I'll Be Down for You: A Bay Area Saga (10 page)

I stood at the top banister looking over into the living room. There had been plenty of times where I stood in this exact spot with Derrick behind me, his arms wrapped around me, making me feel safe as always. He would move my braids to the side and kiss the sensitive part of my neck and then end up whispering in my ear that he loved me. I had never had a man that made me feel like Derrick did. In fact, a bad relationship was the reason I’d ended up leaving Atlanta for a brand new start in the first place. I’d wasted two years in a horrible situation with a wannabe dope boy, and ended up with nothing but two abortions, constant fighting, and the occasional phone call from the newest side bitch. I knew that I was too good for that life, but since I’d never known anything outside of Atlanta, I stayed. Stripping had always given me what I needed in order to zone out because even though the profession wasn’t what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, the music, the dancing, and a few drinks always provided the peace that I needed, to get through it all.

But there came a time where I grew tired of it and when my cousin contacted me to come out to the Bay Area to start anew, I couldn’t turn that down. She had promised me that she could hook me up with a job where she worked as well as a place to stay; and that was all I needed to hear. Once I made the decision to leave, I saved up a couple of thousand and left Atlanta, never to look back.

“
You were my everything, Derrick. How am I gonna go on without you, baby? What am I gonna do
?”

I was surprised that the words I had said over and over in my head, had managed to escape into the air, aloud. Sadly, I was finally getting to a place where I realized that Derrick wouldn’t walk through our front door—ever again. It hurt to know that my new reality was one that didn’t include my love.

“
I can’t do it, Derrick
!” I yelled, before sinking to the fluffy carpeting beneath my feet. “
I just can’t do it
!” I sobbed. “
Not without you
!”

For the next twenty minutes, I lay balled in the fetal position, crying tears that I had been unable to bring to the surface for more than ten minutes at a time. I couldn’t understand why it was me who always got the short end of the stick. I’d finally made the bold move to leave the only home I ever knew; it turned out to be the best thing I could’ve ever done for my life, and then in a split second it had all been taken away. What I couldn’t understand for the life of me, however, was why my cousin hadn’t had the decency to at least check in on me in my greatest time of need. I’d sensed a bit of jealousy from her early on, and especially lately, when she realized that my relationship with Derrick wasn’t just a momentary thing. So, to keep tension down, I stopped talking about him so much.

But I thought that regardless to how she felt, she would’ve come to console me about my loss. Instead she had taken it upon herself to not even acknowledge my desperate calls to her. It broke me to know that jealousy ran so deeply. I’d already decided that I wouldn’t be calling her back because if she couldn’t hear the horror and hurt in my voice when I left her messages, and put aside any ill feelings and come to my aid, then fuck her. I didn’t need anybody around me who couldn’t be happy for me. Hell no. It would be me and my child from this point on.

“Derrick, baby, you gave me the greatest gift of all,” I whispered, rubbing my hand against the life that I would live the rest of mine for.

My ringing cell phone in the distance jolted me from my thoughts. I lifted myself from the floor using the railing and headed in the direction of mine and Derrick’s bedroom. By the time I reached the entryway, the phone had stopped ringing, and when I made it over to look at the caller ID the number wasn’t one that I recognized, but did have a 510 area code so I knew that it was local. I stared at the number for a few seconds and was about to return the call to see who it was, when the message indicator illuminated signaling that I had just received a voicemail. I plopped down onto my duvet and pressed the button, allowing a man’s voice to come over the speaker:

“Miss Austin, this is Detective Silva calling from San Leandro’s Homicide Division. I’m wondering if you can give me a call as soon as possible. I need to speak with you regarding an urgent matter.”

At the end of the message, I frantically dialed the number that stared back at me in my missed call log and on the third ring, the detective’s familiar voice came over the line.

“Detective Silva…” I started, my voice shaking. “This…is…Danielle Austin returning your call. I’m not sure if you contacted me in error, but—”

“Unfortunately, it isn’t in error, Miss Austin. We’ve been working to locate your cousin’s next of kin, but it wasn’t until we finished processing the scene at her condominium, that we came across information that led to you, in her online contacts. We contacted her employer, but she hadn’t listed any family on her emergency contact list, so we ran into a dead end there.”

