In His Eyes (11 page)

“I know,” Connor said, trying to calm the distraught man.

Pepper gave a whimper, his tail gave a feeble wag, and he looked at Connor with confused eyes.

Connor tried to exam the terrier without moving him, but before he could make a prognosis, Aunt Phyllis’s bellow filled the air. “He’s alive,” Connor called over his shoulders.

Caitlin knelt beside the terrier, her eyes filled with tears, and Connor didn’t know which way to turn. His aunt’s cries came from behind, Caitlin’s whimper at his left side, and the groans of the young man on his right.

Ellene came to his aid and rushed toward Aunt Phyllis to help her over the slippery lawn.

“My poor Pepper, she moaned, her voice drawing nearer. “My poor puppy.”

When she reached Connor’s side, Pepper’s tail gave a fleeting beat against the ground before he shook his head and rose on wobbly legs.

“Now that’s a spunky dog,” Connor said, relieved to see the terrier stand.

“Is he okay?” the young man asked. He dug into
his pocket and pulled out his driver’s license. “I live right up the street. Is there anything I can do?”

Connor glanced at the license, then at his aunt’s face, still filled with panic.

“Is he all right, Connor?” she asked.

“He’s stunned, but I think he’s fine. We’ll see if we can find a vet to check him over.”

His aunt looked so weak he grasped her arm. “I’ll let you know,” he told the driver.

“Here’s my business card,” the man said, pulling it from his wallet. “I’ll be happy to pay the vet’s bill. I love animals. I wouldn’t hurt a—”

Connor touched his arm with his free hand. “That’s okay. We saw you try to stop.” He took the man’s card and glanced at it. “This is fine. We’ll let you know how the dog is.”

The neighbor scribbled his home telephone number on his business card, then stood watching as Ellene helped Aunt Phyllis toward the house and he carried the dog with Caitlin clinging to his jacket.

Once inside, he set Pepper on the floor. The dog gave a little whimper and hobbled toward his water dish. Connor studied him, feeling assured the dog wasn’t badly injured.

Aunt Phyllis stood over Pepper, her head shaking as badly as her hands. “You’ll take him to the vet?”

“Do we have one on the island?” Connor asked.

She paused, her gaze searching above his head. “No, but we have a retired doctor. I’ll call him and
see if he’ll take a look at Pepper. He’s a member of our church.”

Connor sidled a look at Ellene. She turned away as if fearing she might chuckle at the picture of a medical doctor examining a dog. To his surprise, in a few minutes his aunt had contacted the man, and he’d agreed.

“I’ll go with Connor,” Ellene said, crouching beside Pepper. “I’ll hold him on my lap.”

“I want to go,” Caitlin said, hovering over the dog.

“You can stay with Aunt Phyllis, Cait. We won’t be long, I promise.”

“Okay, Aunt Phyllis and I will play Old Maid while you’re gone. That way we won’t be worried.”

“Sounds good to me, honey,” Connor said, bending down to kiss his daughter’s cheek. He slipped on his jacket, lifted the terrier into his arms and looked at Ellene. “Ready?”

She nodded.

“What’s the doctor’s name?” Connor asked.

Aunt Phyllis looked up from the slip of paper where she’d been writing the address. “Dr. Shepherd. Dr. Ralph Shepherd.”

“Shepherd? That’s appropriate,” Connor said, gazing at the poor dog.

Pepper gave a whimper, and Connor hurried from the house, fearing his aunt would begin another fuss. Ellene closed the door behind him, and he could hear her chuckle as they headed for his SUV.

“H
ow is he?” Aunt Phyllis said, jumping up from the table and spilling the Old Maid cards to the floor.

“You ruined our game,” Caitlin said, then rallied when she spotted the terrier. “Pepper!” She leaped from the chair and bounded toward the dog.

Ellene stood back, observing the homecoming. Her fear had subsided at the doctor’s home when Pepper had perked up, seeing the physician. Ellene felt a weight lift from her. An injured animal broke her heart.

