Imaginary Grace (8 page)

“I’m sorry, Beth, I didn’t mean to pry. It’s none of my business.”

“Grace, we’re friends. I don’t mind you asking. Besides, Thomas is coming to visit in a couple of weeks. Maybe we could all do something together.”

“Sure, that sounds great,” I said, relieved that she wasn’t upset with me. We rode for a while in silence and then I said, “Oh, um, I had an idea I wanted to run by you. It might be a little premature, I’m not sure, but promise me you’ll give me your honest opinion.”

“I promise,” she said, smiling again. “Let’s hear it!”

“Okay, well, the other day Tanner mentioned that he was going to be in New York State over the Thanksgiving break, and I was thinking that maybe I could invite him to stop by my house, since it’s on his way… Do you think that’s crazy?”

“Hmm…” She thought for a minute. “No I don’t think it’s crazy, since he’s going to be in the area anyway, but maybe don’t ask him just yet. Wait a couple of weeks and see how things go. That will still give you plenty of time.”

I nodded, grateful for the advice. “Okay, maybe you’re right. I’ll wait a couple of weeks.”

After about thirty minutes we arrived in downtown Baltimore, and Beth took out the directions she’d printed to the various shops. The first shop we went to didn’t work out. It was mostly children’s clothes and some toys.

The second shop we visited, we hit pay dirt! They bought all of my hoodies and they had a ton of really cool clothes for us to rummage through. When we finished looking, we headed for the dressing rooms with armfuls of various apparel. There was one large room available so we both slipped in there. I was about to pull a cute sweater over my head when Beth stopped me and said, “Wait a minute. Turn around for a second.” I turned to face her, dressed only in my underwear and a cami.

“What?” I asked, suddenly uncomfortable with her staring at me. “Grace,” Beth said, “look in the mirror.” We both turned and faced the mirror. “Look at your arms . . . how defined they look . . . and your legs are so toned. Grace, you’ve got a great body. I think all those hours at the gym are definitely paying off.”

I stared at myself. I hadn’t noticed, but maybe she was right. Maybe I
was
looking more toned. “You think?”

“Definitely. Okay, let’s get moving.”

I smiled and pulled on the sweater, deciding I loved it. In fact, I loved nearly everything, and a half-hour later we left the store with several purchases. Even Beth, who was clearly a born shopper, acknowledged our windfall.

“I would say that this was definitely one of my more successful shopping trips,” she said holding up the three bags of clothes. Most of the things were mine, but she’d gotten a few things, too, including a pair of really cool tanned leather boots that I doubted she would ever wear.

As we stood in front of the store, debating which way to head next, I turned and looked back through the front window. Inside I saw the owner going through and separating all of the hoodies I had sold. Smiling, I clutched the two bags close to my chest and turned and walked away.

We decided to treat ourselves to lunch at an outdoor café – well, I use the term “café” rather loosely because what it was actually was a pizza place with a couple of tables outside - but that was beside the point. We ate and talked and laughed until it was time to catch the bus back to school. Unfortunately, we both fell asleep, missed our stop and had to walk a half-mile back to the dorm, but even that didn’t spoil the fun.

As soon as we were back in our room I tried on all my new stuff again, then arranged everything neatly in the closet and in my drawers. There was so much more room in the closet without all the hoodies! I glanced at the floor of the closet and saw the lone hoodie I had secretly left behind. I reached down, grabbed it and tossed it further into the back corner so it was well out of sight. Satisfied, I closed the closet door and lay down on my bed.

Beth had plans with Adam tonight, so I was on my own. I hadn’t heard from Tanner, and going to one of the on-campus parties by myself was out of the question, so I decided to stay in and have a night to myself. By 9:00, after many changing of outfits, Beth was gone and I decided to call my mom. She was so glad to hear from me. I told her all about school and my classes and how much I loved it here. She told me all of the latest town gossip and how much Jagger and Ryder loved high school and of course how much everybody missed me.

“Thanksgiving isn’t that far off, Mom,” I said, “I’ll be home before you know it.” Then I noticed that my phone was almost dead so after promising to call again soon we said goodnight. Then I took a shower and climbed into bed to watch some television. I was out like a light in no time and never even heard Beth come in.

