Imposter in Zebra-striped Briefs (2 page)

Nathan leaned forward, his mouth almost touching Josh’s neck.

He heard Josh whisper something that sounded like “Keep going. Don’t stop.”

Oh my God
, Nathan thought.
This is happening.

His heart was pounding, his breathing was heavy. He closed his eyes and licked his lips, building his courage, mentally pushing himself forward past his fears. Nathan closed the gap between his lips and Josh’s neck and started kissing it shyly. At first Josh didn’t react. Nathan timidly moved his hand up Josh’s chest and brushed his lips against his neck again, and felt Josh freeze.

Josh gently grabbed Nathan’s shoulder and pushed himself backward while removing Nathan’s hand from his chest. “Whoa, there, tiger,” Josh said, touching his neck where Nathan had kissed him.

Nathan was confused for a second, and then it dawned on him that the look on Josh’s face was not Ferris-wheel enthusiasm. It was awkward disappointment, a look Nathan was very familiar with. Josh hadn’t wanted Nathan to kiss him. Nathan wanted to crawl into the back of a cab and die of embarrassment. Maybe he could pay the driver extra to come back and hide his body in an undisclosed location.

“Sorry, I thought you wanted me to…,” Nathan murmured, turning red. “You were asking me to keep going,” he finished, unable to look at Josh.

“Shit, sorry. I was talking about Brandon.” The look on Nathan’s face must have told Josh he was confused because he continued, “Brandon is my boyfriend. I’m renting out my place, but I haven’t told him yet. I basically live at his place across the hall now, so I don’t see any point having two apartments. He left a while ago, but must have forgot something because he came back in when we were standing in the hall. I freaked and dragged you in here so he wouldn’t see you. I was listening to him walk down the hall.”

“Uh, okay. Well, thanks, I think I’m going to pass on the apartment, but thank you. Um, I’m going to go.” His voice fading off under his breath as he turned to open the door, Nathan knew if he didn’t get out of this apartment soon, he was going to puke. Part of him hoped there was a gigantic black hole on the other side of the door that would swallow him up.

“Ah, come on. It was just a misunderstanding. No harm, no foul.” Josh turned Nathan around and directed him over to the couch. “I swear this place is perfect for you. There are some great little bars within walking distance. You will be christening this place with some lucky guy before you know it.”

Nathan half-snorted his doubt, embarrassing himself further. He was already horrified over what happened. Now he just wanted to get out of there without having to make eye contact with Josh again.

“Hey, seriously, I mean it.” Josh said, placing his hand on Nathan’s shoulder. “There is nothing for you to be embarrassed about. If I wasn’t completely in love, I would still have you up against that wall.”

Nathan immediately forgot his embarrassment at Josh’s admission. He peeked at Josh from under the rim of his glasses. “Really?”

“Yeah, really. You’re pretty cute,” he added with a cheeky grin. “Now will you please let me show you the apartment?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Nathan said, adjusting his glasses again.

“Cool. I know the ad said half-furnished. My boyfriend has way too much furniture over there.” Josh motioned toward their apartment. “And it’s way nicer than anything I own, so I’m leaving everything but my clothes and personal stuff,” he said, walking Nathan through the small one-bedroom apartment. “If you don’t want any of this and just want to bring your own, I’ll take it to the dump. The couch isn’t too bad, but the mattress should probably be burned.”

Nathan was going to ask why until he saw the slight blush on Josh’s face. “I got a bed, but the rest of it is fine.”

“Awesome, so when can you move in?”

“Is two weeks too soon?” Nathan felt excited and overwhelmed all at the same time as they made their way to the door.

“Two weeks sounds good.” Josh paused and checked the peephole before opening the door and walking him out.

“Now all I have to do is tell Brandon we live together.”

“I’m not judging, but have you ever been in a relationship before? You don’t seem very good at it.” Nathan’s comment made Josh chuckle.

“
Ha
. I’ve had more than my share of short, sweaty relationships, and I’m very good at it.” Josh winked. “But yeah, this is the first one that actually means something to me.” He laughed again, walking Nathan out to the street. “You got a car? The parking around here kind of sucks,” Josh said, standing on the last step next to the sidewalk.

