Immortal Craving (Dark Dynasties) (27 page)

“You.”

“Me?” he repeated, the word coming out in the barest whisper. Looking at her only inches away from him, he wanted so many impossible things. Knowing he would never have a chance at them was nearly as painful as the moment he’d realized he was all alone. He was still alone, in many ways. And now he would remain so.

“I don’t know if or how what’s happened changes things. With us.” Her cheeks flushed a deep pink, and
after a moment of consideration, he understood what she was asking.

“I turned you, but we’re not bonded, if that’s what you mean. When vampires mate, the process is a bit more… intimate. You’re still free. You don’t need to worry.”

Her forehead creased. “You think I’m worried about
that
? Tasmin, what happened between us was… It’s more than I could have imagined.” She sighed and looked away, her expression so lost it was painful.

“I didn’t want this. Maybe I would have, someday, I don’t know.”

Her words sliced into him. “I’m sorry,” he said hoarsely. Would she really rather have died? Maybe… but he couldn’t have lived with that. Or with himself.

“No,” Bay said quickly, shaking her head. “No. I’m glad I’m alive, Tasmin. This is just…” She blew out a breath, then tipped her chin up, seeming to bolster herself. Her eyes met his. “I’m not saying this right. I still want to be with you. I care about you. I don’t think that’s news, but I’m saying it anyway. You’re the only part of this mess I
am
sure about, Tasmin. I don’t want this to screw things up.”

She would never know how her words affected him. He hadn’t expected to find anyone who even wanted much to do with him, much less a woman who wanted both his company and his hands on her. By the time he’d tried to make any rules for himself where she was concerned, it had been too late—he’d already broken them all.

Now, it was too late altogether. They would have no future… only now. He just wasn’t sure how to make her understand why he could only let himself fall so far. It could only hurt her.

“You could never screw things up,” Tasmin said, skirting around the subject she wanted to discuss. “You seem determined to fix everything you see.”

“That doesn’t mean it always works, trust me.” She leaned into him, just a little, touching her leg to his. The gesture was warm and familiar. It still amazed him, how comfortable he had gotten with Bailey in such a short time. But she was special. Everyone, even her sweet, silly dog, seemed to recognize that.

“Speaking of fixing things, Grimm has been watching me like a hawk. Now that you’re awake, you need to make him start looking after you again. I keep tripping over him.”

That finally prompted a smile. “No problem. I’m going to go hug him for at least an hour after this. I’m not ashamed to say he was the first thing I asked about once I, well… got it together.” She hesitated, then said, “The second thing I asked about was you. Lily said Anura’s plan is taking a little more time than she’d thought.”

“Anura is having a harder time putting together the ritual because of all that’s happening,” Tasmin agreed. It was a relief, too, since he wouldn’t be able to attend it. Anura had been kind. He felt guilty, having her do all of this for nothing. But that was better than creating carnage for her trouble.

Bailey didn’t look pleased.

“But it’s still going to happen, right?” she asked. “She still thinks she can help you?”

“It isn’t such a simple thing,” he said, hedging. “I’m not sure when the women she needs will be able to come. Even then, the results aren’t certain.”

Her outrage on his behalf was heartening, if misplaced.
“But it’s
important
,” Bailey said, her voice sharpening. He caught the flicker of fangs in her mouth as she spoke.

“I think, right now, defeating Arsinöe once and for all has taken precedence over prying a demon out of me,” Tasmin said. “I can’t fault them for that. Besides,” he added, his voice gentling. “I don’t think the demon is going to let go so easily, Bailey.”

“But you’ve been able to control it,” she insisted. “You even managed to turn me without hurting me! That has to mean something good. You’re stronger than this thing!”

The truth was on the tip of his tongue, but he swallowed it in favor of a half-truth. One, it would be easier for her to take. “I barely hung on, Bailey,” he said, and watched her lovely face fall. “It took everything I had not to just take what little blood the Ptolemy had left and drain you completely. The hunger… it’s nothing I can describe. When it comes on, it blocks out everything else. If there had been any way to get you to Lily or Ty, or any of the Lilim, I would have had someone else turn you. Maybe that would have been better. You would have had a dynasty to go to, instead of just one man.”

