Imaginary Grace (41 page)

Chapter 56

Tanner

I
t was still early when we finished our last set, so we decided to stay and have a few drinks. I wasn’t really in the mood, though. It had taken every ounce of my strength not to wait for Grace after the exam on Tuesday. I knew it would be the last time I saw her before she left for home, but she couldn’t have been any clearer the last time I saw her. She wanted nothing to do with me. It sucked, but that’s life—or at least it’s what my life had become recently.

The gig had been great, even if it was just a practice session ahead of the tour, which was starting at the end of the month. Another band was headlining the rest of the night. I was really looking forward to it, yet every time I thought about it, I remembered what it had cost me.

I headed to the back room, packed my guitar away in its case, and splashed some cold water on my face. I was almost out the door again when I remembered my cell phone, still in my bag. I reached in and grabbed it, and that’s when I saw the two missed calls from Beth.

I felt my heart skip a beat. Why would Beth be calling me? Just then Scott walked in. “Dude, what’s up? You look like you just saw a ghost.”

I ignored his question because at that moment my phone started ringing again – another call from Beth. I quickly answered it, but I couldn’t understand her incoherent babbling. All I could tell was that she was obviously very upset and it had something to do with Grace.

“Beth, slow down, I can’t understand what you’re saying. Wait minute…what happened? Are you guys okay?” I asked, trying to stay calm.

She stopped talking for a moment, and I heard her take a ragged breath. Then she started again, this time more slowly. As I listened to what she was saying, I felt the rage building behind my eyes and wondered how someone could be so shocked by something they had fully expected.

After she finished, I calmly asked her if Grace was all right.

“Yeah, I think she’ll be okay,” Beth said. “She puked, and now it looks like she’s about ready to pass out. Tanner…I’m sorry I called you; I just freaked out, especially after that last conversation we had.”

“No, I’m glad you did. I’m going to give you a call in the morning to check on her, okay?”

“Yeah, okay. I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” she said shakily, and then the line went dead. I sat there motionless with the phone still in my hand as I felt a venomous fury begin to spread through my veins.

“T, what’s the matter? Who was that on the phone?” Scott asked.

I looked over at him, suddenly remembering that he was still in the room. “That was Beth. It’s Gary…he went after Grace.” I stood up and started quickly putting all my stuff away.

“No shit? Wow, man, you had it pegged. That’s exactly what you said was gonna happen.” He shook his head. “Fuckin’Gary. What’re you gonna do?”

I looked him square in the eye and said, “Kill him.” Then I picked up my stuff and stormed out the door.

“T, wait up. Don’t do anything stupid,” I heard Scott say as he trailed after me. I didn’t answer him as I threw my guitar into the back seat and got in the car. Scott climbed in the passenger seat and shut the door, still trying to calm me down. I ignored him as I pressed my foot to the gas. It didn’t matter what Scott said; I’d already made up my mind.

Reaching the house in record time, I threw the car in park, got out, and without a word, took off running down the path behind the house. Scott stayed at my heels all the way through the woods; then, just as I reached the end of the path, he grabbed hold of my arm, yanking me back. “T, what the fuck, man! You can’t go in there like that. He’s got his whole crew in there! They’ll annihilate us!”

I shoved him hard so that he stumbled back. “Back off, Scott. This is between me and Gary.”

“You sound like a lunatic, T. Think this through!” Scott yelled as he moved back towards me.

“I have thought it through!” I shouted back. “About a million fucking times, because I knew, I knew it’d come to this. I should’ve been there keeping an eye on her myself, and this never would have happened.”

“It’s not your fault, T. You warned her. You did all you could do.”

I looked at him and shook my head as I stepped back toward the edge of the path. I could see the row of frat houses ahead, partiers spilling out onto the yards. “You don’t get it, Scott. You just don’t get it.”

“I get it, T. Believe me, I get it. What, you think I’ve always been ‘Stoner Scott’? Uh,
no
. I smoke to cope with all the shit I’ve been through. So yeah, I get it, and even though I think it’s a suicide mission, I got your back. But let’s at least be smart about it.”

