Ice (29 page)

He closed his eyes and shook his head, as expected. “Sorry,” he mumbled, opening his eyes. He looked off toward the corner of my room, appearing very distant, like his mind was back at home with his problems.

“Don’t be. I understand, actually.” I was thinking of exactly what had happened with Marcus and how I denied that something was wrong with me.

His blue eyes slid over to meet mine and the corner of his mouth turned up slightly. “I knew
you would. You always do.”

I felt my cheeks heat up a little in unworthiness, and struggled to find a response. “Thanks, but…um…I guess we’re just a lot alike
, like you’ve told me before.” I mentally kicked myself for how stupid and choppy I sounded.

Kavick turned his head to fully face me and tilted it slightly, reminding me of when Big John would be confused by a commercial on TV. “Are you sure nothing’s bothering you, or do you just not want to talk about it?”

“Um…” I said in a little voice as I slipped some hair behind my ear again. It was a nervous habit and I prayed Kavick hadn’t realized that yet, otherwise it would be even easier for him to figure me out. I felt like he had backed me into a corner. I didn’t want to lie to him. Despite it feeling like such an easy thing to do with Marcus, it felt like an impossible thing to do with Kavick. But not because he knew me so well; it was the last thing I wanted to do to him. I don’t know why it was different with him, though. I guess it was because our connection was different. “…Actually, something did happen with Marcus…which is why I left so quickly…it was nothing really, but it’s still kind of awkward to talk about.” I scrunched my face up apologetically, hoping he would understand, like I had understood him.

His eyes widened, like he was shocked to hear that, or maybe even alarmed by it. Was that actually horror I detected? “Are you okay? Did he try to…do…you know…something…to you?”

As soon as I realized what he was trying to say, I quickly cleared it up. “Oh, no! Nothing like that! Really, it was nothing, just something kind of awkward happened, and that’s why I took off early.”

Kavick didn’t exactly look relieved, becoming serious and furrowing his brow in concern. “Christine, I know he’s your friend, and I’m not trying to hurt your feelings by saying this, but you did mention he has a history of going through a lot of girls really fast…
.” He still seemed a bit uncomfortable and very concerned.

I nodded, wondering what he was trying to say, and not the least offended by his words. I could tell he was trying to tread carefully and that his intentions were good.

“I’m worried that you might be just another girl to him…like a conquest…you know?” He seemed very worried now, and I wasn’t sure if it was worry that I might be mad that he was talking badly about Marcus, or worry for my well-being. I think it was both.

“You’re saying Marcus might be a player?”

Kavick didn’t say anything, just giving me that worried look. He was definitely afraid I was mad at him. But, I wasn’t. It was a legitimate concern that any friend would have who didn’t know Marcus as well as I did. However, the more I thought about it, it didn’t seem entirely impossible, either.

“He has definitely played the field in the past…” I said calmly, considering his warning. Kavick was clea
rly relieved by my response. “…But he seems different now. I think Marcia changed him.”

I felt myself frown in confusion. It was strange thinking that Marcia,
the lying, cheating, manipulative girlfriend might have actually done something good.

“Or, maybe he just seems like he’s changed, because that’s what he wants you to think.”

“I don’t know about that. He did travel all the way from California to see me.”

“That’s a good point…but be careful, okay? Guys who play the field usually want only one thing from a girl. I know I’ve made it clear that I don’t have much respect for him, but I’m saying this because I’m really worried about you, not because I don’t like the guy.”

I could see that it was a struggle for Kavick to say those words, and I appreciated him saying them anyway. I smiled to put him at ease. I could instantly see a change; he seemed much more relaxed. “Thank you…and even though you don’t like him, will you still try to make it to my birthday party?” I put my hands together and added, “Pretty please?”

To my own ease, he returned my smile. “Of course!”

The next day I was starting to wish I hadn’t invited Kavick and Marcus to the party.
I wondered why it hadn’t dawned on me sooner that putting those two in a room together could be bad news. Looking back, I realized Marcus had always been a little sensitive on the subject of Kavick. The night he arrived, he asked if Kavick was my boyfriend. Then, on the bus, he had asked to hear more about Kavick and me, despite me trying to brush it off as nothing to tell. Then, after Marcus had apologized to me outside the diner, the way he had walked back in and they had deliberately ignored each other, despite their close proximity, was another sign. I couldn’t help but wonder if Kavick, the guy who kept popping up whom he knew so little about, was a contributing factor to why he was so upset at me at the diner. I remembered what Kavick said, and I was starting to think he was right.
“It’s because it was me.”

Marcus probably saw Kavick as competition, and if he really did care a lot about me like it seemed, then I could see how that would affect Marcus. Marcus had always been competitive; that’s why he was so good at sports. Every team at our previous high school in
California had wanted him. Now, the hockey team at Riverton High wanted him.

And Marcus
hated
to lose.

With all that in consideration, I became even more confused about how I felt towards Marcus. I started second guessing everything, wondering what if Kavick was right. What if I was just a conquest to him? It wouldn’t be the first girl that was nothing but a goal for Marcus. As much as I wanted t
o deny it, Marcus had used some girls in the past just so he wouldn’t be lonely, or simply because he hadn’t dated them yet.

However, Marcus hadn’t lied to me before, so I should believe that he was telling me the truth when he said he came here to be with me and all that those words implied. I suspected that Marcus really did have feelings for me, but I didn’t know if the idea of him using me for a thrill was more frightening than him
actually being in love with me.

I had woken up that day with wide, horrified eyes, wondering how I could be so stupid. I looked at my calendar across the room from my bed where I had been excitedly crossing out the days. Now, I wanted to erase every one of those X’s and make time slow down; better yet, just never having a birthday for the rest of my life.

