Inconvenient Relations (8 page)

I need to get accustomed to this if I want to feel independent and maintain any semblance of sanity. I need to get out, meet people, see the world, be aware I’m not alone wallowing in my self-pity. I should try to be like Sunshine who still manages to smile despite losing her most beloved companion.
Ruhi paused on the sidewalk, her eyes filling up with moisture. Some people are so lucky.

“Darn! There I go again feeling sorry for myself. Just another month, then we’ll be back to square one. He with his life and I with mine, albeit a very different one.”

How she came upon it, she wasn’t sure, yet there it was—Shaan’s alma mater—a huge campus, bigger than she had imagined and very awe inspiring. Shaan…no, Grey must have worked very hard to get here and then even harder to graduate. She saw a bunch of serious-looking students, their heads uniformly bent forward with purpose, walking alone with satchels and backpacks. A few nodded their greetings; one even asked if she needed any help. Shyly, shaking her head, she moved on, heading for the campus map, which looked dreadfully complicated, particularly to someone who didn’t know where she wanted to go.

She chose to take a slow stroll around, absorbing the scenery and inhaling the academic air. It reminded her of her own school in Calcutta thereby filling her with a profound sense of peace and security.

Meanwhile, Shaan was at his desk in his office, trying to get a program to function.

“Darn!” he muttered, sending his pencil flying. The missile hit the computer screen and broke its point.

“I have no results to show for all the bloody work I have done on this project just because of this one small error code, which keeps popping up all the time. If it wasn’t for Bee occupying my mind, I’d have fixed it long ago. Damn her! Crap!” he shouted as an entire cup of coffee upended itself on his pants; fortunately, it wasn’t hot.

“Hey, Shaan! Hope you aren’t using those words in front of my sister. She won’t like it.” Sooj walked up in his usual jocular manner. “Uh-oh! Somebody is cursing you somewhere for sure.” He laughed, grabbing several paper towels.

“Blast you, man! Why do I have to tolerate you!” Shaan exclaimed, grinning.

“Because Debo won’t make you your favorite
Bhetki fry,
that’s why!”

“Oh no! You know that’s my bimonthly treat. I can’t miss it for the world.”

“There you go. Better think before you speak in the future,” his friend warned. “Now here’s a surprise, something I believe you least expected.” Sujoy casually tossed a large manila envelope marked
Confidential
in big bold letters on Shaan’s desk.

He perused it curiously. “You don’t mean…”

“Yes, I mean exactly that, Shaan… We made it. Our hard work has paid off at last. Congratulations!”

“Damn it, man!” Shaan jumped up and hugged his buddy, a bright smile transforming his face. “We made it!”

***

I’m lost, hopelessly lost.

It was a terrifying thought and Ruhi had been toying around with it for some time. She had no idea where she was, but it was certainly not someplace she wanted to be. It had grown dark, and her bus was yet to arrive.

After whiling away a couple of hours meandering around the college grounds and indulging on a large chocolate chip cookie at the campus coffee shop, she had felt good and confident enough to wander farther afield. Urged by a thirst for adventure and reckless daring, Ruhi became bolder and allowed herself to drift toward downtown LA. Hopping off at accidental spots, she loitered on the streets, taking in the colorful landscape. Shaan’s camera was put to good use as she snapped away taking pictures of gaily decorated shop fronts, of well-dressed people with even better-dressed pets, of street entertainers and war vets holding cardboard placards with innovative pleas for help. She observed couples engrossed in love while some others solitary loners like her journeyed deep in thought toward some unknown destination. She watched young mothers jogging doggedly behind baby strollers and old women hauling shopping carts heaped with all their hoardings; all very curious and click worthy.

Immensely distracted and enamored by this slice of life, she soon found herself on a bus heading deeper into the heart of the city. Outside the scenery was changing. Instead of spick-and-span streets with upscale shops bustling with activity, she now saw run-down tenements with dark eerie-looking alleyways, graffiti-marred facades, broken shop windows, and young people with blank faces cruising around aimlessly. Some who happened to meet her eyes seemed to look right through.

