I Love You More Than (2 page)

David Foster was born and raised in Philadelphia NY. Growing up he had a rough childhood. At a young age, he had to learn how to navigate the mean streets and defend himself from the older neighborhood boys and gangs. That was often hard for the puny little boy that he was. It was just David and his sister Candace and there was nothing David wanted more than to escape his surroundings. Shedding the dead weight of his family.

David’s father Marlon, was a strict disciplinarian. It went hand in hand with his career as a police officer. It was a typical night to be eating a perfectly cooked meal and his father to come home and start yelling and berating his mother, calling her his favorite terms of endearments...Stupid. Dumb. Useless. Good for nothing. A waste of good gotdamn space… Just to name a few. Rarely did David and Candace witness their father being physically rough with their mother. But there were often times they could definitely hear the blows she took.

When David graduated high school he went away to Mizzou, never to move back to NY again. Candace graduated and went to a community college while working full time at a law firm where she met her husband, Glen Treadwell.

In all the years they had been together, Felicia had only met Candace at most, five times. Felicia simply did not understand it and had long given up trying to long ago. How is it you have a sibling you were raised with, and yet, you go through life as if you are an only child?

Felicia often wondered if the majority of David’s problems in life stemmed from him feeling inadequate, especially when he was around those he felt were more knowledgeable than he. So he rarely saw his sister or his nieces and nephew. That was perfectly fine and normal to him, Felicia’s family was the weird one. The last time David saw his family, was two and half years ago at his father Marlon’s funeral. Linda, David’s mother, still resided in the house he and Candace grew up in. His mother was still a very active and was always on the go, even at seventy three.

When they first got together David wooed Felicia. He pulled out all the stops to get her. He knew she was naïve and barely touched. In the beginning, David just had to have her. It wasn’t until after he got her that he began to slowly show his true colors and chip away at her self-esteem and confidence little by little. Anytime an opportunity presented itself, he was putting her down. Whether it was Felicia dropping a utensil or being exhausted from work, he never let an opportunity pass to point out her inadequacies. He was gradually wearing away at any sense of security and self-confidence she had prior to meeting him. In a nutshell, David killed her spirit.

Gone was the carefree young woman who loved to laugh, hang out with her friends and family. Simply living and enjoying life. In her place was a woman who walked on egg shells, scared she was going to awaken the big black wolf that has been deprived of food all winter. Scared that he would attack and hurt her in the process. Maybe not physically, but definitely emotionally. Always emotionally.

When David decided that he was going to settle in Missouri, Felicia found herself happy that he would finally be putting down some roots. What she didn’t expect was for David to campaign for them to live together out of wedlock. David ended up convincing Felicia it was not only smart but also economical for them to move in together. That way, they would be able to save up for their wedding…

Felicia saw this as a new beginning and became completely devoted to David, there was nothing she wouldn’t do for him. Further alienating herself from the few friends she still had in her life, always putting David first and foremost. It was Felicia’s hope that it would prove her love and devotion to him. And he would ultimately make her his wife after all. When he lost his job, she compiled his resume and sent it out to the insurance companies who were seeking investigators within a thirty mile radius. Ten years later and he’s still with the same company. But of course, let him tell it, he got on with his company because he was in such high demand. Felicia remembers him being unemployed nearly two months before a company even nibbled on the bait she cast them.

Things had begun to become bearable. They would only argue about twice a week instead of every day. Multiple times. Felicia’s
peaceful
home life changed as they entered their fifth year of their relationship. The year she was certain she would finally have it all. It was during that time Felicia discovered she was pregnant with her now eight year old, Dana. Naturally, being scared and nervous, she told her mother and father about the news. Although her mother was not happy her daughter was pregnant out of wedlock, she was happy about the blessing their family was about to receive. Felicia’s Aunt Anita had predicted this was just what David needed to get him to go on and pop that question.

She would never forget the night she told him she was pregnant as long as she lived. Felicia had it all planned out. Cook his favorite dinner, maybe make love and then tell him the good news. Oh how she wished things had gone that smoothly. Felicia left work early that day and ran to the grocery store. She purchased everything needed to cook his favorite meal – smothered fried chicken rice, greens, macaroni and cheese and cornbread. Felicia fought through her nausea to finish the meal and had just set the table when he came home.

Walking in the house, David went straight for the bathroom to wash his hands. She knew he would wash them at least three times with scalding hot water and bleach. Five times if he felt he’d come too close in contact with some type of
contaminant.
Being used to his quirks, this was a natural routine for him.

