In the Stars (29 page)

The second beer is already empty now, and I lay back flat on the ground, looking up, pulling the blanket tighter around me. I keep looking up and praying inside for the answer to what the hell it is I am doing, and if I have totally just thrown away the path my life was supposed to be on.

When I left Kyle’s, I went to Raleigh’s, and she held me tight as I told her all I was able to get out. I left her place with intentions of going to work, but once I started driving I knew there was no way I could go there tonight. Now here I am, drinking and crying alone in the dark, waiting on some nuclear fusion mass in the sky to give me all the answers. What the fuck is wrong with me? I close my eyes as the tears start falling again.

I’m lying back, feeling numb and entranced, when I see headlights pulling in toward the house. I try and pull my hand out from my blanket cocoon and reach for my ear buds, when I hear two voices yelling. As I am about to sit up, strong arms reach under me, lifting me from the ground and pulling me tightly against a very firm body. My ear buds are now out, and I start pushing away with my hands against the firm chest of Eric, speaking frantically at me, as Tara comes into view behind him, speaking the same way.

I try pulling down with my legs to get out of his grip, as I look very confused between the two of them. “What the hell happened, Caroline; are you hurt? Fuck, is everything ok?”

I push against his chest again, with no luck. In Eric’s arms is not where I need to be right now after the confusion and hurt I have already just caused. Even though he isn’t aware of it, I have come to realize Eric is the pull that won’t let me be. “Put me down, Eric—what the hell? I’m fine.”

Eric’s eyes squint tightly, and his mouth goes flat as he looks over my face, taking in my current state. He pauses for a moment more before placing my feet back down on the ground, and then Tara grabs me up into a tight embrace. “Son of a bitch, Caroline. What are you doing? You scared the shit out of us. Think about it—we pull into the drive to see what appears to be a body wrapped up in a blanket over in my lawn. How do you think that would make someone react?” I look down at myself, and then over at the driveway.

Somehow, in my trance-like state I have been in today, I didn’t even notice Tara’s car was still here. She must have ridden with Eric to their parent’s house for dinner. I’m sure seeing a cocooned body lying in your front yard isn’t exactly the most comforting thing to come home to. “I’m sorry, Tara, Eric. I just came out here for some thinking time, while looking at the night sky. I didn’t mean to freak anyone out.”

Tara has taken a step back, but her hands are still resting on my shoulders as she looks me over. Her mouth falls to a slight pout, and she just nods her head, knowing what my decision must have been. She wraps her arm around my waist, and starts to lead me back toward the house. Eric steps back for us to pass as he watches me, looking straight into my eyes as I walk by.

Once we walk in the door, I untangle myself from the blanket and kick off my shoes. Tara reaches out to take the blanket from me, and as her hand touches mine she pulls back quickly. “Caroline, you are freezing; your hands feel like ice. I’m going to get you a warm blanket.” I hear rustling around in the kitchen behind me, but I can’t bring myself to look back at Eric. I ball up on the couch, and pull my hood down off of my head. The air around me suddenly smells like coffee, and Tara is back in front of me, placing a fuzzy purple blanket over top of me.

I pull up on the blanket, nuzzling it up to my chin, realizing now how cold I really am. It is amazing how the mind works, to the point of you go so numb you can’t even feel the cold that you hate so much. I look up at Tara, and give her the best smile I can manage. “Thank you for the blanket, Tara. I really didn’t realize how cold I actually was. I’m very sorry for freaking the two of you out. I wouldn’t have thought anything good if I pulled up to that scene, either. When I have a lot going on the stars seem to be my go to place.”

Tara smiles back at me as she tucks her hair behind her ear. She walks over to the chair across from me, and curls her legs up underneath her. “Caroline, just know I am here for you. If there is ever a time you need a listening ear, or a shoulder to lean on, I am here. Think of what you did for me that day, and you didn’t even know me.”

