Ice (28 page)

“Hear you go, Sweetie,” she said so friendly, it made me wonder if Kavick was really as much of an outcast as Molly had painted him to be. Molly did tend to exaggerate things to give her stories more of a scandalous flare.

“Thank you,” he said with that amazing smile. I wondered how he kept his teeth so white when he appeared to be a regular coffee drinker.

After Margaret had walked away, I said, “You’re a guy, how come you don’t have any idea? You predicted him staying.”

Kavick immediately started pouring several sugar packets into his mug. “Just because we’re the same gender doesn’t mean I have some kind of psychic link to him. And, it was obvious that he was going to stay.”

I watched him pour a few cups of half-and-half into there, too.

“Why do you order coffee if you don’t like it?” I asked, suddenly more interested in his beverage than Marcus.

“Because it’s something to keep me warm,” he shrugged before taking a sip.

“There are other hot drinks, you know. Like hot cocoa, and it’s already sweet so you don’t have to add all that crap to it.”

“Don’t be hatin’ on my coffee,” he said in between sips.

I laughed, never expecting to hear the word “hatin’” come out of his mouth. After a few more sips, he sat the mug down and chuckled, clearly finding humor in my reaction. I was glad that I could make him happy without even trying, especially in such uncertain times.

“You know, I might have an idea about what he meant by that…” he said, scrunching his brow in thought.

I eagerly leaned forward in anticipation. “What does it mean?”

Kavick reached for another sugar packet while he spoke. “He might be thinking about asking
Charlotte for advice. He probably thinks you’ve talked to Charlotte about him.”

I watched him stir in the sugar, resting my head on my hand. “Well, he’s going to come up empty
, because I boycotted his name in our conversations a long time ago.”

Kavick stopped stirring and gave me a puzzled look. “Why? I thought you used to love him.”

I nearly winced at his words. I hated hearing the word “love” now. It was like a different kind of four letter word to me. “Because he was too painful to talk about.”

And at that
moment, it was starting to feel that way again, because I hated myself for my confusion.

He stopped stirring and gave me a sympathetic look. It was like I could see my old pain mirrored in his eyes. Bringing up the past made me relive some of those old feelings. How I hated to see myself in the mirror, how empty and hopeless I felt, how I would walk around in a daze and stare at the wall….

I shifted uncomfortably, straightening up again in my seat. I moved some hair behind my ear, trying to forget. Kavick was studying me as he sipped his coffee again, clearly picking up on the change that had taken place in me. I tried to act normal and glanced around the diner. My eyes went past the back where the little hall to the kitchen and upstairs were and I did a double take. Marcus was standing there staring at me. He looked more than confused, though. He looked hurt.

“Oh
, crap.”
I wasn’t sure if I said it out loud or not. I just felt my hand dart to my mouth in horror. I had left so abruptly earlier and then he sees me sitting with another guy. He probably thought I left him just to hang out with Kavick.

“What’s wrong?” I caught Kavick following my line of vision from the corner of my eye. He spotted Marcus and just raised his mug to his mouth uncomfortably.

“I should go talk to him,” I said in a low voice. I gave him an apologetic look, hoping it would make it a little less rude that I was leaving so soon.

He looked very serious, understanding my situation. He nodded. “Yeah.”

I grabbed one of the straps of my backpack and quickly slid out of the booth. I walked as fast as I could without drawing too much attention to me. Marcus just stood there, still looking hurt and confused. It was like he was in a daze.

“Marcus, I know this looks…uh, weird…” I fiddled with my fingers as I spoke, probably appearing even more suspicious to him.

“Uh, yeah….” Marcus stammered for the right words and pointed to Kavick, so I glanced over my shoulder briefly to see him watching us as he sipped his coffee. When he realized both of us were looking at him he quickly turned away. I looked back to Marcus, feeling like I appeared even guiltier after that. “Did you…?”

I shook my head before he could even finish talking. “No, I didn’t leave you just to go hang out with another friend. I’m not in first grade. I wouldn’t do something so childish to hurt you.”

