Ignite (12 page)

Seven

Jaxon kept to his promise. He found us a small one bedroom apartment within walking distance to my university. He also found a job as an Apprentice Mechanic at a car garage, and although I knew it wasn’t something he had ever intended on doing, he was happy.

             
We enjoyed our last summer at Gosnells with smiles on our faces, kicking back and relaxing in each other’s arms, enjoying every second of what was developing between us. What we had was intense, and we quickly realized that after our first night together. We were inseparable, and wanted as much physical contact as possible. “Honeymoon period” they called it, only it never died down.

             
I didn’t have to tell Lucinda about us. I vaguely remembered the door opening that morning after Prom. She would have seen us embraced in each other’s arms, naked and covered in many questionable marks. I didn’t have the energy to open my eyes, and was still in a state of bliss, half asleep and cocooned in Jaxon’s arms. She must have stood there for ten long seconds before turning back and closing the door as quietly as she had come in.

             
I knew it wouldn’t bother her, that she took me as the only person that could ground Jaxon and put him on the straight and narrow. She loved me, and although she was ecstatic at our coming together, I felt her eyes on us on several occasions. Always deep in thought with dead eyes and a still mouth, it was like she could see into the future at an impending doom bound our way. We’d lock eyes every so often, and she’d give me a sad smile. I would have done anything to know what she was thinking.

             
We finished our summer quietly, in each other’s arms, eating good food and listening to Lucinda’s constant pleading to not forget her. We promised her we’d come down every holiday, and that we weren’t far away. It was a three hour drive, after all.

             
Then we packed our things into Jaxon’s latest car: a more reliable white Toyota four wheel drive that he said would easily see us to and from Winthrop and Gosnells. It was an older model with huge wheels and a roof rack for strorage.

             
After our heart felt good bye with Lucinda, we excitedly climbed into the car and made our three hour trek eating chocolate bars and listening to music. We had giddy smiles on our faces. This was the start of a new chapter, a life of our own. This was independency and we were going to do it together, as a couple.

             
The city was huge and the population of two million were bustling outdoors in the heat. I couldn’t wrap my mind around all this activity. It was so unlike the quiet life in our redneck town. Jaxon knew his way around. He’d done the arrangements online, but his navigation skills were exceptional working off a map he’d only just bought.

             
Our apartment building was in a nice area, but the building itself was a lot older than the others on the busy street. Still, coming from the projects, this was fan-fucking-tastic. Our unit was small, and easy to work with. We had our living room that was a decent size, a tiny kitchen, and a pretty accommodating bedroom with a nicely renovated bathroom that had a separate shower stall and tub.

             
“Do you like it?” Jaxon asked me as I made my way out of the bathroom and into the bedroom.

             
“I love it,” I answered before eyeing a queen sized bed. “What’s with the bed?”

             
“I ordered it last week and asked the landlord if he could be around for the delivery. I paid them extra to put it together.” He dropped the duffel bag of his stuff on the ground and jumped onto the bare mattress, spreading his arms and legs out.

             
I giggled and slowly made my way over. “I thought we were going to be sleeping on the ground the first couple days.”

             
“My girl will never sleep on the ground. Your comfort is my number one priority, Tiny.”

             
I raised my eyebrows, unable to fight my goofy grin. “So it wasn’t to bang the shit out of me as soon as humanly possible?”

             
He suddenly grabbed me by the hand and hauled me down on top of him. He was smiling like a kid, placing a hand on each of my ass cheeks. I was wearing tiny shirts, and his fingers moved beneath the thin fabric so that he was also feeling said ass cheeks.

             
Looking up at me with innocent, big blue eyes, he asked, “Now why on earth would you automatically assume my intentions to be dishonourable?”

             
“Because you’ve got your hands on my ass,” I responded, rubbing my nose on his.

             
“And may I say that your ass is scrumptious and irresistible; it’s not my fault I can’t keep my hands off of you, especially when you’re wearing this ridiculously hot underwear.”

             
“They’re shorts, not underwear!”

             
“They’re so tiny, they may as well be. You know, you’re lucky I’m not one of those possessive assholes that don’t let their girls strut their stuff in these kinds of booty shorts.”

