Imaginary Grace (24 page)

“Poker, of course,” I replied, still shuffling. “Have you ever played?”

“I know the basics, like you have to get pairs and three or four of a kind, but I’ve never played for real.”

“Well, you’re in luck,” I told her, “‘cause you’re about to get a lesson from one of the best.”

“Really?” she exclaimed, but it was hard to tell whether she was mocking me or not.

I felt my face get a little hot. “No, not really. Actually, I’m a pretty pitiful poker player, but I could show you the basics so we could play a few hands.” She laughed when I said that, and for the first time I realized I loved the sound. My face getting hotter, I sat across from her on the bed and started dealing.

“Okay, show me your cards.”

She laid her cards out on the bed and I told her which ones to keep and which ones to toss. We played a few hands like that, then she said she was ready to try it on her own. She was awful; I beat her at every hand.

“It’s a good thing we’re not playing for money,” I commented, “‘cause you’d owe me big time.” I glanced over at the clock at her nightstand. “Hey, can you do me a favor and flip on the TV? I want to catch the score of the basketball game.”

“Sure.” She reached for the remote and turned it on while I leaned back on the abnormally large pile of pillows she had at the head of her bed.

“What’s with all the pillows?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve always liked to surround myself with pillows when I sleep.”

“My, my…I learn more and more about you every day; now c’mere and join me on your pillow pile.” I grabbed her hand and gently pulled her over to me.

She poked at the pillows, making herself comfortable, and then she lay down with her head on my chest and her arms around my waist. I ran my fingers through her still slightly damp hair, then bent my head down to inhale that all-too-familiar scent. We watched the rest of the game like that, then she looked up at me and asked, “Do you have to work tomorrow morning?”

Work. I didn’t even want to think about it. “Yeah,” I sighed, “so I should probably get going.

I was surprised when she said, “Stay a little longer.”

“Hmm…make it worth my while, and maybe I will.”

I threw her a wink to show her I was kidding, but she sat up and through one leg over my body so she was straddling me. When she leaned down and kissed me, I really didn’t want to leave, but then she abruptly stopped, sat up and looked at the clock. “Beth should be home any minute.”

I groaned. “Roommates suck.”

She giggled, then reached down to touch my hair. “It’s so silky.” She ran her fingers through my hair, pushing it away from my face. “Where did you get this?” she asked as her index finger inched along the scar just above my right eye.

“It’s nothing,” I muttered, as my hand shot up and moved hers out of the way.

“I’m sorry,” she said, stung, as she dropped her hand to her side. “You don’t have to tell me.”

“No, it’s okay. I’m sorry,” I said. “I better get going. It’s getting late.”

She reluctantly moved off me, her eyes averted. “Okay, then, I guess I’ll talk to you over the weekend.”

“Yeah, I’ll give you a call,” I said, then I lightly kissed her and made my way out the door.

Chapter 35

Grace

I
closed the door behind him, then leaned my back up against it.
What just happened?
Pushing myself off the door, I went back over to my bed and sat down on the edge of the now-rumpled bedspread. Everything had been great until I mentioned his scar. Of course his reaction made me all the more curious about how he had gotten it – not that I planned on
ever
mentioning it again.

I wondered if I should tell Beth about Tanner’s strange mood swings lately; she always seemed to know just what to say. Like when I told her that Tanner and I loved all the same music and she said, “It’s like you guys were just meant to be.” I certainly liked the sound of that.

I glanced at the clock again; Beth should have been home from Adam’s by now. I wondered what Tanner would think if he found out that my roommate, who had a boyfriend, was out with another guy. It wouldn’t be good, that was for sure; Tanner didn’t strike me as the kind of guy who thought running around was okay. I didn’t want him thinking badly about her, and I didn’t want him to think that I would do the same—you know, the whole “birds of a feather” thing. On the other hand, maybe he wouldn’t care at all.

Just then I heard the doorknob turn. The door slowly creaked open and Beth hesitantly looked in, as if afraid she’d walk in on something. When she saw it was just me sitting on the bed, she pushed it open and sauntered into the room. “He didn’t show?”