He grinned, but it was in a bitter way. “But if I never found out, it wouldn’t hurt anyone, right?”

“I was just waiting for my uncle down here, and then Kevin walked in and asked me to sit with him so he could have some company while he waited for Jonathan,” I said in a desperate rush. “Really. I came over here to clear this up, not to do damage control.”

Marcus gave me a puzzled frown. “Who’s Jonathan?”

“The cook. He’s a friend of Kevin’s.”

Marcus just kept giving me a suspicious look. As each second ticked by I felt myself start to bruise under the accusing silence. Finally, I had enough of it. I scoffed and said, “I shouldn’t have to defend myself. I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea, because I care about you and don’t want to see you hurt, not because I have something to hide. Maybe after being with a liar for so long I can understand that you might be a little suspicious of people, but I thought you knew me better than that.”

I took a deep breath to try to calm my nerves, but it didn’t work. I glanced at my watch, seeing that it really was about time for Justin to pick me up. I couldn’t stand to look at Marcus, so I just closed my eyes. “My uncle will be here any minute, so I’m going to just wait outside so you won’t get the wrong impression again.”

I immediately turned around and saw Kavick giving me a panicked look. When I neared his table, he stood up. “Christine, it’s too cold out there. Please don’t—”

“Sorry, Kavick,” I muttered as I kept going for the door. I felt hurt and shocked that Marcus would react so badly. I figured it would be bad, but for him not to believe my explanation was not what I had counted on and it felt like he was breaking my heart all over again. To be so judgmental over such a small thing baffled and hurt me even more.

As I went out the door, I heard somebody call my name, but I wasn’t sure if it was Kavick, or Marcus because of the loud chatter in the diner and the bell jingling above my head. I kept walking anyway.

I walked around the front of the diner so that I was standing at the corner of it. I immediately felt the cold start to eat at my face. I pulled my hood over my head, but the wind blew it back down. I didn’t bother trying again since the wind kept blowing. I just wrapped my arms around myself, tucking my hands under my arms to try to stay warm. I felt like I was about to cry, but I kept myself together well. I had never seen Marcus act like t
hat before, but it was typical Marcia behavior. I hoped the Marcus I once knew wasn’t lost forever because of the damage that girl had done.

I watched a few cars drive through the snowy street, praying Justin would come soon, because even if I didn’t cry, my face was going to be red from the cold, appearing like I had. A few seconds later I heard the bell jingle.

“Christine!”

It was Marcus. I looked at him, more out of a feeling of obligation, because I really didn’t want to.

He still didn’t have a coat or gloves on, so he wrapped his arms around himself like I had. “I’m sorry…” he said breathlessly. I saw his breath come out in a cloud of white. He looked genuinely remorseful. “I’m sorry. You’re right. Maybe I am used to being lied to and manipulated. Even though I caught her cheating on me twice, I still stayed with her until I got that e-mail from you. I’m an idiot, but I do know you better than that. I’m sorry.”

His nose was already turning red and he was starting to sniff. I wasn’t sure if it was from the cold, or if he felt so bad about it that it was
actually moving him to tears. I felt horrible that he was standing out in the cold for me and that Marcia had done that to him. I wasn’t too surprised about her betrayal, though. Charlotte and I had suspected she was a slut by the way she looked at other guys, when she was supposed to be committed to Marcus.

I hugged
him in an effort to comfort him and to let him know all was forgiven. He embraced me, and this time he didn’t let go so quickly. He tightened his grasp on me and I held him.

“I’m sorry,” I said gently.
All the hurt and anger had already started to fade away when I heard his apology. Now I was just left with sympathy for him.

“Why are you apologizing? I was the jerk,” he said in a puzzled voice.

“Because of what Marcia did to you.”

“Oh…” he said with much less emotion. Obviously,
the wound was still healing. “…Thanks.”

A vehicle pulled up then and I looked to see if it was Justin. I was too blinded by the headlights to see if it was him at the wheel or not, but I recognized the blue truck.

“That’s Justin,” I said as I pulled away.

He nodded, seeming a bit embarrassed after everything.