“Wait!” I yelled out. “Contact her next of kin for what?! You said
homicide
division?” I panted, holding onto my chest as I gasped for air. “
Homicide
? Is Shay…? Is she…?”

“Yes, Miss Austin. I’m really very sorry. Yes…your cousin is deceased…”

“Sooo…you ain’t tired of me yet, Daddy?” I asked, Khalil. I ran my hands across the top of his neck and shoulders, then rubbed his head in a light massage, while looking over his shoulder. He looked so sexy handling business from his office chair. I expected him to send me out so he could deal with whatever it was he was doing, but he never did. Instead, he swiveled the chair around to face me and pulled me onto his lap.

“
OoWee
, Daddy? Is that what I heard you say?”

“Yeah,
Daddy
,” I smiled.

“I like that.”

“Do you?”

“Yep. And
nah
, I don’t see myself getting tired of you anytime soon. Why?” he asked squinting his eyes at me. “You tired of me?”

“In the words of Whitney Houston…‘
Hell to the Naw
!’ How dare you ask such foolish questions!”

“You started it!” he laughed. “I’m ready to hold yo’ fine ass hostage, forever. I got my work here, I got my girl here. I’m good.”

“
Your girl
? Did he just call me his girl?” I smiled.

“You ain’t that?” he asked.

“
Uhh
…I…
uh
…
wanna
be. Would like to be.”

“Cool. So then that’s what it is.”

“So then that’s what it is then,” I said in return. I was trying my best to not smile big as the damn ocean. He would’ve thought he was fucking with somebody on groupie status versus a grown ass woman who was just happy that she knew she wouldn’t have to worry about basic ass niggas
evvverrr
again.

“You talked to Eva since you been out here?” he asked. “I don’t know why you keep shutting her out. We all kinda gotta be there for each other. She’s out there hurting too, you know?”

“Well, she got friends she can hang out with to get her through. She’ll be fine,” I retorted.

“Come on, babe. She’s family.”

“Not
my
family, Khalil.”

The truth of the matter was that I felt like if she was half the woman she was supposed to be, then my uncle wouldn’t have been out in another woman’s pussy and getting ambushed on the way home. She needed to be something more than a money-hungry tramp and being in the same house with her was honestly starting to make me sick.

“Jazz…”

“Jazz,
what
? She should’ve been enough for my uncle. All that bitch ever did was walk around like she was walked on air. She came
up
and she knew it. I ain’t never seen her cook a damn meal. I ain’t never seen her rub his back or kiss him on the cheek or no affectionate shit like that. I didn’t see it, Khalil.” I rose from his lap and walked over to the window to look out into the backyard. “Every time I see her, I just wanna fuck her up on sight.”

“Y’all need to talk,” he said, from his seat. “Let her know how you feel. You know we talk, right?”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Well, she knows that something is wrong but she’s giving you space.”

“That’s real smart of her. But I’ll pass on the conversation, though. I need to save my energy and not waste it on her.”

“Save your energy for what?”

“Finding out who killed my uncle, Khalil. You know exactly what I’m—”

I honestly didn’t mean to say that to him. I didn’t want him to know. Every since I heard his conversation the other day, I’d been waiting to hear something about what was gonna be done or what was already done and nothing had been said. Not from Khalil and not from Detective Davis either.

“Now you pissin’ me off,” he charged. “I already told you to fall back.” His tone was filled with aggravation. “We got this. I mean it, Jazz.
Fall back
.”

“You don’t tell me what to do, Khalil. And if that’s why you’ve had me over here fuckin’ on me for the past two days, then you need to come better than that.”

“Oh, so now I’m fuckin’ you to keep you in line? Now you sound like a little girl talking that shit.”

“
A little girl?
For real? Then that makes you some kind of fuckin’ perv if you really feel like you’re fuckin’ with a little girl.”

“And now you sound stupid.”

“Okay. So now I’m stupid
and
a little girl.”

“
Pssh
,” he sighed, rising from his seat. “You on some bullshit for real. All the way turned off by you right now. For real.”

