Infinite Jest (25 page)

3 NOVEMBER Y.D.A.U.

Hal could hear the phone console ringing as he dropped his gear bag and took the room key from around his neck. The phone itself had been Orin's and its plastic case was transparent and you could see the phone's guts.

'Mmyellow.’

'Why do I always get the feeling I'm interrupting you in the middle of some like vigorous self-abuse session?' It was Orin's voice. 'It's always multiple rings. Then you're always a little breathless when you do.’

'Do what.’

'A certain sweaty urgency to your voice. Are you one of the 99% of adolescent males, Hallie?’

Hal never liked talking on the phone after he'd gotten high in secret down in the Pump Room. Even if there was water or liquid handy to keep the cotton at bay. He didn't know why this was so. It just made him uneasy.

'You're sounding hale and fit, O.’

'You can tell me, you know. No shame in it. Let me tell you, boy, I did myself raw for years on end on that hill.’

Hal estimated over 60% of what he told Orin on the phone since Orin had abruptly started calling again this spring was a lie. He had no idea why he liked lying to Orin on the phone so much. He looked at the clock. 'Where are you?’

'Home. Snug and toasty. It's 90+ out.’

'That would be Fahrenheit I'm assuming.’

'This city is made of all glass and light. The windows are like high-beams coming at you. The air has that spilled-fuel shimmer to it.’

'So to what do we owe.’

'Sometimes I wear sunglasses even in the house. Sometimes at the stadium I hold my hand up and look at it and I swear I can see right through it. Like that thing with the flashlight and your hand.’

'Hands seem to be sort of a theme to this call, thus far.’

'On the way in from the lot off the street here I saw a pedestrian in a pith helmet stagger and like claw at the air and pitch forward onto his face. Another Phoenician felled by the heat I think to myself.’

It occurred to Hal that although he lied about meaningless details to Orin on the phone it had never occurred to him to consider whether Orin was ever doing the same thing. This induced a spell of involuted marijuana-type thinking that led quickly, again, to Hal's questioning whether or not he was really all that intelligent. 'SATs are six weeks away and Pemulis is less and less helpful on the math, if you want to know what I'm doing all day.’

'The man's face made a sizzling noise when it hit the pavement. Like bacon-caliber sizzling. He's still lying there, I see out the window. He's not moving anymore. Everyone's avoiding him, going around him. He looks too hot to touch. A little Hispanic kid made off with his hat. Have y'all had snow yet? Describe snow for me again, Hallie, I'm begging you.’

'So you go around with this image of me sitting around during the day masturbating, is what you're saying.’

'I've actually been thinking of maneuvering for the whole Kleenex concession at E.T.A., as a venture.’

'That of course would mean actually contacting C.T. and the Moms.’

'Me and this forward-looking reserve QB have been making inquiries.

Putting out feelers. Volume discounts, preferred-vendor status. Maybe a sideline in unscented lubricants. Any thoughts?’

'O.?’

'I'm sitting here actually missing New Orleans, kid. It'd be just coming up on Advent I think. The Quarter always gets really quaint and demure during Advent. It almost never rains down there during Advent for some reason. People remark on it, the phenomena.’

'You sound somehow a little off to me, O.’

Tm heat-crazed. I might be dehydrated. What's that word? Everything's looked all beige and powdery all day. Trash bags have been swelling up and spontaneously combusting out in the dumpsters. These sudden rains of coffee grounds and orange peels. The Displacement guys in the barges have to wear asbestos gloves. Also I met somebody. Hallie, a possibly very special somebody.’

'Uh oh. Dinnertime. Triangle's a-clangín' over in West.’

'Hey Halíie though? Hang on. Kidding aside for a second. What all do you know about Separatism?’

Hal stopped for a moment. 'You mean in Canada?’

'Is there any other kind?’

Ennet House Drug and Alcohol Recovery House
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was founded in the Year of the Whopper by a nail-tough old chronic drug addict and alcoholic who had spent the bulk of his adult life under the supervision of the Massachusetts Department of Corrections before discovering the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous at M.D.C.-Walpole and undergoing a sudden experience of total self-surrender and spiritual awakening in the shower during his fourth month of continuous AA sobriety. This recovered addict/ alcoholic — who in his new humility so valued AA's tradition of anonymity that he refused even to use his first name, and was known in Boston AA simply as the Guy Who Didn't Even Use His First Name — opened Ennet House within a year of his parole, determined to pass on to other chronic drug addicts and alcoholics what had been so freely given to him in the E-Tier shower.

Ennet House leases a former physicians' dormitory in the Enfield Marine Public Health Hospital Complex, managed by the United States Veterans Administration. Ennet House is equipped to provide 22 male and female clients a nine-month period of closely supervised residency and treatment.

Ennet House was not only founded but originally renovated, furnished, and decorated by the nameless local AA ex-con, who — since sobriety doesn't exactly mean instant sainthood — used to lead select teams of early-recovery dope fiends on after-hours boosting expeditions at area furniture and housewares establishments.

This legendary anonymous founder was an extremely tough old Boston AA galoot who believed passionately that everyone, no matter how broad the trail of slime they dragged in behind them, deserved the same chance at sobriety through utterly total surrender he'd been granted. It's a kind of extremely tough love found almost exclusively in tough old Boston galoots.
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He sometimes, the founder, in the House's early days, required incoming residents to attempt to eat rocks — as in like rocks from the ground — to demonstrate their willingness to go to any lengths for the gift of sobriety. The Massachusetts Department of Public Health's Division of Substance Abuse Services eventually requested that this practice be discontinued.

