In Ecstasy (6 page)

The week passed painfully slowly. I had to wait to see if my period came. Lewis didn't call, and I became a serial phone checker. At school I'd walk through the canteen area inconspicuously, sneaking furtive glances towards the year twelve group, but I never saw him there. And as each day passed with no word I gradually realised the harsh truth. I'd been just a fling for him, a fifteen-year-old virgin to take out, get wasted and shag.

I was miserable and Soph had been down all week, too. I wanted her to reassure me that sleeping with Lewis had been the right thing to do, and that no, I wasn't a slut, but she didn't get into it and I couldn't understand why not. I thought about all the hours I'd spent listening to her when she had a new guy.

She was so distant. Something was definitely up. I'd heard Dominic and Karen had split up after the party. Karen was pretty embarrassed about writing herself off. And I'd seen Dominic and Soph talking at school, but Soph wouldn't talk to me about that either.

‘He just needs a friend,' was all she'd say. I was feeling left out and let down.

I realised Soph must be embarrassed about Glenn. The guys she's been with before—with the obvious exception of Thomas Creep Westcroft—were all way nicer than him. I wanted her to open up about it—she'd begun to once, but then closed down. If I could only get her to talk I knew I could make her feel better. And then everything would go back to normal.

‘Do you want to talk about Glenn?' I asked her gently one day.

She straightened and looked me dead in the eyes. ‘There's nothing else to say,' she said in a hard voice.

‘But Soph, maybe you need to.' I was trying to reassure her that I was okay about it, but I got the impression she was scared of being judged.

Then she put her hand up and said, ‘I don't want to talk about it. Just drop it.' And she walked off.

I've never felt this way about her before, but I actually thought she was being a total bitch.

Friday morning I woke with a dull ache in my lower back. I nearly screamed with joy. I've never been so excited to have my period before. I stood under the hot water in the shower and cried. Thank God for that. I still had a life in front of me. I hadn't made a terrible mistake.

Things just kept getting better. As I got dressed for school my mobile beeped at me: Message Received.

I opened the inbox. When I read the number, my stomach started flipping out. It was Lewis.

sorry been sic much betta now cum to party tonite?

I felt the smile stretching to my ears. He'd been sick and off school! I immediately texted him back, my thumbs flying over the keys.

abso-fkn-lutely! wot time?

As I pressed Send I realised how desperate that would look. I wished I could take it back. I sat on the edge of my bed feeling my ears burn. I'd just made myself look like a complete and utter loser. But my phone beeped again. He was one fast texter.

fantastic pic u up at 7 soph 2?

Relieved and happy he'd said ‘fantastic', I quickly messaged Soph. She texted back straightaway.

cant got stuff on tlk @ skool.

I'd known she'd say no. Something was so wrong with her. It was like how she acted after Thomas Westcroft—alienating herself, becoming anti-social. But I had to go, even without her. I texted Lewis back.

S no but c u @7

Mum was in the kitchen putting things in the dishwasher.

‘Hello,' I said cheerfully.

She looked at me suspiciously. ‘What's going on? Why are you so happy?'

‘Can I go out tonight?'

‘Oh, with?' Mum asked.

‘Lewis Scott,' I said proudly.

‘Really?' Mum said, sitting down. ‘Who's he then?'

‘Just like the most popular guy in the world.' I felt like I had an ecky grin on my face. ‘He wants to take me to a party.'

‘Do I get to meet him?' Mum asked.

‘Mum, if you say one thing to embarrass me I'll kill you.'

I was preoccupied all day with what I was going to wear. When I asked Soph what she was doing instead of coming to the party, she was evasive and changed the subject. And then it occurred to me that I might be wrong about her. It felt crazy to even think this, but could Sophie be jealous of me? I had Lewis and she'd ended up with Glenn. If that's how it was, I was glad she wasn't coming.

I spent ages getting ready. The black pants made my thighs look fat and the red top made me look completely flat-chested. I needed a push-up bra. In the end I settled for a pink halter-neck and three-quarter denim jeans. I had to get some new clothes. It took me an hour to do my hair, but when I'd finished I had supermodel straightness. Looking in the mirror at the end result, I relaxed slightly. It wasn't too bad.

Waiting for Lewis was nerve-racking. What if he didn't show up? What if he changed his mind and took someone else? Mum sat with me in the lounge room and I tried to stop looking out the window. We both drank a glass of wine, even though Mum gave me her standard lecture on moderation and made me promise not to drink while I was out.

I promised. ‘Just water, Mum, honestly,' and sculled my wine. What if he forgot about me?

‘You look beautiful.' Mum was acting like the proud mother witnessing her daughter's first date. If she knew we'd already bonked she would have dropped dead.

At last I heard the low grumble of his car. I sat as calmly as I could, listening to the thud of his feet across the driveway. I felt like vomiting. Mum jumped up and winked at me as she went to open the door.

‘Hello,' she said, offering him her hand, ‘I'm Rae.'

