If Tomorrow Never Comes (Harper Falls Book 2) (24 page)

"You really think you might kill her?"

Alex sighed. "No, but I could do some real damage. I don't know if I could live with myself, Tom. Even one bruise, knowing she got it from me? I just can't take the chance." He scrubbed a hand over his face. "She wants to know why I won't spend the night. Hell, if the situation was reversed, I know she'd tell me. But I just can't seem to do it."

Tom sat for a while, weighing his next words.

"I'm going to say something to you that, if my wife ever heard about, would earn me a month in the spare bedroom."

"That sound ominous."

"Just the truth, but one, if we're smart, we keep from our women."

"But I thought—"

"Ya, ya," Tom said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Always tell the truth, don't keep secrets, the only way to a happy marriage is complete and full disclosure. That is bullshit. Oh, don't get me wrong, my wife and I share a lot. But some things, like what I'm about to tell you, should stay locked away. I mean, do you want to witness what she does behind closed doors every month?"

Realizing what the other man meant, Alex shuddered.

"Exactly. I mean she can send me to the store, I'll buy her whatever she needs, no hesitation. But we don't talk about the details, thank God."

Tom took another mouthful of coffee, pushing the cup away.

"That stuff is bad enough when it's hot. Now, for my bit of wisdom. You're too young to remember this, but around the late seventies men like Alan Alda and Phil Donahue started perpetuating the myth that we men had somehow evolved. We were now allowed to express our emotions, cry at the drop of a hat, and care whether or not the living room was painted eggshell or ecru."

"There's a difference?"

"Hell, if I know," Tom laughed. "But thanks to the
sensitive man
eighties we're supposed to at least show some interest. You know what? I don't care. Like most men, I am still one step away from a caveman, of eating my meat raw, knocking my woman over the head with a club and dragging her by the hair back to my cave."

"Okay," Alex said, drawing out the word. "I can see why you'd keep that theory to yourself."

"Damn straight. And I know it's a bit extreme. But what it comes down to is this. As men, our first instinct is to keep a problem to ourselves. We live by the idea that it will either work itself out or kill us. That's why women live longer. Instead of stewing in their own juices, they take action. To be honest, I don't know why they bother with us. Between artificial insemination and vibrators, we're lucky they let us breathe the same air, let alone share a bed."

Alex's head was spinning. He knew there was some nugget of advice in Tom's roundabout speech, but he wasn't sure what it was.

"So what you're saying is…?"

"Tell her."

"Jesus, really? I mean, no offense, Tom, but you could have saved us both a lot of time and just shared that gem forty-five minutes ago."

"But would you have been as entertained?" Tom just smiled a bit and shook his head. "Like it or not, you only have two options. Walk away or tell her what's keeping you out of her bed."

"I figured that out on my own."

"Now, be honest. You didn't expect some magic fix. You're too smart for that. You needed a sounding board, we gave it to you. And you needed someone to tell you what you already knew." Tom gave a half bow. "You can thank me later."

"Much later," Alex mumbled.

He knew Tom was right—about everything. He'd been using the classified nature of that last mission as an excuse. He wouldn't have to tell Dani anything more than what he'd disclosed to a group of men he'd just met. She deserved an explanation; she deserved the chance to walk away.

"I might lose her."

"Yes."

"Oh, come on," Alex protested. "Lie. Tell me everything is going to work out. Give me
some
hope even if it's false."

"One last bit of wisdom, then I'm done for the night." Tom looked him straight in the eye, completely serious. "No matter what she says, neither of you will know how she will handle it until you try. The first time you wake up in a sweat, yelling at the demons in your head, that's when you'll find out if she can stick by you, no matter what. My wife didn't think she could handle it, but here we are, twenty-five years later, still together."

"Your nightmares, do you still…?"

"They fade, thank God," Tom reassured him. "Though it's different for everyone. Get some professional help, son. It really does help. Keep coming here. For all their joking around, those guys in there are solid—bedrock. You're one of us now and there isn't anything they wouldn't do for you from helping to fix your roof to babysitting, those are your men."

"Babysitting?"

