idea of living with you and has gone out of his way to tell you he doesn’t want to get married, even though it wasn’t even on the cards, at the exact same time the girl who broke his delicate little heart reappears on the scene?’
‘Lou, you’re making it sound so much worse than it is,’ I sulked. But the problem was, she wasn’t making it sound worse. She was making it sound like the truth.
‘Angela, I’m not trying to upset you,’ she insisted. ‘I’m trying to look after you. I stood by and let you get hurt last time, I won’t do it again. Now, I know that I haven’t met Alex, but I also know I’ve never seen you this upset about anything. It’s written all over your face. And I want to believe those tears were just for me earlier, but they weren’t, were they? It was about him, wasn’t it?’
I nodded a little bit, not especially ready to speak. Because if I spoke, I’d have to admit that she was right.
‘Please come home, Angela,’ Louisa sighed. ‘Even if it’s just for a little bit. I know you’ve got work and friends and stuff out there, but it might help you see things a bit more clearly. Just come for a week. For the day.’
Looking up to the sky, I closed my eyes. How could she be feeling so sorry for me when I hadn’t even told her about the crappiness that was work? My boss was pissed off with me, her assistant was trying to sabotage my big break, and said big break wasn’t exactly going according to plan. And that was without even getting into the Jenny situation. Maybe a quick trip home would help clear my head. If only to remind me why I left in the first place.
‘I can’t just up and leave,’ I decided, pulling my hair back into a ponytail and then letting it drop. It was getting so long. ‘I’m sorry, Lou.’
‘You did it once,’ she countered.
I pushed my plate away and sniffed. For the first time in possibly ever, I wasn’t hungry.
‘I miss you, Angela,’ Louisa said quietly. ‘I just wish you’d come home.’
‘Me too,’ I said. ‘I’m just not sure where home is right now.’
We sat in silence for a few minutes, letting the waiter clear away our half full plates and bring over coffees. Clearly they’d decided either we looked as if we needed them or at least I did, and hadn’t waited for us to order.
‘Well, we’re a right pair, aren’t we?’ Louisa said, sitting up and rearranging her hair. At least two hairs had escaped her ponytail and she wouldn’t be having any of that.
‘We are,’ I agreed. ‘Honestly, I’m so excited about your news. You’re going to be an incredible mum, you know.’
‘Yeah, well, I’ve had twenty-seven years of practice on you, haven’t I?’ she said, sipping her coffee.
‘Piss off!’ I smiled, relieved that our fight was over. If breaking her husband’s hand and spoiling her wedding didn’t ruin our friendship, I was pretty certain that not coming to her party wasn’t going to see her off.
After lunch, Louisa and I wandered around for a couple of hours, crossing the river and taking dozens of pictures of each other from the Trocadéro, me holding up the Eiffel Tower, Louisa with it coming out of the top of her head. I’d need to be on point to stop these from making an appearance online. I was fairly sure this wasn’t the image
Belle
writers were supposed to present. It was tricky though, Paris was made for impromptu photo shoots. We had no choice, but to take a very serious series of ‘mean and moody girl in beret’ underneath the Arc de Triomphe. I did mean and moody a lot better than Louisa, she was far too blonde and bubbly for serious Parisian photography.
‘I wish you’d change your mind and come back with me,’ Louisa said, mid-hug as I packed her off into a taxi. ‘Oh, I completely forgot, I brought you this.’
She handed me an envelope, with a big cheesy grin. I smiled back and started to open it up, but the taxi driver tooted his horn. Apparently it wasn’t OK to sit in the middle of the road with the engine running in Paris. Actually, it probably wasn’t OK anywhere.
‘Open it later.’ Louisa threw her handbag across the backseat. ‘I miss you babe. I can’t believe I’m going to have to do all this baby stuff without you. You’re sure you won’t come back? You’re breaking my heart, you know.’
‘I know, I promise I’ll come back soon,’ I swore, stuffing the envelope into my abused handbag. ‘But I can’t now. I need to sort this Alex thing out if nothing else.’
‘You really love him, don’t you?’ she asked, pushing her hair back behind her ears and staring at me hard. ‘He’d bloody better be worth all this, Angela Clark.’