Incandescent (17 page)

“Get out.”

“I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

“I swear to God, Nix, get the fuck out of my house. I've got nothing to say to you.”

“Well, I’ve got a lot to say to you. Be pissed. That was a shitty thing to say, but fuck, listenin’ to him tell me about you workin’ his cock wasn’t on top of my list of things I wanna fuckin’ hear. I told you to stay put. I don’t fuckin’ have time to be chasin’ your ass cause you decide to get a wild hair and fuck off.” I can feel my anger rising and I can see hers bubbling under my gaze.

“Nix, just go. I don’t want to see you anymore. This thing between us will never work if you’re in bed with those types of people,” she repeats my words about her ex back at me. I know she's angry, but so am I. I don’t wanna leave her, but I sure as fuck don’t wanna play games. I think about leaning and taking her mouth, claiming it to show her I can see past this bullshit argument. I know she’s freaking out and trying to push me away.

Deciding to do just that, I lean in and slam my mouth on hers. She fights it, her hands coming to my chest pushing me back. I push further, intent to taste her, to calm her. I just want to make her see that I’m not what she thinks I am. My hand cups her neck, pulling her closer to me. Her soft lips open slightly, and for a second, I think I’ve got her, my tongue sliding into the wetness, seeking to entwine with hers, until she latches onto it and bites down hard.

“Fuck, Kadence, why’d the fuck you do that?” I ask, pulling back from her lips. My question comes out as a lisp. A warm, metallic, salty taste mixes with my saliva. Her hands come to my shoulders, pushing me back. I fall flat on my ass but watch her stand and walk to the front door.

“Go, Nix. I’ve got nothing to say to you.” Her face holds no emotion. It’s like she's just mentally switched off from me. Holly walks into the room watching our exchange carefully, but not saying anything. She looks to Kadence and back to me.

“Kadence,” I sigh, rising from the floor, wiping the blood on my sleeve.

“Save it. You have no idea what you’re talking about, Nix. You weren’t there. You didn’t experience what I went through. For you to sit there telling me I’m misdirecting my anger, you're no better than Zane, and that just proves it. I’ve got nothing to say to you.” She draws in a hard breath.

“Kadence.”

“Get. The. Fuck. Out.”

I walk up to her realizing I’ve totally screwed this up. The fun, flirty, sassy woman I’ve come to know over the last couple of weeks is gone, and standing in front of me is a cold replacement. Smartass Kadence is hot, but pissed off Kadence is something else. I know I’m not going to get through to her right now. Her ability to act indifferent doesn’t surprise me; she's been like this from the moment I met her. But I’ve also seen her open up, seen the other side of this cold indifference.

“You think I don’t know what I’m talkin’ about, Kadence? That same club that you hate so much took my mom from me. I know exactly what you’re goin’ through. If you would just calm the fuck down, you would see I don’t condone any of this shit, so don’t play that card with me.” My words register to her and understanding washes over her features before she hides it. We both stand quietly watching each other.

“I realized I fucked up here and you’re angry. I get that. So I’m gonna let you calm down, let both of us calm down, but make no mistake, I’m comin’ back and we
will
talk about this,” I tell her when she doesn’t say anything. I lean down to kiss her lips, but she turns her head, giving me her cheek.

Fuck me.

I walk straight out and then listen to her slam the door behind me. My fist connects to the wall beside me. Pain radiates through my hand, taking my mind off the fucked-up shit that just happened. Looking back at the door, I stand for a few minutes hoping she changes her mind. When the door doesn’t open, I walk away, pissed that I’m not with her right now, pissed that I fucked it up and even more pissed Zane Edwards is the cause of it all.

Motherfucker is gonna pay.

Kadence

T
hrowing back another shot, I let the burn take over and allow the warmth to soothe me.
Good God, I needed that
.

Turning around from the bar, I scan the club trying to find something to take my mind off the emptiness that has taken residence in me all week. Holly and I are back at Liquid, and if I’m going to be stuck here for the night, I may as well make the most of it. Holly dragged me out kicking and screaming after sulking all week at the way things ended with Nix. I keep replaying the whole scene in my head, and each word, each action leaves me cringing. I fucked up. Bad.

Taking my drink, I make my way back to our table. I stumble slightly, the fifth shot making its way through my system. Yes, just what I was looking for, total oblivion.