"Hey, Bryon tells a mean bedtime story. Strictly Mother Goose, no Grimm. Now, come on. One more hand and we'll call it a night. My wife expects me home before midnight. It's a good thing," Tom said, giving Alex a friendly pat on the back. "Knowing someone's waiting for you, counting on you to walk through that door every night. There's no feeling like it."

Alex had never thought he'd have that—one woman to come home to. But now he wanted it, wanted to fight for it. He wanted to fight for Dani.

PAPERWORK WAS A necessary evil. Alex could have been doing a dozen different things. Something always needed repairing, he had a backlog of calls to return not to mention keeping his own body in shape so he could properly train the security guards under his supervision. When it came down to it, the world was run by making reports and filling out endless forms. No matter how you tried to get around it, you always found your ass in a chair, at a desk, pen in hand.

For all that he couldn't complain. His morning had started out fine indeed. First thing, he'd called Dani and made arrangements to meet for breakfast. No heavy revelations on the menu, just coffee, and pastry.
A Taste of Doug And Honey
was another in a long line of strangely cute named businesses that littered the streets of Harper Falls. When he asked Dani about it, she just shrugged and told him nobody knew when or how it started. There was no law, no town ordinance. People liked it and new entrepreneurs tended to stick with the theme, trying to out do the last guy by thinking up the cleverest name. Some worked, some were truly groan-worthy. Either way, the puns just kept on coming.

Luckily Alex didn't have to like the name to enjoy the food. All bakeries smelled good, it was a given. Not all lived up to the aroma—this one did. Dani ordered a twisty, nut-covered confection that he couldn't pronounce and a cup of something that was so complicated he didn't know how the barista kept it straight. He opted for a flaky apricot filled croissant and Columbian coffee. Dani chided him for being unimaginative, then proceeded to eat most of his while ignoring her own.

"I'd be happy to buy you one."

Dani gave him a wide-eyed, innocent stare, then popped the last bite of his breakfast into her mouth.

"I couldn't eat another bite." Her tongue slipped out to lick a crumb from her lower lip. Alex followed the movement, unable to decide if he wanted to be the crumb or the lip.

She hadn't been trying to be provocative, but the end results were just as satisfying. Suppressing a smile, she reached for his coffee. Hers was too sweet.

"So how did the poker game go?"

Alex signaled the waitress, ordering another coffee and croissant.

"Good. They're a great bunch of guys and I pretty much broke even."

"And did you and your new pals swap stories about all the babes you conquered in your misspent youths?"

"There was a bit of that." Alex slapped her hand away when she reached for his newly delivered pasty. "They were all impressed that I could get someone like you to even give my the time of day."

"You talked about me?"

"Some. Open." Alex fed her a bit of flaky goodness, the light lick of her tongue his ample reward.

"Mmm." Dani sighed. It tasted even better from Alex's fingers. She leaned closer, lowering her voice, a teasing glint in her eyes. "I hope you bragged up my blowjob. A girl can never have too much oral skills cred."

"Ya," Alex laughed, "not going to happen. But if you insist on running off that dirty little mouth of yours, I have a place where you can put it to better use. In fact—"

"Alex. Hey, you in there?"

It took him a few moments to realize where he was—in his office, no longer with Dani. The voice yelling for his attention? Jack. He'd gotten so wrapped up thinking about blowjobs and the mouth that so expertly gave them, that he hadn't even noticed that he was no longer alone. The fist knocking on the side of his head brought him back to reality very quickly.

"Hey, watch it. That ham hock of yours can do some damage."

"Your head is too hard for any injury to be life-threatening," Jack assured him. "So, tell me. Why the zone out? Fantasizing on company time? I know Rose has sent me there on more than one occasion."

"It wasn't a fantasy, and it sure as hell wasn't about Rose."

"I should hope not." Jack laughed. "So, not a fantasy. Spare me the details, but just what did you get up to this morning? I thought you only met for breakfast."

Alex wasn't about to tell Jack how close he had come to grabbing Dani and ducking into the bakery's bathroom. It had been a near thing, but the thought of getting arrested for public indecency was just enough of a deterrent.