I listened to his two-second scheme, then we headed toward the lit up house at the center of the block. I slipped onto the porch and glanced in the front window from the front porch to make sure that Gary was inside. When I saw him, I nodded to Scott, who was waiting by the stairs, to let him know I’d spotted Gary, and then I slipped inside. Gary didn’t see me as I waited in the shadows near the doorway, but I stared him up and down, imagining the first blow. Just the sight of him made me sick. The thought of his hands on Grace, what he would’ve done to her if Beth hadn’t found her, only reinforced what I knew I had to do to him. And I didn’t need long to do it – one on one; just me and him.

Just then I heard Scott scream – “CAT FIGHT!”

Within seconds every guy in the house stampeded out to the front porch, but just as Gary got close to my hidden place, I stepped in front of him. “Where do you think
you’re
going, scumbag?”

“Tanner, what the fuck are you doing here?” He sounded annoyed but I caught the look of concern on his face as he realized his boys were already outside.

I knew I didn’t have much time before his goons came back inside. “I warned you to stay the fuck away from Grace.”

I shoved him, hard, and he stumbled backward into a table. He steadied himself, then came back at me, getting in my face. “Fuck you, Tanner. That bitch was
all
over
me. I figured I’d do her a favor and take her upstairs. You should’ve seen her. She couldn’t
wait
.”

I lunged at him, quickly knocking him to the ground and easily pinning him. He flailed, trying to land a few punches, but his efforts were in vain as I began to repeatedly pummel his head into the ground. I heard a crunch as blood sprayed everywhere, and knew I’d broken his nose. Just as I was about to pound him again I was dragged off him and to my feet by three of his “brothers”, who held my arms as Gary attempted to stand.

He was a bloody mess, but he still had a sick smirk on his face as he staggered toward me, hauled his fist back, and let loose with a shot that hit me square under my right eye. I saw a flash of white blinding light and might have gone down if his friends weren’t holding me. Just as he was about to land another blow, from out of nowhere I saw Scott come flying across the dining room table, barreling into Gary’s side and knocking him once again to the ground.

Shocked, his friends loosened their grip on me just long enough for me to slip away, then sheer pandemonium broke out. The next few minutes were a blur of fists flying and bodies colliding. Girls were screaming, people were running, and then I heard the unmistakable sound of sirens in the distance, getting closer by the second. I didn’t care, though, because by then I had Gary by the throat.

When the cops came in, it was me and Gary they spotted first, battling it out on the living room floor. It took at least three cops to pull us apart.

Once they had separated all the brawlers, they began questioning everyone about what’d happened. Lucky for us, no one had actually seen what started it, and neither Gary nor I were very forthcoming. They took us down to the station anyway to fill out reports and ended up keeping us overnight in jail. They claimed they were charging us both with “disorderly conduct”, but we were released first thing the next morning.

I called Scott to pick me up. I thought about stopping by Grace’s on the way home, but then I thought better of it. I’d call Beth later to check on her. Scott and I made the drive home in silence until Scott finally asked, “What’d you tell the cops?”

“Nothing,” I responded as I stared blankly out the window.

“Well, just so you know, word out on the lawn last night was that Gary got what he deserved, that he had it coming. You know, it happens once or maybe twice, people give you the benefit of the doubt, but anything more than that, and they start to wonder. Apparently it’s happened more times than we even realized. They’ll probably kick him out of the frat, maybe even the school.”

I didn’t answer. At that point, I didn’t care what happened to Gary. I just really wanted to see Grace. I wanted to make sure that she was okay, but it was way too early to call.

When we got home, I took a quick shower, then got myself an icepack for my eye, not that I thought it would do much good at this point. It didn’t matter, though, because as soon as I lay down on my bed, I passed out, the ice pack beside me. When I woke up, it was already dusk, the ice had melted into a soggy mess, and I was aching from head to toe.

I immediately grabbed my phone to call Beth. I could tell that Grace was there by the way Beth was talking, so I kept it short, hanging up after I was satisfied that Grace was okay.

When I walked out of my room, Scott was watching TV. He looked up and said, “Hey sleeping beauty, how’s the eye?” Then, without waiting for an answer, he turned his attention back to the TV. “I picked up sandwiches. Yours is in the fridge.”

As soon as he said that I realized I was starving. “Thanks, man,” I said as I walked into the kitchen and got the neatly wrapped sandwich out of the fridge. I had just eased myself onto one of the stools when Scott came over, pulled up a stool, and offered me a half-smile. “So, what’s up…Tyson?”