He shook it, smiling at her, and looked over her shoulder at me. I hoped my face wasn't red, but I did feel embarrassed. And it wasn't because of Mum—actually I thought it was pretty cool she'd used her first name. I was just embarrassed about him being in my house, not because there's anything wrong with our house but just because it was him—hot Lewis, in my house, meeting my mum, about to take me out.

He almost filled the doorway, he was so tall.

‘Does she have to be home at a certain time?' he asked, mega-politely, grabbing my hand. I stood next to him, my head level with his shoulder, my hand not too sweaty in his.

‘As long as it's reasonable,' Mum said. She was clearly impressed and not wanting to come across like a control freak. ‘Have a great time. Drive carefully.'

‘Of course, ma'am,' he said, and I almost choked. Ma'am. What was he trying to prove?

He opened my car door and I slid into the passenger seat. Mum was still watching from the house, smiling and looking relieved that such a polite and trustworthy guy was taking me out. I waved at her as Lewis started the engine and reversed out of the driveway.

I didn't know what to say to him, so I laughed at his tryhard act. ‘You definitely impressed my mum,' I said, watching him.

The corner of his mouth lifted into a smile. ‘It never hurts to have the mother on-side,' he said with a wink.

‘So where are we going?' I asked.

‘A mate of mine, Tower, is having a party,' Lewis said, pulling into the carpark of a deserted shopping centre. ‘You won't know anyone—these guys aren't at school. But don't worry, they're all really cool.'

I suddenly felt way out of my depth. I wouldn't know anyone but Lewis. I felt slightly sick.

‘Let's drop these now and they'll be hitting when we get there,' he said, holding out a couple of pills. These were a dark pink, almost magenta, with the picture of an apple stamped into the surface. I picked one out of his hand, trying to smile confidently. All week when I hadn't heard from him I'd beaten myself up thinking he'd found me too easy. Obviously I'd been wrong. As I looked at his smiling face I knew that he did want to be with me. And the E would make it all perfect.

As he drove Lewis explained that his family used to live south of the river and he and Tower had been friends since primary school. After Lewis moved they still played on the same football team and got together on weekends. Tower had dropped out of school after year eleven. His parents had bought him a furniture shop to run and his own house to live in.

‘So then he employed people to run it—old Tower doesn't like to work too hard, might interfere with his social life. Normally he goes in a couple of times a week, makes sure everyone's doing their job, takes a bit of cash and blows it in a weekend.'

‘So what's the occasion?' I asked. Lewis and his friends seemed so sophisticated. They had money and freedom. It was like being on some TV show, with hot guys and fast cars.

‘It's the weekend,' Lewis said, laughing. ‘That's always an occasion to celebrate.'

By the time we arrived at Tower's place I was starting to loosen up. His house was on a massive block in Applecross, lit up with flashing party lights. The Hilltop Hoods blasted from the back garden.

There were so many people in the house and back yard and I hung onto Lewis tightly. A DJ had set up in the corner and was professionally mixing the records. As I felt the beat begin to surge through me, a huge, red-faced guy appeared. Next to him, even Lewis looked short.

‘Hey, Tower,' Lewis shouted as they clapped each other hard on the back. ‘How you doing?'

‘Good, mate,' Tower replied, eyeing me off as I swayed and tapped my foot to the rhythm. ‘Who's this?'

‘Mia,' I said, offering my hand and smiling at him.

‘Hi, Mia.' He squeezed my hand tightly. ‘Watch this boy, he's bad news.'

‘Piss off,' Lewis said good-naturedly.

Tower was loud and animated. He turned everything into a joke. And he was like a magnet. The crowd around him grew as he threw his arms around telling some story about a mate of his who would only marry a girl who was a pure blond. When he came to the punchline everyone was roaring with laughter, Tower the loudest. Finally Lewis grabbed my arm and dragged me to a quieter corner.

‘Tower'll go on like that for hours,' he said, finding us a bottle of water.

‘He's funny,' I said.

‘He's always been funny. He's famous for his practical jokes.' Lewis dragged me down next to him and told me stories about the stuff he and Tower used to get up to when they were kids. I listened, watching his gorgeous face, knowing I could reach over and touch him if I wanted to. Which I did. I felt beautiful and amazingly confident. I knew Lewis wanted me as much as I wanted him. And I could tell him things too. He listened to me talk about Sophie and about Mum and Dad—not too much, I didn't want to bring up the depressing stuff.

By about eleven I felt myself coming down. I'd lost the beat and the rhythm. Everything was suddenly flat.

‘I don't think these are much good,' Lewis said apologetically. ‘Let's have another one.'

I put out my hand. I didn't want to drift out of it while everyone else was still rolling. The second one kicked in quicker and kept me going until four in the morning when we finally left the party.

Glenn lived in a part of town I wasn't familiar with. As the brightly lit station fell behind us, the dark, shifting shapes of the neighbourhood started to fill me with unease. It was an inner-city suburb with dirty shopfronts covered in graffiti, cracked pavements and derelict houses. At this time of night there were few people out. I tightened my grip on Glenn's hand.

