Read Impossibly Tongue-Tied Online
Authors: Josie Brown
“Hey, do you have a commercial agent?” asked Sam. “No? We have a division here in the agency that handles that. I'll line you up with Suzette over thereâ¦And maybe Kevin in the TV division, tooâ¦You know, for some immediate pocket change, like a movie of the week, or a guest shot on a
Law &
Order
or
CSI
or something, until this movie you're up for gets greenlighted. But that should happen any day now, so don't worry. And you're a shoo-in, believe me. I don't have to tell you, guy, but your future is in features all the way⦔
Even if the film was greenlighted, and Nathan got cast in it, the paycheck wouldn't necessarily be more than a little above SAG scale, Sam warned him, but he'd negotiate a gross point or two, on the back end. After all, appearing in a Hugo Schmitt film was mostly about the prestige.
He also pointed out to Nathan that the average movie took at the minimum a year, maybe even two, from the first day of shooting until it hit the theaters. Even longer than that, if it was a dog that no one wanted to distribute. That said, Nathan's paycheck would be doled out piecemeal as wellâthat is, once his contract had been hashed out, renegotiated, double-checked, then approved by legal, yada, yadaâ¦
In other words, Nathan and Nina could be dining on mac-and-cheese for a
very
long time yet.
In the meantime, there was a lot the actor could do in preparation for when success inevitably found himâwhich, Sam assured him, was only a matter of time.
For Nathan, the prep work was the
easy
part. Already he was spending at least an hour or so a couple of times a week at the 24 Hour Fitness at the Arclight, where he could work on his pecs and at the same time make some much sought after industry contacts, albeit with more B- and C- than A-listers. Now he'd work out every day.
And he'd been taking lessons with his acting guru, the esteemed Euphegenia Du Barry, since he and Nina had landed Hollywood. But now that he had Sam Godwin, “Don of the
Dealmakers,” (Ã la
Hollywood Reporter
) as his agent, he could ramp up those key activities to an almost-daily basis, too. In fact, he told Nina seriously, he should hire a private physical trainer, and work with Euphegenia in private, too: real proof that he'd arrived.
Sweet.
Of course, all of this would mean quitting his job at Disneyland.
Immediately he tossed out that concept to Nina. “What other client of Sam's works there?” Nathan pointed out. “
None.
You won't find real actors there. Besides, I have to keep myself available for any auditions Sam and his people set me up on, right?”
Nina saw his point. Then again, they still needed to come up with the money for all those extra acting lessons and gym workoutsâ¦
And for the upkeep on that cute little '61 Corvette roadster that Nathan bought on a whim the day after he'd signed his ICA contract, because, he insisted, it was one of the few used cars “hot enough to fit my new edgy image⦔ (That is, on the few occasions it wasn't sitting on a tow truck on its way to a mechanic's bay in San Dimas.)
All of this was excitingâ¦and certainly
scary
.
Particularly the money part.
To make this gamble work, O would have to take on an extra shift or two.
Sensing her concern, Nathan added, “Don't worry honey. Sam thinks that the audition for that movie will happen sometime toward the end of next week, and the role is supposed to be big.
Really
big.”
His eyes opened wide, as if to will Sam's declaration into fact, if only for her benefit. “He also says I'm exactly what the director is looking for.
To a Tee
. I'll ace it, too, since I've been preparing for it with Euphegenia. What's taking so long is that director is still locking in the final financing.”
“After the audition, when will you know for sure that the role is yours?” she asked cautiously.
“Soon, hon. real soon. And once I get my fee, it's your turn up to bat. No more Tommaso's, on your feet all day. It'll be my turn to support
you
.” He pulled her down into his lap and gave her a long, loving kiss.
“That's good. I'm retiring O, tooâ¦just as soon as that check of yours clears the bank.
Yes!
I can't wait to quit! I've already checked into voice-over lessons, so that I can start auditioning for radio spots or cartoons. It's the perfect kind of freelance to do while Jake's at school.” The worry left her eyes. She was all smiles again.
“Sure, whatever makes you happy, babe. We're Team Harte, remember?
All for one and one for all.
”
That was all she needed to hear.