“No, I took a cab here. I’ll stick with public transportation for a while. My work is really close to here.”

“All right, man. Well, it’s a year lease, and I’ll need first and last, if that works for you. We’ll see you in two weeks.” Josh stuck his hand out toward Nathan.

It took Nathan a second to realize Josh was waiting for him to shake his hand. “Yeah, two weeks. Thanks, and sorry about what happened in there.” Nathan flushed again.

“Seriously don’t worry about it. We’re good. Did you need me to call you a cab?”

“I think I’m going to walk around the neighborhood a bit, but thanks,” Nathan said as he headed down the sidewalk, thinking that hadn’t gone as well as he hoped but still feeling good about moving here.

Chapter 2

The Proposal (
Josh
)

JOSH SAT
across from Brandon, nervously tapping the table, running every possible outcome of the conversation through his head. He had spent the past two weeks trying to figure out a way to bring this up to Brandon, but no matter how many different ways he tried to spin it, it came out badly. There really was no good way to broach the subject of moving in together. Or more to the point, how the hell did one tell their boyfriend of eight months they were already living together, and he just didn’t know it yet?

Josh wasn’t sure why he didn’t tell Brandon when he snuck his meager belongings over a few months ago. It’s not like it would have come as a complete shock. Josh could count on one hand the number of times he had slept at his place since he and Brandon got together. Brandon would have noticed Josh’s stuff throughout his place by now if he weren’t such a hoarder of all things Martha Stewart. And in Josh’s defense, Brandon was the first actual “relationship” he had ever had. It’s not like he’d been given a guidebook, although he was pretty sure moving in without telling Brandon was probably covered in Chapter One under “Don’t Be a Jackass.”

He had tried to bring up the subject a few times, but his natural aversion to talking about his feelings always made him stop at the last minute. But tonight was the night. Nathan, the new tenant, was moving into his old place tomorrow. Josh thought he was going to be a good fit here, and his shy, awkward nature made Josh laugh. All he had to do was get through this without fucking everything up, and his world would be right again.

It was a nice night, so Josh convinced Brandon to have dinner and a drink up on the rooftop of their apartment building. He knew how much Brandon loved being up there surrounded by the garden sanctuary he’d created. Josh figured his chances of not messing things up completely were greater if Brandon was relaxed and in a good mood when he broke the news. This had to turn out okay. He’d never thought, in a million years, he would feel this way, had never really wanted to feel this, honestly. Like his world would end if this person wasn’t part of it. It had been consuming him lately, worrying if Brandon would be mad over the whole thing and kick him out. He knew Brandon loved him, but he also knew trust and honesty were huge with Brandon because of the type of guy Josh was when they’d met.

So here Josh sat, listening to Brandon talk about their upcoming weekend.

“There’s a new indie folk band playing at the bar on the corner Satur—” Brandon was saying as Josh cut him off.

“Fuck it! Let’s get married.” Josh verbally vomited all over Brandon. In the past Brandon had mentioned how much he adored what he called Josh’s “relationship Tourette’s.” The look on his handsome face right now spoke volumes of how not adorable he thought Josh was at the moment.

“Ummm, what did you just say?” Brandon asked, cocking his head to the side, looking at Josh like a hurt, confused dog. “Was that a proposal? Like what I have dreamt about since I met you proposal?” His brow creased in confusion as he continued, “What I have fought for the right to be able to do for the past three years proposal?”

Josh was not a religious man, but at that moment, he looked up at the stars, praying for some kind of global intervention, maybe lightning or thundershowers.

“‘Fuck it, let’s get married?’” Brandon continued. “That’s what you decided to go with? I mean, I jus’ wanna be clear before I give you an answer,” he said sarcastically, folding his arms across his burly chest.

Josh heard the edge of Brandon’s Southern accent cutting through his speech, and knew he was fucked. It only came out when Brandon was too drunk or too mad to mask it. “No. That’s not what I meant.” Josh ran his fingers through his hair, trying to control his frustration and fear he was losing this.

“So you don’t wanna marry me?” Brandon said, sounding even more hurt and irritated.

