Incandescent (18 page)

So much for me holding my own.

I grant him access, his taste covering my tongue, our mouths connecting for forgiveness. Being in his presence again sets me on fire. The slow burn I’ve been feeling immediately ignites by one kiss. He pulls back, ending the hot but brief kiss. Running his eyes down the length of my body, he grabs my hand and pulls me off the dance floor. Taking long strides, he drags me behind, walking straight past Jesse, who still has the redhead on his lap, her breasts pressed up to his chest. He catches my eye and just shrugs.
Traitor.

I scowl over at him letting him know I know that he is the one that ratted me out. He just laughs and gives me a wink. Nix pulls me around the corner and pushes me against the wall.

“Fuck, Kadence, I don’t know if I’m gonna make it all the way back home. I need to fuck you so bad.” His knee comes between my knees, spreading my legs further apart. The dirtiness of his words washes over me, and I’ve never felt more alive.

“On one hand, I wanna hike that barely-there sexy-as-fuck dress up and bury myself balls deep in you right now against this wall for every asshole to see that you’re fuckin’ mine.” His fingers slide slowly up my leg, coming to the hem of the dress. “But, on the other hand, I wanna take you home, fuckin’ make you wait for being a tease wearin’ this outfit in public.” I look down at the black dress I’m wearing. It’s nothing too sexy, but the way Nix keeps looking at me, you'd think I was naked.

“Take me home and fuck me,” I tell him. The dampness in my panties becomes uncomfortable after each word he grunts out. Anticipation builds, and all thoughts of my shitty week have left. His harsh words about Zane and the fire replaced by the dirty words he now speaks.

All that anger directed at him the last five days is now forgotten, because I know whatever he has planned will be something to be excited about.

Nix

P
ulling up into my drive and helping Kadence off my bike takes all the self-control I possess. I’m working hard at reining it in. The overpowering need to take her right here on my bike is almost too much. Seeing her move her ass up against some asshole snapped something in me. I really fucked up on this one. I didn’t want to ignore her all week but after what went down, I just wasn't sure she was ready to hear what I had to say about Zane Edwards.

Gunner has been fuckin’ us all around, even starting in on Mayhem Territory now. T and his boys have yet to detain him or any of his crew. I know he’s waiting now, and I have a bad feeling that shit hasn’t even begun. T’s called in their neighboring chapters while we all prepare for shit to go down. Gunner’s using Zane’s relationship with Kadence to go up against the Knights Rebels. We’ve been busy keeping everyone at bay, and trying to get a lock down on him while making sure I always had eyes on Kadence. I didn’t trust that Edwards would leave her alone, and even if she was pissed at me, and I at her, I couldn’t leave her open to a threat by Edwards.

I messed up with how I reacted to Kadence and Zane. She apparently is still working through some of that shit, but I still stand behind what I think. Zane Edwards is dangerous. The asshole got himself into some messed up shit before he got into bed with Gunner. Owing the MC money, and then trying to get himself out of it, he went from one shitty situation to another. Do I agree with T and his boys threatening her? Setting her house on fire? Fuck no, but the Mayhems are one percenters; that shit wouldn’t bother them. They’ve done a hell of a lot worse and gotten away with it. Fuck, I’ve done worse. With her being the only connection to him, that threat had to go to someone. Once they realized he didn’t give a fuck what happened to her, they let her be. Now that Kadence is with me, none of that will fall back on her. I protect what’s mine and no one fucks with what’s mine.

Kadence pulls me out of my thoughts as her hand comes down and squeezes my throbbing cock.

“You going to fuck me on your front lawn or are you going to take me up to your bed?” Her smooth voice is challenging, but her lips, soft against my neck, are inviting. Jesus, I nearly take her right here but I’m sure the neighbors don’t want to see that show. Picking her up, I walk her to the front door. We’ve got five days to make up for and I’m not about to waste any time.

***

“W
ow.” Her breath comes out shallow and fast above me, her bright smile infectious, lighting up the room. “I might have to instigate another argument if that’s how we make up,” she laughs, rolling off me.

“Fuck no. A week without your sweet pussy is not worth it,” I admit. Her smile deepens at my admission. Not seeing her, touching her, or even talking to her was bad enough.

