Authors: Alana Sapphire
My muscles are burning. There’s sweat dripping from every part of my body and I can barely breathe, but I push on. I have eighties rock booming through my headphones, and “Eye of the Tiger” gives me a second wind as I round the corner to our street. I’ve recently taken up jogging. I needed something other than work to keep me busy. Ever since that night with Gage two weeks ago, I can’t stop thinking about him. He creeps into my thoughts every quiet moment I have. It was hard
not
to think about him when he left a reminder on my stomach. Thank God, it’s finally faded.
I also needed some kind of physical activity to work off my frustration. I’ve been reading nothing but erotic romance books, or more specifically,
MC
erotic romance books. They’ve only made me think about him more, if that’s even possible. I don’t know why I’ve been torturing myself but I’ve been reading any one I can get my hands on. I now know all about club hierarchy, and learned new terms such as one percenters, rockers, patches, colors, and club pussy. If what I’ve read is anything like the real thing, no wonder Gage is the way he is. Why settle down when there are women just waiting around for him to fuck them?
Toni’s advice didn’t help. At all.
Fuck the hot, old guy and get it out of your system.
Yeah, right.
That
would get him out of my system. I haven’t heard from him. I’ve seen him around but he’s ignored me every time, won’t even look at me. It’s for the best, though. Lonnie’s not the only variable in the situation. I can’t hurt Chris. What Gage doesn’t know about that night is that I received a text from Chrissy.
My brother’s got it bad for you
.
It fucked me the hell up.
Lonnie isn’t even an issue for me anymore. She’s delusional. There’s no way she has a chance of being anything to Gage, let alone his old lady. But hey, if she wants to keep living in la la land, then she can be my guest. We don’t talk. Most of the time, she barely acknowledges my presence. I’ll get a nasty look or a grunt, but that’s it. I leave money for my half of the bills on the kitchen table so I don’t need to come in contact with her. We stay out of each other’s way and it’s working out fine so far.
I look ahead and there’s a little boy running toward the street. His mother is unpacking groceries from the car and doesn’t realize what’s going on. And there’s a car coming.
“Hey!”
Fuck! She didn’t turn around. I speed up, praying I get to him in time. Just as he’s about to step onto the street, I grab him up and hold him to me.
“Hey there. Where you going?”
His mother turns around and I see the blood drain from her face. I remove my earphones and approach her.
“Mikey!”
She rushes forward and takes him from my arms, squeezing him until he begins to squirm.
“Jesus! I put him inside. I didn’t see him come out.”
“It’s okay. I’m just glad I got to him in time.”
“Thank you! Thank you so much. I don’t know how I could ever repay you.”
Tears gather in her eyes. I know it was a close call.
“I’m sorry. I lost his father right before he was born. I couldn’t bear to lose him, too.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
She wipes at her tears and I get a good look at her. There’s something familiar about her. Have we met? Maybe I’ve just seen her around the neighborhood. She sticks out her hand and I shake it gently.
“I’m Ellen.”
“Raven.”
“Nice to meet you, Raven. This is Mikey. Say hi to Raven, Mikey.”
“Hi, Raven. You wet.”
My name comes out as ‘Waben’. I giggle, not only at his mispronunciation, but at his cute, little voice. He has his mom’s eyes. He’s an adorable little thing with shoulder-length, brown hair. I just want to eat him up.
“That’s because I’ve been running.”
“Run? We play!”
“No, Mikey –” Ellen cuts in.
“It’s fine. I can play with him for a bit while you finish with your groceries,” I tell her, smiling at Mikey and ruffling his hair.
“Really? You don’t mind?”
“Of course not. Me and Mikey are friends now. Right, Mikey?”
“Yeah!” he squeals.
He wriggles until Ellen puts him down, and then he taps my leg and runs away.
“Tag, you it!”
I run around the yard with him for a bit, giving him the upper hand in the game. He’s such a happy little boy. Too bad about his father. He pretends to shoot me with his fingers and then yells, ‘Yeehaw!’ I guess we’re playing cowboys and Indians now.
“Hey, guys. Water break?”
He runs to his mom and takes his sippy cup, while I accept the bottle she offers me.
“Thanks, Raven. You’re really good with him.”
“It’s no problem. He’s such a cutie. How old is he?”
“Three. He looks just like his father. Say, do you babysit?”
Babysit? Another job? Hell yeah. It will only get me to my goal quicker. The raise and additional hours Millie gave me are great but when it comes to money, the more the merrier. I’ll be set once my inheritance is signed over, but that might take some time. I need to be ready to move in time for my birthday.
“Sure. I have a day job but I’m available any time after six, Friday to Wednesday, and I’m off on Thursdays.”
“Great! Come on in and let me get your information.”
While we’re talking, Mikey keeps pulling on my hand, wanting to show me his toys. Ellen asks me to indulge him before I leave, so I let him lead me to the living room. I sit cross-legged on the carpet playing with him and before I know it, it’s dark outside.
“I should go.”
“You’re right. Come on, I’ll take you home.”
“I’m fine. I just live a few houses away.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
I turn to Mikey to say goodbye, but he jumps to his feet excitedly.
“Unca!”
He runs past me and I turn around to see where he’s off to. I freeze in my tracks. Gage swings Mikey into his arms, flashing his perfect teeth.
“Hey there, little guy.”
“Raven, this is my brother, Gage.”
I can’t look at him. This babysitting job suddenly doesn’t look so appealing. Now I know why she seemed familiar. Those darn blue eyes.
“We’ve met.”
He doesn’t say anything, ignoring me once again.
“Unca, me and Waben play!”
“Yeah? You have fun?” he asks the little boy.
“Mm hmm.”