“Whoa there, sweetheart,” a familiar voice breathes over my ear while reaching for me before my ass lands on the floor.

“Jesse? What are you doing here?” I ask as I look up and gain my feet, walking the rest of the way back to my chair.

“What? Didn’t you know?” he barks out a short laugh and sits down next to me. “Kadence, the Knights Rebels own this place.” He shakes his head.

What the hell? How did I not know that? I need to pay more attention.

“Tell me he isn’t here.” A spark ignites for a second, and I look around hoping to see him but praying I don’t.

“God, no.” He shakes his head. “He sees you wearing that dress, you'd be out of here before you’d even see it coming.” Like hell, I would be. I wouldn’t give up without a fight. Besides, Nix and I are done. I haven’t heard from him since I tossed him out last Sunday; it’s now Friday. He did tell me he would call me, but I haven’t heard from him since he texted me later that first night, telling me he wished I was with him, in his bed. I ignored him, my stubborn ass pushing him further away. Am I hurt that he hasn’t called? Yes and no. What girl doesn’t want a guy to call and sweep her off her feet, but at the same time, I’ve been hanging onto the anger all week. Holly’s pissed at me because I met with Zane without her and that my stubborn ass is refusing to contact Nix. To top it all off, after the way I acted, she is siding with Nix.

“Wanna tell me what you’ve done to our Prez?” Jesse elbows me, taking me out of my alcohol-induced fog.

“What are you talking about, Jesse?” I act unaffected. I don’t want to get into it with him.

“He’s been sulking around all week, and I haven’t seen you around. Put two and two together.” He sits back, his booted feet crossed at the ankles. I ignore his question and the pang of guilt I feel at hearing Nix is having a shit week like me. I look out at the dance floor trying to find Holly. I spot her dancing with a different guy than the one she went out there with. I wish I could be like her. I wish I had the freedom and the confidence not to be weighed down with my past worries. Nix was the first person who allowed me to do just that, and now after seeing Zane for ten minutes, I feel like everything is coming down around me. I’ve screwed things up. I bet he realizes what a raging bitch I am.

“What do you want me to say, Jesse?” I finally give him an answer. “He was an asshole. He said some shitty things. I responded with some shitty things, and then told him to leave and he did. I haven’t heard from him all week. End of story." I take a sip of my drink, washing the lie down. It burns worse than the truth.

“Not end of story, Kadence. Don’t feed me your bullshit.” I narrow my eyes at him and his ability to see through my bullshit. I’ve known Jesse for three years, and sitting here across from him, he looks like the same blond-haired, blue-eyed pretty boy I met on my first day in group therapy. I’d just come out of my last surgery. I hated the world, hated myself, and I didn’t want anyone’s help. The only person I let in was Holly, and let's be honest, that’s only because she wouldn’t leave me alone, even after telling her to take a hike. I was a single, twenty-seven-year-old woman whose body was deformed. I didn't want anyone’s pity; I didn’t want to meet with a former Marine, ex-firefighter trained counselor. I didn’t want to hear him tell me how lucky I was that I survived. I wanted to feel sorry for myself and be left alone. I walked into the session all anger and attitude. I didn't realize how far I was lost in my head.

Until Jesse pulled me firmly out.

Being in therapy, listening to Jesse’s stories of what he lived through over in the war, made me realize how lucky I was. I had survived my burns. I could move on. Listening and learning about other people’s stories left me heartbroken for them. While my injuries were extensive, and rehab and recovery was taking everything out of me, they by no means impaired me from living my everyday life. My self-loathing was for nothing. I survived, and the pretty-boy firefighter was the one to help me understand that. By showing me what he survived, what he endured and how he dealt with it, I was able to find the old Kadence and learn to accept what happened. Without Jesse, who knows where I would be. Having him come back into my life, by association feels right. He’s like a big brother I never had.

“Just leave it alone, Jesse, okay? It was nothing,” I tell him, my tone leaving no room to argue.

“If you say so, sweetheart,” he smirks, shaking his head.

“So how long you been a part of the MC?” I ask, curious to know. I would never have guessed Jesse was part of the MC.

“I patched in when I came back from my last tour.” He smiles. The man never stops smiling, always so happy.

“And you like it?” I ask, wondering what he gets out of being in a club like the Knights Rebels. I know Nix talked about brotherhood, but I wonder if Jesse feels the same way.

