In the Line of Duty (11 page)

“Oh, no, it’s just a couple bags. Oh, and a cooler. Maureen likes to cook.”

His eyes lit up. “Awesome,” he said. “She was always a great cook. I’ll get that, then.”

Since it was silly to argue, Callie walked outside and let him carry the cooler. Maureen had packed enough food for a week, but now that Callie thought about it, with two growing boys and a very fine adult male, it would probably last only a couple days.

Matt opened it and she left him sorting through the goodies with relish as she dropped the kids’ bags in the room they all shared. She’d gotten some other stuff, a few toys and stuffed animals from the house, to help make it seem more homey. Matt had found a dresser a few days back. On that she’d put a lamp, plus clothes for all three of them in the drawers, and hung more up in the closet. Matt had bought drapes, as well, so the room felt a little less like a box. She appreciated all of it. Really.

But it wasn’t home.

Though all that mattered to her was right here: her boys. There was some truth to the saying, “home is where the heart is,” especially in a situation like this.
Matt matters, too.
She tried to ignore the unbidden little voice. Of course he did. But not enough to count as home.

The kids came tumbling in and she smiled when they fell on the mattress. Uh-oh. “This is mine, guys. You get the sleeping bags.”

When they groaned, she pulled them both in for another hug. “No jumping, but you can lay on it.” Though she knew she’d be reminding them again every five minutes not to jump, for now she was just happy they were with her.

Matt appeared in the doorway, looking far too good in faded jeans and an old sweatshirt. “What’s all the noise in here? Sounds like someone’s having a party.”

“Matt!” Eli shrieked. “Come play with us. We got lotsa room!”

Matt’s gaze glanced off hers. “I’m too big,” he said easily, his tone belying the quick flash of longing she’d seen in his blue eyes. It was too intimate to invite him to snuggle with them, so she didn’t offer. “I was just checking to make sure this room hadn’t been taken over by wild and crazy animals.” He grinned at them. “I see I was right to be worried.”

The kids laughed and Callie had to smile. He pushed off the door frame and left the room, whistling.

It was a bit of a struggle to get them in bed that night, which wasn’t a surprise. The joy of being back with Callie, plus the novelty of staying at Matt’s, had them wound pretty tight. So she was fully prepared to read them an extra story, but was taken aback when Eli and Liam exchanged a look.

She glanced from one boy to the other. “Okay, guys, what is it?”

“We want Matt to read it to us tonight,” Eli said, and Callie’s heart seized. She swallowed hard, looking at their earnest little faces.

“I don’t know if he can—” she started, but stopped when she saw both faces fall. “But I can go ask,” she finished weakly. Both kids’ faces split into huge smiles, and Callie got up to find Matt, trying not to feel betrayed. Which was silly. It was just a book.

No, it was more than that. It was another chink in the careful little world she’d created. A crack in their circle of three. She didn’t know if there was a way to stop it from fracturing, now.

Matt looked up with a smile when she approached. She was momentarily tempted to flop down next to him and curl into his side. The urge threw her for a heartbeat, and Matt frowned and started to rise.

“They okay?” he asked, and she waved a hand.

“Just fine. They’d like you to read them a story.” Her tone sounded casual enough. She hoped. “If you’re up to it,” she added.

He looked surprised. “I’d like that.” He scanned her face, and apparently not seeing anything to dissuade him, asked, “Do they have one picked out?”

Callie nodded and he went down the hall. She fixed her gaze on the TV, but didn’t see the program on the screen. This felt wrong. Wrong to let Matt read the kids a book? How silly was that?

Wrong because it was Matt and not Jason doing it?

Restless, Callie tucked her feet up under her. No, that wasn’t the issue. It was more that it felt like a threat to her and her ability to keep them locked down and safe. Without a man in their lives who could leave them. And hurt them. Her boys didn’t deserve that. Matt would be here, but for how long? He’d been in the army, moving around his entire adult life. He’d even said that life suited him. And he hadn’t managed to convert being engaged into being married. Could he really be ready to settle down?

His low voice and the kids’ laughter floated down the hall. She rubbed her hand between her eyes. On the other hand, perhaps she shouldn’t overthink it; after all, it was just him reading them a story. And in a few days, a week maybe, they’d be back in their own home, able to return to normal. She could fix everything then, close that circle up and get them all back on track. She craved normal.