“I’m sorry, Nix. I wish you didn't have to see that.” She shakes her head, reliving our messed up Sunday afternoon. “You were right; my anger should be at him. I knew that he left me there, left me without a backwards glance, but I guess I was holding on to the hope that something else happened. Maybe he didn’t want to leave me.” I lean down and kiss her swollen lips.

“I didn’t want you to learn that lesson, babe, not that way anyway.” I kiss her lips again, not getting enough of the softness of them.

“I know, Nix, but I realize now I was holding on to something that wasn’t there.”

I nod, glad that she can finally see that. “The Mayhems, they run a lot differently to us,” I begin, wanting this to be out there between us.

“It’s okay, Nix,” she interrupts me before I can even begin.

“No, Kadence, this situation is fucked and I need you to understand that I would never be okay with what they did to you, but you also have to know our relationship with that club is based on keeping the town safe. Both clubs have done things to hurt each other, but we’ve come to a point where it’s not worth it. I can’t just go in and seek revenge for what they did.”

“I’m not asking you to do that, Nix.”

“I know that, but I need to lay it out for you, okay?”

“Does your club do those sorts of things now?” she asks, her voice barely above a whisper, unsure of my answer.

“I’m not gonna lie. We sometimes have to do things that you’re not gonna like; that’s just the way it is. We do our best to keep out of that shit, but if we have to, we will go above the law.” She nods, not saying anything.

“You still with me here?” I ask, hoping this isn’t a deal breaker.

“I don’t think I’m ever going to be okay if you break the law, but I think I can deal,” she admits, turning to me, and pulling the sheet up with her to cover herself. I stop her, pulling it off.

“Nix,” she argues, pulling it back up again.

“Don’t hide away from me.” I reach down, throwing the sheet off her again. I don’t like it when she shies away from me. Sometimes she can just let go, forget about the scars, while other times, she’ll hold herself back. I want her to feel confident and comfortable in my bed.

“I don’t want you to look at it,” she confesses. Her voice wavers and her hands cover the marred skin. I reach down and run my finger along the scar.

“Kadence, don’t ever be ashamed in front of me. You’re fuckin’ beautiful. This scar here," I move my finger along the rigid surface, "simply means you’re stronger than that asshole.”

My finger moves to the piercing that Sy gave her. It looks almost healed and so damn sexy; the soft glow of the bedside table lamp hits the golden bar. I play with the barbell, and watch as her belly contracts.

“Will you tell me what happened?”

She rolls onto her back, a breath escaping her in frustration at me asking. “It’s really not that exciting," she assures me, but I doubt that. Something like this is huge.

“Try me,” I push.

"I woke up in the middle of the night to an empty bed. Zane and I had been fighting that night, but I didn’t think anything of it until I woke up to a noise.” Her head turns to the side, looking directly at me. “I went looking for him, thinking he was still up. I didn’t think it could be anyone else. It was the smoke that hit me first. The smell was almost chocking me.” She takes a deep breath still looking at me. The silence in the room is eerie: me waiting patiently for her to speak and her trying to gather strength to continue. “When I made it down the hall, I couldn't even comprehend that half of my house was burning in front of me. For a moment, I wasn’t sure what to do or where Zane was. It all just happened so quickly; there was an explosion, and when I tried to get out, the door was stuck and the smoke was too thick.” She stops for a moment, letting the details wash over me. Reaching down, I entwine my fingers with hers. She seems so detached, like she is reading from a script, but I know reliving it wouldn't be easy.

“I woke in the hospital the next day after having the first surgery. The police told me the fire was started with two Molotov cocktails through the windows. Zane was nowhere to be found and I was severely burnt to ten percent of my body.”

Fuck me.

“They told me my skin was too damaged; that it wouldn’t be able to regenerate on its own, so the first surgery I went through was to protect the most damaged parts before they could graft it.” She shows me the smoothest part of the burn. The pale skin is taut, not red and raised like the rest. You think that would be the least burnt area.

“Fuck, Kadence,” I say, trying to get my head around it.

“Yeah it was a lot to take in. The second surgery was a grafting; they took skin from my backside and I really wasn’t prepared for the pain of that.” A shudder runs through her as she relives the pain.

