Authors: Alana Sapphire
My ringing phone wakes me from one of the best dreams I’ve had in a long time. I smile at the name flashing on the screen.
“Hello.”
“Did I wake you up?”
“Mm hmm. When you said you would call, I didn’t think it would be at the crack of dawn.”
“Sorry, didn’t sleep much last night. Had a lot of things on my mind.”
“Was I one of those things?”
“You were the
main
thing, doll.”
I giggle and roll over onto my back.
“Did you dream about me?” he asks.
“What if I said yes?”
“Then I’d ask what I was doing.”
Embarrassment floods my body, and I could bet I probably look like a beet right now. “It’s embarrassing.”
“Well, now you
have
to tell me.”
“You were…umm…between my legs.”
“And?” he prods.
“And you were…doing that thing.”
“What thing?”
“That you talked about last night.”
“What was I doing, Raven?”
His voice is gruff and his breaths come in hard puffs.
“You were licking me.”
“Where?”
“You know.”
Why do I suddenly feel so shy?
“Yes, but I want to hear you say it. Say ‘you were licking my pussy’.”
“Oh, God! I can’t.”
“You cuss like a sailor so I find that hard to believe.”
“It’s not the cursing. It’s the entire sentence.”
“Say it.”
The
voice
. I can’t help myself. “You were licking my pussy.” Ugh! I’m so humiliated. I want to crawl into a hole and die.
“Good girl.”
Humiliation exits stage left. ‘Good girl.’ Every time he says it, I feel the way I used to when I got a perfect score on a test. I want to hear it more often. “You’re going to turn me out.”
Despite my bravado, I’m not as experienced as he might think. I’ve had a few boyfriends but I haven’t had sex and I haven’t done much of anything else either.
“And you’re going to give me blue balls. I think my hand is going to become my best friend for the next six weeks.”
“You wanted to hear.”
“You don’t need to be scared, shy, or embarrassed with me. You can tell me anything.”
“Okay,” I agree.
“What are you doing today?”
“Nothing. It’s my day off.”
“I need to see you. Can I send for you later?” he asks eagerly.
“Yes. I want to see you, too.”
“I have some work to do, but I’ll call you when I have it all worked out.”
“Talk to you later.”
“Raven?”
“Hmm?”
“In your dream…did you come?”
Now his voice is more insistent, the huskiness returning.
“Yes.”
“Hard?”
“Very.”
“Jesus. I need another shower.”
I giggle as the image of him jerking off in the shower enters my mind. These six weeks need to hurry up and be over.
“Later, doll.”
“Bye.”
I roll out of bed and practically float to the bathroom. I can’t remember the last time I felt this good. It’s certainly the first time since I moved here. I hook up my phone to some speakers and put my music on shuffle. By mid-day, I’ve danced my way through breakfast, cleaning the house, and doing all my laundry. The best part of it all – no Lonnie. She hasn’t stumbled in yet. Whatever Gage did last night, it sure kept her busy. Since I’m feeling so inspired today, I grab my sketchbook and pencil and head out to the porch. I prop my feet up on the railing and set lead to paper. Not even thinking, I let my hand slide over the surface. I lose myself completely, stopping only when I realize that someone’s walking up the driveway. Christopher.
“Hey, baby.”
“Hi.”
He leans down to kiss me and I turn my head so he gets my cheek. He gives me a confused frown but sits next to me without a word. This is stupid. I feel so guilty. The weird part is I don’t feel guilty for what I’ve done. Chris is my boyfriend, yet I feel like I’m cheating on Gage.
“You drew that?”
I look down at the page.
Holy shit.
It’s a reaper. Not just any reaper but the one on Gage’s car. I didn’t even realize what I was doing. I swallow hard.
“Yeah. You like it?”
“I didn’t know you could draw like that.”
“Well, there’s a lot you don’t know about me, Mr. Contreras.”
“I can see that. Why’d you draw that?”
“I don’t know. Saw it somewhere, I guess.”
“Somewhere?” I know that tone. The accusations are about to come. “Where?”
“On a car, I think.”
“The Dealer’s car.”
“Chris –”
“
¿Están templando?
”
“No, I’m not fucking him!”
The same question Gage asked. Men can be the biggest cheaters, but let them even
think
they’ve been cheated on and they completely lose their shit.
“What do you expect me to think?”
“I expect you to trust me.” I can’t believe I just said that. There’s been no sex but what I’ve done with Gage so far has totally violated Chris’ trust.