“I ain’t really feelin’ yo’ ass right now ei—”

I was interrupted by his cell phone vibrating loudly atop his glass desk. He glared at me, his entire face serious, and then reached for his phone. My instinct was to walk out the minute he put that damn device to his ear, but a part of me wanted to finish arguing with his punk ass. Calling me stupid
and
immature. I didn’t appreciate that bullshit at all. What the fuck was wrong with me wanting justice served? Not shit!

“Wait…wait…slow down, Dani…what’s the matter?” Khalil held the phone to his ear, his look stern, as he paced the floor. “
Aww
, shit. Let me get on some clothes so I can come over. I know it’s easier said than done, but try to calm down and I’ll be there in about fifteen or twenty. Man, Dani…I’m sorry.”

When Khalil hung up the phone, he rested his hands atop his waves and hunched his shoulders. “This shit is getting deeper by the minute,” I heard him mumble. He started to walk out of his office with me on his heel as he mounted the stairs to his bedroom.

“What’s wrong with Dani?”

His response to me was vague. “
Psshh
, more than any person should have to go through. That’s what.”

“Well, I’m going with you to her house.”

“Do what you wanna do,” he snapped. “And drive your car so you can head back to Tracy afterwards.”

I didn’t even bother arguing with him. There was no point because my head space was in the, ‘I don’t give a fuck’ zone anyway. I had never seen this side of him and I didn’t care to. What he didn’t know about me but would soon learn, was that I neither kissed asses nor gave a fuck past the moment the bullshit happened in. So, if this was how he wanted to do shit, then it’s what the fuck we would do.

It was fun while it lasted.

“Girl, I don’t know if I can do this. His attitude is fucked up!” I was on the phone ranting with Desiree going on and on in her ear about how Khalil had just pissed me off. “I mean, the dick is majorly on point; a bitch can’t even lie. But I ain’t never been that bitch to just let a nigga go ham at the mouth! Hell naw! Fuck that!”

“Damn, girl, you need to breathe before you pass the fuck out!”

“Nigga please. Ain’t nobody gonna pass out!” I chuckled. “Anyway girl, what’s up with you and Jada Pinkett and yo’ baby daddy?”

“I’m surprised you got air left after all that ranting and raving. You been on that beefcake trail since you was a little girl, and now you get it and already over it. That shit gotta be a record for real!”

“Forget you. It’s his fault. I’m good. That’s why I don’t trip off relationships too much anyway. All that arguing and shit is a waste of my time. I got too much other shit to deal with.”

“Yeah, like getting to work at Vanity so you can hire me, right? I’m ready.”

“You really talking about working for Vanity?”

“Yep. Just like you been wanting Khalil since you were a young buck, I’ve been wanting—”

“To be a hoe?!” I burst out laughing as soon as I said it, knowing Desi would be pissed.

“A hoe? Bitch, fuck you. It’s escort work. High-priced,
elite
, escort work.”

“I know what it is. I was just playin’. I’m fascinated by it too, just not enough to be ‘the date’. But I think that shit is sexy as fuck; rich ass men coming into town and requesting beautiful women to kick it with. That shit can be a lucrative business when it’s played right. And my uncle’s clientele don’t come lower than a six-figure tax bracket. So you already know!”

“
Do I?!
Why you think I ain’t let up on it?”

“I know, and I got you. I’m gonna be talking to Khalil about it after my uncle’s will reading next week. But for sure, I got you. Gotta look out for family, and you’re something like that. And I guess Jada Pinkett’s little cute ass too. I don’t know about your dude yet though. He—”

“Uhmm…you don’t have to worry about him. We kinda don’t fuck with each other anymore.”

“Oh…really? When did that happen?”

“A couple of days ago,” she said. Her voice softened from the hyper tone it was just minutes earlier. “Shit just kinda went left. Found out some shit about him that had me kinda cool on him, you know?”

“Girl, you
know
I know. Well, I just pulled up to this place I’m following Khalil to—”

“Following Khalil to?!” she blurted. “Thought you was done with his ass!” she laughed hysterically.

I shook my head and allowed her laughter to die down. “You done, retard?”

“I’m done, but it don’t seem like you are!”

“Bitch, this is business; so, shut up.”

“I’ll bet it is.”

“Desi, girl, I’m gone. I’m gonna call you when I get to Tracy later.”

“Oh, you finally going back to the crib, huh?”