“He’s fine. Just a few bruises.” He tousled the dog’s head and put his cheek against his fur.

Ellene had watched Connor’s frustration with the terrier since she’d arrived, but tonight Connor’s gentle heart touched her.

“He’ll be stiff for a few days,” Connor said, lowering the dog to the floor and giving his back a pat.

“What do I owe you?” Aunt Phyllis said, crouch
ing beside Pepper and running her work-worn hands over the terrier’s fur.

“No charge. Dr. Shepherd said it was a payback for your casserole at the last potluck supper.”

His aunt tittered. “He did love it. I think he ate three helpings.”

Ellene wondered if Aunt Phyllis was doing a little matchmaking for herself with her casserole. Ellene had always heard the adage the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach. “Is Dr. Shepherd a single gentleman?”

“A widower.” Aunt Phyllis looked at her, then turned her attention to the dog.

If Ellene was seeing clearly, Connor’s aunt had flushed. She gave an inward chuckle as she set her purse on the kitchen counter, then slipped off her jacket and hung it on a hook near the door.

She returned to the circle of sympathy and rested her hand on Aunt Phyllis’s shoulder. “He’s going to be fine, Aunt Phyllis.”

The older woman boosted herself up by pushing her hands against her knees and rose. “‘Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.’ I’m ashamed I worried, she said, folding her arms and gazing at Pepper. God cares for all creatures. I don’t think I even prayed for my puppy.”

“But Jesus knew you were sad, and He made Pepper better,” Caitlin said, crouching beside the terrier.

“Let’s pray now,” Aunt Phyllis said, lowering her head. Ellene glanced at Connor’s expression and contained a grin as she lowered her head.

“Heavenly Father,” Aunt Phyllis said, “thank You for Pepper’s safety. We praise You for all good things. For life and love and family. In Jesus’ precious name.”

They joined in the amen, and Ellene studied Connor’s aunt, wondering if it had been her imagination or had she stressed the words
love
and
family.

Caitlin slipped to the sofa and plopped onto the cushion “I love playing Old Maid, but not as much as I love Pepper.”

Pepper heard his name and hobbled over to the sofa to sniff at Caitlin’s feet.

“Can he have a treat?”

“Better not, Cait. The doctor gave him a pain shot and it might make him sick,” Connor said as he sank into a chair.

Caitlin gazed at the dog for a moment before she settled back, Pepper curling up beside her.

Ellene followed him and sat beside Caitlin.

“The ferry will be open tomorrow,” Aunt Phyllis said from the dining-room table. “They’ll have it cleared by morning.”

Morning. Ellene’s belly tightened. Tomorrow she had no more reason to stay. She’d be going home.

The conversation drifted above her thoughts, and when she roused herself, Connor had moved to the fireplace to build a fire.

Caitlin had curled up on the sofa, her eyes heavy from the traumatic events of the day, and Ellene brushed her palm along Caitlin’s legs, soothing her.

Morning was closing in with each tick of the clock, and Ellene wavered between relief and sadness. She studied the child’s dark-blond hair twining on her face, her spindly arms that gave great hugs nestled against her chest. Her gray eyes hid behind closed lids, but Ellene knew them well. They were as beguiling as Connor’s.

“Caitlin,” Connor said, leaning over the child. “Time for bed.”

She groaned a little and pulled herself tighter into a ball.

“Cait.” He brushed the hair from her face. “Do you want me to carry you upstairs?”

Her eyelids tightened, and Connor gave Ellene a fleeting grin before he hoisted the child into his arms.

“Can you get her up the stairs?” Ellene asked.

“We’ll see,” he said, winking.

“I’ll be behind you,” Aunt Phyllis said. “Good night, Ellene.”

“Good night, Aunt Phyllis. The bed’s yours tonight. I’ll stay on the sofa. I’ve gotten used to it.”

Connor’s aunt gave her a knowing look and headed up the stairs.