             
“And you’re lucky I don’t want a possessive asshole to care about me flaunting my cleavage. Chicks seem to dig that shit lately. You should catch up with the times –” He cut me off with a long, breathless kiss.
Fuck, this guy can kiss.

             
His fingers continued roaming up my shorts, gripping me tightly against him. “I think we should christen our bed in our new apartment,” he murmured against my lips. “What do you think, Tiny?”

             
I made a sound of approval. Sex with Jaxon was my favourite and most coveted pastime.

Between school and Jaxon’s work, we had every night and weekends to ourselves. I couldn’t help but feel like it was a priority to get a job to help our situation a little better, but Jaxon was adamant we make the most of our time together until his money ran out. He was making fuck all as an apprentice, and the hours were from eight in the morning until five in the afternoon. He came home sweaty, dirty and tired, but always smiling when he saw me.

             
I made some friends at school, but one in particular just clicked. Alexis Tennant was a dark skinned, thin girl with the biggest booty you’d ever seen. She had dreadlocks, big lips, and intense green eyes that you couldn’t help but feel intimidated by. This chick had attitude, and it screamed off of her with just a look in your direction. It was an unlikely match, her and me, but it all started in law class where I was secretly munching on a bag of Skittles. She had been seated next to me and, upon hearing my chewing, made the most unpleasant and irritated sound.

             
“Some of us are trying to fucking listen,” she hissed at me, eyeing me with those scary green eyes.

             
“And some of us are trying to fucking eat,” I hissed back, darting her with my own look of intimidation. Living with Jaxon and dealing with his mannerism toward people in general had given me a bit of an edge. I took no shit from anyone.

             
She eyed me for a moment, curiosity getting the better of her. “If your skinny white ass is gonna fucking eat and make that kind of fucking noise, then pass me some of that shit too. I’ve eaten nothing but a fucking banana in the morning because my boyfriend’s a douchebag who eats my shit.”

             
I fought a smile. Smiling would deflate the situation and give me less of that edge. I handed her a handful of Skittles and we munched back on them during the entire two hour class.

             
“Did you want to grab some lunch?” I asked her on our way out. “Considering we’re starving to death and all.”

             
“Chick, you had me at hello. Let’s go.”

             
Despite her hard-assedness, Alexis – or Lexi as she would have preferred anybody call her– was the most hilarious chick I’d ever met. That girl’s humour had me in stitches, and she was so damn honest and down to earth, and
real
, I was in love with her by the end of lunch.

             
She was studying law like me, and we became study buddies; she was often over at my place every other day before Jaxon came home. Sometimes she’d stay when he came around, but that guy loved his privacy and wanted to jump me the second he got out of the shower. He looked at Lexi as a hindrance to his pleasure time than actual good company, and was always ushering her out the door.

             
“I’m in the middle of a fucking conversation, Jaxon,” she’d argue as he grabbed her by the arm to steer her out.

             
“I know, and I should be in the middle of fucking my girl, but you don’t see me bitching about it,” Jaxon would respond.

             
“Man, you and my boyfriend would get along like a house on fire.”

             
They did. When she brought Trevon around, Jaxon and him hit it off sharing their passion for motorbikes and cars. They’d stay up until the wee hours of the morning watching motocross or playing cards. This was good because it meant Lexi and I had time to do our own thing, like study or go out to the shops.

             
I didn’t know how we were going with our money. Jaxon gave us a strict budget for food and things I’d need. I never went without, and he was more than happy to spoil me with my very own allowance that I could splash out on for dinners with Lexi or clothes. He never told me how much he had stuffed away, and I didn’t want to ask despite desperately wanting to know. That money was dirty, and I wanted to be ignorant of it at all costs in fear of getting shitty at Jaxon for his old ways.

             
But he’d made our apartment into a home, furnishing it with a couple couches, a big television, kitchen utensils, and wardrobes. He let me do the finishing touches, hanging up photos of us around our place, and other tiny additives that spoke of us.

             
Time flies when you’re having fun, and that first year did. It was filled with love and fun, and though there was the usual stress that comes with Uni and exams, it was overshadowed by the good things in life: Jaxon, Lexi, and a city I had fallen in love with.

             
When we returned to Gosnells briefly on our holidays, I never stopped by my old house. I closed the chapter of that life the night I was thrown down the stairs. I never knew if the monster stuck around with Mom, but I also realized it didn’t matter anyway. I was too absorbed in my new life to care about it anymore. I convinced myself that Mom had chosen that life, and would never change.