Except she was afraid after this whole experience with Matt—and Aldo— that normal had just made a major shift. And she wouldn’t be able to put things back the way they had been.

Where would they be then?

CHAPTER ELEVEN

T
HE
KIDS
WERE
HAPPY
to go to Colleen’s the next morning. Callie had intentionally scheduled her first appointment for a little later, so they could have some extra time in the morning. Lori completely understood. Matt was gone already and he’d taken Aldo with him, so it was just Callie and her boys, with no distractions. The kids clearly missed both of them, but Callie tried to overlook it. Pretend nothing had changed, it was all just temporary, and then maybe she could get things back to normal faster.

Except she wasn’t fully sure what that was anymore. Their lives had shifted and she was afraid the old normal was a thing of the past.

But she enjoyed the time, and even made pancakes instead of the usual cold cereal. It was worth it to scrub maple syrup off their faces, and in Liam’s case, out of his hair, just to see their smiles.

She took them to day care and they each hugged her before they headed into the play area. Colleen gave her a hug, too. “How are you holding up? When will your house be done? It was pretty busy over there for a while.”

“Oh, we’re fine,” she said, wanting to sound as casual as possible, yet make absolutely sure Colleen knew there was nothing going on at Matt’s. All without actually saying anything. It was tricky, and exhausting. She moved quickly to fill Colleen in on the current state of the repairs, and ended with, “I’m hoping to be back in there in a week or so.” This was a bit optimistic.

To her credit, Colleen didn’t argue or ask any difficult questions. Instead she smiled and said, “I hope so. It’ll be wonderful to be back in your own space. Though I can’t imagine living with Matt Bowden is any great hardship.”

Sister, you have no idea.
Callie didn’t say the words, but wanted to. Instead she shrugged, opting not to touch the implication, and went with the truth. “He’s been very patient. It can’t be easy going from living alone your entire adult life to having all of us descend on him. Some days my little guys can make enough noise for two or three times as many kids.”

Colleen laughed. “Don’t I know it. That’s a good point. Have a good day, Callie. We’ll see you later.”

* * *

Matt was busy unpacking a shipment of life jackets, trying to keep his thoughts off Callie and the complicated dance they were doing, when Brice came in. “You want to go for a ride? The trails at Torchfield Park are open. It’ll be a little messy, and they won’t have been cleared yet, but should be a good time. You want to give them a run? Marley will be fine here.”

“Sure.” It sounded way better than going round and round in his own head over things that went nowhere. After last night’s reading session with the boys—and he’d seen the anguish in Callie’s eyes when she’d told him they wanted him to read to them—he was thinking more and more about what exactly was going on here.

He still wasn’t comfortable with this whole idea, of him and his buddy’s widow and all the physical and emotional stuff that was building between them. Still wasn’t entirely sure what was the best thing to do.

But at the same time, whatever it was between them felt right. Even though she so clearly didn’t want to feel it, too, and was fighting it as hard as she could. So he’d decided he wouldn’t make any kind of move on it unless—or until—she wanted it, too.

He arranged a time with Brice, then ran home and got his bike and his gear, and dressed in old clothes for the wet and the mud. It was a warm enough day, but the trails would be an absolute mess. With that in mind, he threw in a couple old towels, as well.

He met Brice at the park. Aldo had stayed behind with Marley.

They unloaded their bikes and Matt noted they were the only ones parked here. Most other people were at work, or maybe weren’t crazy enough to ride wet, muddy trails at the beginning of April. The two of them consulted the map carved on a wooden board at the head of the first trail. Matt hadn’t ridden here before, as the bike trails had been added only recently, so it was a good idea to get a quick lay of the land.

“Ready?” Brice asked, buckling his helmet.

“Yep,” he replied. They mounted their bikes and he let Brice take the lead. Matt stayed far enough back to avoid the majority of mud spraying up from his friend’s wheels, but kicked up plenty of his own. His front and back would be filthy at the end of this ride.

It was a beautiful day. The lack of leaves on the trees meant the trails were clearly lit by the sun. There were all kind of downed branches, which at some point the county would remove from the easier trails for safety reasons, but would leave on the more advanced ones. The two of them hopped and swerved and went over all kinds of things, but on the way back, Brice’s bike slid on a muddy curve and he went off into the brush at the side of the trail.