The couch dips down beside me, as a large hand reaches in front of me with a steaming mug of coffee. “Here Caroline; take this, it will help warm you up.” I take the mug, and look over at Eric. His face doesn’t show pity, but he does look concerned and confused himself. “Thank you, Eric. This is probably what I needed, instead of my choice of beverage for the night.”

“Yeah; I saw that choice in the yard. I grabbed the bottles up on our way in. Stretch your legs out, and give me your feet.”

I pull my legs in tighter, and scrunch my brows together. “Just give me your feet, Caroline. It is one of the fastest places to lose heat and regain your warmth back again.” I am really wrestling in my head with stretching my feet out to Eric, but they really are cold, and the look on his face says he isn’t going to take no for an answer. I start to stretch my legs out, and he takes my ankles into his hands and pulls my feet onto his lap. He starts rubbing them firmly through my socks, and I can feel them warming up almost immediately. His touch brings an automatic comfort to me. I take a few sips from my coffee and close my eyes for a moment, letting the warmth run down my throat and up from my feet.

I start to feel very relaxed, and then suddenly it hits me. I am curled up on the couch with my feet on Eric’s lap as he rubs them. This just isn’t right of me. It’s too soon since I left Kyle hurting and alone—less than 24 hours ago. I try and pull away as slowly as possible, and place my feet back on the ground, sitting up straight. Tara still has concern etched across her face, and Eric looks, well, honestly, I’m not sure what his look is. I just know those emerald eyes seem to be speaking whether his lips are actually moving or not.

“Thank you guys, for helping me to warm up. I promise, the next time I plan on doing an impromptu lawn stretch I will let you know in advance. I am going to go take a hot shower and go to bed. I called in sick tonight, but I have class and work tomorrow, so I really need to try and get some sleep. Goodnight, and thank you again for everything.”

I wake up Tuesday morning to the same mute feeling I have had for over the past week now, since I called things off with Kyle. It makes nine days now, and every day I have to convince myself not to call him just to say hi and see how he is. I know I am the reason we are no longer together, but it doesn’t mean I don’t give a shit how he is doing, or miss him. He really had become an important part of my life. Yet, I know it just wasn’t meant to be for us.

That knowledge still hasn’t stopped me from walking around like some type of droid on a daily program. School, school-work, job. I still meet up at lunch with Adam and Tara, but I haven’t had any of our coffee shop visits since the breakup. Tara did force me out the house one day for a head clearing run, as she called it. She was right; it did help at least for a little while. Tara and Raleigh had been talking, and Raleigh showed up here Thursday night. It was the one night that I let everything go and just lived in the moment with them. They have both been really great by me, and I slept better than I had all week just having Raleigh’s presence in my room with me that night.

My first class today is an early one. As I am walking back out after class, I cut around the side of the building for a short cut to the parking lot. Once I am about half way down the side, a large hand reaches across my mouth, as a strong arm grabs around my body, restraining me; both of my arms by my sides, and pulling me in against him. I look up into the eyes of my captor, and complete fears runs through me as I take recognition of him.

He has a very evil smile on his face, along with that cocky look I remember from outside my dorm room door. The look he gave me when he was telling me he would have loved for me to join his and Piper’s party. His smile changes and his grip tightens as I try and pull away. “I told you I would have you screaming my name in pleasure, Bitch. You seemed to be keener on rape, though, so I guess we are going to have to do it your way.” I know if I don’t do something now that is exactly what is going to happen. Through pure adrenaline, I manage to get one of my arms free and punch my knuckles right into his throat. His grip drops from me, but as I go to run away, he manages to swing and punch me right across my temple. I remember hearing other loud voices right before I hit the ground.

When I open my eyes I see police standing by me, and a lady leaning over me, saying something. I must be dreaming of mine and Raleigh’s car accident again, and I try to shake my head and wake up. That is when I feel the immense pain run through my skull, and my hand flies up to the side of my head as my mind registers what just really happened. Rape. Oh my god, he was going to rape me. I jerk my eyes back and forth, trying to realize where I am.