I smiled to try to make him feel better about it. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He nodded again. “See ya.”

As I walked the few steps to the truck, I looked over my shoulder to wave at Marcus, but I caught sight of Kavick watching me through the window. I waved at him, too. He looked extremely serious again as he lifted his hand up to return the gesture. As I got into the truck, I saw Marcus go back into the diner, walking right by the booth Kavick was sitting at. It seemed almost deliberate that they didn’t look at each other. Marcus seemed to be walking fast and Kavick looked down at the table as he drank his coffee.

“That was nice of Marcus to see you out like that,” Justin said, sounding impressed by what he thought was Marcus’ manners.

I decided to play along, so Justin wouldn’t catch on that something had happened. “Yeah, he’s a good guy.”

A
s I thought it over, it appeared to me that the Marcus I used to know was still there after all, he was just hurt and confused. Any girl would be lucky to have him.

“I haven’t gotten to ask you about your birthday with everything happening lately,” Justin said over a bowl of soup. I was secretly grateful that dinner only consisted of soup, bread, and beans.

I lifted my head up from my bowl, giving him my full attention.

“So…what do you want to do?”

It took me a moment to realize what he meant. At first, I thought he meant what kind of dinner I wanted for my birthday since I had just assumed my birthday would be like any other quiet day.

“Oh…uh…we don’t have to do anything. We can just have a dinner, like this,” I said with a smile.

A dinner without meat,
I mentally added. That was something to celebrate in itself.

“C’mon. We’ve got to do something special, and it’s the weekend. Wanna go out to the diner?”

I immediately shook my head. I was sure I would be seeing plenty of the diner in the future. “Let’s just do something fun here.”

And then it hit me. I knew exactly what I wanted.

“Can I invite a couple of friends over?”

“Of course, it’s your birthday!” he said, seeming happy that I was finally giving in to doing something out of the ordinary. “I was already plannin’ on invitin’ Marcus. Who’s the other friend?” He sat his spoon in his bowl of chicken noodle soup to abandon it for our conversation. “The one that showed up the other night…with the hair?” he asked curiously, moving his hand up near his head as he spoke.

“Yeah,” I said, managing to keep from laughing. “His name’s Kevin. Can I have him and Marcus over that day?”

“Anything you want,” he said, smiling again.

I was so grateful to have an uncle like Justin. I felt like I didn’t deserve to have anything I wanted. All I wanted was to have my best friends and my uncle with me.

After dinner, I went into my room as I always did after a bit of TV time with Justin and John, and promptly logged onto the
Internet. Charlotte was on, just as I had expected, and I immediately sent her a message.

Buy a webcam so we can video chat on my birthday.
             

She replied not even five seconds later.

I can’t wait! What time do I need to be on?

I haven’t decided yet. I
t will have to be after Marcus gets off work. I’ll let you know tomorrow.

I’m so excited! I’m going to go buy a camera right now! See you Saturday!

See you!

I turned off my laptop and opened my backpack that was lying beside me on the bed. I didn’t have much homework left, so I finished it while I waited for Kavick. I wasn’t sure if he would show up after
what happened earlier, and then there was the ordeal with Anana he was going through.

At some point, I fell asleep without warning. I hadn’t been sleeping well ever since the Factory. Sometimes, I dreamed I was running through the halls again with that deafening siren blaring in my ears. Other times, I dreamed about Doug in the woods, aiming his hunting rifle at Kavick and me.

Tap-tap-tap….

I woke up and looked over at my window, where I saw Kavick. I quickly got up, glancing at my clock on the way. It was a little after ten-thirty, so Justin was in bed. I was surprised that I had actually fallen asleep before Justin. I could only remember doing that once before.

Kavick quietly climbed through. I was self-consciously running my hands over my hair and face, trying to feel for any imperfections I might need to fix. I couldn’t help but notice that Kavick wasn’t his usual smiling self.

“Hey,” I said in a hoarse voice, and then cleared my throat. “I’m really sorry about earlier at the diner….”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said in a low voice, always mindful of my uncle sleeping down the hall. “You didn’t know he would freak out like that.”

