I'll Be Down for You: A Bay Area Saga (7 page)

Two days later when I rode up to the house in Castro Valley, I didn’t know what to expect. In all the time that I’d been rocking with DJ, this Danielle woman hadn’t ever been mentioned; it was weird because I thought we pretty much told each other everything.

The street was pristine, and lined with what I knew to be million dollar homes. Immaculate ass houses, with lawns that looked like they hadn’t ever been walked on, and so fuckin’ elite that you could see through everybody’s house. I could definitely see DJ living like this, so if this was his chick, I could see why he’d set her up in something as nice. But she had to be real special for that shit.

At the top of an incline, the street came to a dead end and rounded into a cul-de-sac. The address that I had in my GPS told me it was the house that sat right in the center at the tip of that island. I pulled into the driveway next to a newer model SUV Rover.
Shit
,
unless this girl is paid on her own, DJ was in deep!

I cut my engine, hopped out my whip and accessed the alarm—like I even needed to in this damn neighborhood.
But shit
,
white people steal too!
I chuckled to myself. Instinctively, I turned around to look behind me because this was one of those neighborhoods where they probably got alarmed if they saw more than one black person. But I didn’t see anybody, so that was cool. I walked up to the double doors and rang the bell, and about a minute later, the doorknob turned.

Danielle appeared at the door in one of those powder blue girly sweat suits and some matching footies, with a head full of braids pulled up on top of her head and secured by a bandanna. She was fine as hell too. I could see why DJ was into her.

“Hi…Khalil, right?” she asked.

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“Come on in,” she offered, stepping to the side to allow me inside. Once I got in, I stood by the door’s entrance waiting to follow her lead and took that time to look around her place. It was what I’d refer to as chic. A lot had gone into the detail of the multi-leveled place. I could hear DJ now telling his woman to, “Spare no expense.” The place had him written all over it. I’d been inside of every piece of real estate owned by the man, and all of it was fit for a king—and in this case, his queen, too.

“You can have a seat wherever you like, Khalil.” She went and took a seat in a red oversized chair sofa with an ottoman in front of it, and trained her eyes on me. I could tell that she was ready for an interrogation.

“Y’all have a lotta red going on in here,” I stated, taking a seat across from her in the middle of a large pearl sectional.

“Yeah, DJ wanted burgundy, but that’s too dark for me and so masculine, so we came to a compromise.”

I laughed out loud. “A compromise?! You got jokes.
You won
, basically. Red and burgundy are two different shades completely! Red is loud as hell and burgundy is just kinda laid back.”

“
Nooo
, not really. Red is just more…shall I say…symbolic. Burgundy doesn’t stand for anything. And it’s just dark for no reason,” she giggled.

“And I can see right there how
that
debate went—with DJ on the losing end.”

“He didn’t lose exactly. His office is burgundy. I tried to fight him on that too, but he insisted.”

“Well, it’s good to know that my man won at least
part
of what he wanted out the deal.”

“He got
me
out of the deal,” she commented with sadness in her voice. “He was…”

Her words were cut all of a sudden. I watched her try her best at not getting choked up. She shifted in her seat, and reached to pull the braids that had somehow fallen around her face, into submission.

“Well, it’s really nice in here. The two of y’all came up with a real nice scheme. You might have a future in design, woman.”

It was my best attempt at saving her from the moment she was close to sinking into. We were both in mourning, and I was sure that aside from her not wanting to face reality for the umpteenth time…that DJ was
really
gone, that she was taking my feelings into consideration as well. She seemed like that type of person.

“Thank you, Khalil. I’m no designer,” she stated shaking her head, then looking around the large room. “Derrick was the designer and all this is a reminder of him. We met with the team step-by-step all the way through—together. Most men probably wouldn’t have sat through that. Most men would probably have come in on the tail end of everything and made the remarks about what could’ve been better. But Derrick…he…was right there.”

“I know you miss him. We all do. I’m sorry for your loss. That’s not something that I’ve said and I apologize for that.”

“It’s okay, Khalil. I understand. I was looking forward to meeting you and Jazz soon, but I’m just sorry that they were under the circumstances that they were. I know how much he loved family.”