“Ellen, I’m gonna go. Call me if you need me,” I tell her, desperate to get away from her brother.
“Sure thing. Gage, walk Raven home.”
“That’s not necessary.”
“Of course it is,” she states with finality.
She takes Mikey and leaves us, so I guess the conversation is over. I keep my head down as I walk by him. He grabs my hand and I finally raise my eyes to his. His jaw is twitching and his eyes are narrowed.
“What the fuck are you wearing?”
He leers at my outfit, which isn’t much – a sports bra and short tights. I notice his gaze lingers on my exposed stomach and thighs.
“I was jogging.” I pull out of his grasp and almost run away, but I’m all too aware of him walking behind me. “You don’t have to come with me. I’m fine.”
He doesn’t say a word. Only the sound of his boots on the floor lets me know he’s still behind me. I open the front door and a chilly wind hits me like a slap to my entire body. I wrap my arms around myself but before I step outside, a jacket is draped over my shoulders. I want to give it back, to tell him I don’t need it, but who am I kidding? At least my arms will be warm.
“Thank you.”
We walk in silence, but I keep a keen eye out for Lonnie. I don’t need her shit tonight. I pull the jacket tighter around me and inhale deeply. I missed his scent. It’s already faded from the other jacket I have hanging in my closet. I need to give it back to him. It’s a physical reminder of him that I really don’t need. It’s enough that I can’t stop thinking about him.
Occasionally, I glance at him out of the corner of my eye. His face is blank, showing no emotion. I wish he would say something. It’s not just his scent that I miss. I miss
him
.
How is that possible? How can I miss something and someone I never had?
He walks me to the door, and once I’m inside, I hand his hoodie back to him. He throws it over his shoulder and turns to leave.
“Wait.”
He watches me expectantly.
“Just wait here.”
I retrieve his other hoodie from my closet and hand it to him, as well. He scoffs and walks away, and I watch his retreating back in disappointment. I know this is what I asked for, but as I watch him walk away, I feel like I’ve made an enormous mistake.
***Gage***
Fuck! I can’t think straight. Not after seeing her in the scraps of cloth she calls workout gear. Giving her my jacket was as much for me as it was for her. I almost came all over myself when I saw the outline of her pussy in those ridiculous shorts. That shit looked swollen. Fuck. I can’t go back to Ellen’s yet. With her hawk eyes, there’s no way she would miss my full-blown woody. I’ll just sit in my car and wait.
I don’t know why I can’t get this fucking chick off my brain! Whoever said pussy is pussy didn’t know what the fuck he was talking about. All the pussy I’ve had since I met her hasn’t made me forget. How can I forget the way she responds to me the moment I get close to her? The way she felt beneath me? The taste of her sweet lips? I get a hard-on every time I remember the way she said my name that night as I kissed her stomach. I felt like a fucking king when I saw my mark on her skin. I guess I
have
had it way too easy for too long. The first woman to turn me down is making me lose my shit. Or maybe it’s because I know I can’t have her – forbidden fruit and shit. Now I know how Adam must have felt in the Garden of Eden.
Fuck it. Damn it all to Hell.
I hop out of the car and before I know it, I’m on her doorstep, banging on the door.
“I’m coming!” she shouts from inside.
Fuck my life. I don’t need to hear those words coming out of her mouth right now. She slowly cracks the door open and peeks out.
“Yes?”
“Let me in.”
“That’s not a good idea.”
“Let me in, Raven.”
There’s no way I’m taking no for an answer. She opens it the rest of the way and allows me in. I try to concentrate on the task at hand, not the fact that she’s in her pajamas and looking sexy as sin, her wet hair hanging down her back.
“You can’t be here.”
“Why?”
“I’d be in trouble if Lonnie came home and found you here.”
She’s right. She’s underage, and as her guardian, her sister probably wouldn’t approve.
“I’ll take care of it.”
I pull my phone out of my pocket and text E.
G: Keep Lonnie busy for a few hours.
E: What are you doing, bro?
G: We’re just talking.
E: Ok. No worries.
“You don’t have to worry about her.”
I take her hand and lead her to the living room. She slips out of my grasp, putting distance between us as we sit on the couch.
“We need to talk, Raven.”
“About what?”
“Us.”
“Us?” she asks, in confusion.
“You and me. I’m sick of this hot and cold bullshit. I’m not leaving here until we come to a resolution.”
“There is no ‘you and me’. Resolved. Bye.”
“You keep saying that, but then I touch you and it’s a different song.”
She sighs and looks over at me with helpless eyes.
“Gage, please –”
I know what I have to do. “Just listen.”
I move closer and take both her hands in mine. She bites into her bottom lip and stares down at our hands.
“These last few weeks have been hell for me. I’ve never met anyone like you. You’re beautiful, smart, funny. Not to mention you turn me on more than any woman I’ve ever met. Obviously, we can’t be together yet…”
I place my finger under her chin and lift her face toward me. I need her looking at me when I say this.
“The only solution is for us –”
“To stay away from each other.”
“To date.”
We spoke at the same time, but I heard her loud and clear. She stares at me in confusion.
“What do you mean stay away from each other?”
“What do you mean date?”
Again, we spoke simultaneously. I take a deep breath and shake my head because even I can’t believe I said that shit, or what I’m about to say.
“I know what I told you. I’m not saying I’ve magically changed, but I’m willing to try. It won’t be easy for me, but I’ll try.”
“Why the sudden change of heart?”
“I like you. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but it’s been a long time since I’ve been able to say that about anyone. I’d rather explore that than let you go and regret it later.”
“How can you be sure you won’t regret
exploring
?”
That’s a good question. I take a long, hard look at her and for some reason, I doubt that I will.
“I won’t. Trust me.”