If You Still Want Me (16 page)

I take a step back. Vickie's hand grasps my arm.
It stings my heart and I shrink away from her touch.

"I wanna go home, Austin," I mumble, seeking the
shelter of his arms.

"Not yet," he holds tight but won't let me run.
"Victoria, we should talk."

"We should," she agrees then talks over he
shoulder. "Dr. Knight, thanks for having breakfast with us, and
we'll see you at the hospital later. Tell Tabi she's not to have
that baby until we get there."

Doctor? Baby?
Ah,
hell...

"Yes, ma'am," Mr. Tall, er, Dr. Knight replies.
I glance up and he's lookin' at me with concern. "Sorry for any
misunderstanding. I did ask Victoria for a date, but she said she
was already taken."

"She was," I say meekly, my eyes finally meeting
hers. "But she broke up with me two days ago."

"
What?
" Elijah and Joey both
say at the same time.

"Mercy," Victoria huffs, her eyes to the sky.
"What a damn mess. Alright, everyone inside so we can talk without
the whole neighborhood watching."

Mercy.
I've done it
this time. My heart is still recovering from the shock of seeing my
SUV pull into the driveway and the sound Saul made as he
asked
why.
I've only heard him cry
like that once before, and I swore to God I'd protect him from ever
making a sound like that again - like his entire soul was
dying.

I swore to God, and then I went and hurt Saul
myself.

I thought I was doing all the right things;
trying to get Saul and Austin together. I thought it was the only
way... But, now I know I was just being a damn coward.

As everyone sits down in the living room, my
eyes fall on my dad. I'd been stalling. I'd been deceitful. I let
my fear come between me and what was right. I'd stopped
reaching.

"I'm sorry," I start first then glance to Saul.
His eyes are on the floor but his hand is holding onto Austin's for
dear life. Austin meets my gaze head on, and I can tell right away
those two have found their way. "I've made such a mess of
things."

"I don't understand," Daddy says. "You broke up
with Saul? Is this because of what I said? Of those fake date
set-ups? God forgive me, I was just trying to push you, princess,
and maybe push Saul into finally asking you to marry him, not tear
you two apart."

Damn.
That's something
else I haven't told him.

"I did," Saul sniffles. "I asked her to marry my
sorry ass, but she done turned me down." His body stiffens. "Sorry
for my language, Reverend."

"That's alright, son," Daddy
reaches over and pats Saul's knee. "So, you
did
ask? After I gave you permission, I kept hoping,
and praying..."

That's news to me. "You asked him for
permission?"

"'Course I did, Vickie," his green eyes flick up
to me then back to his feet. "It's only right I should make sure
yer dad thought I was good enough for his daughter. He said yes,
surprisin' the hel..ck outta me, an' I asked you the next day 'fore
he could come to his senses."

Daddy looks up at me, even
more confused. "And you said
no
? I
thought you wanted to be with him."

"I do." My heart stammers
under his stare. I can see he's a bit hurt, like Austin and Saul.
My fear has hurt so many people. "I love him. I-" I kneel down in
front of Saul, trying to find his eyes through his mess of blonde
hair. "I
love
you, Saul. I just
thought I was doing the right thing for you, and for
Austin."

"Austin?" Daddy asks and I cringe slightly.

"Sir," Austin reaches behind Saul's stooped back
and he shakes hands with Daddy. "Wish we could meet under different
circumstances. I'm..."

But he doesn't take that next step. Uncertainty
floats through his expression as he looks back at me. With a deep
inhale, I step up to the edge and prepare to jump.

"He's my boyfriend," Saul replies first,
knocking the wind out of me. "I love him, Reverend, as much as I
love yer daughter. I know it's complicated, but I love them
both."

"And I love them both," Austin adds.

Daddy blinks with his mouth hung slightly open
as Joey clears his throat at me. Both my boys are being so much
braver than me. I have so much to make up for with them. "And I
love them both, Daddy."

Daddy's mouth shuts, then
opens, then shuts again as he scratches his head. I can see him
thinking things over. He
always
thinks before he speaks, and it gives me hope that he can
accept this.

He looks from Austin to Saul then to me. "Then
why'd you break up with him?"