And so Nina worked around the clock, for Nathan's extra acting lessons, his gym membership, his car's maintenance, and his new headshots.
Then again, she wasn't working just for him, but for
them
.
For Team Harte.
Â
O: Hello, handsome. Boy have I missed
you
. So, how's my favorite guy?
WILBUR: O, darlingâ¦Jeez, I've missed you, too! I've beenâ¦well, out of the country.
O: Well, sweetheart, welcome home.
WILBUR: (
After a guilty silence
) Uh, well, you see, that's just itâ¦I'm not home yetâ¦
O: Ohâ¦You're at work?
WILBUR: Sort ofâ¦I'm with my wifeâ¦in Cabo.
O: (
Laughing
) Gee, Wilbur, you lead a hard lifeâ¦Speaking of
hard
, how's
that
going?
WILBUR: (
Frantically
) It's not! That's just the point! Iâ¦
I need your help
. Or else my life will go up in smoke. Didn't Sam explain?
O: Yep, he did. By the way, speaking of Sam, sorry but I've got to ask: Does this call have the Sam Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval?
WILBUR: Fucking A, this call has been preapproved and pre-billed on my very private preprogrammed “only to O” Platinum Moto, at that. In other words, the sky's the limit.
O: Good. Because I'd never want to get you in trouble, Wilbur, you
know
that, right?
WILBUR: I feel the same way about you, doll. Really, I do.
O: So, um, you say you're with your wife?
WILBUR: Yeah. Andâ¦truthfully?
It just ain't happening.
Get my meaning?
O: You're coming in loud and clear, Wilbur. So listen, I think I have an idea as to how we can be togetherâ¦down there.
WILBUR: You're coming down?
Here?
O: In a way. Try to follow me, Wilbur: If I were with you, right now, you'd be hard as a rock, right? You'd be running your hands gently all over my soft sweet bodyâ¦
WILBUR:
(Blissfully
) Yeahâ¦I see you nowâ¦IâI can feel you beside me.
O: Well, Wilbur, there's something I want you to do. Better yet, what I mean is that there's something I
don't
want you to do.
WILBUR: (
Confused
) What's that?
O:
Come
â¦that is, until you get back to your roomâ¦and your
wife
.
WILBUR: But that's just it! I can come with you. I just can't with
her
.
O:
Yes you can
, Wilbur. If you just do as I tell you. And here's what I want you to do: I want you to buy a couple of silk scarves at the hotel gift shop and take them back to your room with you. Then I want you to ask your wife to allow you to blindfold herâand make love to her. Ask her to blindfold you, too.
WILBUR: That soundsâ¦sort of kinky.
O: (
Giggles devilishly
) I know, Wilbur. Isn't it? And it makes it perfect for meâ¦
to be with you
.
WILBUR: How do you mean?
O: Well, while you're both blindfolded, you can
imagine that I'm there,
beside you. You can kiss her, gentlyâ¦on the lips, then down her neck, softly moving to her right nipple and taking it in your mouthâ¦and sucking, sucking
hard
â¦
harder
â¦until it
explodes
at the touch of your tongue. Then you'll move to her left nipple, licking it voraciously, awakening it, tooâ¦while your hands gently explore every square inch of her soft, supple skin. Prodding every nook and cranny of her with your fingers, until she is wet, and
throbbing
and
hot
, and moaning
for you to come inside of her
â¦
WILBUR: She'llâ¦be moaning?
O: Oh, Wilbur, yes!
YES!
Sheâshe'll
come!
Againâ¦and againâ¦
and again
â¦with you! With you thrusting into her, harder, never stoppingâ¦neverâ¦
WILBUR: Iâ¦I have to go back! To the hotel, right now!
O: (
Softly, joyously
) You do that, Wilbur. You do that. Oh, and Wilbur?
WILBUR: (
A bit distractedly
) Yeah, O?
O: Listen, Wilbur, from now on, do me a favor. I'd like you to call her O, too, okay?
WILBUR: Sure, Oâ¦Iâ¦I guess. If that will make you happy.
O: It does. Oh, and Hugo, ask
her
to call you Wilbur. Tell her that those are your new secret nicknames for each other, which you're to use only when you're making love. Get it?
