If Ever I Fall

     If

   Ever

      I

   Fall

         
Erin Trejo

                              
If Ever I Fall

            Copyright 2016 Erin Trejo                                                                                           

                 All rights reserved.                         

             Edited By: Johnna Seibert

            No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system without the prior written consent from the author, except in the instance of quotes for reviews. No part of this book may be scanned, uploaded, or distributed via the Internet without the permission of the author, which is a violation of the International copyright law and subjects the violator to severe fines and imprisonment.

        This is a work of fiction. The names, characters, incidents and places are products of the author’s imagination, and are not to be construed as real except where noted and authorized. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or actual events are entirely coincidental. Any trademarks, service marks, product names, names featured are assumed to be the property of their respective owners, and are used only for reference. There is no implied endorsement if any of these terms are used.

                
          
 
Lane
y
     

How did I end up alone and broken? That’s the question that runs rampant through my mind on a daily basis.

I grew up with a family that didn’t really want kids. I had a brother. Keyword is had.

When I was 6 the drug addicts that were my parent’s blew up their own meth lab in our basement. Luckily for me I was upstairs and only suffered minor injuries. My parent’s and baby brother all lost their lives that day leaving me to become a ward of the state.

I grew up in multiple foster homes but I never was adopted. Who wanted the damaged goods when there were so many “perfect” children to adopt?  I never cared though. I never felt like I belonged with anyone but Mrs. Shaffer.

Mrs. Shaffer was a little old lady that fostered me for many years. She wasn’t rich money wise but she did her best to love me. Her husband passed away and she was a lonely old woman.

I became her company. She did her best to make me believe I was more than just a thrown away child but that never stuck in my head.

I miss Mrs. Shaffer every day of my life. She set me down one day in front of her old broke down piano and left me. She always told me that my mind worked faster than other kids my age. I taught myself to play through listening. I was good at it. I learned to play all kinds of songs and even made my own. I can only thank Mrs. Shaffer for that.

“Are you ever going to get up?” Pulling the blankets over my head, I don’t want to deal with life today, I’d much rather wallow in my own pity under these warm blankets.

“I’m hibernating, Go away.” Steph grabs my blankets yanking them off me as I look over disgusted at her.

“You have to work, Laney Joy! Get up.” Smiling over at the only friend I seem to have these days, I love Steph. Steph and I met at a school function where I work. Her boyfriend is the sexy gym teacher there; although I don’t know why he works there he’s loaded with money.

I work as an assistant music teacher seeing how I never went to college, I just assist.

“Are you going to the party tonight? Brad wants to know how many people I’m bringing.” Steph rolls her eyes making me laugh.

“I guess after I get done at the theater I will.” Cleaning the theater equipment gets me access to play the piano on my own time without annoying anyone else like I do Steph.

“Ok. I will let him know. Get your ass up now.” Sighing, I roll over and climb out of bed.

Making my way into the shower I wash my hair. Looking down at my scared legs makes me sick. I can’t keep a boyfriend because they all feel sorry for me once they see how marred my legs are.

The fire that killed my family caught me at the top of the stairs setting my legs on fire. I was lucky that it didn’t travel over my whole body but the ugliness of what I have to see on my legs is enough for me. I never wear shorts or short dresses, always long dresses or pants.

Climbing out of the shower my phone rings. Answering on speaker phone, I see it’s my latest but surely ending soon boyfriend, Josh.

“Hey you.” I try to sound happy but I know Josh is growing tired of not having sex. I don’t want him to be the same as the others; I don’t want him to look at me different.

“Hey babe. I was thinking I want to go away for the weekend. What do you think?” With a sigh, I knew this was coming. I hate being so ashamed of what I look like under the clothes I cover myself up with.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I have to work.” Wait for it, Laney.

“Laney, I mean, we have been dating for 3 months. You don’t want to stay over; you don’t want me to stay with you. I want to take you places but you never want to go. What is it that you want?” As I brush my hair, I think about that. He can’t give me what I need as much as I wish he could. How can someone give you self-confidence? They can’t.

“You know what. Come over tonight.”  I guess it wouldn’t hurt to see what he says once he sees the real me as much as I hate doing this.

“Yeah? Ok, I’ll be there after work.” With a click he hangs up and my heart speeds up. This is the part of the relationship that I hate, although I have become accustomed to the rejection.

“Did I just hear you invite boy toy over here?” Steph yells through the door before I throw it open, she stands there smiling like a lunatic.

