Imaginary Grace (40 page)

“I guess not,” he said, sounding defeated as he stood up. Then he reached over and lightly stroked my hair. “It was great seeing you.”

I didn’t pull back from him, but I didn’t get all warm and fuzzy either. “Have a good summer if I don’t see you again.”

“Yeah, you too,” he said as he let his hand drop and then turned to go.

Chapter 54

Tanner

“S
o, how’d it go?” Scott asked when I got home. He was sitting on his favorite kitchen stool, nursing a beer.

“I don’t know,” I said. “I don’t think she believed me.”

“Well, you tried,” he said. “If anything happens now, it’s out of your hands. At least you warned her, but I think you’re overreacting anyway. Gary’s not going to do anything.”

“You’re wrong, Scott. He
will
do something – I’m sure of it.”

“Well, what’re you going to do, keep her in your pocket? Forget it. It’s over between you guys, so there’s nothing you can do about it.”

I thought for a minute. “There’s one more thing I can try.”

“And that is?” he asked.

“I can talk to Beth. You know, just give her a heads-up. Let her know what’s going on and that she should keep an eye on Grace when Gary’s around, especially if there’s drinking involved.”

Scott looked at me and shook his head as if to say, ‘you gotta be kidding me.’

“T…let it go,” he said as he put his hands on my shoulders; it was a rare gesture for him, one he reserved for guys he felt were acting pathetic over a girl. “Forget about her. Concentrate on the tour. Once that starts, there’ll be so many girls you’ll have trouble remembering her name.”

I suddenly realized how lame I sounded. I was turning into one of those guys we always made fun of. I took a step back and laughed. “You’re right…what am I doing? The tour – that’s what’s important now. I’ve got to forget about this shit and concentrate on the tour.” But even as I said it, I knew I had to try this one last thing - talking to Beth. At least then I’d know I’d done all I could.

Now all I had to do was track Beth down when Grace wasn’t around. One day when I knew Grace had a couple of classes a row, I headed over to the dorm, where a couple of girls who were exiting the building let me in. I climbed the stairs to their room, hoping Beth was there so I could just get this over with. The last thing I needed was for people to see me lurking around the dorm and think I was some kind of stalker.

I knocked at the door, relieved to hear Beth call out. A second later she opened the door, her mouth opening in surprise. “To what do I owe this visit?” she asked, trying to play it off.

“Don’t worry, I’m not here to ask you to convince Grace to get back with me, although feel free to try if you want…” I smiled, but she just stared at me. “I’m here about something else.”

She opened the door wider so I could come in. “What’s up?” she asked as I took a seat on Grace’s bed and tried to get my thoughts straight.

“Listen, I know you and Grace are all chummy with Gary now, and I guess Grace can do what she wants. It’s none of my business. But I need you to do me a favor.”

“Go on,” she said, and I could tell from her expression that she was getting curious.

“Not sure if you know this or not, but Gary and I are not too cool with each other.” Beth looked at me as if to say,
duh
. “Right, well, I don’t trust him, and especially not with Grace. I’ve got a bad feeling about him.”

She rolled her eyes at me. “Tanner, that’s silly. I’ve been around Gary a million times—he’s completely harmless.” She paused. “Why would you think otherwise?”

“I have my reasons, and if you don’t want to believe me that’s fine, just do me one favor. When you and Grace are with him, and alcohol’s involved, just keep an eye on the situation. Don’t let Grace go anywhere alone with him, okay?”

She thought about it for a minute. “Okay, Tanner, I still think it’s ridiculous, but if you feel that strongly about it, I guess I can help you out.”

Before she could say anything else, I said, “And do me one more favor-- please don’t tell her we had this conversation, at least not until the semester’s over and everyone’s gone home. At that point, I’ll know she’s safe and I don’t care if she knows. If you tell her now, she’s just going to think I have an ulterior motive.” I stared Beth in the eye to let her know I wasn’t fucking around. “I just don’t want anything to happen to her, okay?”

I could see she was mulling it over, then she said, “You know I don’t like getting in the middle of you two, and I especially don’t like keeping things from Grace, but you do seem kinda freaked out about this whole thing, so…okay, I’ll do it. I’ll keep an eye on her when she’s around Gary, even though I’m sure it’s unwarranted, and I won’t mention it for now. But you should know that I
am
going to tell her eventually.”

“Fair enough,” I said as I stood up. “I appreciate it, Beth.” She shrugged, and I left, closing the door behind me. As I walked down the stairs and out of the building, I knew I’d done everything I could to protect Grace. Still, I couldn’t shake the uneasiness I felt, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to rest until the semester was over and done with.

Chapter 55

Grace

W
hen the weekend rolled around, I still wasn’t in the mood to go out, so I sent Beth on her way with a promise that I’d definitely go with her to the huge blowout on Wednesday night. It was the last hurrah before everyone left for summer break.