“Tyson, huh? I feel more like a punching bag, but I’ll take the compliment.” I bit into the huge Italian hero that he’d gotten me. When Scott wasn’t being a pain in the ass, he really was the best. We sat there quietly for a few minutes before I finally said, “Hey, what you said last night, you know, about how ‘you get it’ and how you weren’t always ‘Stoner Scott’ and about all the shit you’ve been through – what’s up with all that?”

He leaned way back on the stool, his fingers laced loosely behind his head. “Oh yeah, you mean my little stump speech – total bullshit. Just said it for effect. I wish I could say I was more complex, but unfortunately this is it – what you see is what you get.”

I looked at him sitting there, all pleased with himself, and knew he was full of it, but I let it go. “Whatever, man,” I said shaking my head as I bit into my sandwich again. “Whatever.”

Chapter 57

Grace

B
eth’s ringing phone woke me from my second nap of the day. My head still pounding from the night before, I didn’t even bother opening my eyes. I’d tried that earlier and the waves of nausea had sent me running to the bathroom. So I lay there unmoving, listening to Beth on the phone with Tanner. I didn’t know how he fit into this whole mess, but I could tell he was calling to check on me. I figured I’d find that out when Beth and I discussed what had happened at the party. I didn’t even want to think about that. All I knew was that I couldn’t wait for my dad to pick me up tomorrow and take me away from this nightmare.

I forced my eyes open just as she and Tanner were ending the call. Beth was staring over at me.

“How’re you feeling?” she asked.

“Definitely better than after my last nap,” I said, “except that my head’s still hurting.”

“Take another aspirin,” she said and then, “I want to talk about last night. Do you remember what happened? What’s the last thing you remember?”

I knew I wouldn’t be able to put off talking about it much longer, but the truth was that I didn’t really remember much. “All I know is that I decided to stop drinking, and Gary gave me what I thought was some fruit punch. Said there wasn’t much liquor in it, and I couldn’t taste liquor—I don’t think--but I started feeling all woozy. We went inside to get some water, and that’s where everything starts to get fuzzy. I have flashes of walking up the stairs, but then everything just goes dark after that.”

I felt myself getting upset as I told the story out loud. What would’ve happened if Beth hadn’t have found me when she did? “Beth, what made you go look for me?” I asked. “I owe you big time for that.”

“Well, the first clue was your jacket hanging on the chair. You love that stupid thing, and I knew you’d never leave it just lying around where anyone could take it. Oh, and, it’s not me you owe big time…it’s Tanner.”

“Tanner?” I tried to sit up and was hit was a fresh wave of nausea. “What’s he got to do with this?”

“Well, don’t be mad, because I promised I wouldn’t say anything to you, but I guess all bets are off now…”

“Tell me? Tell me what, Beth?” I asked, feeling suddenly uncomfortable at the direction the conversation was taking.

She hesitated a minute before continuing. “Well, Tanner came to see me a few days ago. He started spouting off about how we need to watch out around Gary, how Gary can’t be trusted. Then he made me promise to keep an eye on you whenever Gary was around. At first I thought he was just, I don’t know, either being paranoid or trying somehow to scare you into getting back with him, but then…then, I don’t know, he just seemed so
worried
, so I agreed. I never thought it would come to this, though. Gary really had us fooled.”

It took me a minute to process what she had said. Tanner had come to me with the same warning, but I had brushed him off. What would’ve happened if he hadn’t gone to Beth?

“Grace,” Beth began, pulling me from my thoughts. “It’s none of my business, but maybe you’ve been too hard on Tanner. I know what he did was really rotten, but…I don’t know…don’t you think you’ve made him suffer long enough?”

“I’m not trying to make him suffer, Beth. It’s not about that. It’s about me feeling like a fool. I just can’t get over how he played me like that. Yes, I know what you’re going to say, that that’s just the way it started, and you’re right, but still I…I just can’t get the images out of my head of him laughing at me.”

“Who says he was laughing at you?” she countered, “You don’t know that.”

“No, I guess I don’t, but that’s the image I have in my head, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get it out, so this is just the way it has to be. I’m leaving tomorrow, anyway, so it doesn’t matter now.”

“Well, it’s your decision,” she said as she went back to packing the rest of her stuff away.