“How can I when he’s acting like he owns you?”
“Nobody owns me.”
“Raven –”
“
Mira
, I’ve been having a pretty good day. If you’re just going to spoil it by arguing, then you should leave.”
“So now I’m ruining your day. What? Am I interrupting your fantasies about the Dealer?”
“You should go before you say something you’ll
really
regret.”
“Like what –”
“
¡Vete!
Just leave!”
I didn’t mean to shout, but other than the fact that he was hitting close to home, I don’t want to end things with him on a bad note. I should just get this over with and stop dragging it out.
“Chris, I’m sorry. You’re a great guy but –”
He grabs my hand, cutting me off and his eyes find mine in a panic.
“Raven,
lo
siento
. I’m sorry.
Pero
, I love you.”
The ‘L’ word. The fucking ‘L’ word. I already knew, and Chrissy told me as much, but it’s different hearing him say it.
“Chris…”
“I know, it’s crazy. You don’t have to say it. It’s too soon and all that. But I do.
Te
amo
,
Mami
.”
He looks so defeated, so hopeless. He’s going to be crushed. But Gage is right, too. Why stay with him when I don’t feel the same?
“It’s okay. I know you’re not there yet. Just don’t rule me out.”
“Oh, Chris…”
I don’t know what to do, what to say. This is not who I am. I’m not some shy, indecisive weakling. What am I allowing these two men to do to me? I feel horrible for what I’m doing to Chris. I throw my arms around his neck and hold him tightly. Am I really going to give him up for some potentially good sex? No. I won’t. When I see Gage tonight, I’ll just have to end it. End it? It’s not like we started anything. I’ll just tell him that I changed my mind. It’s the best thing to do. The right thing.
***Gage***
“Yo!”
E barges into my room as I’m getting dressed. He closes the door and drops down on my bed.
“Don’t you knock?”
“We used to take baths together, motherfucker. You ain’t got nothin’ I ain’t never seen.”
“That was a long time ago, dickhead. I’ve changed.”
We both chuckle as I get boxers from my drawer.
“Nope. Everything looks the same to me.”
I grab the first thing I can from my dresser – my deodorant – and pitch it at him. He catches it and bursts out laughing.
“You’re just jealous because you’re literally half the man I am.”
“That’s not what Jessica Morris said,” he says with a smirk.
“Dude, we were sixteen. And Jessica Morris fucked every guy at school. She probably said that to every single one of us.”
“True.”
“Why aren’t you at work?” I ask.
“Day off. Wanna do something?”
“I gotta go look at a few properties. Wanna come?”
“Sure. But first, you gonna tell me about last night?”
I retrieve my deodorant and head to the bathroom to do something about my hair.
“Nothing happened.”
“Care to elaborate?”
“We talked, watched a movie.”
“You talked…and watched a movie,” he repeats, looking astonished.
“That’s what I said.” I sit next to him on the bed and he gawks at me like I just sprouted a second head. “I’m serious.”
“Okay, what did you talk about?”
“I want her, E.”
“That I already know.”
“Well, obviously not yet, but we’re gonna work on it.”
“Wait, is the mighty Reaper getting himself a girlfriend?” He chuckles.
“I wouldn’t go that far. But I
am
going to put some time into it. She’s just
different
. I need to find out why.”
“I already know why. I’ll tell Joe to get the ink ready.”
“I should punch you in the throat for that.”
“I’ll remember that when you’re getting her name tatted on your back.”
“Shut up.”
He laughs again, and I swear I’m about to lay him out when I remember that I need his help.
“I need a favor.”
“What? Help with tattoo designs?”
“E, I swear to God –”
“Okay, okay. What?”
“I need her on the pill, or whatever you recommend.”
He raises his brows and loses the smile.
“Planning on going bareback?”
“Of course not. I just need to cover all my bases.”
“Wanna bring her to St. John’s?”
“No. We have to be discreet. I’m supposed to see her later. You can come by, do your thing.”
“You got it, brother.”
“Thanks, man. Let’s go.”
I’m sitting here staring at my phone, unsure what to do. I received a text about twenty minutes ago but I haven’t read it. I know it’s from him, most likely details for tonight. How quickly things can change. Just last night I was making plans and promising him my virginity; hell, I practically offered it to him on a silver platter. If he wasn’t the man he is, I wouldn’t still be a virgin today. I take a deep breath and read the message.
G: I’ll send someone to pick you up at 7.