“No,” she said, watching him solemnly. “I’m glad it was you. If it had to happen, I would have chosen you. I mean that.”

Her admission made him ache in ways he hadn’t thought he ever would.

“I worried you’d be angry,” he admitted. “By rights, you should have joined the Lilim. But there wasn’t time. There was only me.”

And I wanted you, wanted my teeth in you, just that once
…

Bailey’s expression was quizzical, and there was an
element of it that had lost that sweet softness he was so accustomed to in her. There was a faint edge to her voice when she spoke again. More tellingly, she pulled her knee away.

“So… you would rather someone else had done it, is what you’re saying.”

“I would rather you hadn’t had to go through it at all,” Tasmin replied, hoping to placate her. He’d never seen quite that look in her eyes before, but he was absolutely sure he’d put it there. “What’s done is done,” he continued. “You’re Rakshasa now, with everything that entails. I’ll help you adjust, teach you what I can… while I can.”

Bailey looked at him silently. Finally, she said, “You’ll help me.”

“Of course.”

“Next you’re going to tell me you had a really good time the other night and promise to call me.”

Her anger wasn’t something he’d expected, but it was there, low and thrumming like a live wire. Tasmin felt the hair at the back of his neck prickle, the way it always did before he was challenged in battle. The problem was, this was unfamiliar territory—and this wasn’t a fight he had any idea how to win.

Tasmin sighed. “I’m not sure what you want from me.”

She lifted a hand to her forehead and closed her eyes, her brows drawn together. She looked wretchedly sad, and Tasmin could only imagine what she must be feeling. Lily had been right—Bay needed someone. He wished, very much, that he was better suited to the job. After a long moment, she spoke, though she still didn’t look at him.

“I guess that makes two of us. Twenty-four hours ago I had a nice house, and a business, and all the bits and
pieces of a human life. I wasn’t always satisfied with it, but I
knew
it. I knew I could change it. You were a big change for me. I was still trying to figure that out. And now… nothing is the same. Except that I was hoping you would be.” She opened her eyes to look at him, her vulnerability on full display along with all of her strength.

“Something’s changed. What is it?”

Tasmin stared at her, his guilt gnawing at him. How could she know? They’d been together such a short time, but looking into her eyes, he felt as though she could see into his very soul. She might not be his mate, but turning her had only intensified the bond between them.

What had he done?

She stared at him, waiting for an answer, and he remembered the feel of her mouth on his, the way she’d touched him. He’d had nothing, and then he’d had her. A woman who cared for the broken things—even one as broken as him. In return, he could give her nothing but lies and pain.

He seemed to exist solely as proof that the gods could be cruel on a whim.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Tasmin said. It seemed to be the wrong thing. He saw immediately that Bailey was having none of it. Her eyes flickered like lightning in a stormy sky.

“I’m getting tired of hearing that,” she said. “Vampires will hurt me; you’ll hurt me. I won’t break. I didn’t before, and I won’t now. I went through hell two nights ago and got turned into a vampire. Do I look like I’m ready to shatter into a thousand pieces to you?”

“It isn’t—”

“I’m not finished,” she interrupted him. Bailey shifted
so that her body was directly facing him, and her eyes were all but spitting sparks. Tasmin watched her silently, fascinated by the transformation. He’d never really seen her get angry.

“I’ll tell you what,” she said, a sharp edge to her voice. “If this is all too much for you, then tell me. I’ll survive, like you said. It will hurt, I’ll live, and I’ll still be glad that you were straight with me instead of leading me on.” Until her voice broke, he hadn’t known how close to falling apart she still was.
She needs me.
The thought, wholly his, came unbidden.

He felt what meager defenses he’d tried to build against her crumble to dust.

“The other night was more than I ever imagined it could be,” he said softly. “It was perfect. Never think otherwise.”

Some of the heat left her voice, but not all.

“You said you thought about me all the time.”

“That hasn’t changed.”

