In the Heart of Forever (3 page)

I wanted to leave. Needed to. But the thought of leaving my mom while she was lying in a coma made unease curl through my belly. I had to be strong. Especially for her.

A hard lump forced its way into my throat. I swallowed past it and stripped completely, turning on the shower. The scorching hot spray beat down around me, soaking me, easing the ache temporarily in my heart.

I began to wash myself, scrubbing until my skin felt raw. As I soaked under the hot water, steam filled the small room, leaving the air thick with condensation.

“Hurry up. You’re wasting hot water.” A loud bang erupted from the bathroom door.

I jumped as Allan’s deep voice boomed through the room, making my skin crawl.

He never touched me in that way before but as I was getting older, he started looking at me differently. He no longer looked at me as the brat he got stuck with because my mom was no longer around. I was seventeen and my small figure started to fill out, making him notice me in a whole new light. He was much bigger than me and if anything like that ever happened, I wouldn’t be able to fight him.

If the girls who made fun of my drab, boring clothes at school knew the reason behind why I wore them, they might have treated me better. Clothes that were too big for me or with colors that helped me blend in. I didn’t want to be noticed. I didn’t want to be seen, but disappear. It was easier that way.

I swallowed past the hard lump in my throat and shook my head, stepping out of the shower. Having forgotten my housecoat in my room, I wrapped a towel around myself. An undeniable amount of terror etched in my stomach knowing that I would have to leave the safety net of the bathroom in just a towel.

Please God, let Allan not be out there.

With a shaky hand, I slowly opened it and stuck my head out. The hall was still dark and there was no sign of him anywhere so I ran into my room, slamming the door behind me.

With a sigh of relief, I leaned my forehead against my door. My heart raced and blood pounded in my ears. I took a couple deep breaths and turned around, sighing with relief when I didn’t see him anywhere in my room. Maybe I was being paranoid. He was a douchebag but he wouldn’t hurt me in that way. Would he? My skin crawled just thinking about it.

***

I grabbed an apple as I left the house and headed to school. The cool morning wind whipped over me. It was the beginning of February but we had a warm front set in. Our small town hardly got touched with snow but frost coated everything.

Allan wasn’t home when I left the house, his work hours thankfully taking him away for most of the day.

My phone rang as I walked down the street and I smiled when I saw who it was. “Hi Jake.”

“What’s wrong?”

I frowned. “How do you know something’s wrong?”

He chuckled. “I know you.”

He had a point. “Bad night.”

“Anything I can do?”

I sighed, slowing my steps. “No. I’m fine.”

There was a pause and then Jake cleared his throat. “Okay, well I’ll see you at school.”

“Jake, wait.” I gripped the phone, praying silently that he hadn’t hung up.

“What’s up?”

I took a deep breath. “I just want to thank you for—“

“We’re friends, Jesse. You don’t have to thank me.”

Anxiety flowed through my belly at the disappointment in his voice. “Okay, well I—“

“I’ll talk to you later.”

The line disconnected and I tossed the phone back in my bag.

I reached the school a couple of blocks later and went right to the library, needing an escape. My cheek still stung from where Allan had slapped me and my stomach churned at the memory. I took deep cleansing breaths and tried telling myself that it could be different. Others had it far worse than I did. I had to be strong, not give up.

I pulled a book from the shelf and sat down, leaning against the wall. My muscles twitched and moaned in protest, as I stretched my legs out in front of me.

I looked down at my book and frowned when a water drop landed on the page. I lifted my glasses and roughly wiped the tears from my cheeks, surprised that I was crying.

The heroine and hero happily expressed their love for each other and I grumbled, throwing the book on the floor in front of me.

“Now that’s no way to treat a book.”

I jumped at the deep smooth voice filling the aisle. Rave stood a few feet from me, leaning against the stack of books. A soft smile splayed on his handsome face, his eyes warm and inviting.

His light cologne filled my nostrils, making my heart skip. His deep green gaze bored into mine. His shaggy black hair was messy, like he didn’t even bother doing anything with it.