WILBUR: (
In awe
) That is
truly inspired
.
O: I knew you'd think so. Now go have
fun
, you naughty boy.
Â
That very afternoon, Archie called Sam to say that he was doubling the budget for the Katerina Project.
Oh, and that Lucinda and Hugo were extending their vacation another ten days.
Maybe I didn't need to give O my card in the first place
, thought Sam.
Maybe all Hugo needed was a few odds and ends from the International Love Boutique.
Go figure.
He called Nathan and Nina's house to let them know that the audition was finally set for eleven days from then.
Â
On the day of Nathan's audition, Nina was calm and peaceful. She
knew
how good Nathan was. And she knew he was pre
pared to give a very electrifying read of a very moving scene, as requested by the director, from the movie's script, because they'd rehearsed it for hours on end, every day for at least a week prior to when the audition was finally scheduled.
They had spent the morning having über-fabulous sex, if she did say so herself. The sex they shared always burned white hot, as if they provided each other with the fuel they both needed to keep goingâto keep
believing
âin themselves.
She was right. Nathan was primed, pumped, and chomping at the bit to prove himself as an actor of incredible potential.
And if the lovemaking hadn't done the trick, perhaps the Rescue Heroes Mission Car Jake put in his daddy's jacket pocket as a good luck talisman would.
“Go get 'em, tiger,” she purred out to him as he left her tangled in the bedsheets while he showered off.
Of course Nina wouldn't be there to cue him during the audition, and that sort of bothered her.
“I guess they'll just have some assistant reading the other part,” she fretted.
“Yeah, probably,” said Nathan breezily. He approached every nerve-wracking challenge as if he'd already won it. That arrogance was part of his charm. “Hell, it can be a stuntman for all I care. Sam didn't say, but I'm guessing that it'll probably be an assistant casting person.”
The reason Sam didn't say was that Katerina was going to read with Nathan herself.
Sam had thought about that one long and hard: Should he suggest that Nina be there, just so that Nathan wouldn't be put in a very uncomfortable position right off the bat?
What,
was he kidding himself?
From what he saw of Nathan, the kid would enjoy whatever Kat threw his way.
The only one who would be uncomfortable would be Nina.
He could never do that to her.
No, if the kid was going to have his fall from grace, there was nothing Sam could do about it now.
Or ever, for that matter.
TRANSCRIPT OF NATHAN HARTE AUDITION TAPE [1/30/2XXX]
(INT. FLAGRANT STUDIOSâDAY)
(FADE IN ON: TWO EMPTY STOOLS, sitting in the center of the room.)
SFX a COUGH from the cameraman, FRED, who is fiddling with the camera).
Â
Voice Over of NATHAN: Hi, um, I'm Nathan Harteâ¦Gee, Mr. Schmitt, I have to tell you that it's an HONORâ
V/O HUGO: Yeah, hi, Nathan. Looking forward to seeing if you can live up to Sam's assessment.
V/O NATHAN: (
Gives a nervous cough
) I'll, uh, do my bestâ¦So where would you like me toâ
V/O HUGO: Take a seat on the stool thereâ¦
NATHAN HARTE (
Comes into the frame, holding his script. He sits gingerly on the stool.
)
V/O HUGO: Hey, uh, Frank, can you move in some? Edie, can you adjust that backlight?
(CLOSE-UP on Nathan. The camera goes in and out of focus as it adjusts for clarity, and the room seems to go a bit lighter as a halo envelopes Nathan, who looks right into the camera's eye, smiles broadly and winks at it before running his hand through his hair and giving his head a toss.)
NATHAN: (
Clears his throat
) Umâ¦There was that scene that Sam mentionedâ¦Unless you'd prefer for me to do a cold readingâ
V/O HUGO: Nahâ¦we wouldn't do that to youâ¦We'll stick with the scene we discussed with Sam. Speaking of which, uh, you wouldn't mind reading with the film's female lead, would you?
NATHAN: (
Sitting up a little straighter now
) Heck, no. I think I can do that, no prob.
V/O HUGO: (
Chuckling
) Yeah sure, okayâ¦Edie, darling, can you let Ms. McPherson know that we're ready anytime she is? Thanks.