“He showed,” I said smiling.

“Oh, that’s great, Grace! And…?”

“And what?” I asked nonchalantly.

“And…your usually neat-as-a-pin bedspread looks a bit unkempt,” she put her hands on her hips, “so let’s hear it.”

“Nothing happened,” I told her. “We played cards for a while, then we watched a basketball game on TV.” I paused for just a beat, but it was long enough to draw a raised eyebrow from my roommate. “And then something kind of weird happened.”

“Oooh, weird. Go ahead, I like weird,” she said, smiling as she rubbed her palms together.

“Well, not really weird… well, yeah, actually, it
was
weird.” I told her how he’d freaked out a little when I asked him about the scar. “It was like I’d asked about some deep dark secret.”

“That
is
weird, Grace. Maybe the scar’s like the result of some crazy traumatic incident that he had as a kid.”

“Or maybe,” I said, “it has to do with a girl. Perhaps an old girlfriend or something. Maybe he broke up with her and she came at him with a knife or a razor or something.”

Beth laughed. “Oh, Grace, don’t be so dramatic. He probably just fell off his bike or a jungle gym when he was little. Maybe he doesn’t want you to know that he used to be a klutz.”

I thought about what she said. She
could
be right, but she hadn’t seen his reaction. She hadn’t seen the look in his eyes. There was definitely more to the scar than a childhood fall. I decided to let it go for now and file it away in the ever-expanding file cabinet in my head labeled, “Tanner Mysteries.”

“How was your date with Adam?” I asked, happy to be questioning her for a change.

“It wasn’t a date,” she replied. “We were just hanging out.”

“Oh, well, don’t worry, I didn’t mention it to Tanner.”

“You didn’t
mention
it to Tanner? What does that mean? I don’t care if Tanner knows.”

“Well, he
does
know that you’re seeing Thomas so I wouldn’t want him to think you’re sneaking around.”

Beth snorted. “Sneaking around? Grace, you’re living in this fantasy world of perfect boyfriends and perfect relationships. I’m not ‘sneaking around’ and besides, who cares? Nobody cares what anyone else is doing. He probably doesn’t even remember Thomas. He only met him once and, if I recall, it was very brief.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” I said. “I guess I just feel like I finally have Tanner all to myself now, and I just can’t imagine being with anyone else.”

“Well, you’re lucky that you have a boyfriend who’s here and not hundreds of miles away,” she commented.

I couldn’t help it, but a grin slowly spread across my face when she referred to Tanner as my boyfriend.

“Oh, give me a break,” she said, laughing as she threw a pillow at my head.

I laughed too. “I can’t help it. I love hearing you call him my boyfriend.”

“Oh, brother.” She grabbed her pajamas from her dresser drawer and a clean towel from the closet. “Shower,” she said, holding up the towel, “then bed.”

“Yeah, I think I’ll turn in too.” I changed into my blue flannel pants and a t-shirt and climbed into bed, slowly sifting through the events of this roller coaster day. When Beth came out, I jumped into the bathroom to brush my teeth. She had just turned the lights out when I whispered, “Beth, it just doesn’t get any better than this…”

And with that said, I was promptly hit by another flying pillow.

Chapter 36

Tanner

I
t was a short drive from work to my apartment, but on that Saturday afternoon it felt like hours. I’d slept for a total of twenty minutes the night before, and while I told myself it was like any other sleepless night, I knew better. My head was buzzing with every detail of the time I’d spent with Grace yesterday.

Her mentioning the scar had yanked me back to reality, reminding me that I didn’t do the girlfriend thing for a reason. But then I’d think about how much fun it had been, first hanging out at my place, then playing cards at hers.

What were the odds? A hot girl who was into my music and who I liked hanging out with. Wait a minute – did I just say
hot
? When did Grace become the hot girl anyway? I pulled into my driveway and shut my car off. I sat there for a while, staring out the front window at nothing in particular, just thinking.