My dad arrived to pick me up early the next morning, but it was ten o’clock by the time we had the car packed and were ready to leave. Beth and I had a tearful goodbye and promised each other we’d get together over the summer, either at her place or mine, and then it was time to go. My dad and I got in the car and started to pull away, and that’s when I started thinking about Tanner and what he did for me. Maybe, I thought, I should stop by his apartment to say goodbye and at least thank him for going to Beth.

“Dad, do you think we could make a quick stop? I want to say goodbye to a friend of mine,” I asked.

“Sure thing, sweetie. Where does your friend live?”

I gave him directions, and within a few minutes we were sitting out in front of Tanner’s apartment. I was nervous about going to the door, so I hesitated for a minute.

“What are you waiting for?” my dad asked.

“Nothing, I’m going,” I said as I got out of the car and slowly walked down the path that lead to his front door. Once at the door, I fidgeted a minute before knocking and then held my breath as I waited for him to answer.

I wasn’t at all prepared for the sight that greeted me when Tanner opened the door. His right eye was almost completely swollen shut and was covered with an awful looking purplish welt.

“Oh, my gosh! What happened?” was the first thing out of my mouth. I actually thought he was more shocked to see me than I was to see him in this condition.

“Grace! Come in, come in,” he said as he stood aside to let me in.

“Oh, I can’t stay. My dad’s waiting,” I said as I stepped inside. Then I asked again, “What happened?”

I could tell he didn’t want to talk about it, but I just stared him down until he told me what’d happened between him and Gary.

“I’m…I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t have done that. I’m fine,” I said, trying to reassure him.

“Yeah, well, he deserved it. I’m glad I did it. And by the way, he looks a lot worse than I do,” he said, kind of smiling.

“Let’s hope so,” I said, and then, “Listen, like I said, I can’t stay. I just wanted to come over and…and thank you for going to Beth. If you hadn’t, there’s no telling what would’ve happened. I should’ve listened to you. Gary just seemed so…so harmless, but I guess looks can be deceiving.”

He nodded, then said, “Are you sure you can’t sit down, just for a minute?”

“Um, okay, just for a minute.” I glanced at my father, waiting in the car, then followed Tanner to the couch. He winced as he sat down, but gave me that distorted half-smile again.

“I’m surprised your dad let you stop over here after everything that happened between us. I know I wouldn’t have wanted you coming over here if I were him.”

“Oh, well actually he doesn’t know,” I said, noting the look of surprise cross his face. “See, I never actually got around to telling my parents that we’d gotten together in the first place, so there was no point in telling them the whole breakup story. I just told them I went home because I was sick – only Ryder knows the truth.” Suddenly feeling curious, I asked, “Did you tell your parents?”

“Not yet,” he answered uncomfortably, “but I guess I’ll have to say something soon, since they were expecting us up at the lake house sometime this month.”

There was an awkward silence for a moment as we just stared at each other, neither of us knowing what to say next. Finally, I stood up. “Well, I should really get going.”

“No…wait,” he said as he reached for my arm and gently pulled me back down. “Don’t go.” I slowly sat back down, feeling uneasy about what he would say next. “Grace,” he began as he took my hand, “I miss you
so
much…do you think you could at least think about giving this another chance? You
know
how much I love you. How many
ways
can I say I’m sorry? Please, Grace…everything’s just so much better with you around.”

I felt my heart melt a little when he said that, but I still said, “Tanner, I didn’t come over here to get back with you. You know I can’t do that.” I was about stand up again, but then I stopped myself and turned toward him.

He let out a deep breath as he let go of my hand and leaned back on the couch, the defeat clearly showing in his eyes. “So this is it, then?” he asked, looking straight ahead.

I couldn’t bring myself to say yes; I thought if I did I might burst into tear. Instead I just leaned over and kissed that absolutely perfect face one last time before getting up to leave.

I walked over to the door, letting my hand linger on the handle for just a second too long when I heard him call my name. I slowly turned to see him still sitting on the couch, still staring straight ahead. “Take care.”

“You too,” I whispered, feeling too emotional to say anything more; then I walked out the door and closed it slowly behind me. As I walked down the path toward the car, I felt a single tear begin to slip from the corner of my eye and down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away with the edge of my sleeve before opening the passenger door.

“Is everything okay, honey?” my dad asked as I turned to face the window, but I just nodded. It was going to be a long ride home.

One month later . . .