The next morning, after giving me all the juicy details about her night, she nonchalantly commented, “Oh, and you may be interested to know that I ran into
Tanner
last night…”

I immediately stopped what I was doing. “Tell me everything. What was he doing? Who was he with? Was he talking to any pretty girls? Oh my God, I sound like the crazy jealous not-girlfriend!”

“Hmmm…” Beth purred as she stretched out on her bed all cat-like, smiling as she stalled, enjoying keeping me in suspense. “I’m feeling a bit parched, perhaps you can get me some water before I fill you in.”

I hurriedly grabbed her a bottle of water and tossed it at her before saying, “Spill it, Beth, before the curiosity kills me!”

“Okay, okay, calm down,” she laughed. “Well, after I met up with Adam, we went to a party over on 6
th
Street. We were there for a while when I saw Tanner and one of his friends walk in. He didn’t see me at first, so I watched him for a while because I knew you’d have a million questions. He did talk to a couple of girls, but only briefly and when he noticed me, he came right over and asked if you were there. I said no, but I didn’t tell him where you were. Then he said he would text you and try to get you to come down, but you never answered his text.”

My phone! I’d powered it down after speaking with my mom but had forgotten to plug it in. I found it on the nightstand, plugged it into the charger and turned it on.

“Way to play hard-to-get,” Beth said, and attempted to high-five me, but my hand remained slack at my side.

“I hope he doesn’t think I was out with a guy or something,” I said.

“Better he thinks that than what you were really doing,” she laughed. Just then my phone chirped. It was the text from Tanner, followed by another from him later in the night.

“What do I do?” I asked.

“Oh, Grace, relax. Just text him back and tell him your phone was dead. It’s not the end of the world.” I texted him back, explaining about the situation with my phone, and waited. A little while later he replied:
No problem. Do u want to hit the gym 2day?

My stomach fluttering, I typed a casual “sure”, and we made plans to meet up there later. Suddenly, I had an exciting afternoon ahead of me.

We had a great workout. He seemed extra attentive this time, always touching me when he showed me different ways to use the weights. When we parted ways, I returned home and found Beth still lounging around in her pajamas. I took a shower and changed.

I had wanted to discuss something with her, but I wasn’t sure how to bring it up. Finally she looked at me and said, “What? I know you want to say something, so just say it.”

“How do you know I have something I want to say?” I asked.

She rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on, the way you’re milling around and fussing with your stuff. Just tell me.”

“Okay, well, there is something I wanted to ask you-”

“I knew it,” she interrupted, “Go ahead.”

“Well, I’ve been going to the gym with Tanner, seeing him in class, around campus, at parties…but in all that time he’s never once tried to…you know, kiss me or anything.”

“Now wait a minute,” she said, “that’s not so. What about that time at the tailgate party. Didn’t you say he almost kissed you?”

“True, but almost doesn’t count,” I countered.

“Well, what do you think is holding him back?”

I hesitated a beat. “I don’t know…you don’t think that maybe he might be…you know…gay…do you?”

She looked at me bugged-eyed before she burst into hysterics. “You’ve got to be kidding me!” she said, “There is no way that guy is gay.”

“Well, wait a minute,” I said, “maybe he just hides it well. Maybe he’s using me as a cover. You know, so no one catches on.”

She closed her eyes and shook her head. “Well, it’s a stretch, but I guess anything’s possible.” Then she laughed again. “No way. There is no way Tanner is gay.”

“Okay, forget it, forget I said anything,” I said, embarrassed. I walked over to the window and pretended that I was looking at something outside.

“No, wait, Grace, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh. That’s a legitimate question, but how about this – maybe he doesn’t want to scare you off by being too forward. Did you ever think of that? You do come across as rather…
timid
at times.”

I thought about what she said for a minute. “Maybe you’re right. Do you think I should be more forward?”

“No,” she said, “just be yourself. He’ll come around.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right; maybe he’s just old fashioned, and here I am criticizing him when he’s being the perfect gentleman,” I said, smiling to myself.

“Grace, let’s not get carried away,” she said. “See what happens over the next couple of weeks.”

“Okay,” I said. “That’s a good idea; I’ll wait and see what happens.”

The next few weeks went by in a blur, between all of the classes and homework and the gym and the parties and all of the other Tanner-related happenings. Before I knew it, there were only a couple more weeks before Thanksgiving break.