I start tapping out an excuse not to go. I’m sick…I got my period…what do I say? No. That’s the coward’s way out. I need to deal with this as soon as possible, and in person. He deserves that.
R: Ok.
By five pm, I’m in the shower and nervously shaving every inch of my body. Nerves and razors are not a good combination; I nick my legs more than a few times. They’ll probably look like I had a run-in with Freddy Krueger. I dress carefully – a blue and white cotton skater dress, and a light, white jacket. After blow-drying my hair, I add some light makeup and finish my outfit with blue sandals.
At six fifty-five, I get a text telling me that my ride is outside, so I take a deep breath and head out. I step outside and there’s a black Charger in the driveway. The windows are tinted extra dark, keeping prying eyes out. The driver hops out and opens my door. He’s tall but he seems young, around my age.
“Hello.”
“Hi, I’m Ron.”
“Raven.”
He smirks at me as he closes the door. “I know.”
I watch him out of the corner of my eye as he backs out of the driveway. Damn, he’s cute. He’s like a Colton Haynes look-alike but with dark hair and tattoos.
“So, Raven. I’ve seen you around.”
“Is that so?”
“Yeah. You go with Chris, right?”
Shit. He knows Chris. Are they friends? Is he going to rat me out?
“Don’t worry. Boss Man explained everything to me.”
“And what exactly did Boss Man say?”
“That you’re friends, but because of the situation, you have to keep it quiet.”
“You don’t sound like you believe that.”
“It’s just hard to believe that Gage Hunter can be friends with a woman, especially one as pretty as you.”
“So, you don’t think there’s a woman who can resist the big, bad Reaper?”
“I’ve never met one.”
“Well, friends is the only thing we can be,” I tell him.
“Why is that?”
“One, I’m with Christopher and two, as you probably already know, I’m not legal.”
He waits for me to continue, glancing between me and the road.
“That’s all you got?”
“That’s all I need.”
“You’re not legal, but you will be. Soon. And Chris, well, he’ll get over it.”
“Are you friends?”
“We had a few classes together. Don’t worry; my lips are sealed,” he promises.
“Thanks. He’s already out of his mind with jealousy.”
“No problem.”
He spends the rest of the drive telling me about himself and his journey to becoming a member of the MC. He’s been a prospect for a year but thinks he’ll be sworn in soon, especially since Gage has entrusted him with such an important matter. He winked at me when he said it and I just rolled my eyes.
He slows down and then turns into the Venetian Park Community. This. Place. Is. Gorgeous! Definitely for a more affluent crowd but still family-oriented. There are mostly two-story houses with high archways and doors with stained-glass windows. There are play areas at the end of every street, and a gym with a pool. He pulls into a driveway, next to a black BMW M3, and parks.
“We’re here.”
“Where exactly is ‘here’?”
“Come on. You’ll see,” he says with a grin.
We walk up to the door and he steps right in. It wasn’t even locked.
Who lives here?
“Hey, boss! We’re here!” he calls up the stairs.
I look up and almost swallow my tongue when Gage appears at the top of the stairs. Shirtless.
Baby Jesus in the manger, this man is sexy.
Too sexy. He smiles down at me and throws a white T-shirt over his shoulder as he descends. Is it just me or does his body look different? He seems leaner, his stomach muscles tighter. Did he always have that V line?
Fuck. Put your shirt on already. Goddammit.
He thanks Ron and tells him he’ll call him later, but his eyes are glued to me. I don’t even realize that Ron’s left until Gage pulls me into his arms.
“Hey, baby doll.”
“Hi.”
“Did you miss me?”
“I…I…”
Words. I need to find words.
How can I when his naked chest is inches from my lips and I just want to kiss it? His skin is cool from his shower and he smells amazing, as usual.
“Am I distracting you?”
“You know you are.”
He chuckles and releases me to put his shirt on.
“Better?”
Not really.
“Better.”
“Come on. I have a surprise for you.”
He takes my hand and leads me through the house. It’s obvious no one lives here, because there’s hardly any furniture. Either they’re moving out or just moving in.
“Whose house is this?”
“Mine.”
“It’s nice.” It’s big for one man but still nice. It’s a family home, not a bachelor pad. “Not quite what I’d expect, though.”
“What did you expect?”
“Black, red, leather, reapers everywhere.”
“That’s why I bought it, to get away from all that. This is going to be my home.”
“I see. I like it.”
“Thank you. Wait ‘til I’m done with it. You’re gonna
love
it.”
I try to smile but I know it comes out weak. I won’t be around to see anything.
