Improper Pleasures (The Pleasure Series #1) (30 page)

Though she longed to, Astra was not brave enough for such
theatrics. Her second and last excursion onto center stage had been more
disastrous than the first. Nor would she make a spectacle of herself in front
of Lark. Astra suspected James might be making such a production about the
ceremony to punish her. And what better way than having Lark in attendance.

Having her daughter see her commit such a travesty in a
house of God shamed Astra to the core. So many wrongs she had committed had
been motivated by her desire to maintain appearances for her daughter’s sake.
Now that she had succeeded so smashingly, she would take it all back to show
her daughter what a marriage should be, could be.

For all Astra’s dreams of a stunning, secure marriage for
her daughter, she suddenly realized that Lark would fair far better married to
a man who truly loved her, for herself above everything. Anything else killed
one’s soul day by day, little by little.

“Astra, dear, you’re frightening me. You look like you do
not know yourself.”

Astra abruptly turned to find Lady Phillina standing by
her side. Phillina pressed a hand against Astra’s cheek. “You are clammy. Are
you ill? Perhaps we should postpone the wedding after all.”

Her mother came to stand in front of the small mirror,
nudging Astra aside. “Postponing the wedding would be a mistake.”

“I am feeling a little faint.” Astra grasped onto
Phillina’s hand with the same enthusiasm as her tossed hope of reprieve. She
guided Phillina back to the leather chair, or perhaps it was the other way
around. In either case, both she and Phillina sank into the lumpy cushions,
Phillina in the chair and Astra on the matching foot rest.

“All that will pass in a few months,” her mother said, not
turning from her reflection.

“No, Mother, it will not. I am the one who will be forced
to live a lie. You do not realize what havoc your schemes cause on—”

“I meant the morning sickness, Astra.” Her mother turned
and met Astra’s gaze. “I think it might be a boy. They are always the most
difficult to carry.”

“Morning sickness? I thought you said you weren’t with
child?” Phillina brushed back hair from what was no doubt Astra’s horrified
expression.

“You can thank me later. A mother always knows best.” Her
mother returned to the mirror and patted her perfectly arranged hair as if she
would be the bride this afternoon.

“But we’ve been careful.” Astra covered her mouth with a hand
before she blurted out more than she cared to reveal in front of Lady Phillina
in the church’s anteroom.

“Did he tell you that? I had no idea you were still so
naive, Astra. There’s no such thing. As much as you two have been sneaking
about, I’m surprised this hadn’t happened sooner. And with your history, I
don’t know why you’re so shocked.” Lady Seabrook draped a long dark curl down
her bodice.

Astra added the days in her head and did not like the
answers she received. She was indeed late. She was never late except… Good
lord, James would never forgive her.

“Oh Astra, it is true, isn’t it?” Lady Phillina reached
for her cold hand. “This is wonderful.”

“James does not have any idea. I am not even sure. I do
not wish to excite him until I am sure.” Astra gripped the elder Keane’s
surprisingly warm hand.

“I understand, dear.” Lady Phillina gently touched Astra’s
cheek. “I could not agree more. But women know these things. Eastlan will be
ringing with the sound of little laughter by Christmas. What a wonderful gift.”

A knock sounding at the door saved Astra from saying more.
She could not say for certain if James would even be in England for Christmas.

“Not a word about my condition to James until I am sure
exactly what my condition is. Is that understood?” Astra stood, forcing herself
to composure. She couldn’t be positive she was with child so soon and the
possibility would not help things between she and James in the least.

“Of course, dear. I’d never be so bold as to interfere in
such a delicate situation,” Lady Phillina passionately reassured her.

Astra bent to squeeze Phillina’s hand. “I know you would
not, Lady Phillina. I apologize for my harsh words. They were intended for my
mother.”

The knock sounded again, rattling the door with the force
of impatience and leaving no doubt that the visitor was indeed male.

Her mother sauntered to the door. “You have always been an
ungrateful little brat.” Her mother blew her a kiss to show she meant her words
to be humorous.