I place my hand on top of where Saul's hand is
laced together with Austin's. "I thought it could be the push they
needed to find each other."

"And it was," Austin puts his other hand on top
of mine and squeezes. "Thank you. But, I couldn't leave you and
Saul unsorted, so I made the decision to drive down here. We tried
to call, but-"

"My dang phone is on silence," I sigh. "Been
that way since we were stuck at the hospital last night."

Saul's eyes meet mine. "Tabi?"

"Yeah. She's having her baby. It's a bit early,
but-"

"Probably my fault," Joey sighs then half smiles
at Saul's curious glance. "I finally came out to Pops last
night."

"Oh," Saul's eyes go wide as they look towards
Daddy.

"Yeah," Joey scratches the back of his neck.
"Queen Tabi didn't take the news too well, then her water
broke."

"That wasn't your doing," Daddy says. "Babies
just come when they're ready." His eyes glance back to Saul and
Austin. "I don't... That is..." He sighs. "I'm an old man from a
different time, but I'm also a man who worships a loving God. I
can't judge you nor my own son without there being stones cast in
my direction."

My breath hitches. Could it
possibly be that easy? Could this man, whom I respect beyond words
and emotions, be so loving he'll accept me? Accept
us
?

"Daddy-" My words are cut off by the phone
ringing from its charger on the table next to Daddy's chair.

He reaches for it, glances at the caller ID then
answers. "Mornin' Ruthy. ... Oh? ... Is- ... Calm down, sweetie,
we'll be there soon. ... Love you, too."

He hangs up and starts to stand, with both Joey
and Saul hurrying to help him. "We gotta get to the hospital.
Something's wrong with the baby, and they're taking Tabitha into an
emergency C-section."

"I'll drive," Austin offers.

Daddy nods in appreciation, but his eyes are
ghosted with worry as we pile into my SUV. He's quiet the whole way
as I hold his hand, but I know he's praying hard inside. Without
argument, he lets Austin drop us all off at the front and even lets
Joey coax him into a wheelchair so we can rush up to the maternity
ward. His independence is part of his pride, but nothing,
especially not pride, ever gets between him and his children.

"Ruth Anne?" Daddy calls down the corridor as we
wheel him towards the waiting room. Ruth is in the hallway, pacing
up a storm with two strollers parked a few feet away.

"Oh, thank you, Jesus," she hiccups, and I can
see her desire to run towards us, but her feet stay firmly planted
near the strollers. Jonah starts to cry a bit, so I speed up to
help Ruth with him. Tessa is fast asleep despite all the
racket.

"Michael couldn't get off
work," Ruth says as she picks up Jonah from the stroller and
anchors him to one hip. "Everything was fine - me and Jerry playing
with the babies and letting Tabitha get some sleep, then there was
all these alarms and doctors and nurses runnin' and... Lord in
Heaven, Jerry
knew
it was Tabi. Few
minutes later they rushed back by with Tabi on a
gurney."

Joey offers to take Jonah much to Ruth's tired
relief. "She in surgery now?"

"She is. Haven't seen Jerry or heard any updates
yet. I... I didn't want to bother the doctors and... Saul?"

"Hey, Ruthy," Saul smiles then takes Ruth's
offered embrace. "Good to see you."

"You too, sugar," Ruth squeezes him hard like
she always does while giving me a curious glance over his shoulder.
That reminds me that I'll have to have a talk with her, and
eventually Tabitha, once the water calms. Adding to this, Austin
trots up as Ruth relinquishes her hold on Saul.

"Ruthy," Saul takes Austin's hand. "This here's
Austin."

"Ma'am," Austin tips his Stetson at her.

"Ruth Anne is my baby sister," I feel the need
to explain as Saul takes my hand, holding onto both of us now.
"Ruth, Austin is-"

"Reverend Harris?" Dr. Knight saves me from
having to add fuel to the chaos.

"Calvin!" Daddy sits up straighter in the
wheelchair. "How're my girls?"

Calvin looks a bit ruffled, as if he'd been
running laps around the hospital. "I got here just as they were
wheeling her in, but I got an update from Dr. Browne. The baby got
her umbilical cord wrapped around her neck. This happens sometimes
with an early water break, so we're going to do a C-section to help
Tabi and the baby out."