             
Lucinda was doing fine, and when we returned during the second Christmas holiday, she had a guy living with her. Mark was…nice, though quite reserved and quiet. Jaxon hated him right off the bat, but that was to be expected, and Mark seemed to be well aware of the animosity; as if he was forewarned, which I’m sure he was.

             
Regardless, Lucinda seemed happy with him, and that was all that mattered to me. The stay was short, and it was awkward with Jaxon giving him death glares every chance he got, but we ate good food, enjoyed our small presents, and took tons of photos as a family. It really struck me right then and there just how much these two people meant to me. Lucinda had taken me in with open arms as a child, and she had been my mother in every way my own mom wasn’t. I dreaded to think what life would have been like without her.

             
But the change had occurred toward the end of that Christmas break before our way back from Gosnells. After a laid back week catching up with Lucinda, she had drilled into me the need for independency. She’d said things that altered my perception, and I believed she did it out of love.

             
“I know how close you and Jaxon are, Sara,” she’d said when we were alone one evening. “I’ve been there with Jaxon’s father.” Lucinda never talked about Jaxon’s father, so this got my attention. “We were very much in love, but I was dependent on him, and when he unexpectedly left me, I had to start from scratch. I was four months pregnant with Jaxon with no plans, no education, nothing under my belt to carry me through. It was hard. I trusted him, and he used to tell me how much I was his everything. For him to go against everything I believed in, it was a shock and a heart break that I would do anything to prevent you from ever experiencing.

             
“I love Jaxon with every fibre of my being, but he’s going to make mistakes, and I don’t want him to have the power to hurt you like his father hurt me. You need to take care of yourself. You’re young and you’re learning, and that combination in a relationship can be toxic. Look after yourself first and foremost, and listen to your head more than your heart.”

             
Listen to my head more than my heart? I slept on that thought nestled in Jaxon’s arms. It kept me up most of the night. I wished I knew what happened between Lucinda and Jaxon’s father. What would have caused someone in a loving relationship to just up and go? That would never happen to Jaxon and me. He was so deeply in love with me, wanted me every moment I was around him, it was impossible he would follow in his father’s footsteps. Right?

             
I fought tears when I realized I was exactly in the same position as his mother. Vulnerable of heart ache, I’d willingly given Jaxon my heart without even thinking of what it might cost me. Stupid, foolish girl! How could I be so naïve? She was right. I was going down the same road she did allowing someone else the complete control of my affections. I couldn’t be that way anymore. I had to preserve a piece of myself in case he did hurt me.

             
Right before we left, Lucinda gave me a hug that lingered longer than usual. It was as if to say, ‘In case I don’t see you again, I love you.’ But of course I would see her again. This shift in her pulled on my heart strings and had me gulping back a sob. What was her problem?

             
Jaxon, oblivious to our chat and to this change in behaviour, gave her a hug, glared at Mark one last time, and jumped into his seat, holding my hand after he started the car and began our journey back to Winthrop. He was a bright star, raining his shine down on my mood and lifting me up to his level, making me forget the sad goodbye Lucinda had given me.

             
In hindsight, now that I look back on it, that ride home was the start of our tumultuous relationship. It literally began when I opened my mouth and declared, “So I’ve been thinking, I get a few nights a week free, and I want to put them to good use. Figured it would be time well spent if I landed a job and started making my own money.”

             
I looked over at Jaxon and studied his expression. His eyebrows scrunched together in thought, and then he leaned over and turned off the radio. “Can I ask why, babe?” I couldn’t decipher his mood in that monotone voice of his.

             
I shrugged. “Well, for one, I think it’ll be good to bring in some more income.”

             
“Is there something you want in particular that you think I can’t afford to get you? I promise, Tiny, whatever it is, I’m sure I can get it.”

             
I shook my head. “No, Jaxon, there’s nothing I want.”

             
Now he was confused. “We’re doing really well. We’re not struggling financially. My job makes fuck all, but I swear, Sara, I’ve got a lot stashed away from… Well, you know what from. So don’t sweat it.”