“I am serious, Mother. Not a word to James or I will
follow through with my threat to toss you out of Eastlan.”

Her mother paused at the door, either unbelieving or
undisturbed by the idea that Astra would do such a thing. “I am the height of
discretion.”

Her mother yanked open the door, her smile drooping when
she discovered who stood outside. “Oh, it’s you.”

“I’d like a word with Astra, if I may?” Wesley peeked past
her mother’s retreating form. At first sight, she was thrilled to see a
friendly face, then her spirits sagged with the prospect of facing him. What
must he think of her?

Astra stood, not wanting to explain herself to Wesley in
front of her mother and Lady Phillina. “A breath of fresh air would do me a
world of good. Do you mind walking while we talk, Wesley?”

Wesley brightened. “I would love to escort you for a
stroll.”

“The ceremony begins in less than a half-hour,” her mother
said as she marched back to the door. “You should rest.”

Astra allowed Wesley to take her arm, ignoring her
mother’s not so subtle hint. “I’ll be back shortly.”

Once outside, Astra took a deep breath, surprised at how
truly lovely the day had turned. A warm spring breeze ruffled the wild
lavender, leaving a fragrant wake. The late morning sun draped a gold veil over
the overgrown shrubs. Funny, she had noticed nothing but her own misery since
dawn broke.

“I keep telling myself what I hear—what I now see with my
very own eyes, isn’t true. Could not possibly be true,” Wesley pleaded in a
hoarse whisper.

“I know you must be surprised,” Astra said trying to sound
calm. She had expected Wesley to question her actions, but his passionate
reaction unnerved her.

She led him to an old willow tree several yards away from
the church.

“Surprise does not describe it by half. Horrified is more
like it.”

Astra directed Wesley behind the shelter of the willow’s
trunk. “I realize you and James had a bad start.”

 James and I…I recall an extremely ugly scene on the day
of his arrival between James and yourself. The man has tried to rob you of your
inheritance. “I—” Wesley suddenly paused and Astra thought he either swallowed
a bug or was having an apoplexy on the spot.

He dropped his head and she feared it was the latter. “You
did not have to resort to these extreme measures. I would have squeezed the
money for your settlement from that bastard if it took me day and night for the
next year.”

“My involvement with James had nothing to do with my
inheritance.” Well, perhaps it did in the beginning, but everything had
changed. Astra just wished it had been for the better. “I love him, Wesley.”

She almost swore Wesley’s eyes filled with tears at the
broken quality in her voice.

Wesley cupped her chin. “You think you love him because
you are kind and too pure of heart to understand the kind of man James Keane
represents.”

Astra grabbed Wesley’s wrist, uncomfortable with his
forwardness. “I’m not pure of heart. You of all people should know that. Look
what I did to Lowell.” She yanked her chin from his grasp. He easily let her
go, obviously shaken by her words. They had never discussed out loud what lay
underneath her relationship to her late husband.

“You were kind to him. The only thing that made his life
worth living.” Wesley didn’t look at her as he spoke.

“But he deserved better.” Astra choked out her words. As
painful as they were, she was glad to say them to someone who had been witness
to it. “We were not a love match.”

“I know. I always knew.” Wesley shook his head, then glanced
at her briefly before he turned away again, staring into the cemetery away from
the church. “But these things are not always as even as they should be. He was
happy and he was glad to come to your aid. He never expected to live to
adulthood and told me that rescuing you gave him something of which to be
proud. Gave his short life purpose.” Wesley paused heavily. “Don’t destroy his
good deed.”

Astra shook her head. “Did you not hear the rumors? They
are true. Worse than the truth. James and I were caught together in his
bedroom. We have been having an affair almost since his arrival.”

“Don’t. You do not have to explain yourself. You did what
you had to do to keep from being thrown out on the streets.” He gripped her
shoulders tightly, almost painfully.

Astra took a step back, forcing him to release her. Wesley
would find an excuse for anything she told him. “None of that matters because I
do love him. And he might not love me now but I will spend the rest of my life
trying to ensure that he will eventually.” For some reason, the idea gave Astra
strength.

