In Ecstasy (7 page)

When I got up on Saturday afternoon Mum was waiting for me in the kitchen, wanting to hear all the details. She seemed pretty excited, and not annoyed with me for sleeping away most of the day.

‘What time did you get in?' she asked. I figured it was a test. She and Damon had stayed home—she'd probably been awake. I didn't want her to catch me out in a lie.

‘About four,' I said. ‘I'm really sorry but we had no idea of the time. It was just such a great night and Lewis and I were talking so much we didn't realise how late it was.'

She frowned. ‘Yeah, well—don't make it a habit. Four is too late—even on the weekend.' She put a cup of coffee in front of me. ‘So tell me, what happened?'

Later that day Lewis messaged me.

my house tonite U & me Pic u up @ 6

I texted him back immediately.

C U soon

Mum didn't mind at all when I told her I was going to Lewis's for dinner. She liked the way he called her ma'am. She saw him as perfect boyfriend material.

Lewis pulled up in front of his amazing Mediterranean-style home overlooking the beach. The sky above the ocean was a swirl of pink and blue. I walked up the footpath to the front door, two steps behind him, gawping at everything. He disarmed the security system and flung the door wide.

‘Come in,' he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me into the gigantic entrance hall.

The kitchen was the size of a small apartment—my mum would have been in heaven. They had a fridge you could walk in and a pantry larger than our bathroom. Lewis made bourbon and cokes. I'd drunk more in this last week than the whole of my life. I sipped at it as he showed me through the rest of the house. They had a theatre room like a small cinema, with twinkling lights recessed into the ceiling and walls draped in heavy velvet curtains. The screen filled an entire wall.

I followed Lewis, making the right noises, but truthfully I was completely overwhelmed. I knew people lived like this, but I'd never experienced it before. His bedroom was massive, with its own bathroom of course. I sat on his double bed and smelled his aftershave. The walls were covered with pictures of half-dressed women wrapped in gleaming pythons or straddling motorbikes, and there was a huge black entertainment system. Everything was so sophisticated.

‘I'll make you dinner,' he said, draining the last of his drink. I perched on a stool in the kitchen trying to find things to say. I hated the awkwardness. After everything we'd done together I couldn't believe I still found it so difficult just to sit and talk to him.

He pulled his plastic bag of pills out and I felt a rush of relief. Call it psychological, but knowing I'd have a little assistance helped me drop the anxiety that had been building from the minute he unlocked the front door. We each took an E and I propped my elbows on the bench and watched him cook. He was unbelievable! Not only a sex god but a chef too. He made a pasta sauce and passed me things to chop as he stirred the pot.

‘So, where are your parents?' I asked, sipping my bourbon and giving him what I hoped was a sexy look.

‘China,' he said, throwing a handful of basil into the pot and turning the heat down. ‘They export Aussie timber there and have the locals make it into furniture, which they import back in. Saves heaps of money in labour and increases their profit margin. They left two weeks ago and won't be back for months.'

‘Really?' I said, following him out the back to an enormous swimming pool that glowed iridescent blue in the night. Across its surface fingers of steam danced upwards into the light. I kicked my shoes off and stuck a toe in. The water was hot. ‘Do you often stay on your own?'

‘Yeah,' he pulled out a chair for me and we sat opposite each other. ‘For the last couple of years I've basically been here by myself. Before that I had a nanny. A short, hairy Polish woman who barely spoke English and gave me lots of lollies. When I was ten she used to warn me my tits would fall out.'

‘Your tits?' I said incredulously.

‘Yeah. It was a while before I figured out she meant my teeth. When I turned fourteen they figured I was old enough to look after myself.'

‘You've been doing this since you were fourteen?'

‘Yeah. It's good. There's a woman who comes in and cleans and stuff.' He stood up. ‘Let's have dinner and then a swim.'

Even though his cooking smelled fantastic, I didn't really want to eat. Sucking up pasta and flicking red sauce over my face would be a complete turn-off. Also, I think maybe the E suppressed my appetite. He dished me up a huge bowlful, which I pushed around with my fork. I didn't want to offend him, but I didn't want to look bloated in my bathers either.

‘Not hungry?' he asked.

‘It's fantastic,' I said enthusiastically, ‘but no, not really.'

‘That's okay. Leave it. Maybe we'll have it for breakfast.'

