Ill Wind and Dead Reckoning: Caribbean Pirate Adventure (Valkyrie) (31 page)

Gabriella pushed me
closer to insanity every day. I knew where she was every second of every day and night. I found myself searching for her as soon as I went on deck – before I even checked the sails and compass. This was no way to command a ship. I’d given up trying to sleep in the chartroom, knowing she was the other side of a thin wooden partition. I’d taken to napping on deck with the other men, despite their smirks and laughter.

I loved her. I couldn’t deny it any more. I’d been in love with her since that day in Eckerstad and the spirit she’d shown – to have evaded van Ecken and his men – proved she was special. She’d proved it again aboard that slaver and many times since. I knew it, Frazer and Gaunt knew it, and apparently so did the rest of the crew.
Did she?
I didn’t know
. Did she return my love or had I pushed her too far away?
I didn’t know that either, but she had stayed aboard
Freedom
even though I’d given her an assurance I’d take her and Klara wherever they wanted to go. All she’d said was that they were happy where they were for the moment, smiled, then asked a question about the rig, or the rigging, or the wind, or anything else nautical.

Why’s she making this so hard? Why’s she still on my ship
? She was all I could think about – even when we raided
Papillion
that morning my main concern had been to keep her safe. I’d have put her in the pinnace again, or tried to, safe with Jack and Alonso if I’d thought it would do any good, but she’d sailed
towards
the fight that first time, and I knew she’d do exactly the same again today. In the end, I let her help – to show our colours. I took the helm so she was right in front of me at the mainmast. Even though she was fully in my sight and very close (no one would be able to get to her before I could cut him down), I couldn’t take my eyes off her. Her antics with the flag halyard had me laughing when I should have been concentrating on the other ship and my men.

There had been no consequences though.
Papillion
struck her colours without a fight – at least her first mate had some sense in his head. I helped Gabriella up, and we crossed to the prize together. The relief of the surrender had helped to break the tension between us, although she looked wary at my smile and seemed reluctant to take my arm. I couldn’t blame her.

On the deck of
Papillion
, I shook hands with the sailor who had cold-cocked his captain. He immediately offered his ship’s coin, cargo and stores in return for safe passage for the ship and crew. I agreed. We didn’t need another ship of this size, and I had no intention of losing any of my men in an unnecessary fight. Besides, Gabriella was in earshot and it was suddenly important to me to appear merciful.

Papillion’s
crew had gathered on the foredeck and didn’t appear to be armed, but Juaquim and Phillippe had formed a loose guard on them anyway. The mate joined them and I took a handful of Freedom Fighters below to have a look at what we had, then went aft, as usual, to the captain’s cabin, leaving Frazer to organise the unloading of the main holds.

‘You need to decide.’ Frazer had followed me on my search for charts and the log book.
Is everyone ignoring my orders now?
‘I know you love her, it’s obvious to all of us except you. You need to decide if you love her enough.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘A mariner’s life is dangerous at the best of times, a pirate’s more so. The men need your attention on them. They will not trust you or fight for you when you’re so distracted. There’s some grumbling already and I don’t blame them. Each of their lives is in your hands and I knows you well enough that you’d feel each of their deaths hard.’

It was a long speech for Frazer.

‘Give her up or conquer your fear and claim her,’ he continued.

‘Are you giving me an ultimatum?’

‘Aye. And if you ignore it, you’ll be inviting mutiny. The men need to know where they are, or more accurately, where you and that woman are. Devil’s bones, Leo! You’re handing that Newton the opportunity to challenge you and he might win.’ He stared at me a moment, nodded, then turned and went forward to supervise the loading of the plunder.

He was right. I knew it; I’d known it a long time, but what could I do? I had to be near her, I had to have her within touching distance, but I couldn’t touch her. Everyone I loved died. If I dragged her any closer to me she’d die too, and I couldn’t stand to lose her. Every day I knew her that loss would be magnified.
But if she left the ship, would that not be the same loss?