“It’s the closest thing to a family I’ve had in a long time. Nix saved me from a dark place, Kadence. I would do anything for that man.”

Of course he did. Another tick in the Nix-is-amazing column, and I remember what an idiot I am. A redhead walks over, whispers into Jesse’s ear, and plants her skinny ass on his lap.

Are you serious?

Rolling my eyes, I stand from the table not interested in watching Jesse pick up, and I’m over speaking about Nix. I’ve thought about him enough over the last six days, and I’m trying my best to leave it at what it was. I make my way through the crowd to the dance floor, leaving Jesse behind. He calls out, but I don’t turn back. The last thing I want to do is show him how much I’m struggling with my argument with Nix.

Bodies push into me as the tempo of the music slowly rises. Holly is dancing with a new guy, his hands roaming her body as she sways in time with the song. I move to her, ready to dance and forget about the shit week I’ve had. The alcohol running through my veins help me let go, my inhibitions a little relaxed.

My body moves to the beat of the music. Swaying my hips, I let the song wash over me. My arms take on a life of their own. Embracing the beat, I feel it resonate in my soul.

When was the last time I danced freely?

Hands come around me, settling on my waist. I freeze up for a second before forcing myself not to be tense. I push up against the person at my back, moving my body further into him. His hard chest is plastered to my back. The song changes, taking the tempo slower. The guy behind me grinds his hips into my ass, and I push back, molding my back to his front.

“Wanna get your fuckin’ hands off my woman?” Nix’s voice crackles with anger behind me. The body behind moves away, the heat I was feeling now gone as a new presence moves in. Damn, I didn’t even see the guy’s face. I go to turn, ready to tell the asshole I’m not his woman, but his tattooed arms come around my front, pinning me to his chest.

“Give me one good reason I shouldn’t take you over my fuckin’ knee right now?” His breath comes to my ear. My body is instantly turned on by his dirty words.

“Nix—” I begin, but he cuts me off.

“Don’t, Kadence. It’s bad enough that you’re in my arms wearin’ this dress with those sexy fuckin’ heels after not havin’ you for five fuckin’ days, but that you let that guy touch you, touch what’s mine?” The gravelly sound of his voice sends a thrill down my spine. The breath of his voice brings goose bumps to my skin. For a moment, I forget I don’t like him anymore, forget that he has ignored me all week, and just enjoy that he called me his woman.

“You didn’t call,” I accuse him, trying to get out of his embrace, but he holds me steady, pulling me closer. God, even to my own ears I sound whiney.
You didn’t call? Jesus, Kadence, grow a pair would you.

“I was waiting,” he replies as an explanation. “Thought I would give you some space. Though seeing your reaction to seeing me, I’m thinkin’ that was the wrong move.”

I’m pissed my body feels more alive than it has all week; my heart finally has that extra beat in it, my stomach full of butterflies that he’s here, touching me. My body begins moving to the music and my mind is unable to tell it to stop. I grind my backside into his hard length as his hands loosen their hold to move down to rest on my hips. Our bodies are swaying in a sensual rhythm.

“Babe, you gotta stop rubbin’ that sweet ass up against me,” he gripes, spinning me around to face him. My arms go up around his neck, and his smell invades my senses, the mixture of leather and his cologne pull me right back to our last night together.

Shit, all that hard work ruined by one sniff.

“What are you doing here?” I ask his chest. I can’t bring myself to look up at him.

“I fucked up, Kadence,” he admits, bringing his hand to my chin and lifting my face to look at him. His forehead creased in concern as he waits for me to respond.

“Nix, I was a bitch. Seeing Zane again... I don’t know, seeing him again brought up all these memories,” I immediately apologize, feeling like a brat. During the week, Holly and I did some digging and found out not only was Nix right about Zane, but also he was telling the truth about his mom. I felt like a real bitch.

“I get it, babe. I do. I was an ass, and I shouldn’t have said what I did,” he counter-apologizes. We both stand, watching each other. I didn’t see my night ending up like this, and now that he’s here in my arms, I don’t even know why I was ever so angry. Okay, I still remember what he said, but knowing what I know of Nix, it was a natural reaction to anger, like me slapping him. His eyes sparkle with mischief like he’s thinking something dirty and I can’t help the smile I give him. He leans down, and I come to my toes, his lips to mine. The roughness of his tongue pushes through like the last time he was on my lips, but this time, I don’t fight it.