I had pretty much gotten myself into a nice routine at home -
sleep late, go to the gym, hang out by the pool, stay up way too late…
repeat. Sometimes I’d meet up with some friends at night and go to a party or grab some dinner, or Ryder and I would catch a movie. Life was good, but there was something missing. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but, well, who was I kidding? I knew exactly what was missing. I didn’t know if I missed Tanner per se, or if I just missed having someone special to hang out with. Didn’t matter, really; I’d be starting work at the rec camp soon, so things were going to be a lot busier from here on out.

A couple of guys had asked me out since I’d been home, but I’d turned them down. Now I was thinking that maybe it wouldn’t have been such a bad idea to go out with them. It had been over a month since I’d last seen Tanner, and I hadn’t heard anything from him either.

It was settled, I decided. The next semi-interesting guy that asked me out, I was going to say yes. I skyped Beth later that night and told her of my intentions. “Beth, I really think I’m ready. I mean, I haven’t been out with anyone since the whole Tanner calamity, and I think it’s time.”

“Good for you, Grace!” she said, ever the cheerleader. “You should definitely get back out there. Hey, maybe when you come down to visit, I could have Thomas set you up with one of his friends!”

“Perfect! That sounds perfect,” I said, already thinking about what I was going to wear on the date that wasn’t even made yet.

When it came time to start work at the rec camp, I was ready. It had been nice lounging around the house for a while, but it was time to make some money. I was hoping to save up a tidy sum to take back with me to college in the fall, and between rec camp and the babysitting gigs I’d lined up, I should be flush with cash by the time September rolled around.

That same week I made plans with Matt, a guy I’d met at the gym, on Friday night. A group of us were meeting up at the mall movie theater, and I was really looking forward to it. Matt seemed like a nice enough guy, and he was even kinda cute.

At the rec camp, I –along with another counselor--was assigned to a group of twelve second-grade girls. We did crafts with them and took them around to the various camp activities.

Each day the camp planned a different event to entertain the kids. We celebrated the first day of camp with various blow-up water slides. The kids had a blast that day, especially since the temperature reached ninety degrees. It remained hot and sticky for the next few days, then, at the end of the week, torrential thunderstorms forced us to move the camp into the nearby local middle school. The kids were kept busy with crafts and games in the gym, and it was there in the gym that day that I met one of the other counselors, a guy named Ty. He was cute and nice, with a great sense of humor.

We arranged it so that our groups had lunch together so we could hang out. I giggled to myself whenever I thought about my blossoming social life. There was Ty from the camp, Matt from the gym and the unknown friend of Thomas’s I would be meeting up when I went down to visit Beth – not bad, considering it was still only June!

On Friday night, my friend Stacy and I had met up with Matt and his friends at the mall theater, like we planned. It was pretty nice. Matt made sure to sit next to me during the movie and nonchalantly slipped his arm around the back of my seat during the show, eventually letting it drop onto my shoulder. It was kind of weird at first, but I tried to just go with the flow. He walked me to my car afterward and even kissed me goodnight, which at first I thought was kind of forward. Then I reminded myself about all the things I’d done with Tanner, and suddenly it didn’t make sense to get all uptight about a simple kiss goodnight.

I’d also had a date with Ty from the rec camp. He took me to a party, and we actually had a really good time. When he dropped me off at home later that night, he pulled into my driveway and, yep, you guessed it, another kiss goodnight. But unlike Matt, Ty seemed to think he could take certain liberties. Maybe he didn’t really consider this to be a first date, since we’d been having lunch together every day at camp. I didn’t know, and I didn’t care. I pulled away, got out of the car, and stomped into my parents’ house. Suddenly, I couldn’t wait for camp to be over.

Before I knew it, it was time to head down to Philadelphia for my weekend with Beth. I was really looking forward to it, especially my date with Tom’s friend, James. Before I left for Philly, my mom went over a list of instructions that was about a mile long. She accounted for every conceivable scenario that could possibly happen between Jersey and Philadelphia, including what to do in case of the inevitable zombie apocalypse. That may have been an exaggeration, but not by much.

“You know, I do take care of myself, all the time, at school,” I pointed out after nearly an hour.

“Well, you’re not at school now, so just pay attention.”

I humored her, but as soon as I pulled out of the driveway, the list of instructions was completely out the window. Philly was a two-hour drive away, and it was so nice to be alone in my own car, listening to my music.