“After three weeks, fluid built up underneath the donor skin, preventing it from attaching to the wound. It failed, so they had to re-graft more skin. That time they grafted from inside my thigh. I’m not sure if you’ve ever noticed,” she says, pointing to the slightly different patch of skin. Leaning forward I scan the area. I must admit I haven’t noticed it. My eyes have always been on the prize between her thighs. I had seen the faint area on her ass, but she never acted like it bothered her, so I never commented.

“I stayed in the hospital for three weeks after that one. I wasn’t healthy enough to be able to go home. I gave up, mentally and physically. Looking back, I can see the weakness, but laying in the hospital, I didn’t see it as survival, only how much I had lost.”

“You’re one of the strongest women I’ve ever met,” I interrupt, not sure if she understands the honesty of my words. She shakes her head in disagreement, a blaze of indignation burning furiously in her eyes.

“I was so worked up over losing my home and Zane, angry that it was all taken away from me. I didn’t want to think about how lucky I was or how strong I was. People around me in that burn unit were dying, fighting for their lives, and I was complaining about this small section of my body. I was selfish and had no idea about being strong until I met Jesse.”

She turns her body to mine, lifting her leg over mine. “That's how I met Jesse. He was the one to show me what it truly meant to survive. I was feeling sorry for myself and he helped pull me from the darkness,” she admits and it all comes together why Jesse is so protective of her. Even though I hate Jesse had that with her, I know she needed him at that time in her life.

“You survived it Kadence and you’re stronger for it,” I tell her. Hearing her story, knowing what she went through burns something inside of me, something I haven’t felt in a long time.

“I know, but it’s a struggle sometimes. Opening myself up to you is scary, Nix. My insecurities leave me feeling so unworthy. I’ve never let anyone in.” Her voice is quiet with the truth.

“I get that. Believe me I do, but hiding your body from me is something you don’t need to do. I swear it. I look at you and I don’t see what you think. I see you, Kadence, the woman who survived that, and if that doesn’t make me want to know more about you, I don’t know what does.”

She shakes her head, still not getting it. “Don’t tell me that if you could choose between a woman with no scars and me, you would choose this.” She points to her burns.

“Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me, Kadence? Believe me, there is no one I would chose over you,” I tell her, hoping she can hear the honesty in my words. Fuck, this woman is dangerous to me.

“If you say so, Nix.” She rolls her eyes, not trusting a word of it.

“Do you know how beautiful you are?” I ask, concerned she doesn’t.

“Nix,” she says, trying to move her leg off me, but I stop her, holding her to me.

“No, answer me.”

“I’m not ugly,” she laughs, but nothing about this conversation is funny.

“Do you know the moment I laid my eyes on you, I felt the wind knock out of me, like someone just gut-punched me. I was pissed that Addison threw the meetin’ on me, concerned for Z, and I walked in, and fuck me, I nearly fuckin’ fell over. I couldn’t even look you in the eye at first. I had to calm myself down, or who knows what I would have said. Then you threw your attitude and set me on fire.”

“Yeah, when I was fully clothed.” She shakes her head still not getting it.

“Then a week later, you stood in front of me baring this.” I touch her burns again. “Not once did I think any differently. If anything at all, it made sense. You feelin’ unworthy is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard. If anythin’, it’s me who is unworthy. You stood there vulnerable, and fuck if that wasn’t beautiful. As much as you hate your scars, I love them, ‘cause they make you, you. The person who stood in front of me, and for the first time ever, let me in. Me. If anyone is unworthy of that, it’s me baby,” I give it to her, letting her see the truth in my words. The first teardrops fall, and for a second, I think I’ve fucked up.

“Don’t cry.” I wipe at her face. Fuck, I have no idea how to deal with tears.

“No one has ever said anything so nice to me before,” she hiccups.

“What, no one?” I ask in disbelief.

“I was going to marry a man who never once said anything as sweet as that.”

“Babe, Zane is all kinds of asshole, I can believe that, but the shit he’s put you in is beyond asshole. He’s a fuckin’ fool for not treasurin’ you. I don’t ever want you to meet with him again,” I tell her, adding that in, hoping she listens. I couldn’t handle her getting hurt once again at his hands.