He was inviting me to stay the night.

While he mixed more drinks I phoned Mum. I stood out on the balcony, the sea and sky now blended together into a wall of inky blackness streaked by glittering shards of stars. I listened to the invisible surf as her mobile rang.

‘Hello?' She was out with Damon. There was the sound of tinkling glasses, muted chatter and piano music. My guess was she was at the Mint Leaf. ‘Everything all right?'

‘Yeah, fine,' I said quickly. ‘You at dinner?'

‘Mint Leaf.'

‘Thought so. Lewis's parents have invited me to stay the night,' I lied, and then quickly added, ‘in the guest room, of course.'

‘Of course,' Mum said. ‘No worries. Thanks for calling, babe. See you in the morning.'

When I walked back through the floating white curtain Lewis smiled. ‘Swim?'

‘Sure.' I changed into my bathers and didn't waste time assessing myself in the mirror of his bathroom. His shirt was lying on the floor. I picked it up and breathed it in. It smelled like Lewis, warm and heavenly.

He was sitting in the jacuzzi. I dropped my towel and he watched me as I walked towards him. I felt like a swimsuit model. He took my hand and helped me down into the pool. It was warm and bubbly. I sat back, mindful of my hair. It was like I was living someone else's life.

Later, in his room, I was too embarrassed to tell him I had my period. I quickly changed and then pushed him down onto the bed. He seemed to like me being in control. I took away his towel and peeled off his boardies. He lay back against the bed with his eyes shut and I ran my fingernails across his body and followed them with light kisses. He was at my mercy, and moaned every time my lips touched his body. I knew what to do; Soph had told me enough about it. And it was weird, but it wasn't as bad as she'd said. When he was done I rocked back on my heels watching him. His eyes were still shut and he was completely relaxed.

‘Come here, babe,' he said, opening his eyes a slit. I felt totally happy as he pulled me into his side. And it was like that we ended up going to sleep.

Dom came for me. And he was as mad as hell. I'd never, ever seen him mad before, not even slightly aggro. When he found me I'd managed to tidy up a bit. I spat on a tissue and wiped the mascara streaks from my face, brushed my hair and calmed down a bit. I'd vomited in the gutter, violent, heaving spasms that left me feeling weak and empty. I tried to figure out what had gone on but my head was cloudy and the thoughts literally whizzed through my brain. Terror kept rising up, even though I couldn't piece anything together. At the sight of his car I broke into a fresh flood of tears. I knew he was mad before he even spoke, he slammed the door of his car so hard.

‘Who the fuck is he?' he said as he squatted down beside me.

‘No,' I shook my head. ‘Don't.'

‘The fucking prick.' Dom put his arms around me. ‘I'll kill him.'

I buried my face into the warmth of his shirt and cried harder. He held me tightly. ‘Get me out of here please,' I begged.

When I woke the room was bright and warm. I sat up and my head pounded. I opened the door and peered down the hallway. No one home. I walked through the shiny kitchen, it smelled like Spray'n'Wipe. Through the glass doors I saw Dom cleaning the pool: twist and scoop. He must have felt me watching because he looked up and gestured me towards him. I slid the door open and stepped into the sunlight.

‘How're you feeling?'

Devastated. Lucky. Terrified. Relieved. I couldn't put it into words. As I pictured that apartment my heart began to race. I couldn't believe I'd made it out of there alive. ‘There are some things I've got to tell you,' I said as he put the pool scoop down.

‘Did he force you?' His eyes were fixed on mine. His hold on my hand tightened. He was furious.

‘Yes, no—he didn't rape me, if that's what you mean.' I licked my lip, it was slightly swollen and felt bruised. Had he hit me? I didn't think so. ‘No, he tried to get me to...' I shuddered at the image of him grabbing hold of the back of my neck, forcing my head down. ‘He was trying to make me ... do stuff. But I couldn't. I kept passing out.'

‘We have to go to the cops.'

‘No, Dom, please don't. I don't want to have to say it aloud to strangers.' I didn't want to be judged and seen as a victim again. I couldn't believe I'd let this happen to me
again.
‘I want to forget about it. Please.'

He shook his head. ‘I won't forget about it. And I don't think you will either. Tell me what happened.'

‘I'm not sure. But I was totally straight when we got to his apartment. I think he must've slipped something into my drink. I've never felt so out of it.'