It was a bittersweet time for me. On the one hand I was looking forward to going home, seeing my family, and not having to worry about classes and homework for a few months, but on the other hand I wasn’t going to have the summer that I’d thought I was going to have. I wasn’t going to be spending the summer with Tanner and doing all the things we’d planned, like going with him on the tour and visiting the lake house and the trips to the beach we said we’d squeeze in whenever time allowed. It would have been fun if he’d stayed at my house while the band had gigs in the area. Ryder would’ve loved that.

I shook the disappointment from my head as I climbed onto my bed and flipped on the TV, finally settling on an old movie I’d seen about a dozen times. I ended up falling asleep early, before Beth even got home, which meant it was almost a guarantee that I’d be awake by seven the next morning.

That turned out to be just the case, and not wanting to wake Beth, I decided to go for a run. I quietly got dressed, slipped my sneakers on, and then grabbed my iPod, sliding it into my jacket pocket.

The crisp, early morning air felt good, and I inhaled deeply. I hadn’t been on a run in forever.
Since you were spending all your time with Tanner. More like wasting all your time.
I pushed the thoughts from my head and did some stretches, then walked down the path at the side of our building which led to the main road. Once there I turned on the iPod and, with ear buds firmly in place, I broke into a slow run. When I heard the first few bars of “Magic Power” I quickly flipped to the next one. That song just reminded me too much of Tanner, and I couldn’t bear to listen to it after everything that’d happened. Much to my dismay, the next song to come on was a Rolling Stones song that Tanner’s band covered, so I flipped it again.

Every time I flipped the iPod to the next song, it turned out to be one that either Tanner’s band played or one that we both loved. Completely annoyed, I slowed down to a brisk walk, yanked the ear buds from my ears and shoved them into my pocket with the iPod. The music that had always been such a source of joy and comfort to me was now just a painful reminder of what Tanner had done.
Damn him.

I picked up the pace and started running again, determined to block out any thoughts of him. By the time I finished, I was exhausted and starving so I got myself something to eat at the deli and brought it back to my room, figuring that by this time Beth would be up.

When I walked in, Beth was just getting out of bed. “How was last night?” I asked, but she kind of just grunted at me and went into the bathroom. “That good?” I asked jokingly as I sat down on my bed and pulled my sneakers off.

By the time she came out of the bathroom, she seemed to be in a better mood. “You missed another great night,” she began, then proceeded to tell me everything that had happened the previous evening. When she finished, I concluded that I hadn’t actually missed anything, but she was sure to remind me of my promise to come to the party on Wednesday night.

“I know, don’t worry, I’ll be there.” But even as I said it, I wasn’t looking forward to it. I just wanted to get back home to my own room in my own house where I could just forget about everything that’d happened these last few weeks.

That Tuesday, as Beth and I were getting ready for class, I said, “After this exam I only have one more and then I’m done. How about you?”

“I have my last two today and that’s it,” she said as she grabbed her bag and started to leave. “And don’t forget – tomorrow night.”

“Wait up,” I said as I grabbed my stuff. “I’ll walk with you…and no, I haven’t forgotten about tomorrow night. I’m looking forward to it,” I lied.

“Good, me too,” she said as she led the way down the stairs. We chatted until we had to split up, her class in one direction, mine in another, and that’s when I started to feel uneasy. I wondered if Tanner would show up for the exam. When I arrived I took a seat in the back just as the professor started handing out the exams. It looked like Tanner wasn’t going to show, but just then the door opened and he came briskly walking in. The professor handed him his exam, and he took a seat right in front, never even looking back to see if I was there.

I told myself I didn’t care, but I’ll admit it kind of stung. I started looking over my exam, refusing to look in his direction again. The exam wasn’t very difficult and I finished it rather quickly, so I decided to go over it again, double-checking all of my answers. Just then I heard a rustling in the front of the room. I looked up to see Tanner handing his exam in. As he went to leave, he looked back to where I was sitting and gave me a slight nod before turning and heading out.

Not long after, I handed my exam in and walked out of the room, half expecting to find him waiting there for me, but the halls were empty. I realized then that that was the last time I’d see him before leaving for home. I felt my heart sink; it suddenly seemed so final.
Well, what’d you expect? That he’d continue pining over you? Look at him, Grace; he doesn’t need to pine over anyone. ‘Sheer perfection,’ isn’t that how you described him? There’s probably at least half a dozen girls lined up, just waiting to take your place.

I started to walk out of the building. When I got outside, there in the distance, I saw him walking with Scott and a group of girls I wasn’t able to recognize from this far away. I watched them for a minute, but they soon split away from girls and got into Scott’s truck before pulling away and out of sight.

Seeing Tanner walking with those girls really stuck in my craw. I knew it shouldn’t, but it did. It was definitely time to move on, to get out there and force myself to mingle, and the party tomorrow night would be just the place. Mingle, have some fun and let it go – put this whole semester, that began as a dream come true but turned into a nightmare, behind me, then start fresh next year.

When my last exam was over on Wednesday I felt nothing but relief; I was even looking forward to the party that night. Seeing Tanner walking with those girls the day before had made me realize that he was probably moving on, and it was time for me to do the same. When I got back to the dorm I started picking through what was left in my closet, hoping I’d find something decent to wear. Most of my stuff was already packed for the trip home.