I watched her now. Excited, laughing – one of the crew enjoying our victory. I knew I’d have to take the risk – Frazer was right. I couldn’t bear to lose her. I couldn’t put her ashore. I had to give in to her. I had to trust her to stay alive.

*

Back on
Freedom’s
foredeck, Gabriella looked to be overjoyed. She’d had a part in the attack (albeit a minor one), and there’d been no deaths or serious injury on either side.

‘Don’t speak too soon, querida
,
that captain would have them all hung for mutiny for the mate’s actions – if they let him live. They’ll have to get rid of him.’

With perfect timing I saw the splash of the captain’s exit overboard, but didn’t draw Gabriella’s attention to it.

‘It’s the law of the sea,’ I continued.

‘You’re not upset that another man has just died?’

So she had heard it.

‘No, his blood’s not on my hands.’

‘Well no, not directly,’ she agreed. ‘But he only died because we challenged his ship.’

‘He was his own man, and chose his own path – and death. I’m not held to account for another captain’s decisions, only my own. He was prepared to sacrifice the lives of his crew to save his own skin from his master’s anger at losing the cargo. His end was a fitting one.’

‘You’re a difficult man to understand, Captain Santiago.’

‘Not really, I’m a man like any other man. I have the same desires and the same sorrows. There are rules in this life and I follow them. Well, most of them. I try to plot a navigable course through the obstacles in life and usually find passage through.’ I took a deep breath. ‘And now here you are. No matter how I try, I cannot find safe passage.’

‘Safe passage?’

‘Sí
.
To keep you close is to put you in danger. To push you away is to put myself in despair. I’m sailing through a reef with submerged rocks thrown in my way just for the sheer hell of it, and I have no charts.’ I paused again, but I had to say it. ‘I don’t want to lose you, Gabriella. I
can’t
lose you. You have to decide whether you stay with me, but if you do, you
have
to stay. I won’t survive losing you too.’

‘I thought you didn’t want me, I thought you were pushing me away so I’d leave the ship.’

‘No, I was pushing you away because I thought you’d come to your senses and leave, especially after Jimmy’s death. I thought you wouldn’t want this life, that its price is too high. I needed to give you the opportunity to leave to see if you’d take it. I had to be sure you wanted to make your life with me before I dared offer it to you.’

‘Of course I want to live this life with you. Why do you think I stayed aboard, learning your trade – all your trades? Why would I have put myself through all that hard work and injury on your decks?’

‘There’s a difference between sharing this life and sharing this life with me. I needed to know you wanted
me
, not just
Sound of Freedom
and her adventure.’

‘You’re a fool ever to have doubted that. I wanted to share your life when I first saw its reflection in your eyes, when you walked into that cabin and smiled instead of trembled at the threat there.’

I rested my hands on her shoulders, then gently raised my right hand and slowly stroked her face. She didn’t flinch.

‘Gabriella.’ It was all I could say. El infierno, it was all I could think.

‘What took you so long? You could have said all this weeks ago.’

I couldn’t help myself and laughed – something she made me do a lot. I could be nothing but honest, pirate or not, and the words fell out of my mouth.

‘I was afraid.’

‘Afraid?’

‘Yes.’

‘Why? I’m not going to hurt you, how could I?’

‘It’s not you.’

‘Then what?’

I paused, trying to find something believable to say, but I was stuck with the truth.

‘I love you. Everyone I love dies. I’m afraid that if I give in to that love, I’ll lose you, too.’

She was silent.

I waited.

‘I’ll risk it,’ she said.

‘No! I don’t
want
you to take risks, I want you alive – alive and in my world.’ I was a little taken aback by the ferocity in my voice. She didn’t blink.

‘You helped me get away from Erik. He was my husband but he didn’t feel that way. If not for you, he would have killed me. Possibly not by now, but if not, then soon. There’s no doubt, before long he would have killed me and enjoyed doing it. You have not brought me closer to death, just the opposite, you’ve given me life. I told you, I’ll take the risk, it’s mine to take.’