Thoroughly unsettled, she got down at the last stop. “Where is this place exactly?”

“This is South Central, LA, quite a ways from Pasadena. Not a nice place for a lady like you, miss!” The driver’s voice displayed his concern. “You should probably call someone to pick you up. The uptown bus will be by in about ten minutes if you wait across the street.”

Ruhi crossed the street, nervous butterflies fluttering in her stomach, clutching her purse as close to her person as possible and on the lookout for anybody strange or suspicious.

She found herself the odd man out. An Asian dressed in brightly colored clothes was bound to attract unnecessary attention. A couple of hefty young men who had been eyeing her purse for sometime moved closer.

God! Why am I so stupid, to not even be aware of where I was going?

She started walking briskly, hoping they would lose interest. Without pausing to glance behind, her pulse now pounding painfully in her throat, her footsteps echoing loud on the cement sidewalk, she hurried toward the street corner where she could see a huge Walgreens sign, a chain pharmacy store Grey had told her about. It was sure to house a phone.

***

“Stupid, stupid Grey and stupider Bee! Made for each other, two of a kind! Blast you both! Wish we had retained our original names and remained sane!” Shaan thought aloud as he paced up and down near the gates of his apartment complex; he had been at it for the past hour, and it was now well past 9:00 p.m., and there was no sign of her.

He pulled out the brand-new Samsung cell phone he had bought for her that day, all charged up and ready to go. If she returned intact, he’d make sure she got to look at it every single day and not get to use it for he was going to lock her up!

A cop car pulled up in front of him.

His throat running dry, heart palpitating two hundred beats a minute, he prayed fervently it wasn’t bad news.

The driver’s side window rolled down, and a beefy red face popped out and looked inquiringly at him. “Sir, by any chance are you missing a wife?”

“Shaan!”

Suddenly, he found himself enveloped in a tight hug. It was such a wonderful feeling of relief he couldn’t help but hug her right back. She looked up at him, her face mirroring his feelings. Then abruptly, a cloud of confusion set in, and she stepped back and sprinted up the stairs.

“We found her in South Central,” the red-faced cop who had been watching in silence remarked casually.

Shaan was at a loss. “I…am sorry, Officer, it won’t happen again.”

“It better not. You never know what can happen to a pretty girl in those places. Hell, even I get nervous when I have to go out there, and I carry a bloody gun!” he said, patting his fat holster. “You better get her a phone, young man, and keep your quarrels close to home. At least she had the presence of mind to call 9-1-1.”

Shaan gave a grim nod as the officer waved and drove away.

He found her sitting on the couch contemplating her feet. “What kind of game are you playing with me, Ruhi!?”

She didn’t move nor did she attempt to reply.

“Ruhi, answer me!” He moved to stand imposingly over her, relief replaced with righteous anger.

She upturned her face; he could see her eyes were red, but she wasn’t crying anymore.

“Call me Bee, Grey. Then I will answer your questions.”

He felt like strangling her.

“Fine then, Ms. Bee, what kind of brain wave made you take a hike to South LA when I had clearly warned you about it!”

“I didn’t know it was South LA till I got there,” she retorted without any remorse.

“What then were you doing there in the dark? Waiting to get mugged? Why didn’t you call me?” He glowered, hands perched on hips.

“I must have dropped the piece of paper somewhere. I couldn’t find it in my purse,” she said somewhat sheepishly, not meeting his eyes.

“All right, now you’ve got what you wished for. You’re not going out alone anymore unless I take you with me. Understood?!” Then having dismissed the topic, he turned in the direction of the kitchen. “Did you get to eat anything?”

“Who are you to tell me what I
should
and
shouldn’t
do
?” she asked, jumping up and assuming a haughty stance. “Don’t you remember the rules of our friendship?”