Matt pulled up next to him as his friend extricated himself from the pile, swearing a blue streak.

“You okay, buddy?” he asked as he got off his bike.

Brice shook his head, his jaw set hard. “Think I broke something.”

His arm dangled at his side and Matt frowned. “Oh, man. All right. We’re not too far from the trailhead. You okay to walk?”

Brice sent him a look that spoke volumes. Maybe he was hurt, but he was definitely no pansy.

Matt walked both bikes back—no easy feat in the mud—and got them both loaded into the back of his truck while Brice eased himself into the passenger seat. That was how he knew his friend was in pain—he didn’t even try to drive his own truck.

“Straight to E.R. or stop for Marley first?” Matt asked as he backed out, then headed for town.

Brice let out a low hiss of pain when they hit a rut in the road. “Let her know to meet me there.”

Matt fished his phone out and placed the call. Marley’s reaction was what he expected from her—calm yet concerned. She said she’d be there right away.

Matt helped his friend out of the car and into the E.R. Both of them were beyond filthy, and later they’d no doubt laugh over the way the nurse frowned at the mud. Marley came in soon after Brice got checked in, and raised her brow.

“Wow, guys, you leave any mud out there?” She took Brice’s free hand and patted his dirty knee. “I’d kiss you, but there’s no clean place to do it.”

He gave her a faint smile. “You’re welcome.”

Marley turned to Matt. “Aldo is in my car. Take Brice’s keys to get him out, and I’ll get them from you tomorrow.”

“I will. Thanks. Get patched up quick so you can come back to work,” he said to Brice, who lazily flipped him the bird with his good hand.

It was late, so Matt swung into a drive-through for a burger and fries, which he did not share with Aldo, despite his hangdog, begging looks.

“You’re good,” he told the dog, “but I’m immune.”

Aldo let out a low woof and Matt laughed.

The house was lit up when he got home, and he wondered if he should have let Callie know he was going to be late. Well, no. That was one of those things he wasn’t sure how to handle. If he had no feelings for her at all, he probably would have called and told her. But because he did, it was hard to know where the line was between
okay and too much.

He climbed out with a groan. He was officially overthinking this. And he was sore. He’d used muscles today he hadn’t used in a long time. Not as sore as Brice, after his header into the brush, though. That arm was going to hurt for a while.

Matt dropped his trash in the can in the garage and came in, Aldo behind him. Callie was at the sink doing dishes, and her eyes went wide at the sight of him. Too late, he remembered what a mess he was.

“Holy crap,” she said. “What happened to you?”

“Bike ride,” he answered. The kids came running at the sound of his voice, and he held up a hand to stop them as Callie made a diving catch and grabbed them. Better her soapy hands than his grubby ones.

“Whoa,” Eli said.

“Dirty,” Liam observed.

“Very,” Callie said, amusement in her tone. “You two have already had baths. You don’t want to get all dirty and take another one, right?”

Both kids looked so horrified, Matt laughed. “Your mom’s right. Let me get cleaned up, okay?”

She examined him and he opened his arms teasingly as her eyes widened. “Want a hug? The mud’s all dry. It’ll just brush off, probably.” If not, she could join him in the shower. Now, that was an excellent idea. Best one he’d had all day.

She laughed, which he’d intended. “Thanks, but no thanks.”

He came over for a drink of water and she inched back to let him pass. “Where did you go?”

“Torchfield Park. They’ve got mountain bike trails. We thought we’d break them in after a long winter of no biking. Instead, I think Brice got broken.”

When he turned, he saw her face had gone pale. “Broken?”

Matt could have kicked himself for his poor choice of words. “He’s okay, or will be,” he assured her quickly. “He slipped on a curve and went down. Happens a lot, but this time he landed wrong in a pile of brush. Possibly a broken arm.”

Her eyes were huge in her pale face and he realized she was spinning it up in her head. To him, this was a bike ride and the risks were part of it. Most of the time nothing happened. They got dirty, a little banged up, no big deal. This, while painful for Brice, was not a major problem in the general scheme of things. But to Callie it would signify the danger of what he chose to do in his everyday life.