He pauses for an inhale, then smiles. "They're
going to be just fine, Reverend. It looks like they caught it in
time where there shouldn't be any issues with the baby's health.
We-"

"Dr. Knight?" An older woman in scrubs calls as
she approaches.

"Here, Dr. Browne. This is the family for Mrs.
Harris-Witt."

"Ah, good," the woman smiles. "Congratulations -
it's a healthy baby girl! And a big girl, too! Eight pounds, five
ounces. No wonder she wanted out of her momma so badly!" Dr. Browne
chuckles. "Mrs. Harris-Witt is sedated right now, and a very elated
father is with the baby. Would you all like to see the baby
girl?"

"Yes!" is the elated consensus, Ruth breaking
into tears.

We're ushered down the hall to a larger private
room divided by a curtain. I can see socked-feet on the other side
of the curtain, recognizing Tabi's secret addiction to toed-socks.
A hush falls over us as Jerry comes around the curtain holding a
large bundle in his arms along with a huge grin plastered on his
face.

"I got me a new baby girl!" he whispers, his
eyes wet with tears. He presents the baby to Tessa first, who
reaches for the bundle curiously. "This here is your new baby
sister. Say 'hi' to Tori."

Tessa gurgles, with an
attempted word, while I try to come to terms with what I just
heard. I feel hands gasping my shoulders;
Austin;
and an arm looping through mine;
Saul
; and I've never felt so much
joy
. My whole heart is filled with it, and
it leaks out as a tear sliding down my cheek.

"Tori," Jerry whispers to the baby, "this here
is your Grandaddy. He's gonna spoil you rotten and teach you all
about the Lord upstairs."

"She's beautiful," Daddy chokes out while
digging out a handkerchief from his pocket.

Jerry stands back up and takes Tori to Joey and
Ruth, who are both rubbing their eyes. No one is safe from the
contagious sniffles. "This here is your Uncle Joseph - he's a real
joker who'll teach you how to laugh. Your Auntie Ruth, well, she's
a smart woman who teaches school. She's gonna teach you to be
smart, too."

"That I will," Ruth tickles the baby's noise
then hiccups. "Soon as I stop crying."

All smiles follow the baby as Jerry stops in
front of me, with Austin still at my back and Saul right by my
side. "Hope you don't mind the name," he ventures. "Ruthy and Tabi
- was their idea and I'm happy as a lark to have another "T" in the
family."

"I-" a sob chokes me.

"Tori," Jerry whispers so softly, we all lean in
to hear it. "This here is your Aunt Victoria, your namesake, and a
woman whose strength has always helped hold our family together.
May she teach you to be that strong."

"I promise," I whisper back, holding a hand near
the baby, but not touching her. I've never been comfortable
handling babies. None of that matters as the tiniest little hand
I've ever seen reaches up and grabs my finger. If it weren't for
Saul and Austin holding me up, I might be on my knees.

"I think she approves," Jerry winks then looks
up to Austin then Saul. "Saul, good to see you."

"You, too, Jerry. Congrats on your baby girl.
She sure is pretty."

"Thank you," Jerry beams as I'm still trying to
gather myself.

"This is Austin," Saul introduces as I continue
to have trouble with my words. "He's..."

But Saul hesitates, just like Austin had. The
three of us haven't even labeled it yet, much less figured out how
to explain it to the mainstream population where pairs are the
approved norm. All I know for certain is that I love them both.
Saul has always been mine, and now Austin is...

"Ours," I hear the word leave
my mouth then see the confusion on Jerry's face. I glance to Ruth,
but she seems to already get it. "He's Saul's and mine. We're...
The three of us are in a committed relationship," is the best way I
can think to explain it without using the sexually charged
'
we're a threesome
' description or
the clinical
polyamourous
label
they may not understand.

"Oh," Jerry's brow skews, then
relaxes as his eyes go wide. "
Oh...
Well, uh, in that case," Jerry inhales then smiles openly.
"Welcome to the family, Austin."

Austin's fingers dig into my shoulders and I
hear him clear his throat. Glancing up, I see water in his eyes,
washing away the remaining uncertainty. Saul's sporting a huge,
prideful smile as he leans into both of us.