“Boy toy? He is hardly a boy toy but yes. I figured we might as well get this over with.” Walking past her and towards my room, she follows.

“You want to know what I think.”

“No.”

“Laney, you are beautiful. You’re sweet and funny as hell.” When she catches me mimicking her she stops and glares at me. She hates when I do that.

“What? You always give me the same speech, Steph. I never listen.” Shaking her head she throws a shoe at me.

“Fine. I will see you at the party.” Laughing her off I finish getting ready for work.

                                
 
Gavin

Growing up in a small town with a rich bitch of a mother doesn’t leave you with a whole lot of options. Basically you do what she wants when she wants.

That’s how it was and still is for the most part.

I work construction for one of her big companies. She always told me to take the high road and get into college to work the business. I never was the corporate type and I don’t plan on it either.

I like the physical aspects of work, plus it keeps me in shape not that I have to work at all if I don’t want to.

My main goal in life is to get my band up and going. As much as I’d like to say that I do it on my own, my mom funds a lot of it for now. One day my brother Sean and I will get it off the ground ourselves. We are pretty popular locally, but getting our name out there seems to be the main issue.

And that leads us to tonight. I’m being roped into going to the fucking theater of all fucking places to see a guy he knows play the cello. Sean thinks that it will bring a unique vibe to our rock sets.

“You’re not going to act like a fucking prick once we get there are you?” I love when Sean asks me this. I’m not a prick but I’m not a fan of orchestra type shit either. I don’t like the idea of having a freaking cello in our rock band, but I figure what the hell can it hurt.

“Prick? When the hell have you known me to be a prick?” I slide my t-shirt over my head as he shakes his head.

“You’re always a fucking prick. And two, you can’t wear that.” Pointing to my ripped jeans, I follow his gaze down.

“The fuck I can’t. I don’t own a suit and tie.” Slicking my hair back I tie it at the back of my head before grabbing my boots.

“I guess I should be fucking thankful you pulled your hair back.” Sean mumbles as he walks out of my room. I love pissing him off. It makes my whole day. Besides, we live in the same house so it makes it that much easier for me.

After I finish with my ensemble of leather cuffs and jacket, I head out to the living room and laugh.

“You look like a fucking chimp man.” I swear I will never get used to my brother wearing a damn suit and tie. It just looks hilarious.

“Fuck off, Gavin. It’s the damn orchestra; you can’t show up looking like a homeless pimp.” I laugh my ass of that. He has lost his mind.

“You may have the pimp part right. Can we just go? I’m going to Brad’s party later.” Rolling his eyes, Sean walks towards the door.

“You really look like a chick when you roll your eyes like that.” I follow behind him making sure to push every button he has. I’m good at that.

“You’re a fucking idiot, Gavin. No wonder Jenna left your ass.” Low blow, even from him.

“She couldn’t handle the D man.” Climbing in the passenger seat I wonder what would have happened if Jenna stayed. We dated for 2 years before she decided she wanted more. I wasn’t ready for more of anything and I’m still not.

Being completely committed to someone takes some real balls and some strong ass feelings that I just didn’t have for her. Of course I liked her, maybe even loved her but it wasn’t strong enough to marry her.

“Don’t get all quiet on me now asshole.”  I hate being cornered by Sean. I always get the third degree because he is getting engaged. I don’t give a shit about all that. For me to be happy and want to get married the girl has to be something special.

“I’m not. I just don’t want to hear all about love and roses from your punk ass.” Running my hand over my hair, I look out the window.

“Love is from the heart Gavin. In order to love you’d have to first have a heart. I don’t think you have one anywhere inside of you.” Sean laughs but I don’t think it’s that funny.

Maybe he’s right though. Maybe I don’t have a heart.

Pulling up to the theater I ponder that in my head. Could it be possible that I will never love anyone?

“Get your head out of your ass.” Sean slaps my arm before climbing out.

I follow Sean to the door where he talks to the man in the monkey suit. Tuxes have never looked as stupid as they do on that man. He’s so big and bulky almost like a bouncer at a bar.

Shaking my head I follow as Sean waves me on. This is so not my scene and I can already feel the headache coming on.

“How long until this shits over?” Yeah, I’m tired of it already.

                                
 
Laney

Sitting backstage and listening to the incredible sounds flowing from the stage sets my heart on fire. I never knew music could touch someone in so many ways but I feel it.