“Then what has?” she demanded. “You act like you’re afraid to touch me. Are you so repulsed by what you did to save me? Is it that the Ptolemy had his teeth in me first?
What?
”

“Of course not,” he hedged, bristling. “Things
have
changed, Bailey! We need to be realistic about what’s coming!”

“You were hopeful the other night,” she pointed out.

“I was a fool!”

“Because why? Because you slept with me?”

“Because I—”

“Because you ever walked into my life in the first place?”

“Because I thought it might ever let me go!” he snarled, his helpless fury at the situation breaking under her barrage of questions. Her eyes widened, and she drew back a little at the force of his answer. Tasmin felt a sinking feeling—it was more than he’d planned to tell her. But then, he should have known she wouldn’t simply take whatever he decided to offer her. Defeated, what truth he could give her spilled from his lips.

“I can’t get rid of it, Bailey. I know that now. I can’t get rid of it without dying myself, so this is pointless; everything is
pointless
! If I were stronger I would end it myself, but I don’t want to die. Not that it matters what I want.”

He spat the words bitterly, angry not at her, but at a reality he couldn’t seem to change. Bailey’s soft voice drew him back. Her own anger appeared to have left her as quickly as it had come.

“Why didn’t you just tell me? You’re sure?”

“I’m sure.” He raked a hand through his hair, slumping lower in the seat. “I—”

Careful what you say, vampire. Our bargain. Our secret.

The voice rose out of nowhere, hissing through his mind and then falling again into silence. Tasmin choked on his words, feeling not a trace of the thing inside himself. It sickened him, to have a parasite like this attached to his soul.

“I just
know
,” Tasmin said. “I can’t say more, so don’t ask me to. Just know it’s the truth, Bailey. I don’t know when it will take me, but I know it will happen. You should stop caring for me at all, if you knew what was best for yourself.” He looked at her bleakly. “I’m already dead.”

Her reaction was so swift he couldn’t do anything to stop her. In a split second Bailey had grabbed fistfuls of his shirt, dragged him from the love seat, and pinned him to the floor. She straddled his hips, switching her grip from his shirt to his wrists and anchoring his hands at either side of his head. All Tasmin could do was stare up at her, stunned.

She shouldn’t have been able to move like that yet. She should be awkward, tentative.

Instead, she bared her fangs and glared at him with all the fire of a jungle cat.

“You’re not dead, and you’re not going to be. We’re not going to let it happen. And you’re going to start actually living again.”

“What? What do you think I’m doing
now
?” Tasmin asked.

“Walking around like a ghost, mostly,” Bailey shot back. “Admit it. Ever since you came out of that cave, you haven’t really rejoined the world. You’ve just been moving through it, waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

She was hard to argue with when he was between her legs like this, and she knew it. The natural advantage she’d found was irritating, though his arousal was quickly overriding that.

“And now it has,” he growled. “How was I wrong?”

“You’re wrong because you’re still alive. You’re still here. You, the man who told me you only had now, but that you wanted to spend it with me. Don’t take that back out of some misguided sense of honor, of not wanting to hurt me. I knew what you were.”

“And what is that?” he asked, wanting to hear her admit that he was cursed, broken, a lost cause.

Instead, he caught the determined look on her face only an instant before her mouth was pressed hard against his. He held out for exactly three seconds, until he felt the flicker of her tongue against his lips. Then his mouth was open, mating with hers in a hot, wild kiss that made every thought he’d ever had of keeping his distance from her vanish in the steam.

When Bailey finally raised her head to look down at him, her breasts still pressed against his chest, he could do nothing but watch her. Her sweetness had been hiding an unexpected ferocity. Now, the lion running wild in her blood had drawn it out.

“Right now, the only thing you need to be is mine.”

He tried to raise himself up, but Bailey easily pinned him back to the floor. It was strangely erotic. She had become his equal in every way.

“I
am
yours,” he rasped, his eyes locked with hers. “Be sure of that, if nothing else.”

She exhaled, a shaken breath, and it was only then he realized how afraid she’d been that he was going to walk away. Her need for him was humbling. Being depended on in his pride had been different. He’d been confident in his physical abilities, in his sense of honor.