             
I sighed. This was his way of dropping the subject and getting his way. An unjustifiable anger bubbled in my chest at his nonchalant demeanour. “Jaxon,” I started again, trying to rid the edge in my tone, “I want to get a job for myself. When I said money, I meant that was a perk – you know, getting more income into the bank. But it’s really about me branching off and paving my own way.”

             
“Branching off?” He tore his eyes off the road and at me. I saw his eyes widen and a note of panic flicker.

             
“Not like that,” I hastily said, squeezing his hand tight. “I love you more than anything, you know that. What I mean is, I want to contribute and earn my own money and be a little independent.”

             
He let go of my hand and raked it through his hair. He was looking more and more uncomfortable by the second, returning his conflicted gaze to the road.

             
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” I demanded, irritated by his silence.

             
“Give me a second,” he muttered, moving into the emergency lane on the side of the busy road.

             
“You’re seriously stopping the car?” I rolled my eyes. “Fuck’s sake, Jaxon, I should have just waited until we were home to bring this shit up.”

             
He ignored my irrationally rude comment and turned the car off.

             
“Are you gonna talk or what?” I exploded, throwing my hands up in the air.

             
Jaxon, bless his heart, ignored that as well. He turned to me, licking his lips like he did when he was heavy in thought, and said, “I know you love me, but I get scared sometimes that this is too good to be true.” I rolled my eyes again. “You’re my world, Sara. You always were the most central part of my life.”
Fuck’s sake, just tell me why you’re upset!
I screamed internally.

             
He sighed and grabbed my hand. As if reading my mind, he said, “The reason I’m upset is because I feel like we don’t spend enough time together as it is. I work five days a week from eight til five, and I’m not complaining about that, but the days are long and I get tired, dirty and sweaty as fuck. The guys are great, don’t get me wrong, and the owner loves me, so there’s no pressure there, but all fucking day I count down the minutes until I get to see you. And even when I do come home, sometimes you’re still at school, and other times you’re out with Lexi. Again, I’m not complaining, but I value our time together more than anything.

             
“I can understand you want to get a job, but then you’ll be gone more days and with your school work and my own work, I just feel like it’ll be stripping the valuable time we could be spending together. Life is only short, and I’ve come to realize that during my apprenticeship. I don’t care about money anymore. I don’t care about making it big or any of those stupid foolish dreams I had when I was a kid. I care about you, and I care about us, and that’s what’s important. I mean, you’ll be working when you get out of Uni, anyway. What’s the rush?”

             
What’s the rush? I ripped my hand away from his, cursing under my breath. “I can’t believe you’re playing the guilt trip thing on me, Jaxon!”

             
“Guilt trip?”

             
“Yes, you’re trying to make me feel guilty, trying to get your way like usual.”

             
He stared incredulously at me. “I’ve just bared my heart to you, and all you take away from it is me guilt tripping you?”

             
“Because you’re being ridiculous! Going all emotional on me like I’ve done you wrong when all I want is to get a job! You can’t force me not to, Jaxon!”

             
“You’re absolutely right. I can’t force you, but Sara, when have I ever forced you to do anything you didn’t want? Come on, baby, you’re being irrational.”

             
“Don’t tell me I’m being irrational! You’re the one that decided to get all shitty about this!”

             
“I’m being honest and telling you that I’m upset for–”

             
“For no fucking reason! I’ve had it!” I opened the door and stormed out, wading into the long grassy field beside the road.

             
“Sara, stop!” I heard him yell. Then I felt his hand around my arm and he tugged me to him while all I wanted to do was shove him away and scream. He cradled me into his chest even though I tried to wiggle my way out. “Stop fighting me! I didn’t want to argue.”

             
“You’re the one that decided to argue!” I roared into his chest, shaking with an anger that was foreign to me.

             
“Alright, alright, I’m sorry. I’m very sorry. You want to get a job, then get a job, baby. You can do that. I shouldn’t have been upset. Alright? Don’t be angry with me. I love you.”

             
I felt entitled to that apology, which I would much later on admit was utterly ridiculous.

             
“Come back to the car. When we get home, you can do up a resume and everything. Does that sound okay?”

             
I heaved a shrug, acting like an insolent child that got her way but didn’t want to show how giddy that made me. I let him lead me back to the car.

             
The rest of the journey home was in silence with me festering in that unfamiliar anger, and him holding my hand tightly like he was afraid to let go.