Ennet was not any part of the nameless Ennet House founder's name, by the way.

The rock thing — which has become a grim bit of mythopoeia now trotted out to illustrate how cushy the present Ennet residents have it — was probably not as whacko as it seemed to Division of S.A.S., since many of the things veteran AA's ask newcomers to do and believe seem not much less whacko than trying to chew feldspar. E.g. be so strung out you can feel your pulse in your eyeballs, have the shakes so badly you make a spatter-painting on the wall every time somebody hands you a cup of coffee, have the life-forms out of the corner of your eye be your only distraction from the chainsaw-racing chatter in your head, sitting there, and have some old lady with cat-hair on her nylons come at you to hug you and tell you to make a list of all the things you're grateful for today: you'll wish you had some feldspar handy, too.

In the Year of the Yushityu 2007 Mimetic-Resolution-Cartridge-View-Motherboard-Easy-To-Install Upgrade For Infernatron/InterLace TP Systems For Home, Office Or Mobile,
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the nameless founder's death of a cerebral hemorrhage at age sixty-eight went unremarked outside the Boston AA community.

FROM INTERNAL INTERLACE-SYSTEM E-MAIL MEMO

CAH-NNE22-3575634-22, CLAIMS ADJUSTMENT HEADQUARTERS, STATE FARM INSURANCE COMPANIES, INC., BLOOMINGTON IL 26 JUNE

YEAR OF DAIRY PRODUCTS FROM THE AMERICAN HEARTLAND

FROM: murrayf @clmshqnne22.626INTCOM TO: powellg/sanchezm/parryk @ clmhqnne.626INTCOM MESSAGE: guys, get a load, my def. of a bad day. metro boston region 22 this spring, comp claim, witnesses deposed by boston wrkmans comp. establish claimant Impaired and the emerg. room

rept. lists a blood-alcohol of .3+, so be pleased to know we're clear on the 357-5 liability end. but basic facts below confirmed by witnesses and CYD accident rept. here's just the first page, get a load:

murrayf ©clmshqnne22.626INTCOM 626YDPAH0112317/p. 1

Dwayne R. Glynn 1 76N. Faneuil Blvd. Stoneham, Mass. 021808754/4 June 21, YODPFTAH

Workmans Accident Claims Office State Farm Insurance 1 State Farm Plaza Normal, III. 617062262/6

Dear Sir:

I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block #3 of the accident reporting form, I put "trying to do the job alone", as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust that the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, March 27, I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 900 kg. of brick left over. Rather than laboriously carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which fortunately was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the brick into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 900 kg of bricks. You will note in block #11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh 75 kg.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor I met the barrel coming down. This explains the fractured skull and the broken collar bone.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulleys. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind, and was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of considerable pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel from the force of hitting the ground.

Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately 30 kg. I refer you again to my weight of 75 kg in block #11. As you could imagine, still holding the rope, I began a rather rapid descent from the pulley down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and the laceration of my legs and lower body.

The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my impact with the brick-strewn ground below. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the bricks in considerable pain, unable to stand or move and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I again lost my presence of mind and unfortunately let go of the rope, causing the barrel to begin a

endtranslNTCOM626

HAL INCANDENZA'S FIRST EXTANT WRITTEN COMMENT ON ANYTHING EVEN REMOTELY FILMIC, SUBMITTED IN MR.

OGILVIE'S SEVENTH-GRADE 'INTRODUCTION to ENTERTAINMENT STUDIES' (2 TERMS, REQUIRED), ENFIELD

TENNIS ACADEMY, 21 FEBRUARY IN THE YEAR OF THE PERDUE

WONDERCHICKEN, @ FOUR YEARS AFTER THE DEMISE OF

BROADCAST TELEVISION, ONE YEAR AFTER DR. JAMES O.

INCANDENZA PASSED FROM THIS LIFE, A SUBMISSION

RECEIVING JUST A B/B+, DESPITE OVERALL POSITIVE

FEEDBACK, MOSTLY BECAUSE ITS CONCLUDING
WAS

NEITHER SET UP BY THE ESSAY'S BODY NOR SUPPORTED, OGILVIE POINTED OUT, BY ANYTHING MORE than SUBJECTIVE INTUITION AND RHETORICAL FLOURISH.

Chief Steve McGarrett of 'Hawaii Five-0' and Captain Frank Furillo of 'Hill Street Blues' are useful for seeing how our North American idea of the hero changed from the B.S. 1970s era of 'Hawaii Five-0' to the B.S. 1980s era of 'Hill Street Blues.’

Chief Steve McGarrett is a classically modern hero of action. He acts out. It is what he does. The camera is always on him. He is hardly ever offscreen. He has just one case per week. The audience knows what the case is and also knows, by the end of Act One, who is guilty. Because the audience knows the truth before Steve McGarrett does, there is no mystery, there is only Steve McGarrett. The drama of 'Hawaii Five-0' is watching the hero in action, watching Steve McGarrett stalk and strut, homing in on the truth. Homing in is the essence of what the classic hero of modern action does.

Steve McGarrett is not weighed down by administrative State-Políce-Chief chores, or by females, or friends, or emotions, or any sorts of conflicting demands on his attention. His field of action is bare of diverting clutter. Thus Chief Steve McGarrett single-mindedly acts to refashion a truth the audience already knows into an object of law, justice, modern heroism.