Authors: Ellen Hopkins
Oh, yech. Maybe Brittany
as transportation won’t work
out so well after all. But
one day won’t hurt, right?
Anyway, the bus already
went by. My choices are
limited. “No problem.”
Not Being Top
Of the hour, the radio blares.
Hip-hop, no less. Definitely
not my cup of tea, but hey,
it’s not my freaking radio.
Joel seems to like it. He jerks
his head back and forth till
he looks like a bobblehead
with a really loose spring.
Beside me, Shaun stretches
his legs till his right knee rests
against my left, totally creeping
me out.
Awesome song, huh?
I jerk my knee away from his.
“Uh, sure.” If you like songs
without music. More like ebonic
poetry. Before I finish the thought,
Shaun’s leg has found its way
back to mine. “Need more room?”
Warmer like this, don’t you
think?
Here comes his arm.
I turn and give him my most
evil glare. “What are you doing?”
Nothing.
His arm withdraws, but
only a little.
Thought you’d like it.
Irritation flares, red in my face.
“Oh, really? And why is that?”
He shrugs.
Heard Ian talking.
He said you’re into other guys.
Irritation fans into anger. “Is
that so? Well, you can just tell
your brother for me that I am
most certainly not into other—”
A sudden
thwunk-thwunk-thwunk
interrupts the conversation.
The Toyota yanks itself hard to
the right and Brittany fights
to stay in control.
Oh, man!
I think we’ve got a flat tire.
Flat Barely Describes It
The entire sidewall is gone, what’s
left of the tread part, shredded.
We’re not going anywhere, not on
this tire. “Do you have a spare?”
I dunno, but even if I do, I have
no idea how to change it. Do
you guys?
She looks at the boys,
who shake their heads in unison.
We’re already late for school.
Not much we can do but be
later. “Okay, then. Do you have
like AAA or something?”
I dunno. Oh, wait. My mom
showed me a number to call.
It goes with our cell service.
She leans into the car.
As she roots through the glove
box, I notice cars slowing a bit
as they drive by. Something
about four late-for-school kids,
looking helpless as hell
beside a useless car, barely
pulled onto the shoulder?
Could be it, I guess.
Then again, you might
think one of them would
stop and offer to help.
But no, they cruise on by.
Here it is!
says Brittany,
punching at her cell phone.
Hi. Um. I guess I need help…
er…roadside assistance?
If she giggles one more
time, I’m going to push
her out into oncoming
traffic. We stand, stupid
as hell, waiting for a tow
truck. My teeth chatter,
and Shaun dares to move
closer. Really, really close.
Once again, his arm tries
to slide around my shoulder,
and I shrink from the touch
of his calloused skin. “No.”
What is your fucking problem?
I’m just trying to keep you
warm. Oh, that’s right.
You prefer being frigid.
His Term or Ian’s?
It’s going to bug me all day.
I always thought Ian was on
my side, that he understood,
if not everything, that I am only
lukewarm because I’m damaged.
Frigid? Maybe I am. But why
should it even be a topic
of conversation with Shaun?
Did Ian call me that? And did
he really say I’m into other guys?
Who did he say it to? And why?
Wait…a sudden “aha” strikes.
Madison. Would she have told
him such a thing, sunk so low?
And why would he believe her?
A stronger person would go
straight to the source, confront
him, ask if any of the things
his little brother had to say
could possibly be true.
But I could never do that.
What if I just couldn’t stand
to hear what he had to say?
What if he walked away?
What if I lost him completely?
The Tow Truck Finally Arrives
And I still don’t have any
answers, despite a good forty
minutes, standing here with
nothing else to do but
think.
Shaun finally gave up on me
and moved on to Brittany,
who’s obviously into Joel.
Shaun is a total clod.
How
can he be Ian’s brother?
They’re about the same as
straight sex and gay sex—
some similarities, but
different
in ways that really count.
One thing I do know is that
if Ian deserts me, I’ll never
repair the giant rip in my
life.
I don’t dare let him go.
But how do I keep him
without losing me?
Who knew love
could be
such an enigma?
Life Is Rarely Dull
At the Gardella house.
Kaeleigh was late for school
this morning. Now you might not
think
that should be a big problem,
especially considering she had
what for most would be a good
excuse. But that’s not
how
things work around here. See,
one of Daddy’s friends happened
to drive by the tow truck scene
and notice Kaeleigh. A
different
person might have shrugged
it off completely. Not Hannah,
a nursing student who lives
down the block. I cannot for the
life
of me understand why she felt
the need to call Daddy, but she
did. No surprise it made him
mad. But who knew he
could be
so unreasonable over such
an innocent faux pas?
Kaeleigh Came Home from School
Not particularly worried about the tardy.
Neither Daddy nor Mom (on those rare
occasions she’s around to peruse progress
reports) pays particular notice to stuff
sent home from school. Besides, it was
Kaeleigh’s first tardy. Ever. No big deal.
Not, that is, until she played Daddy’s
message, left both on her cell phone
and on the answering machine at home.
I heard you missed school today in favor
of taking a little joyride with a few friends.
I’m surprised at you. Surprised, and
disappointed. I’d better see you at home
when I get there. You have some explaining to do.
And then you have to decide what your
punishment will be. Make no mistake.
You will be punished. When I ask what
you think is fair, I hope you have an answer.
By the time he was finished, she was shaking.
I tried to tell her not to worry, that he’d cool
off before he got here. But she went to work
scared. And she came home from work scared.
Daddy still hasn’t arrived yet, so she goes
straight to the kitchen in search of consolation.
One of Kaeleigh’s Regular Binges
Is gross. Disgusting. I watch her
and I want to puke. (And often do.)
But this one is unlike the others
I’ve had the misfortune of seeing.
She doesn’t care what goes into
her mouth, as long as it resembles food.
“Stop,” I beg. “Stuffing yourself can’t save
you from whatever it is you imagine
he’s going to do. Please, Kaeleigh.”
But she keeps on shoving stuff into
her mouth.
Can’t eat dinner tonight.
He won’t let me, and you know it.
Maybe she’s right. But I can’t watch
this self-destruction a minute longer.
The Worst Part Is
She does have something to worry
about. So I’ll just have to help
her out. I slip into Daddy’s bathroom,
and this time when I “borrow” his Oxy,
it’s not for me. Okay, one is for me.
The other three are for Daddy.
I can’t slip all three into a single drink
or he’d taste it for sure. This will be
a seduction. One I know he can’t refuse.
He finally roars in, and I’ve already
mixed him a highball, long on Turkey,
short on Oxy. That will change
as the evening progresses. He gives
me a look but takes the drink
anyway.
Thanks. I need this.
Thank God he gulps it down
before turning on Kaeleigh.
Well?
I rush to refill his empty glass,
not 100 percent sure why
I’m trying to save Kaeleigh,
who refuses to save herself.
I hand Daddy the Oxy-tainted
highball glass as Kaeleigh answers,
I didn’t mean to be late, Daddy.
She doesn’t dare look him in the eye.
It’s just that Brittany’s car got a flat,
and we had to wait for the tow….