I Surrender (20 page)

We are standing looking at one another awkwardly. I am twirling my silver charm bracelet Jasper gave me for Christmas, a nervous habit I recently developed and I can feel his gaze focused on my jumpy fingers toying with the charm.

Harmony clears her throat breaking the silence. “Ava did you want to join us for a something to eat?”

Both mine and Jasper's eyes widen in alarm. I’d rather starve. “No thank you, I better get going.”

“Oh okay are you sure?”

I look at Jasper’s uncomfortable face. “Yes I am sure. Thanks again.”

I observe Jasper taking a noticeable breath. Us three having lunch together is definitely not a good idea.

I look down at my bag pointedly. “Oh here you go,” he says handing me my shopping bag. Our fingers brush each other’s lightly and I snatch my hand back like it’s been burnt.

Harmony is looking at us with a puzzled look and I wonder if Jasper has told her about our past. Judging by her baffled look, I dare say she’s clueless.

“Okay see ya.” I look at Harmony nodding goodbye and I turn my gaze to Jasper who surprises me by stepping forward, giving me a tight hug. My arms are loosely hanging at my sides because I know if I hug him back I may never let go.

After a few clumsy moments he lets me go and I sigh sadly. How did things get so weird between us?

“Bye Jasper.”

He nods unhappily. “See ya.”

The look on his face kicks me in the guts and I don’t want to leave him. I want to throw my arms around his neck and tell him once and for all how I feel. But I slap myself out of my daze and scurry away.

My head is drooped the whole walk to my car. Not even my four pairs of shoes offer me comfort because I know what I need to do.

I need to get over Jasper because my feelings for him are killing me. I need to move on and accept facts that maybe Jasper and I
are
just better off as friends.

Chapter 28:

Dirty Dancing

“
I
can’t believe first term is over,” beams Casey. Casey is a friend of Ben’s and he is also in our class. “We need to celebrate!”

I chuckle while we sit outside on a lunch break. “Isn’t that a little premature? Shouldn’t we be celebrating when we actually know we have passed all our subjects?”

“Oh please little Miss Smarty pants! As if you have anything to worry about.” Casey sniggers while bumping me with his shoulder. Casey likes me. I am not blind to his subtle flirty hints and unnecessary touches. The feeling is definitely not mutual but I enjoy his company, so I am happy with his flirting as long as it stays that way.

Ben agrees. “Yeah fuck it, let’s do it. I hear the new club downtown is the place to be because they are selective with whom they let in.” They both look at me waiting for an answer; I cave as I was never any good at handling peer pressure.

I can see why Jasper hates Ben. Ben has turned out to be an officious know-it-all, but I’ve heard him give Indie a run for her money when he cusses her out on the phone, so Ben is my friend. As long as he doesn’t bring that shit to the table when we’re working together I can deal with him. I can only imagine the sob stories Indie has been feeding Jasper. I believe this is the reason Jasper despises Ben as much as he does.

Anyhow, that’s what leads me here, on a Friday night throwing every garment out of my closest because I hate everything I own. What does one wear to a chic bar? I peer at the only garment hanging that I don’t totally hate, it’ll have to do. I reach for my version of the classic ‘Little Black Dress’ and finger the soft material. This dress is a little risqué but what the hell, I need to dress up and feel good after the miserable few weeks I’ve had. And I really need to wear one of the four pairs of shoes I blew hundreds of dollars on.

When I wear this dress I know it always turns heads, and I feel like a little head turning tonight. It is a banded, formfitting dress and the star of the show is the halter keyhole at the bust, exposing a whole lotta bust! It has hook-an-eye closures behind the neck and a long zip at the back, running down the whole length of the dress which is not a lot. Yes it is short, but not slutty short. It exposes half of my back so no bra tonight for me.

I slip on my black Christian
Louboutin skyscrapers
and don’t hate what I see in the mirror. My brown hair is pinned up in a messy chignon with strands falling around my face. My makeup is light, some mascara, foundation and clear lip gloss. I’m ready to go. I grab a cardigan because with this much cleavage on show I need a security blanket.

V is waiting for me downstairs. She begged to come out with us as she was dying to check out this club. I finally surrendered as I knew she would just come anyway. I told her there is one condition to tagging along: no Jasper. I made her promise that Lucas would not mention it to anyone.

So as the horn tooted outside, we both grabbed our clutches and met Lucas out the front. Ben and Casey are meeting us at the club so Lucas, V and I head straight in.