“The rules did not include dangerous and foolhardy stunts, my dear lady!”

“I don’t care! I am back safe and sound. Look, not a scratch,” she said, spreading her arms out.

“Do you mean to say that you were chased, robbed even?”

“No! Nothing like that happened! Rather it was fun. In fact, it was the best experience I’ve ever had in my entire life, and I took some great pictures!” she exclaimed, her face gleaming with clear joy.

He smiled, shaking his head. “Have you gone nuts, Bee?”

“No, of course not! I’m saying I’ll run away if you put restrictions on me, and I mean it!” Her lovely dark eyes flashed with defiance.

Shaan sighed, knowing her well enough to realize further arguments would only be an exercise in futility. He had thought up an alternative.

“I guessed as much, my friend,” he said, picking up a large paper bag from the counter.

“What’s this?” she asked curiously as he laid out various objects on the table.

“Objects necessary for sustenance of life and self-defense in this place, especially for young women who like to stare death in its face.”

Ruhi smiled, looking on amused as he held up the articles one by one.

“Cell phone. I’d have got one for you earlier hadn’t you been in such a massive hurry! Pepper spray and Swiss army knife. Be ready to use them without hesitation. It’s a ‘kill and try not to get yourself killed in the process’ world out there! And you can enroll yourself in some self-defense classes too if you wish.”

“I think these will do for the time being, thanks! Though I don’t think I’ll need to use them,” she remarked, keenly examining everything before turning to him. “So you knew from the beginning I’d resist?”

“Yes, I have become quite familiar with your hardheadedness. I can’t fight it, so I came prepared. But you did manage to stun me with your dramatic entry though,” he replied with an obscure smile.

She appeared chagrined. “Sorry, but I was at my wit’s end, and the cop was nice enough to offer me a ride back home.”

“Home?”

“Yes, at least while I’m living here.”

“Yes, while you are living here,” he muttered, feeling quite disappointed.

A slow flush crept up her cheeks. “I’m sorry, Grey.”

“For what?”

“For putting you through so much trouble and embarrassment.”

He laughed. “You came back unharmed, that’s good enough. As for the cop, he was doing his job.”

Turning on the TV, she asked softly, “So you were worried about me?”

“Of course I was. My wi—my friend, my roommate, my in-house gourmet chef has gone suddenly AWOL! Who wouldn’t be?”

“Yes, who wouldn’t be…” Not quite sure why, but she felt like crying again.

Blankly, she stared at a tender love scene from an old black-and-white movie. Abruptly, the remote was snatched away from her hand and the channel flipped. “Stupid old movies.”

“No, don’t change it. I want to watch. Fiction sometimes mirrors reality.”

“Does it really? Even now do you find eternal love stories?” He chuckled, looking at her in amused disbelief.

“Yes, even now. I found an old lady at the bus stop who had lost her husband of fifty-five years, and she still missed him.”

Shaan could sense the encounter had clearly affected her. “Yes, but stories like those are few and far in between.”

“I liked her. She calls herself Sunshine.” A pensive smile lit up Ruhi’s face.

“Wow! Then I’d like to meet her too, a woman with spunk is always entertaining.”

Seeing her puzzled expression, he laughed again before moving to the kitchen. “Now back to the matter of food… Unfortunately, you’ll have to make do with my best instant recipe.”

Then a few minutes later…

“Tada! Ms. Bee, you can’t be disappointed with this,” he announced aloud, bearing a tray with two steaming bowls and placed it on the coffee table.

“I guess I’m too hungry right now to complain and in absolutely no mood to cook,” she agreed, laughing.

“Ahh! I forgot something. Wait a minute!”

Running swiftly back into the kitchen, he returned within moments, grinning broadly holding something between his fingers. “Here we are! Top Ramen noodles with hot green peppers on the side. To our friendship!” He winked, raising his glass of water.