I am still by my school building, and I see him up against the wall; hand-cuffed with officers standing around him and blood running down his face. There is another officer standing with a group of guys, and one girl who looks completely frantic herself. I look back up at the lady leaning over me, and realize she is talking to me.

“Just try and lay still ma’am. Can you tell me your name and what type of pain you are feeling?”

I close my eyes again, and grip the side of my head as another sharp pain runs through it. “Caroline Reyes, and only my head from what I can tell right now. Did he, I mean he was going to…”

“It’s ok, Caroline; we know. Try and relax. He was seen by those other guys, and they attacked him. He never got a hand on you past that moment. We are going to take you to the hospital just to check you over fully. You have anyone you want us to call?”

TARA AND ADAM walk into my cubicle in the emergency room first. Tara’s hands start flying around in the air. “Oh my god, Caroline. Honey, are you ok? That is a stupid question; I’m so sorry. I was talking with Adam, when Raleigh called to tell me everything. She knew I could get to you the fastest, and Adam wanted to come check on you too.” I look up at Adam, and can see the worry and anger in his eyes. He is standing back further from my bed, and I notice his fist actually clenching open and shut. I look back up at Tara and reach out for her, and can’t help the sob that escapes my throat as she gently wraps her arm around me, rubbing her fingers up and down my arm.

Adam paces back and forth a couple times, and then looks up at me again. “The bastard is in the same hospital, Caroline. After they check him over, they are taking him straight to a cell. I am so, so sorry. I swear it is taking everything in me not to go kill the bastard. We were told the guys that saw the attack on you put a hell of a beating on his ass, though. Sorry; this probably isn’t what you feel like hearing right now.”

I reach my other hand out toward Adam, and he walks slowly over toward me and takes it gently into his hand. I can feel his hands shaking from anger and his own adrenaline build up. I am still panic stricken inside, but I feel lucky to have caring, loving people in my life.

I give them both a weak smile, and feel another twinge of pain and reach up toward the gel pack they have wrapped on the side of my head. Tara’s mouth falls open, and I see tears welling up in her eyes. “Thank you both so much for being here, I really don’t want to be alone right now. I remember him from being with Piper one night, and I talked shitty to him when he tried making crude gestures toward me. I had forgotten all about him, but I guess he took it more personal.” I feel the tears building up again, and I try and hold them back.

Tara sits on the edge of the bed beside me, and moves her fingers gently across my cheek. “I’m so happy those other guys showed up, and things didn’t go further, Caroline. What a fucking asshole. We will never walk alone again; ok? We will work our schedules out, and always have at least one other person with us. I’m so sorry.”

I am lightly rubbing Tara’s back, as the tears start running down her face even heavier. Adam hands us each a tissue, and gives Tara’s shoulder a slight nudge, making her look up at him. She just stares up at Adam, and, even though he is trying to smile for her, he is shaking his head back and forth as he softly speaks. “Try, Tara; we both have to try—not now, ok?” She nods back in agreement, and takes in a loud sniff and wipes her face clean.

We stay like this for some time, and then Raleigh and my mom come rushing through the curtain. Mom takes one look at me, and her hand flies up to her mouth. Tara and Adam both step back, making room. “My baby girl; my sweet baby girl. I can’t even begin to say what I am feeling right now. Oh god, just know I’m so thankful that you are still here with me; no bastard is ever going to take my sweet baby girl away from me. I love you so much.” I grab Mom up into a hug, and, even though the pain shoots back through my head, I squeeze her as hard as I can, and don’t even try and stop the tears this time.

Raleigh reaches me and joins in on the hug, and the tears are already falling from her as well. They pull away from the embrace and each take a side of the bed beside me. Mom is gently caressing my hair away from my neck, and Raleigh is rubbing circles on my hand. “I am scared to say anything, Caroline. I just don’t know what to say; other than you know I can’t ever live in this world without you. We have to always be each other’s rock; you have to stay safe. I love you.”