Impostor (21 page)

CHAPTER 26

T
he helicopter dropped me off in a meadow near Livingston before turning to make its way back to headquarters. Nobody had stopped us. Surprisingly Tanner hadn’t tried to entertain me during the flight. Maybe he’d sensed that I wasn’t in the mood for joking before a funeral. I planned to spend the night in a motel in Manlow and take a train back to the FEA the next morning. I reasoned that maybe Tanner wouldn’t get in too much trouble that way.

Instead of going directly to the cemetery and waiting for the funeral to begin, I walked to the Chambers’ house. I snuck into the back garden and peered through the living room windows.

Everyone was gathered inside. Linda and Ronald, Madison’s aunts and uncles, her grandparents, Ana, and Devon. He was the only one who understood what had happened, the only one who knew his sister hadn’t died a week ago but had actually been gone for much longer. Somehow Major had convinced him to keep it from his family, to tell them the lie the FEA had prepared.

Devon looked out into the garden as if he could feel my presence. I ducked. It wasn’t right for me to be here. This was their private moment of grief. I had no place in their lives.

A door creaked—the back screen door. I knew the sound by heart. Before I could slink away, Devon stood in front of me, dressed in black from head to toe. There were dark shadows beneath his eyes.

I tried to back away from him but he cornered me at the end of the backyard, bordering on the forest. His hand curled around my arm, preventing me from slipping away. I didn’t try to shake him off. Whatever he had to say, I would bear it. I deserved it all. I pulled my coat tighter around my body and looked up. Fatigue crowded at the edges of his eyes and mouth. “You shouldn’t have come.” His voice was quiet and gentle. A lethal blow served with serenity.

I recoiled and his hand slipped lower, his fingertips tracing the bare skin of my wrist. Sparks shot through my arm at the contact. I jerked, but his touch remained steady. His eyes searched mine. Softly he said, “You’re hurting.”

I freed my wrist from his fingers and wrapped my arms around myself. “I’m not hurt,” I whispered.

“You know what I mean.”

I scanned the trees, their withered bark green with moss. The air hung around us, heavy and humid. It had barely stopped raining over the last few days.

“Sometimes anguish can be so strong that it turns into something physical, something I can feel.”

“Can you heal it like you do wounds?” My voice was so quiet, I wasn’t sure he heard it over the pitter-patter of rain hitting the leaves above us. But then he shook his head. I nodded, blinking back the tears threatening to spill over my eyes. I took a shuddering breath. “So what did you tell your parents?” For a dangerous moment I’d wanted to say “our parents.”

Devon looked back at the house as if he could see them through the walls. “Major Sanchez told them. He said that Madison followed Ryan into the house and he killed her. I tried to save her, but it was too late.” His voice was hollow, the words mechanical.

“They believed him?”

Devon let out an empty laugh. “Do you even have to ask?”

I shook my head. Of course not. The story made sense. And Major could be very convincing.

He cleared his throat. “I need to get back inside. We have to leave soon.” His eyes held mine but they were guarded. “Tessa, I’m sorry. But I don’t think you should come. It’ll only make it worse.” Without another word he headed for the back door and disappeared inside.

• • •

Though Devon didn’t want me to attend the funeral, I couldn’t bring myself to leave. I’d come all the way from headquarters and risked everything to find closure.

The cemetery was crowded with people. Everyone, it seemed, felt compelled to say good-bye to a girl who’d died too young.

I followed in their wake—like a shadow. Tears rolled down my cheeks but they weren’t for Madison alone. I’d said good-bye to her weeks ago. This good-bye was for everyone. Linda and Ronald, Mom and Dad as I’d come to think of them, walked ahead of the crowd, the mourners right behind them like a cloud of sadness. But in front of them all, like a beacon of light, was Madison’s white casket. It glowed despite the gloom of the day.

People gathered around the hole in the ground. An ocean of black clothes and pale faces. So many faces I knew. People I’d called friends in recent weeks. People whose laughter was as familiar as my own. People who didn’t know the real me, and never would. I stood on a hill, shrouded between trees, with a good view over the gravesite. Nobody would notice me there.

Ana leaned against her stepfather, clutching at his coat. Her face was blotchy and for once she wasn’t wearing makeup. I felt a pang when I realized that the friendship I’d felt with her had never existed, our warmth had never been real.