I told Beth that I was going to go for it and invite Tanner to stop by my house on his way to New York. I was really nervous, but she was all for it, saying it would be a step in the right direction. I didn’t know if I should just come right out and ask him, or if I should slowly lead up to it. I decided I would bring it up before class on Friday, thinking it was a neutral setting and he wouldn’t feel pressured.

When I got to the classroom on Friday he wasn’t there yet, so I had a few minutes to try to settle the butterflies swirling in my stomach. Finally he walked in with Scott, who hadn’t been to class for the last couple of weeks. They were whispering about something but stopped as they approached. Tanner took a seat behind me and Scott sat to the left of me.

“Hi, Grace,” Tanner said sweetly.

“Hi,” I said, turning around to face him.
Here goes.
“Oh, Tanner, I was wondering, I know you mentioned that you had a job lined up over the Thanksgiving break in New York and I was wondering if maybe you wanted to stop by my house on your way…you know, because I live like right in the area. No pressure; I mean, if you don’t have time it’s okay.”

Then I held my breath and waited for his reply.

“Oh, Grace, I would have loved to stop by, but I’m actually not driving, Scott is, and I’d hate to make him go out of his way when he’s doing me a favor.”

Disappointment was just setting in when suddenly Scott looked up from the magazine he was reading and said, “What, I heard my name?”

“Oh, nothing,” Tanner said. “I was just telling Grace that I would have loved to stop by her house on the way up to Suffern but I’m not driving so I’d have to take a rain check.”

“What?! Rain check?! Rain check, my ass! I don’t mind stopping by her house on the way.”

My disappointment quickly faded, replaced by excitement. “Just give the directions to Tanner,” Scott added, “and we’ll be there.”

“Really?” Tanner said, “Oh, that would be great. Thanks, Scott!”

“Anything for a friend, T,” he said, smiling, then turned back to his magazine.

“Okay…I guess it’s settled, then,” Tanner said, “We’ll stop by probably sometime Friday afternoon.”

“Okay, great; I’ll make sure I get you the directions,” I told him, then turned around so he couldn’t see the look of ecstasy on my face.

Chapter 10

Tanner

A
fter class was over, the three of us left together. When we split up outside I waited until Grace had rounded the corner before turning on Scott. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“What?” he said with a ridiculous grin on his face. “I’m just helping out, you know, so you can see your girl.”

“Fuck you, Scott,” I said as I walked on ahead of him.

“Wait up,” he called, “What are you getting so mad about? It’ll be fun.”

“
Fun.
You think it’ll be
fun
. For who? Me? I don’t think so. I’ve put in an Oscar-worthy performance over the last few weeks. Do you know how exhausting it is to keep this up? I haven’t gotten laid in weeks for fear that somehow she’s going to find out, and it’s not even real! See, this is why I don’t date.”

“Hey,” he said, “you can always find someone else. There’s still time.”

“No,” I said, “there is not still time and besides, she’s perfect. My parents will love her, especially my mom. No way am I giving up now. You know, I was looking forward to getting out of town and not having to live this charade for a few days, and you go and fuck it up. And don’t think you’re just dropping me off there – you’re coming in with me.”

“Are you kidding?” he laughed. “I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”

Later that night I was watching television when Scott came in. “Hey, you going out tonight?” he asked.

“Um, no, actually I’m not,” I snapped, “because it seems that every time I go out I run into someone connected with Grace. If it’s not Gary, it’s the roommate or some other random person.”

“Oh yeah,” he said. “I forgot about running into the roommate last weekend, but you played it off great.” He laughed. “In fact, you seemed like the perfect concerned new boyfriend.”

“I
was
good, wasn’t I? How I texted her right there in front of Beth,” I said with a sly smile.

“Hey, do you want me to see if I can get Amber to come home with me?” Scott asked.

“Don’t think I haven’t thought of it, but it’s too risky,” I shot back. “I’m celibate until we go up to Suffern.”

“Well, what about Grace?” he asked.

“What about her?”

“Well she
does
think you guys are sort of together…”

“Dude, I am
not
going there.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Because, Scott, if I go there, she’s going to think we’re getting married or something, and after I get my money, I plan on ditching her ass as soon as humanly possible, so I don’t want her getting too attached. I’m keeping her at arm’s length as long as I can.”