V looks adorable in her mary janes and her own ‘Little Black Dress’ with a leopard print bolero. We are dressed to impress and I am glad V is coming as being alone with Casey with alcohol readily available may not be a good combination. My reflexes may drown in tequila and not be on high alert if Casey tries anything. I know I am being paranoid, but I’m a cheap drunk. I am sure Jasper can vouch for that.

Lucas parks his truck and we walk to the club. As we enter, the place is very dreamy with soft lighting radiating from chandeliers. The patrons are a mixture of rock and yuppie. What a strange combination. V heads straight for the bar with Lucas trailing behind laughing. Those two are so perfect for one another. I can’t believe I doubted their compatibility, not that I am a suitable judge.

“Holy crap these cocktails are twenty five dollars each!” I shriek to V as I look over the drink menu.

V is studying each drink careful and merely shrugs. “The amount of alcohol that is in them, we’ll be on our asses after two!”

She’s right as I check through what each drink contains. We both order a ‘Japanese Slipper’ but not your standard, this drink is on steroids! One sip and my head feels hazy already. This is going to be a messy night.

We sit at a table drinking and chatting for about forty minutes when I see Ben and Casey arrive. I get up on the step on my chair and wave frantically. Yes I am a bit tipsy.

V sees the boys and nudges me with wide eyes. “Who is that blonde Adonis?” I follow her line of sight and realize she is referring to Casey. I am not sure if it is the alcohol but Casey does look good, his sandy hair is slicked back and he is wearing blue jeans with a white polo. But he’s not who I want to be undressing with my eyes. I drown that thought with a gulp of my margarita and as they reach our table I start with the introductions.

I can tell V thinks Casey is quite the eye candy and Lucas also notices her checking him out. He puts his arm protectively around V staking his claim. I giggle and V looks at me like I have lost my mind. At the moment my mind is occupied as it is swimming in alcohol.

“Do you want a drink Ava?” Casey asks dropping his not so subtle gaze to my cleavage. This dress has superpowers!

“No I’m good for the moment,” I reply smiling shyly, as Casey is making it extremely obvious he is still gaping at my bust.

Ben clears his throat and Casey lifts his eyes to mine. He seems undaunted that I am aware of his ogling.

“Come on Casanova,” Ben teases as they head off to get their drinks.

V violently kicks me under the table within five seconds of them leaving.

“OUCH! What the hell V?” I demand rubbing my shin.

“You need to get into that man’s pants.” By that man she is referring to Casey.

I only raise an eyebrow in annoyance. “No, he’s my friend.”

“Who cares what he is. He’s hot! What are you waiting for?” I know the answer and so does she. I look down guiltily and blow out a melodramatic breath.

“Ava look I know there’s Jasper but what’s a little harmless flirting. It’s not like you and Jasper are a thing.” V is right but I feel wrong even considering a little flirting with Casey although it might help me get over Jasper. Before I can ponder further Casey and Ben return with drinks for everyone. I know I will be paying for these cocktails with an awful hangover, but I’ll deal with that tomorrow.

The alcohol unwind us all and before I know it Lucas, Ben and V are chatting happily about their love for baseball which leaves Casey and I to entertain one another. Casey shifts his barstool closer to mine, glass in hand prepared for a salute. “Let’s make a toast.”

“Okay.” I smile apprehensively. “What to?”

“To you.” He doesn’t go into detail but he has that perverse look in his eye and I catch his gaze slipping to my cleavage.

“To me?” I quiz.

“Yes to you. You really don’t know how extraordinary you are, do you?” I gulp nervously.

When Casey proposed a toast this was not what I was expecting to be saluting. Casey is cocky but not obnoxious, he knows what he wants and by the look in his eye he wants me. A blush creeps up my neck in about three seconds and I timidly salute his glass.

An hour passes with Casey and me chatting lividly of our passion for food. I never thought I would have so much fun with him and question the reason why. That reason is eating a hole into stomach. Maybe Jasper and I aren’t meant to be together. Maybe we are better off as friends.

Shaking Jasper thoughts aside I grab Casey and drag him over to the dance floor as my favorite song is playing. I must be drunker than I thought, as I am usually the first to shy away from bodies gyrating against each other on the dance floor.

Casey pulls me into his chest and wraps his arms around my waist rocking me to the upbeat tempo. I look intently into his face with my hands resting lightly on his wide shoulders, and wonder if I could flirt with him or maybe even attempt to kiss him? He’s attractive, funny and we have the same interests. He does tick all the right boxes. Judging by the way he is holding me, I wouldn’t have to try very hard for that to happen.