Before he could speak, she did. “I don’t get it. How can you call that fun? How can you put yourself out there like that? What if it had been worse and he’d broken his neck? What would Marley do?”

Callie’s words came from a place of fear, he knew. But they rankled all the same. As if he and Brice just threw themselves out there with no regard for the consequences. He measured his response carefully. “We weren’t careless, Callie. We knew it was slippery, knew either of us could fall. Like I said, it happens a lot. But it’s usually only cuts and bruises, not broken bones or more serious injuries.”

“But they can happen,” she pressed.

He met her gaze head-on. It was critical he handled this right. Not sugarcoat it, but be sure he didn’t make it more than it was. “Yes. They can. We take all precautions for each sport we’re doing. We wear the proper safety equipment. In this case, we make sure the bikes are tuned up and ready to go. Wear helmets. Told Marley where we’d be. But we can’t eliminate the risk from it completely. You can’t do that. Not from anything, Callie. It’s just not possible.”

She opened her mouth to say something, then shut it and shook her head. “I hope Brice is all right,” she said finally.

“He will be. Callie...” Matt moved closer and lifted her chin, saw the worry in her eyes and knew it was for more than his friend. “He’ll be just fine. And he’ll go back and do it again once he’s healed.”

She pulled back and Matt let her go. “I know. That’s just it. I don’t understand why.”

He’d pushed her far enough. Maybe too far. But damn it, this wasn’t within his control. Brice hadn’t crashed on purpose. “I know you don’t. I’m going to take a shower.”

As he walked away, Matt felt her eyes on him and tried to pretend he didn’t feel so helpless, when he wished he could help her understand. Why did her approval and understanding matter so much?

He wasn’t sure he wanted the answer to that question. Because he was afraid it was that she was starting to mean far too much to him.

* * *

That night, after the boys were tucked in, Callie joined him in the living room. They usually got a half hour or so together before she retired to her air mattress and Matt sat out here alone. Tonight she folded herself up on the end of the couch, her hands clasped in her lap. “How’s Brice?”

“Fine. Sore. Crashing isn’t ever fun.” Matt watched her carefully for a reaction.

“I’m glad he’s okay,” she said, then hesitated. “Matt. Why did you leave the army?”

She couldn’t have caught him more off guard if she’d punched him. When he didn’t say anything, she continued, “Jason always said how well it suited you as a career. But yet, you’re here.”

He took a deep breath. Instinct told him to deflect her question, to push it away. But it was a legitimate query. Plus Callie was looking at him, and while there was sympathy in her gaze, there was no pity. He rubbed his hand over his face. The words were simple, but so damn hard to get out.

“We saw a lot over there,” he said finally. “I don’t know that you ever get used to it, exactly, but you kind of learn to live with it. To separate yourself from the job. Or I did, anyway. But at the end...” He took a deep breath, felt a rattle in his lungs. He never talked about this. Ever. But he needed to tell her.

She didn’t move, just sat and waited, her expression soft and open. So the words eventually came. “At the end of my tour—well, I had about five weeks left, which is still a long time in a place like that. But we’d befriended some kids. You know, on the street. Some had families, some didn’t. One boy sort of belonged to Aldo. Fahran. Until one day he was walking past a grocery store and a suicide bomber detonated his explosives.” Matt’s voice broke on the words. So many had died that day. Mostly women and children, many kids younger than Fahran.

Callie sucked in a breath and Matt saw the horror in her eyes. But he kept talking. The words wouldn’t stop now. “I wasn’t that far away, but I couldn’t get there in time. He died before he got any help. I didn’t know him that well, but somehow it just hit me. Really hard. I wouldn’t say I cracked, exactly, but I just couldn’t do it anymore. All that senseless dying. I’d told him to be careful. He laughed and waved, and took off like every other time.”

Matt laughed, but there was no humor in it. “It wasn’t my first time in the combat zone. Wasn’t the first time I’d seen something like that. But it was the last straw.”

Callie’s voice was soft. “So you saved Aldo instead.”

Matt fiddled with the TV remote in his hands. It was a small thing to have done, almost inconsequential in the scheme of things. “Yeah.” He shrugged. “It’s not really anything. It didn’t solve any problems, bring anyone back. Didn’t save Fahran.”