“Yeah, DJ was the ultimate family man. He was good to all of us.”

The room stood still as Danielle and I both fell into silence, for our own separate reasons. I had been going so strong in my quest for answers that I had shook off all the pain I was feeling. It was replaced by anger. All I thought about every day was finding out who did DJ and making sure that I got the chance to settle the score. That’s where my thoughts were. But then I had to make sure that everybody around me was okay too: Jazz, Eva, the businesses, and now, the woman who by all accounts, DJ cared a lot about. There was no way I could abandon her. DJ wouldn’t have wanted that.

“So, tell me how y’all met, Danielle?”

“You can call me,
Dani
, Khalil.” She smiled when she spoke the words.

“Alright, cool. Dani…how did you and DJ meet?”

“Okay. Do you want something to eat or drink? I baked some spaghetti earlier and I make a pretty good strawberry smoothie too.”

“Spaghetti sounds good, but if you got some real drink in there like I know my boy kept, then that’s even better.”

She fell into hearty laughter, and then rose from the chair. “Follow me. Because I can’t go letting you eat in my living room!” she yelled out playfully, on our way into the kitchen.

After we sat down to plates of spaghetti that looked like it was about to be
the business
, Dani fixed me a glass of Hennessy & Coke then settled into her detail of how she and DJ met.

“It was super cute, really,” she smiled. “I had been out here from Atlanta for about a month, living with my cousin. I wasn’t used to the fast pace of the Bay at all and was scared about going to clubs and all that. Not that the ATL is backwoods or anything like that, just a different scene, you know?”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.”

“So, yeah, she finally talked me into going out one night with her to an event that her job was throwing at this nice ass venue high up in the Oakland Hills. She said that it was a just-because party. Derrick showed up and was actually just gonna make an appearance and take off, but as soon as my cousin introduced us, we ended up talking all night. He asked me out on a date, I accepted and after that first date, I saw him every day; and if I didn’t see him, I talked to him. We connected on a really deep level…really quickly. He let me know about his situation, but he also told me that it wasn’t what it used to be and that the spark had pretty much gone away for them both.”

Now that piece of information surprised me because as far as I knew, DJ and Eva were cool. I figured that it was just what he told Dani to keep her happy.

“Oh…okay,” I commented.

She slowed her voice, and lowered her head as though she was ashamed for what she had just said. “I don’t want you to think that I’m some slut coming in and getting down with another woman’s man, but I took him at his word and he was so good to me and so attentive, that it just…it just felt right.”

“I’m not judging. Not at all, Dani.”

“Well, thank you for that.”

“Yeah, nah. Stuff happens. I mean, I didn’t know that there was a situation at home, but as close as me and DJ were, he probably didn’t mention it because I’m close to E…” I was just about to say Eva’s name, when I stopped myself. But Dani didn’t miss a beat and chimed right in.

“Eva…I know her name, Khalil. Derrick told me. And I understand that you guys are close. It makes sense that y’all would be. Y’all are all a part of the same family,” she remarked, lowering her head once again. “I know I’m out of place. But I’m hoping that you guys won’t dismiss me because I would hate for my baby to not know his family.”

And the bomb dropped. I mean, the shit dropped on top of that muthafuckin’ house and busted ear drums and all that shit. I was stunned into fuckin’ silence as I sat there about to bring a forkful of food to my mouth. When Dani saw my reaction, a smile crept across her face.

“You’re pregnant?” I asked her.

“Yes, I’m pregnant. I just made four months.”

“
Whaaat
? No shit?”

“No joke. I thought I’d be showing by now with as much as I eat, but seems like I’m gonna be a late bloomer,” she said smiling.

“And it’s a boy?!
Whaaat?!
How you know that already? I thought y’all couldn’t find out the sex until like the sixth month.”

“New technology, and my nosy ass wanted to know so I found out.”

“Did DJ know?”

“You mean, about the baby? Yes, he did.”

“No, I mean did he know that he was having a son?”

“No, I went behind his back and found out. I was gonna surprise him with it when he moved all the way in next month. I had already started decorating the baby’s room and had a lock on the door that I made him promise not to violate,” she chuckled. “You know like that room that Common had in the movie,
Just Wright
.”