David emerged from the powder room and went to the fridge where he opened the door with a paper towel grabbing a bottle of beer and twisted the cap off. He downed half the bottle in one gulp. Feeling the nervousness start to build, Felicia blurted out part of the surprise.

“I cooked your favorite tonight!”

In return she received his customary grunt, acknowledging he had heard her speak. After plating their dinner and serving them, she tried to make small talk with David. He was clearly in one of his moods. She hated when he was in his moods. He became quiet, sullen and would retreat within himself. But when he was in a good, happy go lucky mood, everything was GREAT! He treated her as if she were on a throne and no one could say anything to wipe the smile off Felicia’s face during those times. They were just getting fewer and further in between.

Felicia was starting to wonder if it would be smart to wait and deliver the good news when David was in that better mood. But by the time he found himself in that mood again, she would probably be showing. She couldn’t keep it to herself any longer. She just had to tell him.

“So…….you know how I haven’t been feeling well for the past of couple of weeks? Well I went to the doctor today and found out that we’re eight weeks pregnant!”

You could’ve heard an ant piss as quiet as the room had become. David’s fork had paused mid-air when he heard the tail end of the news. Lowering his fork, David placed his elbows on the table, bringing his hands up to form a steeple in front of his face. He rested his chin on his thumbs.

“Haven’t you been taking your pills? Or is it too hard and difficult for you to remember to take a stupid pill every day!”

Clearing her dry throat from the sudden fear and nervousness that rose up. Felicia explained that the antibiotic she was taking for the urinary tract infection, weakened her birth control pills unknowingly to her.

“So what?” David asked letting out a sarcastic laugh, “You expect me to marry you now or something?” Felicia felt like a knife had pierced her heart.

“I’d never want you to marry me just for our baby. But I had thought that marriage was…is…what we have been working towards.”

“Hunh. Well, I don’t know what the hell you expect me to say or even do for that matter.” David raised up from his chair suddenly. “I’ve lost my appetite. I’m going to go out and hang with Hank for a while. I’ll be back when I’m back.” And with that, David put his shoes on, grabbed his keys from the table and left.

Felicia’s entire pregnancy had been stressful and for a while there, in jeopardy. She was constantly having to be monitored for her high blood pressure. She’d been having a lot pain and discomfort one night and had to catch a cab to the hospital. David had left work, Felicia giving him the perfect excuse to. After David arrived they both listened to the fifteen minute lecture the doctor gave them. It was imperative for both the pregnancy and her health, that Felicia be stress free for the rest of it. David argued with her the entire fifty minute ride home. Felicia always wondered if his intention had been for her to have a miscarriage that day.

When Dana was born, everything changed for Felicia. There was a major shift and David was no longer the main priority in her world. Instead, it was the precious bundle of joy that she would spend hours upon hours staring at, while cradling her in her arms. Nothing changed at home where David was concerned. In fact in became worse.

When Dana, who was no more than fourteen months at the time, dirtied her pull up one afternoon, she pulled it off and had tracked it throughout her bedroom floor. Any parent that has gone through the early toddler years, knows this is not an uncommon occurrence. But to David Foster, it was the end of the world and the vilest thing he had ever come across ever in life. Of course it was a direct reflection of a behavioral issue they weren’t aware of. The answer was to beat the behavior out of Dana. As soon as Felicia heard her baby’s cries ring out, she stopped scrubbing the carpet and shot up from her hands and knees. Felicia ripped Dana from his grasp before the third slap could meet her bottom. Holding her baby to her chest and crying hysterically herself, Felicia told David that if he ever laid a hand on her child again, it would also be the last day he took a breath.

David moved out soon after that and would just come over on the weekends to give Felicia a break. When David moved out he purchased a house, stating that he needed time to sort out his life and feelings for her, and to decide if he still wanted the same things, including her. Of course that didn’t stop him from wanting to be intimate with her. Their relationship remained like that for four years after Dana was born. At first her family told her to be patient, he would surely come around. He still participated, (showed up in David’s case) every now and then at family functions and would spend “quality” time with Felicia and the baby. This usually entailed him sitting on her couch watching sports.

As much as Felicia wanted to marry David when they were first dating…all that faded once she got to know the real David Foster. Gone was the man that held open doors for her, told her how pretty she looked or how attractive he found her. Gone was the man that paid attention to what she said and appeared to be interested in every word that fell from her lips. Gone was the man that would take her out on dates and to hang around his friends. What she now had was a grown ass man-child who acted like he couldn’t shit without her wiping his ass for him!