“Ready for tonight?” I heard Beth say as she walked in and put her stuff down.

“Yes,” I said, this time with genuine enthusiasm.

“That’s what I like to hear,” she replied. “Oh, Gary said he’d stop by and pick us up, but I told him not to bother. I invited some of the girls over, and I figured we would hang here for a while before we headed over.”

“Sounds good.” I picked up a shirt and held it against myself.

“I think he
liiiiiiikes
you,” she sing-songed.

I couldn’t help but laugh at the way she said it, but I shook my head. “I told you, I’m not interested in Gary as anything more than just a friend, capeesh?”

“I get it. I get it.” Beth smirked. “But I
do
think he likes you. Hey, let’s go into town and get something to eat.”

“Sounds good,” I said again. “But let’s go now—I’m starving.”

We got back from dinner with just enough time to get ready before the girls came over. When they arrived they had beer with them, but I had decided earlier that I wasn’t going to drink too much tonight, so it was best to not get started this early.

Unfortunately, Beth had other plans for us and handed a beer to me as soon as she’d cracked it open. I looked down at the can and thought,
Why not?
Classes were over and I deserved to relax. I settled onto my bed, since there really wasn’t anywhere else to sit, and took a long, leisurely sip. I was really going to miss all this freedom when I got home.

As the girls all gossiped about the latest goings on and what everyone was doing for the summer, I tried to keep focused on the conversation, but my mind kept drifting. I quickly downed the rest of my beer and asked for another.

By the time we left the dorm it was nine-thirty and I had a good buzz going. I reminded myself of my earlier decision not to drink too much. Maybe the party would be lame and we’d wind up coming home early.
Yeah, right
. When we arrived, the party was in full swing. I had never seen so many people in one place before. It was jam-packed.

As soon as we stepped inside Gary appeared with beers for us. “It’s about time you guys got here,” he said, handing them over.

“Oh, we were just hanging out with the girls,” Beth said lightly, then told Gary we’d be right back.

“Where’re we going?” I asked as she led me through the crowd.

“To find Adam, silly,” she told me, as if I should’ve known. It took some searching on our part, but we finally found Adam out in the backyard; he was with a group of guys I’d never seen before. He seemed happy to see Beth and introduced us to his friends, who seemed pretty cool. For a minute I thought about heading back to Gary, but I decided I wasn’t in the mood. Maybe we’d hang out with this group until it was time to go. A while later, Gary found us. By that time I’d had another beer and decided that’d I’d better call it quits. I had a decent buzz going and hadn’t thought about you-know-who all night, so when he offered to get us another drink I said, “No, thanks, Gary, I want to slow down a bit.”

“Oh, cool. I have just the thing for you. I’ll be right back.” He disappeared into the crowd, returning shortly with a large cup containing a fruity concoction. “Here, try this.”

I curiously looked into the cup, but then I shook my head. “No thanks, Gary; I think I’ve had enough for tonight.”

“Take a sip. I made it myself, and I barely put any alcohol in it,” he said.

I hesitated for just a minute before taking a sip. He was right; it was delicious, and I barely tasted any alcohol. “Oooh, this stuff is good. Thanks, Gary,” I said, taking another sip. This was definitely my last drink.

“You’re very welcome,” he said, smiling down at me.

I continued to nurse the fruity concoction, barely noticing at first that my mind kept drifting from the conversation and that everything seemed to be moving in and out of focus. I glanced around, looking for a place to toss my empty cup.

“Let me get you another one, Grace,” I heard Gary say as he gently took the cup from my hand. “I’ll be right back.” It seemed like everything was moving in slow motion as I felt myself teeter back and forth, grabbing the side of a lounge chair to steady myself.

Beth was fully engrossed in a conversation with Adam, and the rest of the guys were setting up a table so they could play Blackwell, which I definitely wouldn’t be participating in. Just then Gary returned with my drink. I started sipping it right away since I was suddenly beginning to feel very hot. I took off my jean jacket and slung it over the back of the lounge chair.

Gary asked, “Grace, do you want to go inside and sit down for a minute? You look like you could you use some cold water or something.”

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea,” I said, or at least I think that’s what I said—my tongue felt all thick in my mouth. He placed his hand on my arm and led me inside, but oddly enough he didn’t get me any water. He just got some ice cubes and put them into my drink.

“Drink that down,” he said. “The ice’ll cool you off.”

I did as he said, then sat down for a minute on the arm of the couch. The room was spinning and I was losing focus again, which was weird because all I’d been drinking was the weak punch.

“C’mere, Grace, you don’t look so good,” he said as he gently took hold of my elbow. “Let me take you upstairs. You can lie down for a minute, and I’ll go tell Beth she should probably take you home.”

I wanted to say no. I knew it was a bad idea, but the words…they wouldn’t come out. He slowly pulled me to my feet, steadying me as I stood up, and then began to lead me up the stairs. My feet felt so heavy, like they were encased in blocks of cement, as I took to the staircase one step at a time. It felt like an eternity before we reached the top and just as I put my foot down on the last step…everything faded to black.