We step into the living room and my jaw almost hits the floor. The room is bare except for a blanket on the floor, laden with all kinds of food. The only light comes from candles scattered around the room. I survey everything in disbelief.
He did this for me?
The sound of music reaches my ears and I turn to see him in the corner. When did he move? He returns to me slowly and my breath hitches at the view. Gage by candlelight is a sight to behold.
“Well, what do you think?”
“What is all this?”
He takes my hand again and brushes my knuckles with his thumbs. A tingly sensation shoots through my body.
“I told you I would try, Raven.”
If this is him just trying, then Lord help me. It may not seem like much, but this is
Mr. I-Don’t-Do-Romance here. He leads me to the blanket and I sit as modestly as I can. After dropping down next to me, he lifts the stainless steel food cover with a smile.
“I hope you’re hungry.”
Lobster and shrimp linguine, garlic bread, crackers, cheese, cold cuts, a fruit platter, and chocolate cake. There’s a bottle of sparkling cider chilling in a champagne bucket. It’s like a mini-feast. My stomach rumbles.
“Starving.”
“Dig in, doll.”
We eat in silence until I think I’m about to go crazy. This is new for him, but guilt is quickly eating away at my sanity. Do I tell him now or wait until after dinner?
“How was your day?” I ask instead.
“Good.”
He opens the bottle of cider, pouring two glasses.
“Did some work. Hung out with E.”
“That’s nice.”
“You?”
I accept the glass he offers and brace myself. “Same. Did some chores. Hung out with Chris.”
I didn’t expect him to say ‘that’s nice.’ The angry stare? Yes. That I did expect.
“What did you do?”
“Nothing. Talked.”
“Did you break up with him?” he asks.
“No.”
“Why the hell not?”
“He...he told me he loves me,” I stammer.
“I see. So I guess he stays. What are you going to do? Keep both of us around?”
Why is this so hard? If it’s the right thing it should be easy, right? I can’t even look him in the eyes.
“No.”
He chuckles, but it’s a mirthless one.
“Why did you come here, Raven?”
“I wanted to talk to you face to face.”
“Why?”
He jumps to his feet, hands on his hips as he glares down at me. He growls and kicks one of the platters. Crackers, cold cuts, and cheese go flying everywhere. I flinch, praying he doesn’t turn his anger on me.
“You could have told me earlier. Saved me all this trouble.”
He moves around the room, putting out the candles.
“Please, Gage –”
“Please what?” he shouts. “
Please
.
What
?”
“Don’t be angry.”
“You think I’m angry? You don’t want to see me when I’m angry.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I don’t need your apology. I need you to keep your promise.” He takes a deep breath and sits next to me once more. “Can’t you see that he’s just trying to guilt you into staying with him? He knows he’s losing you. Telling you he loves you is his half-assed attempt at getting you to stay.”
“You’re asking me to choose between a man who says he loves me and wants to be with me, and one who’s just biding his time until I’m legal so he can get me into his bed.”
“At least I’m honest. You’ve always known where you stand with me,” he states.
“And that’s the problem. I want more than that.”
“Fine. I’ll call Ron to take you home.”
I turn to him and take his hand. I don’t want to leave things between us like this. “I’d still like us to be friends.”
He drags his hand out of my grip.
“Friends? I can’t be your friend, Raven. You walk out that door, you don’t come back. That’s it. We pretend like none of this ever happened.”
He rises, extinguishes the last of the candles and walks out of the room, leaving me in darkness. I gather my courage and follow behind.
“Gage, don’t be like this.”
He turns around, his expression accusatory.
“What? You want to have your little boyfriend but keep me in the wings, is that it?”
“No…I…”
“You want him because you think he loves you. But you know he can never make you feel the way I make you feel.”
He steps closer, trailing his finger down my cheek. My breath catches.
“He doesn’t steal your breath or make your heart beat fast. His touch doesn’t make you quiver or get you hot. You don’t get wet when you hear his voice. Am I right?”
His finger is now tracing the neckline of my dress and I can barely breathe. He knows he’s right, as much as I wish he wasn’t.
“Answer me.”
“Yes.”
“Good girl.”
Oh, dear God. Two words. Two simple, four-letter words and I’m like putty in his hands. I sag against him and he wraps his arm around my waist.
“You know what? I know exactly how to fix all this.”
He takes my hand and drags me along behind him.
“Where are we going?”
“Upstairs.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m going to fuck you.
Now
.”