‘Through here,' he said, leading me down a narrow alley lit only by the crescent of the moon. I stepped over smashed bottles and rubbish, clear-headed now. The E had worn off, taking with it the last feelings of peacefulness. Now a sense of claustrophobia rose up in my chest. Finally we came out near the banks of the Swan, and in the darkness I heard the soft lapping of water. I breathed deeply, relieved to be out in the open again, and smelled the overwhelming pong of algae.

‘E-w-w,' I said, grabbing my nose.

Glenn laughed and dragged me on. ‘I pay higher rent for the luxury of smelling the river.'

His place was in a stack of apartments, most with their lights off. We walked up the steps and suddenly I wondered what the hell I was doing. I clutched my bag tighter, fighting off a sense of panic. I didn't know Glenn, I didn't know him at all. But he was opening the door and as I stood on the threshold I reminded myself he was Lewis Scott's friend. It'd be okay.

Inside, party lights flashed and to my surprise there were a couple of guys sitting on the sofa.

‘Hey,' one of them said, looking up with an apathetic expression.

‘Hey,' I said, smiling to hide my sudden rush of nerves.

‘Want a drink?' Glenn asked, unscrewing the cap of a bourbon bottle.

‘Nah.' I shifted nervously on the doorstep. ‘I really should get going, you know.'

‘I'll get my keys. Here, you must be thirsty,' Glenn handed me a bourbon and coke. ‘I'll just be a sec.'

I held the glass in my hands, suddenly realising I was thirsty. I told myself to relax. I wasn't sure what the vibe was, but there was no need to panic. So I sat on the edge of the sofa and tried to make conversation, but the guys weren't very forthcoming. They seemed pretty out of it. I sipped the bourbon as I waited for Glenn to get his keys.

A strange feeling had begun to creep through my body. My head felt fuzzy. I didn't want to drink any more. I craned my head around to look for Glenn. He seemed to have been gone a very long time.

My eyes snapped open as the back of my head hit the wall. Glenn was holding me against it, his breath hot in my face, his tongue shoved wetly into my mouth. I recoiled. I couldn't keep my eyes open even though each time he hoisted me up my head thudded against the wall.

I tried to speak, but words wouldn't come out.

‘C'mon, Soph,' Glenn was biting my neck and his hands were under my top. He grabbed my breasts painfully and I screamed. I tried to push him off but I was too weak. My arms flopped uselessly. My head was swimming. My vision was cloudy. Everything was grey. I needed control. I didn't know what was happening.

Next time I opened my eyes I was on the floor, looking at the foot of a bed. I sat up slowly. My neck ached painfully. A plastic wrapper was stuck to my cheek. It rustled, but I couldn't move it. I grabbed the bed and pulled myself up. It was a tangle of filthy sheets. I was alone. There was the taste of blood in my mouth. My heart was racing. I stood up and had to grab the wall for support. My head swam and my breath was coming in shallow gasps. I was filled with overwhelming terror. I had no idea what had happened. I felt my body. I was fully dressed. My shoes were still on.

I staggered to the door and peered into the other room. Glenn and one of the other guys were sitting on the couch, facing away from me. They couldn't see me. Fear made my body shake violently. I clamped my teeth together tightly to stop them chattering. The front door was open. I tried to move silently but every noise seemed magnified a thousand times.

I took some deep breaths and tried to feel some control but my body wasn't responding well. My head thumped and my neck screamed in pain. I had to get out the door. I knew Glenn would stop me. I inhaled and ran. Past my bag, past the couch, straight into an invisible flyscreen door. I hit the mesh at full force and bounced backwards.

I staggered forward again, trying to keep my footing, terrified. Behind me was the sound of laughter.

‘You gotta open the door first.'

My hands trembled as I turned the handle. I expected to feel his hand on my shoulder. Nausea filled my throat. But the door opened and I staggered out. Cold wind hit my face and blew my hair into my eyes. The steps down looked too long and steep. I clutched the railing tightly.

‘Sophie.' Glenn almost sang my name. I was shaking uncontrollably. He was right behind me. My vision doubled, and I felt myself rocking, about to fall. He was coming out. I tried not to panic. I edged one foot off the top step.

‘Here!' My bag hit me in the back of the head, knocking me off the step. My ankle twisted underneath me and I went down, still holding the railing.

‘Watch your step,' he laughed, swinging the door shut.

He was gone.

I had to get home. The idea of home filled me with tears. I limped down the stairs and picked my bag up. I looked around, confused and terrified. I had to walk back up the alley, past the derelict shops and druggies and rapists. I couldn't do it. Everything was menacing. I hobbled to a street light. I wanted to call my mum but the face of my mobile showed 3.30am. I held it tightly in my hands. I looked back towards the alley and Glenn's apartment, then I started walking in the opposite direction, Glenn's laughter still echoing in my ears. Through the shadows I walked and walked. Up ahead were shops. And on the other side of the road a brightly lit fast food restaurant with people moving around inside. I whimpered in relief as I limped closer to the light and the people, flipped open my phone and pressed D. I prayed as I listened to it ring that he would pick up.