“I wish I did not have to tell you this, but you leave me
no choice.” Wesley lowered his head. “James has been having carnal relations
with one of the upstairs maids.”

Astra found it hard to take a full breath. Wesley’s words
shocked her more than if she had been oblivious of James’s encounter with
Melva, smacking her hard with what she had so easily forgotten. Thankfully,
Astra caught herself before claiming that was only in the past. Wesley would be
horrified to learn Astra already knew of James’s philandering.

“I’m sure—” Astra stopped herself again. She could not
even claim Wesley was mistaken for fear of what he might reveal.

He grabbed her hands, preventing her from further retreat.
“Come away with me. Right now.”

She tried to pull back her hands, but he held her tight. “I
would never leave Lark.”

“We’ll take her with us, of course.” He kissed their
joined hands.

“I’m marrying James.” And despite everything, she wanted
that more than she had ever wanted anything in her life. She yanked her hands
away with renewed force and Wesley released her. “I must go.” She was not sure
how much time had passed but she feared she was on the verge of being late to
what could be the best or worst day of her life.

If she wanted the best, she would have to believe in
James. He claimed he wanted to believe in her. He wanted them to be happy
together. Well, if she could trust him, perhaps he could learn to trust her as
well.

She gathered the hem of her silk lavender gown and turned
to head back to the church.

“I’m leaving England, Astra. I wish you would come with
me, but I can no longer stay here considering the circumstances.” Wesley stayed
rooted by the tree.

Astra paused. “Please, Wesley, do not leave because of
me.”

He shook his head. “The situation is intolerable. If I
could bear to see you two together, that would be one thing, but I won’t stand
by while he abuses the staff. Melva has an ailing mother to support, and
sisters who depend upon her. She is desperate to keep her position.”

“Stop. I cannot hear this right now. I have to go. I wish
you would not leave. Wait until after the wedding.” She turned, not waiting for
his answer.

He called after her, but Astra hurried across the grass.
She rounded the hedge that had blocked them from view. Wesley came up behind
her and grabbed her arm, then froze as solidly as she.

From the other side of the lawn, James stared straight at
them. He stood in the church’s long cobbled drive, dressed in one of his new
velvet coats in a rich azure hue that no doubt brought out his eyes. In fact,
she could see the intensity of the blue in his narrowed gaze even from the
great distance.

So, that was that. Today would be the worst day of her
life.

Fierce sunlight pierced James’s tightly sealed eyelids.
But what woke him was insistent shaking that rattled his brain inside his
skull.

“Up with you, my lord. Here now, let’s get your head out
of that.”

Though Mr. Rudd gentled his usually harsh voice, his words
worked as a chisel against James’s pounding head. He mumbled something
unintelligible that even he didn’t understand.

The ache in James’s neck came from the angle of his head
he suddenly realized. Awareness returned enough to help Mr. Rudd drag him off
the floor and away from a chamber pot he had mistaken for a pillow.

“If you don’t mind me saying so lad, this is no way to
spend your wedding night.”

James let Rudd ease him onto the bed so he could remove
his boots. For once, James was grateful to have a well-trained valet. Mr. Rudd
continued to undress him, disturbing the ghastly stench that clung to his
clothes. The mixture of stale cigar smoke, scotch whiskey and his own vomit
turned James’s stomach. God help him. He was dying.

He closed his eyes and memories flooded back, assuring him
that he was, unfortunately, still very much alive.

That he was quite drunk already when he’d left the church
to search for Astra probably had been for the best. Otherwise he would have no
doubt sprinted across the field and punched Wesley in his fine-boned
aristocratic nose. Instead, James had calmly turned and returned to the church,
waited at the altar, too numb to care if Astra actually walked down the aisle
or not. Let her dig her own grave, whichever choice that might have been.

“Mr. Hutton’s waiting for you downstairs, my lord. Said
you two had an appointment to see some tenants.”

James abruptly bolted to a sitting position which was a
huge mistake.