He pulls me even closer and runs his lips over my neck slowly; I shiver at the sensation but don’t melt like I usually do with someone else. We dance this way for a few minutes and all the while I feel lightheaded. I am not sure if it’s the cocktails or if it’s being in someone’s arms that aren’t Jasper’s.

The next song starts and Casey motions he’s going to get a drink and for me to stay in the spot I am currently in. He surprises me by leaning in and giving me a chaste kiss on the lips. My eyes widen in alarm and I attempt to pull back but he holds my head in place with a firm grip. It’s only a peck but it feels wrong.

I touch my lips and feel my heart breaking as I stare after him. I should be happy Casey is showing interest in me. But there is only one problem, he’s not Jasper. He doesn’t set me ablaze with one look and he doesn’t send my heart into frenzy when I think about him. I am screwed.

I am surrounded by bodies as the dance floor is crowded and I strangely don’t feel too self-conscious dancing on my own while waiting for Casey. The next song that comes on is MY song. I love this song!

Swaying seductively to Lana Del Ray’s ‘Blue Jeans,’ I am totally lost in the music, because pathetically this song reminds me of Jasper. Eyes closed and entranced by her dark voice I am startled when a pair of warm hands engulfs my waist. That was quick, I think to myself. Casey must have pushed his way through the queue.

Casey molds my back into his solid chest, all the while lazily caressing my waist and stomach with his hands. With my eyes still closed, my head falls back onto Casey’s muscular chest, letting him lead me. He is hard in all the right places but he feels somewhat familiar. I inhale and a recognizable fragrance sends my sense of smell into a wild, riotous frenzy. I disregard it as my drunken brain playing tricks and wishful thinking.

I let the music take me on this sensual journey with Casey because for some unknown reason it reminds me of being in Jasper’s arms. And that thought alone makes this dancing all the more better because I can pretend I am with Jasper.

His hands snake up my body and he riskily dips his fingertips into my exposed bust line but they vanish before I have a chance to enjoy the feel of his fingers on my flesh. His boldness is unexpected, but what is even more surprising is my reaction to him. I feel like a forest fire has spread rapidly from the tip of my head to the bottom on my toes. I didn’t feel this way prior and I feel a stab of guilt for enjoying this seductive expedition.

His hands slowly ascend to my neck holding me closely. He isn’t hurting me, but his grip is firm enough to leave me breathless. He has his thumb and forefinger under my chin, lightly extending my head back so it can rest against his shoulder. His lips graze my temple and I can feel his hot breath brushing against my cheek.

I am about to detonate under his skillful erotic touch, and I want more which surprises me. I turn to kiss him, but he holds me firmly in place. I let out a frustrated whimper and I feel his hot breath stroke my ear as he lets out a soft chuckle. He releases his hold on my neck and returns his hands snugly to my waist, circling his front backwards and forwards against my behind. Wow this takes dirty dancing to a whole new level.

I am so shrouded and don’t know how much longer I can take this sexual tension as he won’t let me touch him. But if I was to be honest with myself, it’s totally turning me on. I like this sexual aggression. It makes me feel wanted and it makes me feel like a Goddess. I feel improper dancing this way with Casey but I can’t help it. It just feels right. What kind of person does that make me? A horny one my inner harlot screams.

My eyes are still closed and I bite my cheek as he dips low and bites my earlobe. I feel his lips trail the shell of my ear, and his warm breath tickles the side of my neck.

I am about to explode and need to get some lip on lip action like now. I attempt to turn around but my knees buckle when I hear him speak.

“Looks like you’ve put those shoes to good use.” My passion turns to panic as that voice is not Casey’s, its Jasper’s.

I attempt to turn around to confirm it’s him, but he holds me prisoner against his chest.

“I wouldn’t want to ruin your fantasy by seeing it’s
me
you’re dancing with. Do you rub up against everybody this way or is your
friend
the only one that’s lucky.”

I am shocked and I take a calming breath. Jasper’s words are malicious and I can taste the jealousy in them. I want to face him so he can see the sincerity in my eyes when I inform him it was him I was thinking about. It was him I would have happily danced this way with if he would man up and tell me that’s what he wanted.

Finally his grip ceases and I spin around to explain.

Bad idea. He looks fucking hot! Livid, but hot. His hair has been yanked in every direction in disorder, his cerulean eyes have a hard, furious stare and his sinful lips are pulled into a tight scowl.

I know he is mad at me but I can’t help myself. “Did you follow me here?” Nice one Ava, infuriate the crazy person.

He rolls his eyes and the tip of his tongue shoots out to lick his upper lip.

“No Ava get over yourself, I’m here with Harmony.” Ugh, that’s a name I do not want to hear right now. What a way to ruin the mood.