"Let's just say Dani has a way with words and leave it at that. Now, tell me, was there a reason you needed to beat on my head, or was I just your mid-morning entertainment?"

"Right." Jack suddenly turned serious. "What I'm about to tell you is strictly need to know. That means you and me, no one else. Especially not Rose or Dani."

Jack was the easiest going guy he had ever known. It was rare for him to get this serious, it made Alex sit up a little straighter and pay extra close attention.

"Not a word, I promise. What's going on, Jack?"

"Drew is going to be out of the country for the next week or so."

"Okay, and this is a problem?"

"You know he has an extensive car collection." When Alex nodded, he continued. "What you don't know, what no one but me knows, is that he races. And I don't mean organized indy or stock car. I'm talking crazy, dangerous, no rules, no holds barred shit."

Alex had heard about those races where it was literally survival of the fittest, no stopping for dead bodies, you just drive over them and head for the finish line.

"How long has he been into that shit?"

"As long as I've known him." Jack paced back and forth. Then stopping in front of the window, pointed. "Harper House. It couldn't have been easy, an only child with a mother like that. And then when things blew up with Tyler, I don't know. It isn't a death wish; I'd tie him down and get him professional help if I ever thought that. But every now and then he needs to break loose, and those races are his way."

"How often?"

"Back in college, when money was tight, he'd take his old beater out every other month or so. Usually when he'd hear about a race that was close enough to get there and back during the weekend. But he'd tapered off. In fact, this is the first time since we've been here in Harper Falls. I don't think I have to tell you what set him off."

No, he didn't have to tell him. Regina Harper and her vendetta against Tyler Jones had reached a new low yesterday. Alex and Jack had dealt with some of the fallout, but it must have driven Drew crazy knowing he wasn't welcome—he couldn't comfort his woman because she wasn't his.

"Poke your head in his office when you get the chance," Jack said. "It looks like a cyclone hit. I've got cleaners coming in tomorrow. Other than some hard drives, the place is a total wash. I just want to make sure it's fixed up by the time he gets back."

Alex noticed Jack didn't say
if
he got back, though the thought must have gone through his mind every time Drew took off. The man's head was messed up. There was no anticipating what that would lead to.

"He must be good. You have to be to even enter those races."

"When we were first starting out in Los Angeles, Drew got some jobs as a stunt driver. He could have made a living at it. Have you ever seen
Underground
?"

"Of course," Alex said. The movie had been huge about five years ago. That summer you couldn't go anywhere without some kind of advertisement touting it as the biggest blockbuster in a decade.

"In every big chase scene, Drew was behind the wheel of one or more those cars."

"That amazing. I've never seen driving like that, even knowing how they edit and use special effects. It's damn impressive. I don't have to tell you he knows what he's doing."

"Stuntmen die, Alex. With every precaution taken, state of the art equipment, billion dollar budgets, every now and then, those guys still die. What Drew does has no script. No one's watching his back out there, wherever he is. If anything, those bastards are
trying
to make him crash."

"So, what can we do?"

"Nothing, that's the worst part." Jack looked at Alex, his blue eyes bleak. "If something were to happen, I probably wouldn't find out for several days. So I just wait and try not to worry too much."

"I can see why you don't want Dani and Rose to know."

"I couldn't ask Rose not to tell Tyler, and I'm sure Drew wouldn't want her to know. Though he's convinced she doesn't care, I don't want her to know because I'm positive she does. The fewer people who have to spend the next week worrying, the better. I only told you because, well, you know."

Ya, he knew. Alex walked over to Jack and clamped a hand on his shoulder.

"Can I just add without getting too mushy? If you need to talk or just hang out, don't hesitate. We can even do a sleep over. I've got plenty of empty cots."

"Jesus, what are we twelve?" Jack grinned, grateful to Alex for breaking the somber mood. "But thanks, man, really."

Alex watched as Jack left, heading down to the gym to work off some of his worries the only way he could, and even though he hadn't said it, anger. How could you not be mad when your friend was deliberately putting himself in needless danger? There had to be a better way to vent, one that didn't leave other people afraid for your safety.