“Yeah, I remember that!” I chuckled.

“That’s where I got the idea from. I can show it to you at some point if you’d like. It’s coming along nicely.”

“Of course, I’d like that. Wow…” I paused. “
A baby
. And DJ lives on.”

A whole week went by and I think I
might’ve
left my room twice since I had that last conversation with Khalil. I had slumped into nothingness. The different phases that my mind went through had me trippin’ out. I didn’t know whether to go on a suicide by cop mission and shoot shit up just because. I didn’t know whether to cry about my loss, or smile at all the memories. My mind did flip flops that I couldn’t control. I wanted to take some of the Vicodin that I kept on deck, to shut my brain up, but I was scared at how temporary the feeling might last. They had prescribed me some valium when DJ first passed away, but I was way too melancholy under that shit and as much as I didn’t want to feel anything…I kinda
needed
to feel at the same time. I had to be aware and it was both a blessing and a curse.

Eva had finally left me alone and I hardly even heard her making rounds through the manor because she was getting out more. I loved the peace and quiet. I needed to find strength so that I could figure out my next steps. The day after my uncle’s funeral, I had turned off my cell phone so I couldn’t get any calls. I did call Detective Davis, the one assigned to our case, a few times a day to ask if they had any leads, and it was never anything different than what we had initially been told.

Punk ass
.

I talked to Khalil about hiring a private investigator to investigate for us. I needed answers. But he told me the same thing all the time—“It’s gonna get handled,” and not to worry. But I was worried. I was worried that whoever killed DJ thought they had gotten away with it. I constantly pictured a group of niggas sitting somewhere laughing about what they had done. It was a known fact that these street niggas had no remorse and that murder was just a way of life for them, so I couldn’t imagine them being anywhere feeling badly. And every damn time those thoughts crossed my mind, I found my fists clenched tight, kinda like they were right now, and I started having feelings of killing niggas swiftly. I needed to hear a name. I needed to hear somebody connected to all of this. I needed to know that whoever the person was…or
people
were, would get street justice. I wanted horrible deaths for all of them. Those were the kinds of thoughts I had when I was by myself. I needed the punishment to match the crime or for it to be worse,
if
that was even possible.

So maybe it was time for me to stop asking the police and Khalil about anything and just start trying to see what I could find out on my own…

After a while when it felt like my mind was about to implode from the inside, I forced my thoughts in another direction. I contemplated on whether to watch a movie, call Desiree to chat for a while about whatever, or just turn on some music. But then I looked out my window and saw how pretty it was out and I decided that I would take a drive instead. I needed some air, and just going outside around the property wasn’t good enough. I needed to be all the way out. I rolled over lazily, dragged myself off my bed, grabbed a matching bra and panty set and went to take a shower. As soon as I was dried off, I pulled my hair back into a tight ponytail and tied a pink bandana around it. I threw on a pair of hoop earrings, left the makeup all the way off then went to get dressed. After I had on my black jeggings tucked inside of black UGGs, and a fitted Oakland Raiders jacket, I layered my lips with some lip glass and grabbed a pair of my darkest shades so I could get gone.

When I got in my car, I had no idea where I was going; I just planned to drive. But an hour later, I found myself taking the MacArthur Boulevard exit in Oakland. As soon as I stopped at the light by the 76 gas station, I called to tell Desiree to come outside and right when I pulled up, she was exiting her front door and walking toward the car.

“What up, punk!” she yelled out. The girl was pretty for no reason. She was brown-skinned, with big brown eyes, high cheekbones, and full lips. Her hair was always freshly done with nothing shorter than sixteen inches of grade-A human hair. “Get out the car, bitch! Come give me a hug! I haven’t seen you since the funeral, and I want some love from my best friend!”

“Desiree, whose dog is that?” I asked as I was walking to her on the sidewalk.

“She’s mine. My boo bought her for me the other day. My little road dawg,” she smiled.

“
Your
boo
? Oh okay, she’s cute…I guess.”