God, he was dangerously gorgeous. I bit my cheek, angry at myself that I let him affect me so. I ignored him and rose to my feet, picking up the book. I put it back on the shelf and turned to leave when a warm hand landed on my shoulder. I jumped at the contact.

He pulled his hand away. “It’s Jesse right?”

I looked back at him, surprised that I had wanted him to touch me again. I nodded in reply and grabbed my bag, heading to a table in the middle of the room.

“Aren’t you going to talk to me?” he asked, following behind.

Why would I do that? So you can hurt me too? I sat down in a chair, sighing and pulled my homework out of my bag.

Rave sat across from me. “You’re not much of a talker are you?”

I could feel his intense stare, drilling a hole into the top of my head but I didn’t reply. I wasn’t shy by any means but if I ignored him, then he would hopefully take the hint, leave me alone and then he wouldn’t be able to hurt me. I was protecting myself.

We sat in silence. Neither of us saying anything as I flipped through the pages of my textbook.

A moment later, as he continued to stare at me, I couldn’t take it anymore and slammed my book closed. “What?”

The corners of his mouth turned up. “I’m waiting for you to talk to me.”

He didn’t mention my face or asked what had happened. Maybe the red mark wasn’t noticeable and thank God for that. Now if he saw the fading bruises on my ribs, it would be a different story. A part of me had hoped that he would be my knight in shining armor come to save the day. I sighed, shaking my head of those fantasies. I wasn’t in a book or some fairy tale land. Huffing, I leaned back in my chair. “So you decided to stare at me until I acknowledged you?”

He shrugged. “Pretty much.”

I rolled my eyes. “What do you want?”

A hint of humor flickered in his eyes as he continued to stare at me. The way his eyes bored into mine made it seem like he was seeing me for me. Everyone had always asked or looked at me with pity. But not him. It was like he understood. It didn’t make sense. Suspicion flowed through me.

“I just wanted to talk,” he said casually.

“Please stop staring at me.”

“I’m not staring,” he argued. His deep green eyes flashed with amusement.

“Yes, you are.” I crossed my arms under my chest and leaned back, raising an eye brow.

“Wow. Someone’s not a morning person,” he teased.

Tears burned my eyes, threatening to spill over. I quickly looked away and went for my bag, needing to distract myself.

“Hey,” his voice softened. “I’m sorry. I was just joking.”

I didn’t respond and pulled out my phone. I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t stand for people to feel sorry for me. I didn’t need pity.

I placed an ear bud in my ear and scrolled through my music list.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him stand and move to the seat beside me. Before I could place the second bud in my ear, he grabbed it from my hand.

I looked up at him as he placed it in his own ear.

He smiled softly.

Our shoulders brushed, sending goose bumps over my skin. Sitting this close to him helped calm my rattled nerves but that confused me. I shouldn’t be feeling this way after everything that has happened. Could I be happy ever again? My mom would want that.

He took the phone from my hand and scrolled through the list. No one else had ever seen or heard what I listened to. It was like my own personal music diary and he was the first one I shared it with. For some reason, that didn’t bother me. I wanted to share it with him.

I sat back in my seat and looked around the vast room lined with my favorite books of all time.

A moment later, a deep base pounded in my ears. I smiled, knowing the song he chose. It was a fast angry song and it fit perfectly for my mood.

We both sat in silence, listening to the rough edge of the voice growling in our ears. It eased my heart some and I was able to momentarily forget about my crappy life.

Sitting beside Rave while we both listened to my music, eased my angry and bitter mood some. I couldn’t explain it but somehow I had a feeling that he knew what I was going through without me even having to tell him.

Chapter 4

We got through about eight songs before Mrs. Johnson approached us. I stopped doodling in my notebook and took out the ear bud.

“Morning Jesse. Rave,” she smiled brightly.

“Morning,” we responded at the same time.

Her smile widened as she looked between us, her eyes settling on my face. Her brow cringed.

I smiled, praying she wouldn’t ask about my red cheek. It wouldn’t look like it came from a slap would it? I didn’t want her to report it.