Ellene rose and added a log to the fire, then nestled into the corner of the sofa, thinking about the past week and all that had happened. She thought of her
frustration when her father had forced her to work with Connor. She recalled her galloping pulse when she realized that her heart had headed in a direction she didn’t want it to go. She imagined tomorrow when she’d say goodbye.

Connor’s footsteps triggered her attention. His shadow spread across the floor as he headed for the fireplace.

“I just put on a log,” she said.

He halted and gazed at the flames a moment as if making certain the log would catch, then stepped back toward the sofa. “Thanks.”

She heard a note of melancholy in his voice. “Is she sleeping?”

“Probably not, but she got a free ride upstairs.”

Ellene smiled and, on impulse, reached over to caress his hand. Before she pulled it back, Connor cupped her hand in his.

“Not wanting to sound like my aunt, but sometimes I really believe God makes things happen for a purpose.”

She didn’t question his meaning. The same thought had bounded through her mind so many times since she’d come, but while her heart wanted to accept Connor’s friendship, her logic headed in the opposite direction. Friendship was one thing, but she knew the relationship would move on to something more serious.

“You’re quiet,” Connor said, caressing her fingers
with his thumb. He scooted closer and slid his free arm along the back of the sofa.

Ellene had a driving urge to rest her head on his shoulder. Years ago they’d sat late at night in front of her parents’ fireplace, nestled in each other’s arms.

Connor drew her closer. “I can’t thank you enough for pushing Caitlin out of the way, and I surprised myself when I felt bad for that irritating dog.”

“I know.” She grinned. “You can bark all you want, but you have a tender heart, Mr. Faraday.”

“I don’t hide it well, do I?”

Her thoughts grew serious. “If anything had happened to Caitlin, I would never have forgiven myself. I’d gone out to keep her company, and I felt responsible.”

“I let her go. It wouldn’t have been your fault.”

“But I’d feel responsible.”

“I’ve felt just like that, Ellene, trying to be a father when I didn’t know how to be one. The responsibility, the fear, the love. It all rolls into one tight ball in my stomach. I feel like a man walking a tightrope without knowing how. It’s been difficult.”

“You’ve done a beautiful job. She’s a lovely child.”

“Not before you came into our lives. You got a taste of Caitlin’s behavior when you first arrived. I feel at a loss when she’s so unhappy, and I don’t know what to do.”

“You do the best you can.” She shifted on her hip to face him. “She needs special attention, and I know
that’s difficult to give when you’re trying to earn a living. Don’t punish yourself for your inexperience. All parents begin that way. No one knows what they’re doing.”

She shifted her hand and wove her fingers through his. “Do you realize you can get lessons in ballet dancing, fencing, public speaking, weaving baskets, using a computer, but you can’t really get lessons on being a parent? At least, not lessons that answer all the questions, and then when things go wrong, you have no tech support.”

He chuckled and squeezed her hand. “You’re right about that.”

Connor rested his head against the cushion and she followed as her heart led her, resting her head beside his, their foreheads touching.

He was silent too long. “What’s wrong, Connor?”

“I’m just thinking again that I make a rotten father. I—”

Ellene raised her head and looked at him. “Connor, why do you keep saying that? A while ago you started to say something similar, and it bothered me. I’d forgotten until now. You were talking about Caitlin and you asked how you were supposed to raise a child alone, and then it sounded as if you were going to say you hadn’t wanted Caitlin. I don’t understand why you’d even think such a thing.”

Connor lowered his head in his hands. “I didn’t
mean it that way.” He lifted his downcast face and gazed at her. “I’m sorry you heard that.”

Ellene’s heart skipped, fearing his response. “Why would you say that, Connor?”

He drew in a lengthy breath, and she steeled herself.

He shook his head, his face pale in the flickering light. “I—I… I can’t explain it, Ellene.”

“Why not?”

Sorrow filled his eyes, and her heart felt as if it would break.

“I shouldn’t have been a father. I wasn’t a good husband.”

“But why?”

She felt him tense.

“Because—because I didn’t love Melissa the way I should have.”

“But you married her.”