Kavick definitely seemed down, but he didn’t really seem upset. However, his choice of the word “freak” made me wonder if what happened earlier
did actually upset him to some degree. As if Kavick needed another reason to harbor animosity toward Marcus.

“It was my fault, re
ally,” I said, moving my hands feverishly around in the air as I tried to clear up the mess I had created. Kavick didn’t seem convinced at all as he took off his fur and coat. He was wearing another sweater that hung nicely on him. I scratched my head, struggling to find the right words, desperately feeling like it was important that I erase the bad feelings he had for Marcus. “You see…I had taken off from hanging out with him…I left early, and in kind of a rush...then to see me with you, it looked like I was blowing him off to see you.”

Kavick shrugged. “And so what if you were? Sure, it’s not the most considerate thing to do, I guess, but you should be free to have coffee with whoever you want.”

I scratched my head again nervously. For some reason my hands were shaking. I wasn’t sure if he was right or not, because I wasn’t mentally equipped to deal with the task I had assigned myself after having just woken up, or maybe I was getting a little too stressed over it. “Tha-that’s exactly what I mean. It’s not a nice thing to do, so he was rightfully upset….”

“That’s not just it, though,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. “It’s because it was me. You were with another guy, instead o
f
him. I
f
it had been Molly, he wouldn’t have treated you like that. I heard what he said to you and saw how he was acting, and that wasn’t right. He was being way over-protective of you. Territorial is more like it.”

I nodded, finally conceding. “I know, and he apologized for that. I can’t blame him for feeling hurt, though. He said he has—has…
.” For some reason I couldn’t say it, so I twirled my hand in the air stupidly, trying to draw it out of myself.

“Feelings for you,” he finished calmly, trying to help me.

“Yes. Thank you,” I said grabbing my head in embarrassment, wondering why I couldn’t say it. As time drew on, it was becoming clearer that I would have to face the dreaded subject with him, and I still wasn’t coming any closer to figuring out how I felt despite the move Marcus had made on me in his room. It only attacked my nerves more and confused me further. I finally let out a huff, frustrated with myself.

Kavick gave me a concerned look and pointed to the window. “Is now a bad time? I can go…”

“No, no!” I said quickly, taking a step toward him. I took a deep breath and silently told myself to regain my composure and not to let the way Marcus had acted affect me. I had thought quite a bit about it while I had finished my homework and realized, knowing Marcus as long as I have, that he was definitely testing me to gauge my reaction. And, I was pretty sure I had failed miserably and that was probably partly why he reacted so hurt.

“Are you alright? Is something bothering you?” he asked, only looking more worried.

“No,” I said again, not wanting to tell him about Marcus. It was still too fresh and awkward to say out loud.

“You’re tired,” he said, as if he had figured it out. “I should let you go back to sleep.”

“No!” I said, yet again, shaking my head. “I’m fine, really.”

But I wasn’t. I was afraid that every time he came, it would be the last. He had mentioned that he kept changing his mind, so what if he finally gave into the pressure from his brother to marry Anana? He couldn’t be sneaking into my bedroom at night anymore, even though it was innocent. He might even stop talking to me all together. That was my worst fear, but I couldn’t tell him that. It would be like Marcus and Marcia all over again, another friend abruptly abandoning me. It was another thing that was too awkward to say out loud.

I motioned toward the bed and said, “Please, sit down. I have something I want to tell you.”

I smiled, suddenly feeling a little better since I changed the subject. He gave me a perplexed look, but sat down anyway, though very hesitantly, as if the bed was rigged to explode. “Um…okay…?” he said uncertainly.

I smiled widely, unable to hold back my excitement. He instantly smiled back, his mood brightening, as well.

“What is it?” he asked anxiously, like he was itching to find out.

“My birthday is Saturday,” I said, wondering if he could figure it out that he was invited.

“That’s awesome! Happy Birthday…early!” he said, still smiling widely.