“Yeah, my boo,” she confirmed, pulling me into one arm while she held the dog in the other. After we broke from our hug, I leaned against the passenger door and stared off toward Desiree’s house. I honestly didn’t even remember how I’d gotten there. I drove on autopilot the whole way. “So, what’s going on, babe? You good? I know that was a stupid ass question. I mean—”

“I know what you mean, Desi. I’m okay. I got my days where shit is really bad, and got some days where I’m just okay—today I’m just okay. It’s gonna be a long ass time before I’m all the way good. I-I-just-miss-him, you know?” I was trying to keep from crying. I didn’t feel like crying which was the main reason I left the house. Now there I was about to cry a whole river with Desiree. But she realized it and quickly shifted the mood in another direction.

“
Hey
…” she started, pulling my ponytail from behind my back and around to my shoulder. “There’s a block party tomorrow in Oakland if you wanna go with me. It’s super chill. My cousin and some of her friends are hosting it. We could go, just hang out, get our drank on, eat some bomb ass ribs, and soak up some sun. Wanna?”

“I don’t know, Desi,” I responded, solemnly. “But I’ll think about it though. I don’t know if I’m ready to be around hella people yet.”

“Being around people might just be a good thing—especially people who don’t know you and who won’t be coming up to you every five minutes expecting to talk about…you know.”

“Yeah. That could be good. Because I really don’t want that.”

“Right. So, let’s do it. And then if you want, afterwards, you can spend the night.”

“Alright. That sounds good,” I responded, reluctantly.

“Yay! Cool. So, we’re on for that. Now what about today? I know you didn’t come over here to sit in my house when you got your own to sit in.”

I chuckled a little bit before responding with, “I really didn’t. I didn’t even know where I was going when I left the house, just knew I wanted to be outside.”

“Okay, so now that you’re outside, let’s be outside! Maybe we can just go and maybe hang out at Lake Temescal for a little bit and watch Jada Pinkett run around in the grass.

“Hold up…Jada Pinkett? You named ya damn dog, Jada Pinkett?” I laughed. “You’re not serious.”

“Yes, I am. By sexy boo, Nick, bought her from somebody, so she already had a name. I ain’t gonna change it, because she answers to it, huh, puddin’?” she said, coddling the little animal close to her chest, then kissing the top of her head. “She’s super cute and I love having her, Jazz. You should get you a puppy. I’m telling you; when I’m down, she’s a pick-me-up. Real talk though. They’re good for comforting and therapy.”

“Yeah, I’ll pass. I’m not with the maintenance.”

“Well, you might need some comfort with Bennie’s ass in jail and all,” she giggled. “Locked the fuck up.”

“Girl, I’m not worried about Bennie’s ass. That fool stays on the streets for like ten minutes. I can’t do nothing with that. He was there for what I needed him for—something to fuck on when I was home on breaks. Now that I’m home to stay, my focus has shifted. I need to see what’s next with my uncle’s businesses, and see what part I can take on to make him proud.”

“
Awww
,
shit
! Well, if you take over at Vanity, you better hire a bitch!”

“Vanity?! Now why you wanna work at Vanity when you got a ‘Boo’? A ‘Boo’ that’s giving you puppies and cute shit like that.”

“Street nigga is what Nick is. I’m trying to evolve past that. Working for a place like Vanity . . . now,
that’ll
force a bitch to have some class. Then I can attract a whole new type of nigga.”

“I’ll think about it,” I said, pursing my lips, Stevie J-style.

“No, bitch. I’m hired. Background check already done on the strength of the boss is my best friend. Just tell me my start date and when I need to upgrade my wardrobe!” she laughed.

“You are somethin’ else, girl. You’ll be screaming some other shit that you wanna do before the end of that block party tomorrow. Hell, before we come back from the damn park!”

“Whatever. I’m talking real shit. Matter of fact, forget that I just said, ‘
shit
’, because I gotta get used to talking with more sophistication,” she laughed. “Here…” she said, extending her dog to me. “Hold Jada Pinkett while I go and get her little doggie bag; and then we’re ready.”