“Yes.” He turned his head away. “I married her—” He sat in silence a moment. “I married her on the rebound. When Melissa died, I figured having to raise Caitlin alone was my punishment for getting married.”

His look broke her heart. Tears rolled down her cheeks from her personal guilt and for her sorrow for him. “Connor, I didn’t know what I did to you.”

He captured her chin in his hand, and his eyes spoke an unknown emotion—something deep and confusing to Ellene.

“I did it to myself,” he said.

She wanted to understand, and she sensed he had more to tell, but when she looked at him, his lips moved closer to hers, and her heart rose to her throat, wanting the kiss, yet fearing it. When his mouth touched hers, she melted into his embrace as if she’d finally come home.

Connor drew her closer, their pulses beating in unison. When he eased back, his gaze still bound to hers, she felt tears brim her lashes. For so many years, she fought the dream of being in Connor’s arms again. She’d carried the weight of anger and pain that she alone had caused with her self-centeredness.

Connor brushed tears from her cheeks. The look in his eyes played games with her heart. She nestled beside him and gazed at the fireplace.

The fire had become embers. A red glow sparked from the floor of the hearth with an occasional burst of flame, like the eruptions of guilt that burned in her conscience. “Connor, I fell in love a couple years ago,” she blurted.

He stiffened and looked at her as if confounded.

“It ended. I was hurt.”

“What happened?” he asked, looking at her as if he assumed she’d been the one to end the relationship.

“He walked out on me.”

“He did?”

She knew she’d been right about his earlier thought, and she couldn’t blame him. The idea had never registered that Owen had treated her no worse
than she’d treated Connor…except for the intimacy. The memory ached within her.

“I’m sorry.” His voice had softened, and he eased closer to her side. “I’m really sorry. It hurts either way.”

Either way.
His meaning was clear, but she accepted it. Connor was right. She only nodded, unable to respond.

He leaned closer and kissed her, a brief caress that assured her he understood.

He stretched and glanced at his watch. “Time for bed. What do you think?”

She nodded, sensing going to bed was his way of controlling his emotions, but she agreed. She had so much to think about.

Connor rose, still holding her hand. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Morning,” she repeated, feeling his fingers loose from hers, leaving her feeling empty and alone.

His shadow vanished through the doorway, and she heard him in the bathroom, running water. Soon his bedroom door closed.

Ellene made up the sofa, then lay there accompanied by guilt and dreams. How could she make things right with him? She had to tell him the whole story, but she feared the ramifications.

Her lips felt swollen from their kisses and the pressure lingered on her mouth. She touched her lips, remembering the joy that filled her, sensing that maybe God truly had had a part in their reunion.

She tossed and turned, longing for sleep, enjoying the feeling of being cherished, yet afraid because it meant trusting and being totally honest.

The fireplace glow faded to a sprinkle of ash, and she pulled the blanket up around her ears, listening to the night sounds while wishing that Connor were at her side to tell her what to do, but he was the reason for her dilemma. Only God could give her courage and directions.

For now, she waded through her fears. Could a commitment work? Could she trust Connor? Panic stifled her.

Connor tossed in bed, watching shadows crawl on the ceiling, his mind riled by his confession. How would Ellene have taken the whole story? She’d looked misty-eyed, but when she gave it more thought would she think him crude for what he did? And if he told her everything would she turn on him again? He’d been a coward not to tell her about Caitlin tonight while she seemed open to hearing.

He admitted his faith had been weak, truly more like non-existent, but he believed now, and the sin sat hard on his conscience.

Tears brimmed his eyes. He should have been candid tonight and get it out in the open. When Melissa had told him she was pregnant, he’d felt tricked and used. She wanted a husband, and he’d fallen for the bait. He’d resented Melissa’s preg
nancy. He’d thought of walking away and leaving her with the problem. He knew he hadn’t been the only man in her life.

He’d felt like a misfit when he’d first lain with her, trying to act as though he knew what to do. She’d caught on and taught him how to be a man, a humbling experience and even more so, a heartbreaking one. He’d longed to share that intimacy first with Ellene.