She raised hers slowly in response. “To our friendship.”

Feelings

A
glance at the dashboard told Shaan that he was on time; it was twenty to seven. They had decided by mutual agreement to be at home by 7:00 p.m. give or take thirty minutes. Indeed he had relaid the ground rules.

He smiled, remembering how she had reacted.

“Humphrey Bogart doesn’t match up to Ingrid Bergman, does he? He lacks the charm and looks way too unromantic while she is so ethereal and beautiful. Cary Grant would have suited her much better.”

She was watching the wartime romance classic
Casablanca
with keen interest, and he was watching her watch it.

“It was his first romantic role, but you see the movie went on to win three Oscars, so there were quite a few people then who didn’t agree with you.”

“I don’t care, I still prefer Cary Grant,” Ruhi asserted raising her head, smiling when he looked away. She’d been aware of his perusal all along. “So Grey happens to be a romance movie buff. How neat.”

“Not only romance, all kinds of movies,” he muttered, flustered at being caught in the act. She was not as innocent as she had been when he first met her, and it had started to play on his nerves.

Electing to put her on the defensive, he said, “So, my good friend, if you want me to let you continue on in your misguided adventures after yesterday’s fiasco, you have to follow a few new guidelines.”

Her eyes opened wide. “What the—”

He raised his hand. “It is not ladylike to swear. I am your landlord, therefore, I do have a say in this matter.”

“Didn’t I tell you in the beginning we’ll do what we want, no questions asked?”
What does he think of himself?

That his announcement had upset her applecart was obvious, yet it didn’t bother him. Rather he was enjoying the standoff. “Hear me out and then decide.” He waited for her to calm down. “First, in order to remain out of trouble, you have to limit your jaunts to certain areas of the city, which I will chalk out for you.”

“But that’s ridiculous! I—”

“I don’t think
Daddyji
will be very pleased to know you take routine rides in cop cars. You may even get booked next time.”

He could see her mind racing, but she held her tongue.

“And I would like to set up a curfew of 7:00 p.m. for the both of us.”

“What for?”

“So you’ll have enough time to cook dinner and pay your part of the dues!” He knew by now he’d have to talk her language to get her to toe the line.

She smiled. “Thanks for the reminder. I think it’s doable.” He was treated to an awesome repast that night.

***

But today is a little different, he thought as he parked in the garage hoping to find her in a receptive mood.

She was.

“Oh, Grey! I beat you by half an hour. Do I get a discount?” She looked like a schoolgirl waiting in line for free Christmas candy.

“Whatever for?”

“The rent?”

He dearly wished he hadn’t mentioned it.

Without waiting for his reply, she continued, “I also walked to the grocery store today. It isn’t far, and I managed to get everything we need for a couple of days. I paid with your card. Isn’t that great? From now on, you don’t have to accompany me anymore.”

He stared at her, suddenly hit by an overwhelming realization.

“Well, at least I can save you the trouble for some more time.” Their eyes moved to the calendar in unison; three more weeks to be exact.

Damn it, Shaan! She’s going to leave, and you have no way of stopping her.

I wish I had married Grey; he has feelings.

Abruptly, she broke the silence. “Let me get some dinner. Are you in the mood for Bee’s special Chinese?”

“Uh…actually, Sujoy and Debo have invited us over tonight. Do you want me to make an excuse?”

Looking confused for a moment, she said, “No, I think we should go.”

“But they don’t know anything about us, and…”

“They didn’t know anything to begin with. The only difference now is that I’ve come to terms with my take on the matter, that’s all.” She was as calm as can be.

“I don’t want you to pretend, at the same time, I don’t want to involve them in our complications.”

“I understand, Shaan.” She didn’t remember to call him Grey. “You’ll be the one left holding the ball and perhaps answering some awkward questions after I’m gone, but it’ll pass. They are nice people, and they like you for who you are. We don’t have to tell them the truth and hurt their sensibilities.”