“Yeah. Maybe I’ll come get you and Jada Pinkett to come with me.”

“Nah, girl, I’m stayin’ in tonight. But there’s a party on Saturday if you wanna go. It’s a bike party. You owe me a kickin’ it session anyway since you faked on—”

Bike party? My antennas went up immediately! I mean like a fuckin’ radar.

“You don’t have to guilt trip me! I
do
owe you and I’m goin’.”

“Okay. I’ll talk to you later then.”

“Alright.”

~*~*~

When Dani opened the door for us, her eyes were bloodshot red and puffy. She wore a cherry red velvet robe with slippers to match, and had her braids pulled into a sloppy bun atop her head. She had been doing some heavy crying, and was still sniffling as a result of that downpour.

“Thanks for coming, you guys,” she said softly, turning around to walk back inside.

“No problem,” we replied in unison.

We walked inside and I fell in love. The place was immaculate and had my uncle’s taste all over it. I smiled for a brief moment. Walking in there, I felt more at home than at the manor. But I chalked that up to me just not wanting to be in the same house with Eva. I watched as Khalil went to Dani’s side and tried to console her, telling her, “Relax…think about the baby. Talk slow and tell us what happened.”

After we had all taken a seat, Dani began to explain what had her so emotional.

“Yesterday was one of those days for me where I couldn’t take it.” She paused and briefly pointed behind her head in the direction of the staircase. “I was up there. I was thinking about Derrick, how much I missed him and how my life…just…feels
empty
without him. The thoughts just kept flowing and the more they flowed, the more the tears flowed.”

Her voice trailed off as she fought off forthcoming tears. She was struggling and I felt really sad for her; to the point that I found myself fighting back tears too.

“Take your time,” Khalil instructed her.

“I’m so sorry to call you with this, Khalil. And you too, Jazz. I hope I didn’t interfere with you guys’ day.”

“No, it’s fine, Dani,” I replied. “We just want you to be okay.”

“I appreciate that. I…really…do. I just don’t know how to feel about what’s happening to my life. I miss him. I mean, I
really
miss him. I feel like my heart is failing,” she sobbed. “I really don’t know what to do without the only man that ever showed me what real love was. I just don’t know…!”

She sounded just like me. It was clear that DJ had been that for both of us. It was probably why God put him in both of our lives so that we wouldn’t leave this earth without ever having known that special feeling. Hearing her passionate testimonial to my uncle didn’t even make me jealous like it would’ve any other time. I saw parts of myself in her. I felt badly that she would have to search high and wide for a man to love her past all the hurt she was going through—while at the same time being as good as DJ was.

“You did the right thing calling, Dani. Whenever you feel like you need to talk, you can call either one of us and we’ll be here,” I assured her.

“Thank you so much.” When she grew quiet, Khalil and I shot quick glances at each other wondering if we should say anything; and if so, what? But then she continued to speak. “Khalil, I called you because right in the middle of my meltdown yesterday, I got a call from a detective telling me that my cousin had died.”

“Your cousin?!” Khalil exclaimed. “The cousin you told me about when I was over here?”

“Yes, that’s her,” Dani sniffled. “Apparently, she was murdered…” she looked up at both of us, “…the day after Derrick’s funeral according to what I was told. The thirteenth. He told me that her boyfriend found her and that he was the one to call it in, but I don’t know anything about a boyfriend, and today was the first time I heard about any of it! My cousin has been dead
for
days
and I’m here thinking foul shit about her because I hadn’t heard from her! Instead of calling her, I should’ve just taken my ass out to her house instead of thinking that she was being some type of way! I can’t do this!” she sobbed. “I just can’t do this! Derrick and now Shay! God, please!” she pleaded aloud.

It broke my heart looking at her. I mean, it literally broke my heart. I went to her and sat next to her and laid her head against my shoulder, and allowed her to cry her hurt away. I looked at Khalil who had gotten up from the sofa and had begun pacing the length of the living room. His wheels were churning and I didn’t know why, but I knew it for a fact. He had completely detached from the moment, but I didn’t bring attention to it because we still hadn’t really said two words to each other since we’d been at Dani’s house. We’d talked to her, but not to each other. I knew it was childish, but at the moment, I wasn’t tripping off of that. Surprisingly, I just felt the need to be there for this woman that my uncle left behind.