I didn’t dare look at Linda and Ronald just yet, afraid of what I would see on their faces and how it would make me feel. I tucked my body behind one of the trees, afraid that if Devon caught sight of me he would come to send me away. Then something else caught my attention. A good distance behind the family stood a man in a black coat and sunglasses. He wasn’t paying attention to the funeral; he was staring at me. I didn’t recognize him, in fact I was fairly certain I’d never seen him before. Had I drawn attention to myself standing up here alone? Was it really that obvious that I didn’t belong here? He probably wondered why I was hiding between trees and gawking at him. I looked away and pulled up the collar of my coat.

The first notes sounded of the song her family had chosen. “The Rose.”

I stared at the golden pendant in my hand. When I looked up, my eyes finally sought out Madison’s family. Linda clutched the front of Ronald’s suit, her tearful, pale face half buried in his chest. I wanted to go over and wrap my arms around them. I wanted to tell them I was sorry—for more things than they’d ever know—and I wanted to tell them how much I’d come to care for them. I wanted to tell them that I’d do anything for parents like them.

Linda and Ronald walked up to the gaping hole in the ground and threw white roses on top of the casket. Devon was next, a few tears trailing slowly over his face. The others followed until an ocean of pure white covered the wood of Madison’s final resting place. Linda raised her head and for a moment our eyes met. My body flooded with stolen memories and emotions, and my heart swelled with a love I knew I shouldn’t feel. Her face showed no recognition at all. To her I didn’t exist and never would.

I clutched the rose pendant against my chest so tightly that the edges of it cut into my palm. It was a gift that wasn’t mine and never had been—like the love Madison’s parents had showed me. And yet sometimes I’d dared to imagine how it would be if they loved me, if
someone
loved me as unconditionally as they’d loved Madison.

More than two years had passed since I’d left home and not once had my mom tried to contact me, not once had she asked if I was well. She didn’t know a thing about my life now. Unconditional love was something my mother didn’t understand. My hand clenched until my nails dug into my skin, but no matter how hard I pressed, the ache deep within me overshadowed anything else I could possibly feel.

A gentle touch took hold of my hand and loosened my fist. The hand entwined its fingers with mine and I didn’t need to look up to know who it was. I’d recognize that smell of spring and spearmint, and the steely strength behind his careful touch, any time. He’d found me; he always did.

“What are you doing here?” I asked softly.

“Holly told me. I came looking for you. I knew Summers and Major wouldn’t have allowed you to attend the funeral, so I took a helicopter and rushed here.”

“Major let you take another helicopter? So he knows?”

“I didn’t ask him. But he’ll notice eventually.” His voice had a hard edge to it but softened for his next words. He had defied Major—for me? “My God, Tessa, I was so worried. You shouldn’t be here alone. You have no clue how dangerous it is out here.”

“Dangerous?”

“I overheard Major talking to Summers. Abel’s Army has a spy in town who kept an eye on Ryan and the investigations. They know far more than we realized. And do you think they would pass up the chance to kidnap you?”

“But why would they pay me any attention?”

“Major thinks that Abel’s Army realized the FEA sent you to pose as Madison and now they want you for themselves. He’s been discussing ways to protect you. They want to keep you on lockdown in headquarters until this whole thing blows over.”

I was still in shock. “But why would Abel’s Army want me?”

“You are far more valuable than you think.” For a moment, he looked like he wanted to take the words back. Was there more? “Your Variation would be very useful to them. You can be whoever you want to be, whoever
they
want you to be. Just imagine the possibilities for someone as ruthless as Abel. Believe me, Abel’s Army would be crazy not to target you.”

I felt cold all over. My eyes searched the crowd for the spot where the man with the sunglasses had stood but he was gone. He hadn’t worn the glasses to hide his crying—he’d worn them to hide his eyes.

“There was a man with sunglasses. He was watching me.”

Alec gripped my shoulders. “Where is he?”

“I don’t know. He was there a minute ago, but he’s gone.”

“Are you sure he was looking at your face? That he saw your eyes?” His grip tightened until it was almost painful.

“I think so. His sunglasses blocked my view. But if they already know about me, it doesn’t really matter that he saw my eyes, right?”

He let go. “Right.”

That didn’t sound convincing.

“Look, we don’t know who the man was. Maybe he wasn’t even Abel’s Army. And I’m safe in headquarters.” I didn’t feel the certainty my voice conveyed.