Felicia’s girlfriends soon all became a distant memory. They could not stomach to sit around and witness the shitty way he treated her. And her ability to overlook it. Felicia didn’t have the heart to stop them and fight for her lifelong friendships. David had her so brainwashed she was convinced that if she didn’t have him around, she would not be able to survive raising a child on her own.

Haylee and Analia were finally able to convince their cousin that it was time to cut ties with David once and for all. Get on with her life and back out into the world of dating. She was a young vivacious twenty-five year old woman! After a lot of thought and long consideration, Felicia finally brought herself to accept the fact that she and David were over. Felicia slowly but surely started to separate herself from him and stopped seeking his opinion, advice and approval on every little thing she did. She simply no longer cared what his opinion was.

Picking up on this sudden change in her, David started sniffing back around trying to mark his territory. Putting on his best I’m only three-fourths asshole and one-fourth of uselessness routine acting all lovey dovey again. That’s how her “mini me” Elena came to be in existence. Felicia never for one moment regretted Elena. But in the back of her mind she knew David impregnated her on purpose to keep her tied to him. After all a single mother of one, tough but doable. Single mother of two....not so easy.

Trying to accept her reality for what it was, Felicia threw herself into trying to make her family work. David rented out his house and moved back in. He still wasn’t very helpful around the house nor with the pregnancy, but he was more helpful then he’d been in the past. So Felicia chose to see this as progress. Five years later and here she stagnantly sat.

Felicia was starting to get to the point where she really had to ask herself was it worth the stress and anxiety David caused her to feel every day? All while in the confines of her own home just to have her girls’ father there? All just to give their daughter’s a sense of security, regardless of it being false. Looking in from the outside, a stranger would think that Felicia led a normal life. She had the
perfect
gentleman
providing
for her.

He gave her five hundred for rent, even though he didn’t “live” there, and six-hundred for the girls. Sure he never went to the grocery store or bought the twenty bottles of sanitizer he used in a month or the two packs of bulk paper towels he went through monthly. David easily ate, shit and overly cleaned himself for five-hundred a month! Easy. But he never considered any of that. So whenever the girls needed this or that, it was Felicia they sought.

Just because David was a horrible significant other, that didn’t mean that he didn’t have his Daddy moments. Felicia knew he loved the girls, he just didn’t have a healthy way of showing it. He didn’t know how to. His father never taught him how. Hell he barely even spoke to his father while he was alive. Felicia didn't know if he would ever be capable. David used his brow beating mentality to push their daughters forward. She didn’t have to worry about his methods as much when it came to Dana. She went above and beyond in soccer to please her father.

Truth be told Dana hated it, but it was something he enjoyed bragging on her about. And she loved having something that she did make her daddy happy. Elena, unfortunately, didn’t have as good of a rapport with David. Especially when it came to sports. She tried soccer and hated it. It was so hard for Felicia to stand on the sidelines and watch her baby struggle, but David refused to allow her to quit.

“She’s not going to waste all the money I’ve put into her playing.”

That statement confused and puzzled Felicia as she was the one who paid the registration fees for both of them. But to point that out would cause a major blow up and it just wasn’t worth it. 

“If you don’t want to play soccer you need to let me know before I invest more time and money! I know you take after your mother, but I was really hoping you wouldn’t be useless like she is. I was really hoping that my genes would’ve dominated her lazy ones. But I guess not.”

Again Felicia was confused but held her tongue. Yes she was at her heaviest at one hundred and eighty-five pounds, but she was still smaller than his two hundred and fifty marshmallow man ass. After being allowed to put the girls to bed two hours later, she’d had to stay up and listen to an additional three hour rant just so he could get all his anger and frustration out. Felicia decided she would let Elena quit soccer and do what she loved and had been begging to do…gymnastics. Only problem was, gymnastics didn’t make the cut in the sports category for David. As much as he liked to brag and take ownership for the girls’ accomplishments, he was nowhere to be seen when it came time to shuttle them back and forth to practice and game days. Volunteer at the concession stands, fundraising...he took part in none of it.

David had not once asked Felicia to marry him in the thirteen years they had been together. But eventually he would…At least that’s what her extended family liked to say to cheer her on. She was almost at the finish line that would deem her the winner aka Mrs. David Foster. At one point in time there was nothing Felicia wanted more than for David to ask her to marry him. If he asked her to marry him tomorrow (
not that he would ever would
), Felicia would literally shit on herself. Talk about a deer caught in the headlights. The thought was enough to make her break out into and cold sweat and start to hyperventilate.