“Eighteen!” I said a little more excited. I was finally going to be an adult. It was one more step closer to independence, to not burdening my uncle anymore, and I would be the same age as Kavick. For some reason, that mattered to me.

“Wow! That
is
awesome! Congratulations!” he said, hopping up from the bed excitedly, but immediately sat back down, remembering I had told him to sit down.

“No, you can stand up,” I said quickly, motioning for him to rise.

He stood back up and resumed his celebration. “Yay! So, can you stay out with boys so I won’t have to keep sneaking into your room?”

“Even though Justin told me in the past that I could stay out until twelve if I wanted to, I don’t think he was counting on me staying out with boys. Since Marcus showed up, some things have changed. I don’t want to worry him, anyway. But, that’s not why I said I have good news.”

Kavick immediately became confused. “It’s not?”

“No, it’s that you’re invited to my party, silly,” I said with a pa
t
t
o
his arm. “We’ll get to spend the day together eating cake and stuff.”

His big smile returned. “Awesome!” he said again.

“You really need to come up with a new word.”

“Uh…cool?” he asked cluelessly.

“I guess it will have to do,” I said with an exaggerated roll of my eyes. I couldn’t believe I was in such a playful mood. Changing the subject from Marcus had completely transformed me. I gave his arm playful shove and suddenly he went falling back onto my bed. I gasped, quickly reaching for him. I grabbed his hand, but went down with him. We bounced up from the mattress, the springs creaking loudly. I nearly screamed, still clutching Kavick’s arm. Kavick looked like he was having fun, though. For several seconds afterwards, I was straining my ears, listening to the silence. I was panic-stricken, wondering if Justin had heard anything. The only noise was the muffled laughter from Kavick. He had both of his hands clamped over his mouth.

Finally, I heard a distant snore. I heaved a sigh of re
lief and laid down next to him, exhausted from the stress of the moment.

“I’m so sorry,” I groaned
. “I didn’t mean to shove you that hard.”

“You didn’t,” he said, finally regaining control of himself. “I slipped! My boots are wet!”

I glanced down to see that he still had them on and the soles shined with melted snow. I shook my head, thinking it was just my luck.

He laughed again, finding the whole thing hilarious. He then raised an eyebrow at me. “You know, I’m a little insulted you think I would fall from such a little shove.”

I snorted sarcastically and grabbed my pillow, hitting him in the face with it. “Get over yourself, wolf-boy.”

“You keep calling me names,” he said in a muffled voice. The pillow wobbled over his face and his shoulders bounced as a muffled laugh came out from und
er the pillow. He didn’t even bother removing it.

“Well, you never complained before,” I chuckled, watching the pillow continue to wobble on his face. I was wondering when he was going to remove it. He was probably keeping it there because he couldn’t stop laughing.

His laughter finally died down and he said seriously, “No, I like the names.”

He became still, but never removed the pillow. I wondered if he was trying to tease me again, so I carefully lifted it up from his face, wondering if he was going to jump out at me in an attempt to scare me. Slowly, one blue eye first that just stared back at me, and then another eye along with the rest of his face. He looked so somber for some reason. It caught me off guard, so I didn’t know how to react for several seconds. Finally he said, “It feels really good to laugh, you know?”

I nodded, slowly sitting up, still unsure of how to react. I hoped my silence wasn’t rude.

“Now I only laugh when I do silly stuff with you….” He sat up, too, but rather abruptly. Somehow, without any real change in his expression, he seemed a little sad to me. “It’s also the only time I’m happy.”

“So, you’re happy when I shove you and hit you with pillows?
”
At first I was serious when I said this, since it just slipped out of my mouth, but as I said it I realized how ridiculous it sounded and couldn’t keep from grinning.

We both chuckled and he said, smiling widely at me, “Yes. Somehow your abuse makes me happy.”

“Hey, the abuse goes both ways. You earn your beatings.”

We chuckled again, and when it became silent once more, I decided not to let it linger so he wouldn’t become sad again. “Well, you can always talk about it, if you want.”

Somehow, I didn’t think it would help him, but I felt like I should at least offer it so he would know that I would lend an ear if he ever did want it.