My heart thumped even harder with her assessment of her husband, but he could wait. I could not. I’d waited long enough. I moved my hand, which I realized was still cupping her face, around to the back of her head and pulled her towards me.

‘Are you sure?’ I asked, still trying to resist.

‘Yes.’

There was nothing left to say. I bent my neck, very slowly, and brought my lips close to hers. The moment of no return. I was lost in her eyes, her slightly salty smell, even the beating of her heart. Finally our lips touched and our faces opened to each other, drawn to each other, just as a compass needle is drawn north.

Our lips met again, this time more forcefully, and we pulled each other close. Skin and salt had never tasted so well. I felt bolts of fire connecting our bodies where we touched and could hardly breathe – not that I needed to, she was all the breath I needed. I opened my eyes (I hadn’t realized I had closed them), and hers opened almost at the same moment. We stared at each other, connected by more than just sight. I was still struggling to breathe properly, but not out of fear any more. And, even better, Gabriella’s breath and heart matched my rhythm, beat for beat. It was too late for second thoughts. Wherever this took us, I was going; there was no turning back now.

Then she looked past me, over my shoulder, and I turned to see my crew standing and watching, grinning and nudging each other. I hoped Gabriella couldn’t hear what they were saying, and I cursed the lack of privacy aboard a ship at sea.

I took Gabriella’s arm and led her aft, shouting orders at the men as we walked past. There was still a lot of work to do to make
Freedom
shipshape again, but Frazer could handle it.

Heart hammering with anticipation I opened the door to Gabriella’s cabin and followed her inside.

He put his rough hands to my face, then slowly bent and kissed me again. Despite the salt, his lips tasted sweet. I knew then without doubt that I loved him, that I’d fallen in love with him almost the first time our eyes had met, back in that slaver’s cabin. As I felt his tongue enter my mouth, flick over my teeth and meet my own reaching shyly towards his, I’d never felt such passion or desire. I wanted this man so badly; I hadn’t known such emotion, such feeling, existed. Our lips parted and I looked into his eyes. I saw that he felt exactly the same – shocked, confused and scared. We’d both been living by our wits for so long, and been hurt so badly, albeit in very different ways, neither of us expected to want, need and trust another human being like this.

He kissed me again, and we stumbled against the bulkhead; we’d lost our sea legs, but I didn’t care. Off came our coats, our breeches, our shirts. We finally stood together naked and alone in the middle of the ocean, drinking in the sight of each other. He fingered the amethyst necklace that I still wore, all he needed to do was give it one sharp tug and it would have been his, and I wouldn’t have cared. Instead, he told me how beautiful it was, and that the only place he ever wanted to see it was resting on my chest.

‘It belongs there,’ he whispered. ‘I want to be able to see it there against your skin, querida, always.’

He kissed me again, harder this time, and pressed up against me as I leaned against the timber wall. I held him tight, enjoying the feel of his strong, well-muscled arms; his tanned back; his hard chest. His hands were all over me; touching, stroking, caressing.
Who knew that a man such as he could be so gentle?

He pulled me away from the bulkhead and pushed me on to the cot in front of the stern windows as a large wave crashed against them; then the seas subsided again to a gentle, regular rhythm as wave after wave passed beneath
Freedom’s
hull, carrying us along to who knew where.

I grew more and more excited. I couldn’t believe the sensations coursing through my body. I hadn’t known it was possible to feel like this, for my body to sing. Every touch from him felt like fire. I felt a tension building up in me, building and building until I screamed in frustration. I never wanted it to stop, yet I thought I’d burst from it; and then I did, and he cried out with me, both of us clinging to each other, my nails digging into the skin of his broad shoulders. Even then we couldn’t pull ourselves apart, and we started to explore each other’s bodies again. I had to touch every inch of him, to share every inch of myself with him. We needed to know each other physically as completely as we’d somehow known each other when we first met.