I finally decided that it wasn’t worth the risk. What if I started to really care about her, only to find out she was just like any other nutty chick?
Stick to the plan, Tanner.
Just hang with her until the money comes through and then end it.

My decision made, I headed into the apartment, feeling clearheaded for the first time all day. I found Scott lying on the couch as if someone had poured him there. I walked over and nudged him with my work boot. “What’s up for tonight?”

He mumbled something about going over to Mick’s place for a while before we hit the bar. I looked at the clock. Five-fifteen, still early, so I decided to lie down for a while. I was almost to my room when I heard Scott say, “Hey, do you want to order a pizza later, before we go?”

“Yeah, sure. Wake me up when it gets here.”

I was doubtful that I would fall asleep, but I must have, because the next thing I heard was a sharp rap on my bedroom door.

“T, pizza’s here.”

“Okay, be right there,” I mumbled, already reaching for the crumpled sweats and t-shirt lying next to me on the bed. When I got to the kitchen, Scott had already started eating. I didn’t speak as I pulled out one of the stools, sat down and grabbed a slice.

Scott was quiet for a moment, but I felt his eyes on me. “What’s with the mood?” he said finally. “Trouble with the woman?”

I didn’t feel like dealing with Scott’s bullshit tonight, but I knew better than to let it show. If he thought he was getting to me, he’d never quit.

“No trouble, everything’s on track,” I said, then I casually changed the subject. “What’s up at Mick’s tonight?”

“I don’t know. He called this afternoon and said a bunch of the guys were going over there to hang before going out.”

I just nodded and continued eating.

“Well, Mr. Chatterbox, on that note I think I’ll go take a shower.”

After he left I finished my slice, wolfed down another, then went back to my room. I didn’t even feel like going out, but since staying home wasn’t appealing either I eventually got myself into the shower, hoping to revive myself. When I appeared in the living room a half-hour later, Scott was already waiting. “Ready, sunshine?” he said with a sarcastic grin.

I shrugged and headed over to the door. I said nothing for most of the walk to Mick’s, then finally Scott broke the silence.

“Seriously, man, what’s up with you? You’ve barely said anything all night.”

I shrugged again. “I just got a lot on my mind, that’s all. Not to mention the fact that I can’t remember the last time I had a good night’s sleep.”

“Oh, well, it’s time to perk up.” He punched me playfully on the arm. “C’mon, it’s gonna be a great night. Everyone’s going to be there, and this is the last time you’ll be free on a Saturday night for a while. Isn’t the band playing the next few Saturdays? Plus Amber and Kristen will probably be there. Hey, I have an idea, how about I take a step back and let you have both of them?”

That actually made me laugh. “I don’t think that’ll be happening. Amber’s still pissed at me for ditching her at the bar the last time we were there.”

“This is true,” he said, chuckling.

Amber. The thought of her made me sick. I hoped we wouldn’t run into them. But Scott had made me laugh for the first time all day, and by the time we got to Mick’s, I felt my mood beginning to lift. As I got myself a beer from the fridge I decided to forget about everything (Grace) for a while and enjoy myself. A few minutes later I was on my second beer and hanging out with the guys in the living room when from the corner of my eye I noticed a girl come in the front door. I briefly wondered who she was, but was distracted by Scott’s rather loud monologue detailing the circumstances of his latest conquest.

I forgot all about the girl, until a few minutes later when I went into the kitchen for another beer and found her with her head in the fridge. I must have startled her, because she kind of jumped when she heard me behind her.

“Sorry,” I said, “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“No worries.” She put her hand out to me. “Hi, I’m Lisa.”

Just then Mick appeared behind her and put his arm around her waist, “Ah, I see you’ve met Tanner. Tanner, this is my girlfriend, Lisa.”

So this was the reason Mick never went out. “Nice to meet you, Lisa.”

“You’re the guy who plays in the band, right? Mickey says you’re really good.”

“Yep, that would be me.”

“I guess you’re not playing tonight.”

