When Natalia's lips touched mine, I felt everything change. This was different than our previous kiss. Natalia initiated the embrace and neither of us pulled away. Her mouth remained on mine. She took control. In that moment of ecstasy, my body was frozen in time.
Natalia reached up and grabbed the collar of my shirt. Her tongue invaded my mouth and I wanted nothing more than to be the best host. No doubt about it–I had feelings for her. When the kiss ended, we stayed locked together. The band wrapped up their set, and I stood there, studying her face. A shiver escaped her as I slipped my hand down to her waist. She wanted me and it was obvious that I wanted her, too.
Natalia's eyes looked at me with so much trust. I had to tell her about Aubrey. Truthfully, I didn't know what to do anymore. Did I still want to be with Aubrey? Even if I did decide to end my relationship, I knew I couldn't jump into another one right away. As I was about ruin the moment with my honesty, she broke the silence.
"I'm sorry. I got so caught up in the song and we were holding hands, I –"
"Don't ever apologize for following your instincts, Natalia. That was–" I started to say that the kiss was amazing, but she cut me off.
"I know. It was bad. We shouldn't be kissing, we barely know each other." She removed her hands from my chest and put distance between us. "We're friends."
The way she said the word 'friends' sounded so final.
"Right. At least, we're trying to be. You're making it awfully difficult by kissing me like that." I quirked up an eyebrow and smiled.
"Shut up. You kissed me back," she stated proudly.
I couldn't help but think about the fun situations two dancers could get into. It was useless to try and shake away my x-rated thoughts. I didn't intend to become insanely attracted to my dance partner, but it was hard to control my feelings for her.
"Can we ride back to the dorms together? I think we need to talk." I wasn't looking forward to telling Natalia about Aubrey. I didn't want her to go back to thinking of me as
just
her dance partner.
"Yeah. Let me make sure Kingsley is okay to get back, although I would be surprised if she's still here. She was on the prowl tonight." She turned her head, searching her roommate. Kingsley would be easy to find in a crowd. She stuck out like a mohawk in a country club.
While Natalia looked for Kingsley, I mentally prepared myself for the conversation that lay ahead.
"I guess she left. I'm ready whenever you are." Natalia appeared nervous.
She followed me out of the bar and onto the sidewalk. New York at night was gorgeous. The bright lights, the crowded streets, and the pedestrians filling up every space on the sidewalk. I loved this city.
The air was cool and the wind bit at the back of my neck. It wasn't summer anymore. Natalia was close to my side and I felt her trembling body. I peeked down at her bare legs, willing myself not to cover them up. They looked far too good to not be noticed, and for some reason, jealousy arose in the pit of my stomach, imagining the guys that had seen her naked. I must have gulped loudly because her head snapped in my direction.
"Something on your mind, Callahan?" she asked, a hint of a smile appeared on her lips.
I had a feeling she knew exactly what I was thinking. She had to be used to guys falling all over her.
"Let's catch a cab, I can tell you're freezing–your lips are turning blue!" I said dramatically. I brushed my thumb against her bottom lip.
"They are?" Natalia's eyes opened wide, revealing their magnificent beauty.
"Brown-eyed girl." I said as I stared into her honey-colored eyes.
"What did you just say?" Her tone changed and she suddenly looked bothered.
"Your eyes made me think about the song," I explained. "Did I say something to upset you?"
"No, It's just that my dad always used to sing that song to me. It was
our
song." Natalia looked down at the sidewalk, hiding her emotion from me. My hand found her jaw and I lightly pushed her chin back up to look at me.
"I'm sure your father is proud of you." The smile I was growing so fond of appeared on her face. Natalia and I stood there on the corner, as cars drove through the congested streets. For the first time in my life, I was happy a cab had taken its time to show up.
She shivered as the wind picked up and swept through her long hair. I took off my cardigan and wrapped it around her bare shoulders. The T-shirt she wore barely covered her and I had to remind myself that it wasn't my place to hide her body. Still, I made sure to button it all the way up, concealing every inch of skin in the process. Natalia eyed me suspiciously, but she didn't say a word.
"I just don't want you to catch a cold. You're my partner and to be stuck with anyone else would suck."
"That's because no other girl could handle you," she jokingly replied.
"What do you think about not going back to campus just yet? It's still early. Let's do something spontaneous." It had been awhile since I'd done anything impulsive. Aubrey and I used to take random trips to the city, but everything between us had become so mundane over the last year.
"What do you have in mind?" Natalia asked, eyeing me skeptically.
"We could go jump in the Hudson River."
"Best idea you've ever had." Natalia smiled, her sarcasm, obvious.
"We could go streaking," I said, knowing that Natalia was sure to shoot the idea down. My eyes widened when I saw her start to undo the buttons of my cardigan I had loaned her. When she stopped on the last button, I knew she was just trying to rile me up. "You're good," I chuckled. "Since you don't like any of my ideas, you come up with something. Unless you just want to go back to the dorms." I was having a great time with her and I didn't want the night to end.
"How do you feel about cheeseburgers?" she asked.
"What's not to love about cheeseburgers?"
"Kingsley told me about this really great burger place," she said. "It's supposed to be one of the best. I don't think it's too far from here. Let's walk." Natalia began walking ahead of me, but I stopped her mid-motion.
"Where exactly is this place?"
She took out her phone to look it up. "154 East 86th street. That's not far, right?" Natalia looked up when she heard me laughing. From where we were, it would take over an hour to walk there. "What? Is it far from here?"
Her cluelessness about this city was adorable. "You could say that. We could walk it, but by the time we got there, your legs would be numb, then I'd have to carry you, and I already do that enough in class."