~*~*~

Ten minutes later we were back on 580 and headed toward Broadway Terrace, when Desiree asked me to stop off really quick in West Oakland. She knew that I hated going through there, but when she said that it would just take a few minutes while she ran into a spot on Mead, I went ahead and took her.

The further I drove onto the block, the more uncomfortable I became. “Whose house is this, Desiree?” I asked looking around at dudes on both sides of the street.

“I just wanted you to meet Nick real quick.”

“For what?”

“
Becauuuse
,” she whined. “I kinda like his ass.”

“You kinda like his ass, but you trying to go work for Vanity. You confused as hell. And I ain’t parking so you might wanna call his ass out here so we can be done and get gone.”

“There he is right there,” she beamed, as she pressed the lever to let the window down.

I smacked my lips and caught a slight attitude. Taking a detour wasn’t in my plans, and sure as hell not on anybody’s muthafuckin’ block. “Make it quick, Desiree. No bullshit. You know I’ll pull off if you take too long and he can get yo’ ass back to the house.”

“That’s why I’m not getting out,” she mumbled under her breath.

“Like I won’t pull off on his ass while he’s in the muthafuckin’ window.”

“
Shhhh
…!” she hushed me. “Hey baby!” she exclaimed as he approached her window. “I wanted you to meet my girl, Jazz. The one I’m always talking about.”

“Oh, hey, what’s up, shawty?”

I nodded my head in his direction. “What’s up?” I responded, dryly. My mind was on all the eyes on us as we sat curbside. I wasn’t feeling the atmosphere at all. My ass was looking through the rearview and all that shit.

“I’m Nick,” he said, extending his hand through Desiree’s window and over to me.

I reciprocated the gesture. “Nice to meet you, Nick.”

I had to give it to Desiree. I could see why she was smiling so hard. Her dude was a cutie. I hadn’t seen sandy brown hair on a dude in a long ass time, but he wore it well, and his complexion matched. Had a Chris Breezy kinda thing going on. And I could see that she was head over from all the damn goofy ass cheesin’ she was doing while he was talking. Her ass was probably gonna need a pain pill to get her jaws from throbbing later on.

“My girl said you just got home from college. Smart
and
pretty. That’s what’s up.”

“Thank you,” I responded.

“Yep, yep. This all you right here?” he asked, stepping back to look at the body of my Audi. “Got my girl riding in style today. Where y’all off to?”

“Going to Temescal to sit and chill for a little while and let Jada run around in the grass.”

“Oh, okay,” he said, rubbing across the top of the dog’s head, who growled at his touch. “Hit me later, baby,” he instructed, leaning inside to kiss Desiree on the cheek. “It was nice meetin’ you, Jazz.”

“Nice meeting you too.”

As soon as he was away from the window, I smashed down Mead and got the hell out of there. “Don’t ask me to take you on nobody’s turf
ever
again, Desiree. You know I’m not cool with that shit. I coulda met that dude any other time.”

“Girl, whatever. Don’t act like he’s some scrub or some shit like that,” she snapped defensively.

“Did that come out of my mouth? Nah, it didn’t. I could give a fuck if he’s a scrub or not. My muthafukin’ uncle just got killed!
Murdered
! And you got me coming around somebody’s damn block! That shit ain’t cool! I don’t trust a muthafucka! So, if you wanna be all up in yo’ feelings defending yo’ dick-of-the-moment, I can drop yo’ ass off back with him or back at home. It’s up to you!”

Without even waiting for a response, I hit San Pablo Avenue and made my way towards Market so I could get this bitch back to her shit. Wasn’t nobody gonna be putting me in compromising ass positions while I was still out here not knowing who the fuck wanted my uncle dead. Fuck that. When Desiree realized what direction I was going, she spoke up.

“Girl, what are you doing?”

“You see what I’m doing. Today ain’t the day, Desiree. I got too much shit on my mind for the bullshit.”

“Did I once say that I didn’t understand where you were coming from? No, I didn’t. So, stop with the dramatics. We’re going to the park so we can sit and chill and
you
can relax. The original plan. I’m sorry for taking you down there; I just wanted you to meet him, that’s all. I didn’t think about how you might feel about that; I’m sorry.”