“No, not tonight,” I said, “Next weekend.”

Lisa slid herself onto the kitchen counter and pulled Mick over so that he was standing between her legs with his back to her. She then wrapped her arms loosely around his neck and rested her chin on his left shoulder.

“I told Mickey I want to come and see the show some time,” she said.

“Ah, no can do, babe. I told you, you’ve got be twenty-one.” Mickey gently squeezed her thigh.

I took a moment to study her. She was pretty enough, but I wouldn’t exactly call her hot. She was on the shorter side and thin, with shoulder-length dark blonde hair that she had tucked behind her ears. Her eyes were a deep brown, and they lit up every time she spoke. She wore jeans and a light-pink, zip-up sweatshirt that reached just above her hips. Her feet were bare, and I noticed she wore a little jeweled toe ring on her left foot. She looked tan, like maybe she’d been away recently.

This wasn’t the sort of girl I’d pictured Mick with. The few times I’d hung out with him, I saw the type of girls who checked him out – girls like Amber and Kristen. But now that I thought about it, I’d never seen him leave with any of them. In fact, he barely spoke to them. He certainly seemed to adore Lisa, though. What did this rather mousey-looking girl have that the others didn’t? I was intrigued.

I had always lumped girls into two categories – hot and not hot, with no in-between. But the more I watched Lisa and listened to her, the more I realized there was a whole other gray area that I had never bothered to pay attention to.

“You look tan,” I said. “Were you on vacation?”

“No,” she said, smiling. “I’m from Florida, and I was back there visiting last week.” She squeezed Mick’s arm. “Next time this guy’s coming with. My sister’s dying to meet him.”

“Oh,” I said to Mick, “You’ve never been?”

“Yeah, over winter break, but her sister was down in the Keys and we missed each other.”

He leaned his head back so it was resting on her shoulder. “I’ve heard the stories about your sister, and I’m not sure I’m ready to meet her.”

“You take that back, mister, or you’ll pay for it later.” But she was laughing as she said it. Normally this couply stuff made me want to puke, but for some reason I found myself enjoying Mick and Lisa’s banter. They seemed genuinely happy with each other, although I was still a bit mystified as to why he had chosen this girl over so many others.

“So, where’d you guys meet, anyway?”

They looked at each other briefly and then, as if on cue, they both started laughing. “Well,” they both said in unison. “No, wait, let me tell him,” Lisa said. “I tell it better.”

I realized my error a few minutes into Lisa’s blow-by-blow of how they’d met while working at a kids’ sleep-away camp the summer before. I had reached my limit and now wished I was in the other room with the guys, pounding back beers. My mind must have wandered, because suddenly I heard Lisa say my name.

“Huh?”

“I just asked if you had a girlfriend.”

“Um…” I began, not knowing how to answer. The more people who knew about my fake relationship meant the more people who would know about my very real breakup.” “Sort of,” I said finally, hoping she’d leave it alone. She didn’t.

“Sort of?” Lisa raised her eyebrows. “What does that mean?”

Mick jumped in to rescue me. “Lee, sort of means…sort of. That’s all.”

Mick didn’t really know anything about Grace – only what he’d heard from Scott when Scott shot his mouth off. “Sorry, buddy, sometimes this one doesn’t know when to quit,” he said playfully, pulling her down from the counter and hugging her.

“That’s okay, maybe I’ll bring her over next time and you could meet her,” I suggested.

“Who?” Lisa asked. “Oh, you mean your ‘sort of’ girlfriend?”

“Yeah,” I said, laughing, “my sort of girlfriend.”

“Okay, well, we look forward to meeting your mystery woman. On that note I gotta get going. I’m late to meet my friends. Tanner, it was nice meeting you.” Lisa stood on her tiptoes to kiss Mick. “Walk me out?”

Mick nodded, and the two of them walked out, leaving me alone in the kitchen. I stood there for a second, listening to the guys laughing in the other room, then I slid my phone out of my pocket.
What the fuck am I doing?,
I thought, even as I typed out the text to Grace.
Hey what’s up. If ur around do u want 2 meet up?
Then, before I could change my mind, I hit send.