He could be so frustrating sometimes. It had taken Josh a while to adjust to how open Brandon was with his feelings and affection. He’d also learned the hard way, a few times, how easy it was to hurt someone when they wore their heart on their sleeve like Brandon did. Josh was not known for his sensitivity to other people’s feelings, especially when it came to guys he’d slept with, but when it came to Brandon, it was a whole new ball game. It was like he was Josh’s emotional kryptonite, his weakness.

Josh had tried to show Brandon how much he meant to him, but he had never actually come out and said the words. Josh got out of his chair and knelt in front of Brandon. Looking at him brought the last eight months rushing back. Brandon made him better.

“I’m sorry for saying it like that. I have been sitting here thinking about how much my life has changed in the past eight months. How much I’ve changed. I can’t imagine a life without you in it.” Josh rubbed his hands along the top of Brandon’s thighs, trying to soothe him.

“You can’t?” Brandon asked with a slight grin.

“No, so I brought you up here to ask if I could give up my place and we could officially move in together.” He’d decided now was not the right time to admit he had already rented his place out. Brandon deflated a bit when Josh mentioned moving in together. “But then I was looking at you and thinking I don’t want to be just roommates. I never want to go back to the person I was before I met you. I… love you, Brandon, so much.” Josh looked down at his hands holding on to Brandon’s thighs and tried to control his voice. “I want to spend my life showing you how much. I know I didn’t plan the proposal you deserve, but I mean it with every part of me. I belong to you whether you say yes or not.”

Josh started to get nervous when Brandon didn’t say anything right away. He looked up and saw Brandon’s blue eyes get glossy.

“Are you sure?” Brandon asked, and then hesitated. “Are you sure I will be enough for you five years from now?”

“Ah, baby.” Josh leaned forward and rested his forehead on Brandon’s. “You have no idea how much you mean to me. I know I wasn’t a saint before we got together, but none of that was real for me. I have never told anyone I love them before. Don’t ever doubt my feelings for you. This is it for me.”

“Yes,” Brandon said, placing his hand on the side of Josh’s neck, pulling him forward.

“Yes?” Josh smiled as he wiped the tear off Brandon’s cheek.

“Yes.” Brandon closed the last inch between them until their lips met.

There was something about the way Brandon kissed him that always took his breath away. Brandon was the other half of his soul; he felt it every time their lips touched.

“Would you mind if we got married up here?” Brandon asked, pulling back.

Brandon’s rooftop garden was a thing of beauty. People would pay big bucks to book a venue this magical.

“It’s perfect. Now I want to take you back downstairs so I can show you how happy you make me.

Two hours later….

“I’M STARVING,
baby,” Josh said as he rolled over in bed.

“We left dinner up on the roof. I think it’s all ruined by now. If we had only celebrated our engagement one time, it would probably still be edible.”

“You’re welcome,” Josh said cockily.

“Gloating’s not attractive.” Brandon rested his head on Josh’s shoulder.

“So if we get married up on the roof, when were you thinking? Like, this summer?” Josh asked, choosing to ignore his growling stomach because he loved it when Brandon cuddled up to him like this.

“I was actually thinking maybe the end of the month.” Josh tensed at Brandon’s suggested time frame.

“Now don’t freak out.” Brandon rubbed his hand across Josh’s chest. “I have already started some planning.”

“Really? In the last two hours? Maybe I wasn’t that impressive after all. I’m not sure which one of your comments I shouldn’t freak out about—the fact that you want to get married in two weeks or that you already planned the wedding.”

Brandon playfully punched Josh on the shoulder. “Stop it. It’s just that now that you’ve asked, I want to be married to you already. I don’t want to wait. My mom was planning to visit at the end of the month, so the timing would be perfect. And I’ve collected a few ideas over the years on planning weddings, so it won’t be hard to do.”

“Okay, what’s your idea?”

“Don’t laugh, okay?” Brandon leaned over the side of the bed, pulling a sketchbook out from under it.

“What’s that?” Josh asked.

“It’s where I put thoughts and ideas about things I have seen that I liked.”

“Is that your man-diary?” Josh laughed, trying to take the book away from Brandon.

“No! Now give it back. I don’t think I want you to see it now.” Brandon pouted.

Josh thought Brandon’s constant planning and need to take care of things was one of his most endearing qualities. “I’m sorry, baby. I won’t laugh, I swear. Show me what you got.”