‘Rohypnol probably,' Dom said. ‘It's a date rape drug. That's what they use.'

‘I guess I was lucky then,' I smiled at him.

‘Lucky?' He jumped up angrily. ‘Lucky because you didn't get raped? Fuck, Sophie, you didn't deserve any of that. That
shit.
At the moment he's the one who's lucky.'

And suddenly I understood what he was saying, the injustice of it. I hadn't lost control. Glenn had taken control away from me. ‘Dom,' I said, grabbing his arm, ‘I'm okay now. Promise.'

He looked at me like maybe I wasn't being honest, but then he relaxed slightly and wrapped me in his arms.

‘Sure?' he whispered into my neck.

‘Sure,' I said. And I thought I
was
okay. Especially when he told me he'd split up with Karen. I shouldn't have felt so great about that, but it was hard not to. She broke up with him because she didn't like the way he acted round me. It was a relief to everyone. Especially me. All I could see were two words:
second chance.
The quicksand was slowly subsiding.

I woke up feeling like it was Christmas. Lewis was still asleep, his face soft in the morning light. I quickly got out of bed and went into his bathroom to repair the damage before he woke up and freaked out at the sight of the ugly morning-monster. I brushed my teeth and hair and wiped the mascara smudges away from underneath my eyes. I hadn't brought any deodorant with me, so I used his. It reminded me of him. When I came out of the bathroom he was sitting up in bed. He stretched and grabbed hold of my hand.

‘Morning,' he said, pinning me against the sheets and kissing me. At that exact moment I fantasised that this could be my life. Married to Lewis Scott and living in a house like this with him. My future seemed more exciting than I'd ever imagined.

Lewis wanted to go for a surf and so I sat on the beach like the dutiful girlfriend while he went out to tame the swell. Other girls were sitting on towels watching their boyfriends wait for the next wave. They were like a special clique. I sat a little way away from them, reading a Cosmo I'd found in the house. The sun was starting to scorch. Lewis had caught a couple of big waves and I was hoping he'd had enough. It was actually a bit boring watching him float out there on a piece of fibreglass, like shark bait.

‘Are you with Lewis?' A tall, bony-hipped girl in a tiny string bikini asked me.

‘Yeah,' I said, shading my eyes against the sun to look up at her.

‘You his little sister or what?' She looked back at her friends with a smirk.

‘No.' I didn't know what else to say. Was I his girlfriend?

He came running up from the surf like a guy in an ironman competition, his wetsuit glistening. ‘Hey, had enough yet?' he asked.

String Bikini looked at him with drool practically hanging off her lips.

‘Yeah,' I said, getting up and brushing the sand off my bum.

‘Thanks for being so patient,' he said, putting a wet arm around me. ‘How about I make you lunch?'

‘Sounds great,' I said, flicking my hair. I gave String Bikini my best effort at
that
look as Lewis grabbed my hand and we walked away up the beach.

Soph was waiting outside English on Monday. I hadn't heard from her all weekend. I was hoping she was feeling more her old self because I couldn't wait to fill her in on all the goss.

She interrupted me as I was describing the walk-in pantry. ‘Did you do more Es?'

I'd deliberately left that out of the conversation. I'm not sure why. After all, it had been her idea in the first place. But I suppose I had the feeling she wouldn't like it.

‘Yeah,' I said quickly, ‘but it's cool—'

She butted in again. ‘Mia, you don't want to let this get out of hand.'

She said it softly and like she was really worried, but I was pissed off. It was okay for her to decide when we could do things, but if I went ahead and did something on my own, I was out of control? Where did she get off? And what was this really about anyway? Was it because for once I was the one with the rich, hot boyfriend?

‘It's all fine,' I said. ‘It's just a couple of Es. You know they're not even addictive. It's no big deal.' I left it at that. I was feeling kind of off her after that. She could tell, and she tried to get me talking about the weekend, acting like she was really interested and all, but I didn't want to talk about it anymore. The idea of her judging me like that really hurt.

Walking through the canteen at lunchtime, I saw Lewis. I didn't know what to do. Part of me thought I should go over to him and act like I belonged. I mean, after the last couple of weekends ... But the other part of me, the part that would die of shame if I was rejected, kept me heading to where I knew I'd find Sophie. It was like the weekend was another world where I was adult and sophisticated, and school was the place where I was dull and boring.