“Hey, T,” Scott yelled, “What are you doing in there? Dean said he’d give us a lift.”

I looked down at my phone. She hadn’t replied.

“You guys go ahead, I’ll meet you there.”

Scott started to give me shit, but Mick said, “Tanner, you can drive with me. I’m leaving a little later.”

“Yeah, okay, Mick,” I said, and just then I felt my phone vibrate. Sure enough, it was from Grace –
Suuuure! me & beth r @party at frat. meet us there.

I replied that I would be there soon, then slipped the phone back into my pocket. I waited until the guys were gone, then told Mick I was going to skip the bar. I didn’t feel like explaining why so I just told him that I was beat from working all day.

He didn’t question it. “Sure, no problem, I’ll catch you next weekend at the show.”

“Okay, sounds good,” I said, already heading for the front door.

As I walked toward the path that would lead me through the woods and eventually to the row of frat houses, I told myself it wasn’t about Grace. I just didn’t feel like hanging at a bar tonight. I told myself that even as I stopped at my car, opened the passenger-side door, and reached into the glove compartment for the shiny new deck of cards I’d picked up on my lunch break. I got them at the convenience store next door to the gas station where I worked. They had a picture of Fort McHenry on them and looked pretty cool. It was either that or a deck with the Oriole’s symbol on it, and I took a chance and figured Grace was more of a history buff than a sports buff. I put them in my jacket pocket and then closed the car door and continued on my way.

It wasn’t hard to find to the party; it was the well-lit house with the big crowd out front. As I got closer, I heard someone call my name. I looked in the direction of the voice and saw a couple of guys from my music theory class. “Hey, what’s up?”

They were trashed; the party must have started earlier than usual. “You want a drink, buddy?” one of them asked as he handed me a beer.

I was going to say no, but I had a buzz going and didn’t want to lose it. “Sure, thanks, man.”

I bullshitted with them just long enough to drain the beer, then told them I was meeting up with someone inside.

As I opened the front door I realized the party was even more crowded than I’d thought. I went from room to room, looking for Grace and Beth. Unable to find either of them, I headed downstairs to the basement where I spotted Beth at the far end of the room talking to Gary and some blond-haired dude who looked like he should be sporting a surf board under his arm. I held back for a minute, scanning the room, but still didn’t see Grace. I stuck around, though, figuring Grace would wind up here eventually.

“Tanner!” Beth exclaimed drunkenly when she saw me. “You made it.”

As I walked over, Gary shot me a nasty look, then rolled his eyes at surfer boy.

“No
gig
tonight? “Gary said snidely without looking at me.

“Something wrong with your eyes there, Gary?” I said motioning my head towards him with a half-smile, causing Beth and surf city to laugh.

Gary just shook his head and blew out a deep breath. “What are you doing here, anyway, Tanner? Strike out at the bar?”

I glanced over at Beth, but she was deep in conversation with Panama Jack and didn’t hear the comment. I turned slowly back to Gary, leaned toward him, and whispered, “Watch it, frat boy, ‘cause you
know
I could bury you.” He took a step back, but from the corner of my eye I could see that Beth was watching us now. “Just here to see my girl, buddy,” I said in a friendly tone, then turned to Beth. “Where is she, anyway?”

“She went to the bathroom, but there was a huge line.” She stood on tiptoes and scanned the room. “Here she comes now.”

As she came into view, I felt my jaw go slightly slack. If possible, she looked even hotter than she had at the wedding, with her hair all loose and hanging almost to her waist. She was wearing a pair of tight jeans that were tucked into these tanned leather boots that came all the way up to her knees along with a fitted pink hooded thermal. When our eyes locked, she smiled, then cast her eyes down shyly. When she got near enough, I pulled her to me and slid my arm around her shoulders. “It’s about time you joined us.”

“I see you’ve met Adam,” Grace said to me.