I spent the whole morning muttering to myself, wondering how I hadn’t thought of the implications of inviting both of them, and how Kavick disliked Marcus even more now. While I showered, while I changed, while I brushed my teeth (I skipped breakfast, too nervous to have an appetite again), and while I did my makeup:
“You stupid, stupid girl, what were you thinking, you moron, you idiot, what are you going to do, oh my God, I’m so stupid, you stupid, stupid girl, what were you thinking….”
It was a continuing, run-together train of thought that wouldn’t leave my head and I couldn’t stop saying it. There was no length of scolding too big for me.

When I boarded the bus and headed for the seat at the window near the back, like I did every morning, Molly greeted me with a scowl. “Are you o
kay? You’re looking really thin.”

I had to tug on my skinny jeans to keep from flashing someone my underwear as I
bent over to brush some dirt out of seat. “Oh, just same ol’, same ol’.”

“What’s wrong? Are you anorexic or something?” she asked warily.

“No. I’m fine,” I said, a bit startled by her question. “I’m just tired.”

“You’r
e fine?” Disbelief was thick in her voice. “You look like you could be on the cover of Vogue. There’s definitely something wrong with a person if they look like a model.”

I immediately decidedly to take it as a compliment,
even though she clearly meant it as an insult. Molly had never given me a compliment before. I gave Molly a shocked look and said, “Molly, I do believe that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me. Thank you, I’m flattered.”

She blinked in confusion and said, “Uh, no. I didn’t mean it as a…well, whatever. Think what you want, but I am definitely going to find out what is wrong with you.”

When the bus entered Riverton, Molly began checking her hair in her compact. She had curled her blond hair, resembling a Marilyn Monroe hairstyle. After a few stops and several students boarded, the bus pulled into the school parking lot. Molly was looking very confused. “Where’s Marcus?”

“He’s staying so
mewhere else now,” I said as I grabbed my backpack.

We stood and worked our way through the line.
“Well, I figured that much since he had been saying he was going to move out of your uncle’s house soon, but he never got on the bus!”

“Maybe he’s not taking the bus anymore,” I said as we filed slowly out of the vehicle, back to back with students who gave me strange looks while I talked to Molly behind me. I wondered why she was so concerned over such a little thing. I was beginning to think she was
really smitten with Marcus. I wasn’t surprised, though, because I was used to this. All the girls at my old school were the same way. Charlotte was the only one who had seemed to be immune to the Marcus Disease.

After we entered the halls of the school, Molly followed me as I momentarily switched out certain books from my locker. Molly had been asking me if I had heard anything new about the arson attack on the “leather” factory. I now thought of it bitterly as a different kind of factory, a factory that manufactured killers. I wasn’t listening to Molly much as she threw out rumors about it, and was starting to tell her I hadn’t heard anything when Marcus walked up.

“Hey girls,” he greeted us cheerfully.

I closed the door to my
locker so we could see him better.

“Hi,” I said awkwardly.

“Hey,” Molly said a bit dreamily.

I gave her a furtive glance over my shoulder and then returned my attention to him. “Didn’t see you on the bus today,” I said as I pushed my combination lock closed.

He gave us his million dollar smile, explaining that he lives so close to the school now that he just decided to walk.

“Oh my God.
It is not safe to walk in the snow here!” Molly exclaimed, suddenly getting worked up. “You cannot do that. You will get stuck and turn into a snowman.” I was surprised that she actually managed to say that with a serious expression.

Marcus gave her a funny look, but tried to keep smiling. “Um, I think I’ll be okay. Thanks, t
hough.”

“No, I’
m serious! Wait until winter
really
sets in! You think this is bad? It gets worse!
And
, it gets below zero! You will die out there!”

Marcus wasn’t smiling anymore. He looked like he was scared of her, as if she had suddenly lost her mind. “But it’s just a few minutes…” he started, but Molly cut in again.

I was grateful for the distraction and headed for class so I wouldn’t be late. Marcus must have noticed I left, because he was behind me a few seconds later, running from Molly. Molly was much shorter than him (even shorter than me actually), and I could hear her baggy clothes swishing incessantly as she ran to catch up to him.

“Hey!
Don’t run away when I’m talking to you!”

“What’s her problem?” he asked me in a low voice.

“I think she’s just worried about you,” I said, purposely withholding information. I could hear Molly’s angry attack if I said something like “I think she likes you”. “Like” seemed like such a vague and childish term anyway. I wished there was a better term for the strong affection people feel when they’re not sure if they’re in love.

“She seems kind of protective, though. Over protective,” he said, just before Molly caught up.

There’s that word again,
I thought, remembering my conversation with Kavick from last night.

“Molly, you’re lucky a teacher didn’t give you detention for that,” I said matter-of-factly, quickly changing the subject. I certainly wasn’t a goody-two-shoe
s, but I knew Molly would whine and complain if she got detention.

“He took off while I was explaining
the dangers of living here!” she explained indignantly. “I’m an Eskimo, so I know what I’m talking about! Nobody knows Alaska better than an Eskimo!”

Marcus and I burst out laughing, but managed to get it under control just before we walked into the classroom. We were the first ones in there, everyone else
taking their time. A minute or so later, everyone was rushing in to make it in just before the bell rang.

At lunch, Molly was narrowing her eyes at me over her plastic fork. It was dangling from her thumb and forefinger, about to drop at any second. Finally, I couldn’t ignore her stare and looked up at her, hesitating to take a bite. Apparently, being caught didn’t scare her off. She still stared. Marcus didn’t notice it as he sat down beside me.