‘Mia!' I thought I heard him shout my name. I was about to turn but stopped myself. It probably wasn't my name, and it definitely wouldn't have been him. I didn't want to turn and have him see me looking desperate.

‘Mia!' He grabbed my elbow. ‘Didn't you hear me?'

I shook my head. ‘No, sorry. Hi.'

And he kissed me right there, in front of everyone. I thought my heart was going to stop. ‘Come and sit with me,' he said, holding my hand and leading me back to the canteen.

I pointed towards the maths building. ‘Soph's waiting for me.'

‘Get her,' he said, taking my bag off my shoulder. ‘Tell her to come too.'

‘Okay.' I grinned at him and walked away, casually I hoped, though I felt like I had wooden legs.

Soph was sitting on our bench eating a bag of chips.

‘Lewis wants us to join him in the canteen,' I said, unable to curb the huge smile on my face.

‘Yeah?' She put another chip in her mouth.

‘Come on, then,' I said. I was really annoyed with her. ‘I always go with you and sit with whoever you're seeing.'

‘What's that supposed to mean?' she snapped. ‘What are you trying to say?'

I was shocked. I wasn't trying to say anything. ‘God, Sophie, you know I really like Lewis. And he seems to like me. If it was you we'd be down there straightaway. Now are you coming or not?' I turned to go, really upset. I did want her to come with me. I didn't want to walk back and join all those year twelves on my own.

‘Sorry,' she said, jumping up and grabbing her bag. ‘Yeah, of course, let's go.'

Thank God for Sophie, I have to forgive her for everything. She is the most socially adept person I have ever known. She walks so confidently, swinging her bag over her shoulder, smiling and saying hi to everyone. This was my turn to be the leader, but it was so automatic for me to hang back and smile from behind her.

Lewis grabbed hold of my hand. ‘This is Mia,' he said, introducing me around. ‘You know Soph.'

Her smile faltered for a second, but then it was back, as brilliant as ever. ‘Hi. Shift over, Ian, and let me sit down,' she said, squeezing onto the bench.

Lewis was asking me what I'd been doing, but there wasn't a lot to say aside from boring schoolwork. His mate Sean started talking about catching waves and Lewis, still holding my hand, turned his attention to that.

I looked around to see what else was happening. Soph was leaning back against the wall. The top button of her shirt was undone and as she moved she was giving quick flashes of her black bra. Ian leaned in closer, his eyes fixed on her cleavage. There were a few other girls talking softly amongst themselves. These are the top-shelf girls of the school and they always hang out together. I suddenly realised they were talking about Soph.

Narelle elbowed Justine. ‘Look,' she whispered, pointing.

Soph was now leaning forward, and her red g-string was visible above her lowcut hipsters. She was totally unaware of the g-string calamity.

The siren went and as we all got up to go Lewis grabbed me and kissed me again. I was worried about looking inexperienced, or slutty. It was hard to know how to act in front of his mates.

‘Hey, meet me in the carpark,' he said, ‘and I'll drop you home.'

The girls were watching me, disbelief written across their faces. I knew what they were thinking. What does he see in a drab mouse like that?

In the carpark Lewis stood talking to Selena, a beautiful year twelve girl. My guts shrivelled as I saw their body language—they were totally into each other. Lewis was smiling and nodding at her and she was laughing. I clutched the strap on my bag tighter and stopped, watching him. I thought I might throw up. He saw me and waved me over. I tried to smile but it felt like my face was making this really ugly twitching. I walked towards him, with a phoney smile on my face.

‘Selena, this is my girlfriend Mia,' he said, draping his arm over my shoulder.

My face twitched again and I held my hand over my cheek. He'd called me his girlfriend!

‘Hi,' she said, her eyes flicking briefly over me. ‘So, can I have a lift then?' She looked back at Lewis.

‘Sure,' he said. ‘You don't mind sitting in the back, do you?'

I shook my head and went to the back door while he opened the front passenger door.

‘Mia?' he said, looking at me strangely.

‘What?' I asked, my hand on the door handle.

‘Aren't you getting in the front with me?'

‘Yeah,' I said, laughing suddenly, ‘of course. I was just putting my bag in.'

Selena opened her own door and got in the back. I tried to hide my broad grin from both of them.