The way they all work together to make such a breathtaking sound just blows me away.

I watch the conductor in awe as he leads them through the hauntingly serene songs. My mind wanders to all of the what could have been moments as I close my eyes and let the music soothe me.

When it’s over it’s my time. I have always loved the piano since Mrs. Shaffer introduced me to it. It was soothing and calming but it made me feel such intense feelings while I played.

Brad asked me to play a few things at his party tonight and that’s what I wanted to work on. Music just stuck in my head from the time I started playing it and it never left me.

“Laney, how are you?” Sheldon, the conductor smiles as he walks over to me when the show is finished.

“I’m good. Just getting some practice time in.” Sheldon nods before he turns to leave. I blow out a breath I was holding thanking god that he didn’t start on me tonight.

Sheldon is a nice man but he tries to push me into things that I don’t want. He thinks I should go to college and get a degree in music and as good as that sounds, I can’t afford it.

When everyone has left I head out on stage and start to clean up the chairs and stands. I carry each one off the stage and stack them in their designated places. It isn’t hard work and I’m thankful for Corey, the owner for letting me do it in exchange for the practice time. I’m guessing that if Brad didn’t know him it probably wouldn’t have played out the way it has.

I walk back over and sit at the piano. Sliding my hands over the old refinished ivory keys makes my body tingle.

Closing my eyes, I begin to play. I don’t pay attention if anyone’s around and when I’m lost in my own world the way I am, I don’t know the world is spinning.

The song flows out of my fingertips just like it always has. I make a few changes and record them to memory for later. I want all of these songs to be perfect for Brad’s party since he is paying me.

“Who plays that?” A man’s voice startles me. I look down off the corner of the stage to see a hot ass man watching me. His eyes sparkle under the soft lights in the room.

“I do.” Witty little shit I am. I can’t help it when people ask dumb questions.

“I saw that part. Who wrote it?” The slight chuckle doesn’t go unnoticed as he leans against the stage. What the hell is a guy like him doing in the theater? He clearly isn’t into the orchestra.

“I wrote it.” His eyes narrow in on me. Yeah, I’ve seen the look before. They don’t believe I can write music and frankly I find it amusing.

“You’re a little young to write something so hauntingly beautiful.” His words throw me off. I have never heard anyone describe my song like that before. He has it pinned down. The song is a story of my life put to music.

I always thought of the song that way but no one else did until now.

“I’m 23 so I’m not that young, but I will take that as a compliment.” Closing my eyes I finger the keys a little more. I like trying out new chords to mix it up with.

“That was a compliment. I like the first way better.” Opening my eyes again I look over at the devastatingly hot guy still watching me. What the hell? He’s in full stalker mode.

“Well in that case, thank you.”  Deciding I’ve had enough, I start to stand.

“Don’t stop.” My heart slams in my chest as he walks closer to me.

“I have plans. I need to get going.” God, he smells so damn good. What the hell is wrong with me?

“You mesmerize me. No one has ever done that before.”  With his eyes trained on me, I feel myself shiver slightly. Mesmerize? What the hell? I need to get out of here.

“Oh, well I’m sorry to disappoint you but I do have to go.” As I start to turn to walk off the stage, in a hot sweaty mess I see David talking to another guy. This one looks like he was dressed to be here, at least.

“Bye David.” I try to be friendly to all of the people here but some of them are just downright assholes.

“Laney, come here.” I stop and turn back walking over to David.

“This is my friend Sean. He may be looking for a pianist for his wedding.” My heart leaps in my chest. I haven’t played for a wedding before and the thought just sets my nerves on edge.

“Oh my gosh! That is great. Ashley is a great pianist.” I talk up the other girl that plays occasionally with the orchestra, she is amazing.

“I’m Sean. And honestly, I liked your style.” Taking his extended hand, I’m lost. He doesn’t want Ashley?

“Thank you but I don’t play professionally.” Sean’s smile looks a lot like the hot guy that’s wandering around the stage right now. He better not break anything.

“That’s ok. Is there a way I can contact you? We can discuss it later?” Nodding like a complete idiot, I don’t pay attention as he holds his phone out to me.

“Oh, Sorry!” Taking it, I type my name and number in as Sean chuckles slightly.

“Perfect. I will be calling you next week. It was a pleasure to meet you.” Sean smiles as I look over at David’s smiling face.

I mouth him a thank you before I walk off. Holy shit wait until I tell Steph!