He continued to be in doubt.

“We shall go. I’m in the mood for some Bangla food!”

He was then dispatched to get something for little Anu— “We should never visit someone empty-handed” —while she got dressed.

When he returned a half an hour later, he found her ready.

Wrapped in a blue silk sari with modern geometric print, her luxurious hair brushed to a shine, cascading over her shoulders, she looked stunningly elegant.

“I thought I’d better put to use some of the wedding saris, Debo may like it,” she explained with a shy smile.

“I do, too,” he blurted without thinking. “Shall we go?”

He noticed her neck was bare except for a simple gold chain, and so was her forehead. She drew the
pallu
over her right shoulder; he didn’t say a word.

***

“
Sooswagatam!
Welcome little sister and brother-in-law. You are late.” Sujoy greeted them at the door.

“Sorry, I got delayed at work. Ruhi was ready and waiting.” Shaan was clearly embarrassed at this formality, but his wife was surprisingly taking it well.

“Dhonyobod, dadamoni!”
(Thank you, big brother.)

“Welcome, Ruhi, Shaan!” Debo hurried into the living room from the kitchen.

As Ruhi hugged her, she enquired after Debo’s health.

“I get tired easily. Wish Ma was here.” She did look run-down.

“She will soon be here. What do you say, dadamoni?”

“I’m not so sure about it. Debo’s younger sister back home is pregnant too.” Sujoy seemed at a loss.

“Everything will be fine,
bhabhi
.” Shaan offered a reassuring smile.

“Yes, I know it will because Ruhi is here with me now. She will take care of me, won’t you?” Debo looked at her expectantly.

“Yes,
di
, I will.” Ruhi felt miserable uttering these blatant lies, but she couldn’t afford to reveal the truth either.

Debo seated her on the divan and subjected her to a thorough once-over. “You have changed! Hasn’t she, Sujoy? Shaan, what have you done to her in just two weeks?”

He looked confused.

“She’s looking awesome, confident. More calm and relaxed, happier. I expect you are taking good care of her. Is he, my dear?”

Ruhi dipped her head in shy acquiescence.

“God bless you both. You make such a great couple. Has he taken you anywhere,
bon
?”

“No, not really, work…,” Shaan said, overcome with guilt.

“Hey, that’s no excuse,” Sujoy said disapprovingly. “You have to make time. She deserves it. I will cover for you if you wish.”

“But, Sooj.”

“He will, dadamoni. Only yesterday we were making plans to visit Hollywood this weekend,” Bee said, glancing sideways at Grey who smiled gratefully.

Sujoy pulled Shaan aside into a room, offering work as excuse. Debo lamented aloud on the vagaries of men. Ruhi merely smiled.

Then she heard a baby cry.

“Oh, di, I forgot to ask, where is Anu?”

“Anu has been cranky ever since we returned from the doctor’s office today after her shots. I had just put her to sleep half an hour ago. Looks like she is up again.” Debo sighed.

“Don’t you worry, di, I’ll take care of her. You relax or do what you need to.”

Ruhi hurried into the nursery to see little Anu standing and sobbing piteously in her crib. Picking her up, she rested her tiny body on her bosom and rocked her gently till she fell asleep. Later she found Debo in the kitchen, bustling around humming a merry tune, the comfort of routine activity appearing to have temporarily banished the cobwebs of worry. She offered to help. “Thanks, dear, everything’s ready, even Shaan’s favorite dish or he’ll threaten not to visit again.”

Ruhi saw Debo examining her curiously and realized the sari had slipped off her shoulder.

“What is it, dear? Where is your
mangalsutra
and
sindoor
? I noticed earlier but didn’t bring it up.”

“Umm…the chain broke. I have given it for fixing.”

“Then what about the
sindoor
?”

“I… The whole thing fell on the carpet yesterday and made a mess. I have to go get some more.”

