If I Can't Have You (28 page)

Dim morning light filtered through the stained-glass windows running the entire length of the inside pool. Adriana walked across the cool tile floor, mounted the diving board, and gripped the edge with her toes. The water looked inviting, cool and refreshing, something to give her the energy that a sleepless night had robbed her of.

Trevor had been on her mind since he’d closed his door on her. Trevor had been on her mind since he’d told her he needed her.

Did he know how much she needed him? Did he have any idea how torn she was inside? Her heart cried out for him, yet her head kept screaming that everything about him was wrong.

Listen to your heart,
he’d told her.

Maggie had said the same thing.

She’d tried. God knows she’d tried. But those old fears were much too strong to fight.

She dived into the water and ticked off laps as she swam back and forth, back and forth, attempting to drive away, her frustration.

Instead, she heard her father’s voice and all those things he’d said to her over the years.

“You killed your mother. She’d he alive if you hadn’t
been born.”
That was one of his favorite mantras when he was drunk.

“Sex is the root of all evil,”
he’d preached the first time he’d caught her with Robbie.

“Being with a man is a sin.”
She hadn’t cared back then. She didn’t know a thing about sex, she just knew that when Robbie kissed her she’d tingled inside.

She should have listened to her father, though. If she had, he wouldn’t have gone into a rage, he wouldn’t have called her a whore, and he might still be alive.

And he’d still hate her.

Adriana swam to the side of the pool, rested her head on the tile ledge, and wept.

“I’m sorry, Daddy,” she whispered. “Please, believe me. I did
n’t think I w
as doing anything wrong.”

She relaxed at the side of the pool for the longest time, then swam another ten laps as she pushed the ache to the back of her mind and heart.

Climbing from the pool, she tugged at her bikini bottoms and started to walk out of the pool room.

“Are you all right?”

She jumped at the sound of Trevor’s voice, and in a dimly lit corner she saw him sitting in just a pair of swim trunks, his legs crossed casually, while his smoldering brown eyes gazed at her.

“Have you been there long?” she asked.

“I couldn’t sleep and thought a few laps would help. I’d just sat down when I saw you walk in.”

“Did you listen to the things I said?”

Trevor nodded. “I watched you swim. I listened to you cry. I heard you tell your father you were sorry. I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but he was
a
drunk, Adriana. I imagine if anyone should be sorry, it’s him, not you.”

“I killed him.”

Trevor came toward her.

She knew she should back away, but she couldn’t
.
Not again.

He pulled her into his arms and held her close. “He had a stroke,” he reminded her. “You had no control over that.”

Adriana looked up and frowned. “How could you possibly know about that?”

“Elliott told me. He told me that your father had accused Harrison of having sex with you, that your father had threatened to leave and take you with him.”

“Harrison never touched me, not that way.”

“Of course he didn’t. If your father had really believed that, if he’d been a good man, he would have taken you away. Instead, Harrison offered him money to keep you here, and he grabbed at it. A good and loving father wouldn’t have done that.”

“He needed the money.”

Trevor laughed darkly. “Your father was a drunk. He was hateful. What else did he do to you?”

“Nothing.”

He tenderly touched her chin. ‘Tell me, Adriana. Elliott said you refused to talk about your father with him or anyone else. You can’t keep it inside forever. Tell me. Maybe I can help.”

How could she tell him? He’d laugh at her for believing her father’s words. No one in their right mind would have believed them, but he’d repeated the words so many times that they were firmly embedded in her mind.

‘Tell me.”

Adriana took a deep breath and turned away, not wanting to look at Trevor as she spoke. “He told me that being with a man is sinful. That sex is—”

Trevor’s laugh interrupted her. How could he mock her?

He circled around her and tilted her chin so she’d look at him. “Kiss me, Adriana.”

She shook her head in spite of the feelings she had inside, a yearning that said
give in to anything he asks.

“Kiss me,” he repeated.

Adriana touched his chest, easing her fingers over his shoulders and wove them through his hair. Standing on tiptoes, she kissed him, soft and gentle and warm
, just as she’d done earlier on
the beach, then backed away.

“Did that feel sinful?” he asked her.

“No.”

Lightly, tenderly, he kissed her eyes, her nose, the hollow beneath her ear.

Her muscles tensed when his fingers slid over her shoulders and caressed her back, stopping at the clasp of her swimsuit top.

“Relax, Adriana. I’m not going to hurt you, I just want to show you that there’s nothing sinful about making love.”

He released the catch and drew the straps down her arms and, as if he knew how awkward she felt, he dropped the bra to the floor and pulled her into his arms.

She could hear him draw in a deep breath as her breasts grazed his chest. Lowering his head, he kissed her gently, and just as gently he smoothed a hand along her side and cupped her breast.

“Does this feel sinful, Adriana?”

She shook her head as tremors raced through her chest, her stomach, the very center of her being.

“Do you trust me?” he asked, and when she nodded, he kissed her again, sweeping her up in his arms.

What was she doing? she wondered again. She’d never been with a man. Not like this. She’d always stopped them after the first kiss, and they rarely came back again. But she’d let Trevor go far beyond
a first kiss, and now she was frightened.

She drew away from his kiss and saw the heat of passion burning in his eyes. She had to tell him. He had to know before they went too far.

“What is it, Adriana?” he asked, his mind so completely in tune with her thoughts.