It had been minutes on top of minutes since the only sound in the room had been Dani’s muffled cries, but I felt her pull back slightly when she started to regroup. She turned to me and thanked me before getting up to go and grab more tissue. When she re-entered the room, Khalil rubbed his hand across the top of his head like he had done earlier when he first got her phone call, then addressed her.

“Dani…I have a question for you.”

“Okay,” she agreed, as she reclaimed her seat.

“You said your cousin’s name was Shay?”

“Yes.”

“Is it Shayna? Shay Jones?”

I shot a confused look over at Khalil, and looked back to Dani to hear her response.

The sudden appearance of crease lines on Dani’s forehead, along with furrowed brows, said a whole lot. “Yes.
Shay
…why? Do you know her?”

Khalil released a deep sigh before responding. “Wow. Yeah, I do…know her. She worked for Van—”

“
Ohhh
, shit!” she exclaimed. “I don’t know why it didn’t register! That company party that I went to where I met DJ!”

I was looking from one of them to the other wondering what the hell was going on and just waiting for it to all play out so I could stop being in suspense.

“I’m sorry, Dani. Man, for real. I’m really sorry.”

Dani suddenly got a burst of energy as she asked, “So then do you know who this boyfriend is that the police are talking about? Because I’m clueless. I doubt that y’all are in your employee’s business all like that, but I have to ask.”

“No, it’s cool. I do know who they’re talking about. I talked to him. He’s one of our major clients. He actually threw a small memorial for Shay. Wow…this shit is so crazy.”

“A memorial? Are you serious, Khalil?
A memorial
? And I wasn’t there!”

“Damn…” I gasped, before I realized it had escaped my lips. This was too much.

Khalil took a seat again and commenced to bouncing his knee rapidly. He was in deep thought. And not just that; he was angry. And it was more than anger. He knew something. And the more I listened, the more I started to feel that what had happened to Dani’s cousin, Shay, and what happened to DJ, was somehow connected. But how?

“Khalil, you said that this person was your client. But the detective called him Shay’s boyfriend.”

“Well, yeah. He was into Shay real tough. Wanted to move her to Miami with him and everything. He only spent time with Shay. She was the only one he had ever dated exclusively from Vanity.”

“Oh…okay. I didn’t know any of this. I especially didn’t know that somebody wanted to move her out of California. Why didn’t she tell me any of this?”

Dani’s previous hysterics had calmed as confusion set in; and she wasn’t by herself. It all sounded crazy to me and had my head spinning.

I was tired of sitting in silence, and was just about to dive in with an interrogation of my own, when Dani spoke again. “Khalil…what am I missing?” she asked. “Because it’s something. Has to be. And don’t tell me that it’s nothing because this gut feeling is strong.”

I was right there with her. My uncle is killed and then somebody from one of his companies is killed days later. That shit wasn’t a coincidence. At first I was gonna keep quiet, but the more I sat and the more I pondered, the more my curiosity and my anger got the best of me.

“
Sooo
…” I barged in. “I’m on the same page as Dani. Are there any more people associated that have been murdered that you ain’t saying nothing about, Khalil?”

“It’s a legit question, Khalil. Are there more?” Dani cosigned. “Are
we
in danger too?”

“Y’all are good,” he assured. “I don’t think one got to do with the other. Just coincidence,” he stated.

But honestly, as I listened to his words, it didn’t even seem like he believed the shit that had just come out of his damn mouth.

“I hope that’s true, Khalil. I got my baby to think about. This is all too much for me. Shay…” She stalled a few seconds to process. “Shay didn’t even list that she had family on her work documents! Who does that?! So now
I
have to be the one to tell everybody. As far as they know, she’s fine! But she’s not. I’m sure our family in Atlanta is going to want to bring Shay’s body home. Shit! That doesn’t even sound right!”

“I’m sure that Carl—”

“Who’s Carl? Is that the guy?”

“Yes. He’s a good dude, Dani. I’ll have him get in touch with you. I think he’s still in town. And even if he’s left, I’ll make sure you guys get connected.”

Dani paused briefly, then released a trapped sigh from her lips. “Okay. Yeah, I would love to have a conversation with him—the sooner the better.”