“Ruhi look at me.” Debo gently propped her face up by the chin. “You consider me like your elder sister, right?”

She answered with an apprehensive nod.

“Then there are certain things essential for a married Indian woman. It doesn’t matter what your husband says; you should not take them lightly. You should never go without your
sindoor
because it is an auspicious symbol of your marriage, and also a sign that indicates your love will prosper. Therefore, even if you don’t have your wedding necklace, you should at least wear your
sindoor
.”

“Yes, di, I will try to get some as soon as possible.”

“Soon? Why not now?”

Ruhi felt trapped as Debo dragged her to a tiny shrine and picked up a small silver receptacle full of the vermillion powder.

“I can put it on, di, give it to me.”

“No, I have a better idea. Shaan!” Debo called out.

Ruhi was upset; her body began to tremble.

“What is it,
bhabhi
? Time for food?” Shaan appeared, smiling along with Sujoy.

“Shaan, I didn’t expect this from you. I know you love your wife dearly, but letting her go about bareheaded. It is not right.”

“Let them be, Debo, they are a modern couple. It’s their life. You don’t have to interfere.” Sujoy chimed in acutely embarrassed; his wife was quite the traditionalist.

“You keep out of it, Sujoy, I know my sister. She will listen to me.”

She handed Shaan the receptacle and urged him, “Take this and put it back where it belongs with God as your witness and don’t ever let her go unadorned again.”

Then as he hesitated, she asked, frowning, ”Is there something wrong between you two?”

“No, of course not.” He looked at Ruhi who had grown completely silent.

“Go ahead, Shaan,” Bee said softly, giving him permission.

He pinched a small amount of the red powder and placed it firmly in the parting on her forehead. Not entirely certain why, but this makeshift ceremony appeared more meaningful to him than the one on his wedding day.

“Perfect! Now my
mishti bon
looks like a bride, a very beautiful bride.”

The rest of the evening went by as a blur for Ruhi. She had managed to reconcile with her upcoming status, but the wound had opened again. Marriage, love, hatred, Shaan, Ruhi—friendship, affection, Grey, Bee…feelings.

Shaan could see her lost in thought looking very beautiful yet unhappy with the red streak in the center of her forehead, and it affected him, the emotion deep enough to throw him in turmoil, and he couldn’t wish it away.

During dinner Ruhi couldn’t eat much, but agreed the food was excellent. All of a sudden, she sprang up to embrace Debo. “I’ll miss you a lot.”

“Miss me? Are you going somewhere, Shaan?”

“Uh, no. Bee… Ruhi means to say she wants to see you every day.”

“Of course you can, my dear. Drop by any day. I will love the company, and Anu adores you already.”

“Yes, di, I will.”

***

Back at the apartment.

Shaan said, “I’m sorry. What happened was something I was afraid of.” Ruhi appeared not to hear; instead, she walked into the hallway bathroom and stared at the red dot on her forehead. She raised her hand then wavered…

Why can’t I erase it as easily as before? Am I changing? Do I feel different? Is Bee a camouflage for Ruhi—a protective layer?

No, it has to be done; I can’t afford to gamble with my emotions, she resolved,
lifting her hand again.
But when he looked at me today, there was something in his eyes I haven’t seen before.
She wanted to cry out loud.

Shaan stepped in; he had been watching silently for several minutes.

Meeting her gaze in the large mirror, he turned her around. “Close your eyes.”

A gentle puff of air swept over her forehead and erased the symbol. She felt her shoulders lighten, yet at the same time also a strange melancholy.

“Ruhi…Bee?” She looked up.

“I will never force you to do anything against your wishes, never. You can trust me,” He stated the words with a brief smile before turning abruptly and walking out, leaving her alone.

He didn’t see the lone tear roll down her cheek.

Ruhi, Shaan, marriage, love.

Bee, Grey, friendship, or mere affection?