"That wasn't very nice, Callahan, but I'll forgive you. You're obviously starving, which is making you delusional." She walked to the end of the curb just in time to hail an oncoming cab. Natalia hopped in first, and I followed, giving our destination to the cab driver. She slinked over to my side and rested her head on my shoulder. I brought my nose near her hair, smelling coconut and vanilla.
"You smell nice."
She sniffed my shirt and laughed.
"I was just thinking you smell exactly like coconuts." I sniffed her hair over-dramatically, which made her laugh harder. She pushed my shoulder lightly, embarrassment showing on her face. "Do you bathe in them or something?"
"It's my secret. I'll never tell." Her voice squeaked, like a little girl.
"I'll tell you one of my secrets," I coerced.
She looked up at me from behind her long eyelashes and gave a small smile which then turned serious. Before our stare could turn into a kiss, I turned my head toward the window, breaking the connection between us. I closed my eyes, wishing I was able to control my feelings. I always thought restraining yourself was overrated, but I knew that's exactly what I had to do
When we arrived, I paid the cab driver and we hopped out of the car. I looked up and read the large sign above the building.
"Shake Shack, huh?"
"Is this place not good? Kingsley could have been lying to me ... it wouldn't be a surprise." She frowned.
"I've never had it, actually."
"We're both Shake Shack virgins!" she squealed, which made me laugh at how excited she had become.
Her easy-going attitude was on display and getting a glimpse of this side of her made her irresistible.
"Let's go eat, crazy." I grabbed Natalia's hand and walked into the restaurant.
The place was much bigger than it looked on the outside. It was pretty busy, but only a few people stood in front of us at the counter. The menu was on the wall to our right, so Natalia and I stood side by side, trying to figure out what to order.
"Mmm, the 'Schroom Burger sounds delicious," Natalia said, staring wide-eyed at the menu.
"Really? It's not meat though. Are you a vegetarian?"
I couldn't imagine biting into an oversized mushroom and tricking my mind into thinking it was just as delicious as the real thing.
"No, but it's a lot healthier than red meat."
"We came all this way. You're getting some meat," I demanded, realizing that sounded much dirtier than I meant.
"Oh yeah?" Natalia raised her eyebrow and smiled.
Shaking my head and laughing, I tried to focus on the menu. After a few minutes, we each ordered the SmokeShack and black and white milkshakes. It didn't take long for Natalia to change her order once hearing how good mine sounded.
Grabbing a few empty stools across from one another, we sat our trays. I was ready to dive into my massive burger until Natalia spoke. I usually wouldn't care about responding with my mouth full of food, but since this was my first time eating a meal with Natalia, I didn't want her to get the idea I was a slob. It would only confirm her hunch that I was raised by wild animals.
"You know, you're not that bad. I guess my immediate impression of you was wrong."
I could tell it took a lot for her to admit that to me. "I guess you're not that bad either," I said sarcastically.
The easiness we felt at the cafe returned. As we ate, we discussed our aspirations. The more Natalia divulged to me, the more impressed I became by her hunger for success. I was eating my last bite when Natalia told me about her dream role.
"Seriously? Do you know how hard that role is? Any role in the Sleeping Beauty ballet is challenging, but Princess Aurora? The work that dancer does is unbelievable." I knew she was a beautiful dancer, but to perform that role, you'd have to be extraordinary.
"You don't think I could do it, do you?" Her voice rose.
"Sure. You can do whatever you put your mind to." I took the last sip of my shake, still shocked by how delicious it tasted. I couldn't believe Kingsley had suggested this place.
"The Rose Adagio. You don't think I can do that part. I'll show you right here!"
Natalia was definitely persistent: she began to stand from her stool, but I placed my hand over hers to stop her.
"I believe you," I said. "Finish eating and you can prove to me how amazing you're later."
Natalia gave me a dirty look and turned back to her half-eaten burger. While she finished in silence, I thought about how at the beginning of the night, I was so worried it wouldn't be much fun, like the time at the cafe was a fluke. It was clear, though, being around her was exactly what I needed after the stress of last year.
After finishing, we walked to the corner of the street. I had a feeling she wanted me to reach out and hold her hand. As much as I wanted to, I didn't. It would complicate things even more. I had to tell her about Aubrey.
We didn't wait long for a cab to arrive, and the ride back to the dorms was silent. I anticipated what I was going to say.
I'm sorry?
I should have told you I had a girlfriend?
We shouldn't have kissed?
The cab stopped in front of our building and we stepped out, taking our time. I inhaled the frigid air and turned to grab her hand.
"I have a girlfriend," I blurted.
Natalia's eyebrows furrowed together, showing a deep wrinkle on her forehead. She looked away, her eyes following the passing cars.
"Natalia, did you hear what I said?"
"I should ... I have to go." She pried her fingers from mine and began to rush toward the doors.
"Natalia," I called. "Wait. Stop. Please, just let me explain." I had no idea what I wanted to say to her. Aubrey and I had been a couple since we were in diapers and that's all I'd ever known.
Natalia spun back around, but kept her distance. "Go ahead. Explain to me why you kissed me. Twice." Her tone was clipped. She stared me down, her arms crossed in front of her body and her lips pursed.
"Aubrey and I have been together most of our lives. We've known each other since we were babies. We grew up together." I took a small step closer to her. "But things have been bad between us lately. Then I met you, and everything changed. I left that night you and I kissed because I was ashamed of what I did. You kissed me tonight and I couldn't stop myself from kissing you back. How could I? I felt something with you that I've never felt. I don't know how to explain that, but all I can say is that I'm sorry." I pleaded with Natalia to forgive me. Afraid she was going to run off, I stepped closer this time and reached for her hand, but she backed away, not allowing me to take it.