“You’re right. They won’t get you. I won’t let them. I’ll do anything to keep you safe.” He sounded fierce, as if he’d do anything for me.

I didn’t look at him because then he’d have seen it all in my eyes.

“You mean too much to me, Tess.”

Those words ignited a hope I wanted to trample down with my FEA-assigned boots before someone else could, before
he
could.

“Why?” The choked sound gave it all away, laid me bare to him, made me vulnerable, but I couldn’t help it. I’d been strong for so long, and I was tired of it. So tired of it all.

“You know why.”

But those three words weren’t enough anymore. They would have been enough a month, even a week ago, but today I needed more. No more empty promises, no matter how beautiful they sounded.

“No, I don’t know why. Tell me,” I whispered.

He squeezed my hand gently, but I didn’t dare look, too scared that his eyes would reveal a hurtful truth. But he took my face into his hands and tipped my head back until his lips were inches from mine.

“I broke up with Kate,” he said softly. My eyes grew wide and for a moment I couldn’t breathe. “I should have done it long ago. We’ve been doing nothing but argue. Our relationship has always been a matter of reason, never of love. When I stayed in Livingston to clear things up with Major, I couldn’t think about anything but you, and every time I visited Kate in the hospital you were on my mind. And when I saw the mark on your rib cage, I can’t describe how that made me feel. I realized how close I’d come to losing you, and when I found out that you were at the funeral . . .” He shook his head, as if it scared him just thinking about it. “I’ve tried to fight my feelings for you because I thought you were too young and because of Major . . . but I just don’t care anymore. I’m tired of resisting, tired of fearing the consequences.”

His thumb brushed across my cheek and then his lips pressed against me, warm and soft. I melted into the kiss, relaxing against him. After a moment, he pulled back and exhaled. “I want to do this every day.”

I smiled against his mouth. “Then do it.”

He pulled back and scanned the area. “We should leave now. I want to get you back to headquarters as soon as possible.”

Alec led me down the hill toward the entrance of the cemetery and past the mourners. Devon looked up. Our eyes met, and for the briefest moment I felt a twinge of emotion I couldn’t explain. Part of me was glad that he would join the FEA soon, before he could be targeted by Abel’s Army, but the other part worried how we would act around each other. Would it be awkward? Or would we try to help each other deal with everything that had happened?

“What about Devon? Who will keep him safe?”

“Before Major and I left Livingston, he assigned Agent Stevens to watch out for Devon. I saw his car in front of the graveyard.”

Relief settled in me. I didn’t want anything to happen to Devon, couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing his smile again. Alec wrapped his arm around my waist, and I let the rightness of his touch carry away the doubt and worry.

As we passed through the gates of the cemetery, I glanced over my shoulder one last time. I didn’t spot the man with the sunglasses but I was inexplicably sure he was watching—that
Abel’s Army
was watching
me
.

Major had made it sound like Abel would stop at nothing to get what he wanted. He had already taken two agents. And if Alec’s worries were justified, I was the one he wanted next.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I owe thanks to the following people, who made this book possible:

My fantastic agent, Jill Grinberg, for finding the perfect home for me and my book. Having you at my side during the sub process was the best thing that could have happened to me. Katelyn Detweiler, who’s always there to sort things out and answer my e-mails. Cheryl Pientka, who tries to get
Impostor
out into the world and who never seems to grow tired of my questions! I loved meeting the three of you in New York!

My fabulous editor, Caroline Donofrio, for falling in love with Tessa and her story, for swooning over Devon and Alec, and for making this book so much better.

The Razorbill team for wanting me and my book, and for giving it a stunning cover!

My friend Elke, who loved
Impostor
from the start and compared it to Vampire Academy, a series we both love. Little did she know back then that I’d end up sharing a publishing home with VA! You are a prophet, my friend!

My crit partners, Kathy, Shari, and Tracy for helping me through the tough times that followed after writing this book. You know what I’m talking about. I wouldn’t have stayed sane without you.

The many beta readers that made this book better: Shveta Thakrar, Trisha Wolfe, Heather Anastasiu, Nikki Loftin, and McCormick Templeman. You rock!

But the absolutely biggest thanks go to my husband, who never lost faith in me, who talked me off the ledge more than once, and who was there for me during the many sleepless nights I spent obsessing over publishing! Danke, dass du immer für mich da bist. Ich liebe dich.