She seemed to relax, worry no longer scrunching up her features. “The first warning bell sounded and I didn’t want you to be late for class,” she said cheerfully.

“Thank you,” I said quietly, gathering my things and placed my books in my bag.

Rave handed me my phone and I curled my fingers around it. Our fingers lightly touched, sending a jolt of electricity down my back. My cheeks heated and I looked up into his green eyes.

His lips turned up at the corners. “Do you need to hit your locker?”

I nodded and stood, flinging my bag over my shoulder. We headed out of the library and without saying anything, Rave followed beside me.

Our shoulders brushed as we walked down the hall. His jaw was tight, set in a hard line. He looked mad. When he looked down at me, he smiled, his eyes softening.

We continued making our way down the hall, when a commotion erupted in front of us. Rave grabbed my arm, saving me from almost getting tackled by some guys from the football team.

“Sorry Jesse,” one of the guys, Alex Rowan, called out. He was the only one that was nice to me besides Jake.

“Assholes,” Rave muttered.

My books fell out of my hands anyways, but that was better than getting run over. We knelt down together, picking up my things. Rave held my bag and books in his hands and stood up.

“Thank you,” I held out my hand for my stuff, rising to my feet.

“I got it.” A small smile splayed on his lips. He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, sending shivers down my back.

My heart swelled at the gesture and I took a deep breath. I couldn’t control the feelings that were racing through me. It was intense and powerful. New.

Students milled about as they walked to their classes. Some looked at us and others snickered, pointing in our direction.

We ignored them. Rave more so than me. I didn’t know how he did it. I went to school with these kids for the last several years and sometimes it was impossible to ignore them.

Teachers stood outside their doors making sure everyone got to their appropriate homeroom.

My locker was in the same hall as our first class, so we wouldn’t be late too much.

Rave leaned against the lockers, holding my bag and books in his arms.

My heart thumped and it took me three attempts to get my door unlocked. He was way too distracting.

Finally getting the metal door open, I grabbed the bag, got what was needed for class and placed it in my locker. We headed to our homeroom and sat in my usual spot, with Rave sitting in the desk beside me. I looked at him, wondering why he didn’t sit at the back like he usually did.

His eyes flicked to mine. He winked and back at Mr. Deel.

I shrugged to myself and noticed Rave didn’t have any books or paper or anything with him. I handed him one of my notebooks and a pen. He took the items, smiling warmly at me.

My heart fluttered and stopped when the Triple M’s walked into the room. They noticed us sitting beside each other instantly and giggled, obnoxiously.

I leaned my head down and tried covering my face with my hair but that didn’t help.

“Wake up on the wrong side of someone else’s bed, four eyes?” Melanie asked. She always started the name calling and the other two always followed suit. She was the meanest one. The one I had to watch out for.

God, I hated this school.

“So now we have him carrying our books for us do we?” Melissa added.

Rave glared at them. They must have seen him carrying my things for me as we walked down the hall. Or their little spies told them.

The girls walked by me and sat in their usual spots behind my desk. No one ever sat in those seats except for them. It’s like they sat there to deliberately harass me.

“So Rave,” Melanie cooed. “I see you’re getting to know our girl here.”

Our girl?
Oh God, this could not be good.

Rave didn’t answer but I noticed his jaw tensing.

“You know. I think you and Rave would be cute together. Just think of all the Emo babies you could have,” Miranda joked, making the other girls snicker.

Anger burned in my belly but I wouldn’t let them get to me. I wouldn’t.

“Aww…don’t cry. I’m sure Rave could make you feel better,” Melanie said, suggestively.

I spun on her, rage and fury flowing through my body. “Shut the hell up. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Her eyes widened and then she smirked.

I turned back around, crossing my arms under my chest.

Tension rolled off of Rave so thick, you would need a machete to cut it.

“Alright class, please turn your text books to chapter five,” Mr. Deel said, beginning his boring History lecture. I liked him as a teacher and as a person but this subject put me to sleep. The only time I enjoyed it was when we got to read a novel having to do with history.