Tell him the truth, she told herself. The worst that can happen is that he’ll go away and you can go back to your dreams—and an empty heart and empty arms. She took a deep breath, and prayed that he wouldn’t leave when she shared with him another one of her secrets.

“I’ve never made love before.”

His smile was just as warm and tender as his fingers, which waltzed over her skin. “Are you frightened?”

“A little. Mostly that I won’t be able to please you.”

“You’ve pleased me from the first moment I saw you,” he whispered. “Right now, it’s me that wants to please you.”

He kissed her again, just a short prelude to what was still to come.

“I don’t want you to be afraid, Adriana. I don’t want you to worry about doing something right or something wrong.”

He brushed a gentle kiss over her nose.

“Remember how frightened you were going out on the dance floor?”

She nodded. How could she forget even one moment of that night?

“But you enjoyed it?”

She nodded again.

“Making love’s a lot like dancing,” he said, pulling her even closer into his arms. “Just hold on tight, Adriana, and let me lead the way.”

He carried her across the tile, down the hallway, and into the room that had once been Harrison’s.

He laid her in the center of the unmade bed and kissed her slow and easy. It felt so right, so very, very right.

His thumbs lightly circled her nipples as he kissed a trail down to her breasts. His mouth and tongue lingered over each until a soft moan escaped her lips. Her skin tingled. Her heart pounded as he stretched over her and trailed even more warm, feathery kisses down to her stomach.

She felt his fingers slip under the tiny bikini and a tremor of desire rippled through her heart, but that was nothing compared to the jolt of electricity that ripped through her when his tongue swept over her belly.

Her first instinct was to push him away, but he captured her wrists in one hand. His hold wasn’t the least bit tight, and she didn’t bother to struggle. She was his prisoner, whether he held her tightly or not.

He slid the bikini down her legs and her body trembled as his mouth followed the same path. He kissed her knees, her ankles, the arches of her feet.

Her body had never tingled this way, had never been caught up in a torrent of emotions that ran the gamut from wicked to sweet. She wanted to cry, she wanted to laugh, she wanted to pull him into her so she would know what sin was truly like.

“Make love to me,” she whispered.

He was ready, so very ready, but she needed more. She needed his tenderness, his patience, his touch, and he needed to know every inch of her, every hidden spot.

Trevor pulled his swim trunks away. He kissed her mouth again. God, he couldn’t get enough of her lips, her tongue, or any other sweet place on her body. He’d never known desire like this, he’d never wanted to take his time, to explore, to let his need build and build until he couldn’t take it anymore.

His breathing was ragged as he rose up to look into her warm blue eyes.

“Make love to me,” she whispered again.

“That’s what I’m doing, Adriana. Every kiss, every touch.”

Again he tasted her lips, swirled his tongue over her nipples and felt them harden as he moved lower and lower, going back to the beginning so he could slowly enjoy getting to know her needs.

Adriana jerked when he kissed the arches of her feet. She wanted him desperately, but he stayed away, torturing—no, tantalizing her body with his lips, his tongue.

No part of her was safe from his touch, not her toes, not the balls of her feet, not her knees, not the inside of her thighs, or...

Oh, God! She moaned out loud and her hips rose from the bed to meet his mouth. Heat rushed through her along with wave after wave of desire as his fingers grasped her bottom and held her close.

Where was the sin in what they were doing? Her father had been wrong.

When she thought she would erupt with pleasure, Trevor rose above her. They were eye to eye now, and he looked at her, his brown eyes flaming embers. She felt something hard where his lips had been, felt him slide slowly into her, inch by inch by inch. He stopped, gasping for breath, then smiled slowly before he drove into her.

She’d heard about pain, but felt none at all. Only a fullness and a desire to keep him there forever.

He kissed her slow and tender, waiting for her body to adjust to his, then just as slowly, just as tenderly, he moved within her.

The first spasm hit, then the second, and she dug her fingers deep into the skin of his back. His kisses ceased, and he looked at her, fear in his eyes. “Did I hurt you?”

She shook her head. “I never thought...” She gasped for air. “Oh, God! Don’t stop. Please, don’t stop.”

He smiled, took a deep breath, and filled her even deeper, until every nerve ending in his body screamed with pleasure, and his heart swelled with happiness.

With one last thrust, Trevor stilled, and slowly he rested atop her, cheek to cheek, breast to chest. Her legs were twined around him, binding them as closely together as the love they shared. He’d never known the true power of making love. Never known how much better it could be when the heart was just as involved as the body.

This wasn’t instant gratification. This was love, pure and simple, and grander than he ever imagined.

oOo

Trevor yawned and stretched, sliding an arm under Adriana’s just-waking body and pulling her on top of him. “Good afternoon.”

She rested her head on his chest and sighed in frustration. “I didn’t sleep the entire morning away, did I?”

“That and half the afternoon.”

“But there were so many things I wanted to show you today.”

“At one time or another this morning you showed me just about everything I ever wanted to see.”

Adriana lifted her head and looked into his eyes. “You’re very wicked, did you know that?”

“It’s one of my claims to fame. Would you like me to change?”

“Actually, I’d like you to be wicked again. I rather enjoyed it.”

Trevor rolled over and pinned Adriana beneath him. He held her arms at her sides and savored one
small breast and then the other. “Is this what you had in mind?”

“For an appetizer.”

“I take it you’re aiming for a seven-course meal?”

“The more the better.”

Trevor shook his head. “I’ve corrupted you in just one night.”