“Whatever, T, but if you ask me it seems like a waste of a perfectly willing piece of ass. I’ve got to get going. I’ll see you later.”

The following Saturday I decided to head home to my parents’ after work. I didn’t have class until Monday afternoon so I thought I would stay a couple of nights. I had laundry to do, and it beat the heck out of using the laundromat. Plus I was dying for a decent meal.

My car wasn’t in the best of shape, which is why I rarely drove it. Actually, it was a work in progress, a beat-up ’69 Camaro someone had brought into the gas station where I worked. It was love at first sight, so when the guy said he wanted to unload it, I jumped at the chance. I knew it had potential, but it was just a matter of putting in the time and money, both of which I was short on. In the meantime, it ran decently and had a working stereo.

I’d packed up the car before my shift so I didn’t have to stop at the apartment later. As the clock struck five I hopped in the car and headed home with “Sympathy for the Devil” by the Stones blasting.

I pulled into my parent’s driveway at a little after six o’clock. I hadn’t been home in a while and they seemed genuinely glad to see me. My mom did all my laundry and cooked an awesome dinner, including dessert.
I should come home more often.

“How’s Mike?” I asked over my second cup of coffee.

“Oh, Michael’s fine,” she said, “you know your brother, he’s always got something or other going on, what with Abby working now and the kids in school.”

I hadn’t been over to see Mike and Abby since the summer. Mike was twelve when I was born, so by the time I started school he was already away at college. He was the golden boy: a straight-A student, never got in trouble, and he was best pitcher to ever come out of Riverside High. He even played college ball for a while before an injury sidelined him. He and Abby were high school sweethearts and they got married right after college. Mom adored him.

As a kid, I’d always waited by the window when I knew he was coming home so I could be the first to see him. He was the one who got me my first guitar. He said he always wanted to play but just didn’t have the knack for it. I remember wanting to impress him so much that I actually taught myself. Mike said I was a natural, and every time he came home he’d ask me to play so he could see how much I’d improved since the last time. I made it my goal to play something new for him each time, and that’s how I got to be so good. Mike always had my back. No matter how many times I screwed up he was always there to smooth things over with Mom and Dad. He was a tough act to follow, though. Guess that’s why I never tried to.

We talked about school and work for a while, then Mom asked, “How’s your music going?”

That was a sore subject with us, and I felt myself stiffen. “Fine.”

“Tanner, I hope you’re not still angry over us refusing to give you that money.”

I quickly put my hand up. “
Loan,
Mom, I asked you to
loan
me the money, not give it to me.”

“Tanner, you know how we feel about this lifestyle of yours, and we’re not going to encourage it.”

“Whatever, can we just change the subject?”

We sat there silently for a moment, then she mentioned that my cousin Gavin’s wedding was coming up soon. I wasn’t that close to Gavin, but I did vaguely remember her saying he’d gotten engaged.

“Tanner, why don’t you come?” she said, trying to smooth things over. “You haven’t seen your cousins in so long.”

I was about to say no when all of a sudden – bingo! – it hit me. This would be the perfect opportunity to bring Grace home. A family wedding. She could stay the whole weekend. Oh, man, this couldn’t have worked out better.

“Yeah, you’re right, it has been a while since I’ve seen everyone.” I hesitated a moment, then said, “Do you think it would be all right if I brought someone with me?”

“What do you mean ‘bring someone with you’? You mean like a
date
?” Mom asked with an incredulous look on her face.

“Yes, like a date,” I answered, getting annoyed all over again.

“Tanner, please, I’ve seen the girls you ‘date’ and I would appreciate you not embarrassing me and your father at a family event.”

She did have a point.

“Well, what if I told you that this girl is different? I met her at school, and we’ve been together for a couple of months. You know, Mom, I’ve changed. I’ve been out on my own, and I’ve done a lot of growing up.”
That’s it – lay it on thick
. “I think you’ll like this girl,” I said sincerely.
At least that part was true.

She closed her eyes and shook her head. “I’m sorry, Tanner, I shouldn’t have judged you, and I shouldn’t hold your past against you.” She reached for my hand, taking it in her own. “I look forward to meeting your friend.”

I could tell by the look in her eyes that she didn’t believe me. She wanted to, really she did, but I had screwed up too many times for her to forget that easily.