Infinite Love (4 page)

I managed to eat most of my dinner, I’d missed Mum’s cooking. Gabe’s cooking was amazing, but with roast dinners in particular, you got used to a certain style, the thickness and taste of the gravy, the amount of salt or pepper in the dishes. Having Mum’s roast dinner felt kind of comforting. Everyone relaxed a little as we sat in the lounge and watched a film, me curled up in Gabe’s lap. It was only nine o’clock when he insisted that I needed to get to bed and everyone said their good nights, with Mum lingering back.

‘Try and get a good night’s sleep sweetheart. Sofia’s right, having a pamper day tomorrow will do you the world of good. You have Gabe to look after you now, but if you need me I’m right next door, I don’t care what time it is, you wake me up, ok?’

‘Ok Mum, thank you and thanks for cooking for everyone, it was lovely.’

‘Come and give me a cuddle,’ she smiled. I held her tightly as she rubbed my back and when we showed no signs of parting I heard Gabe coughing. ‘I think that’s my cue to leave,’ she laughed.

‘Sorry Jacqui, I just really want her to get some sleep.’

We said our goodnights and Gabe lead me to the bathroom and tucked in behind me as we brushed our teeth, his one hand around my waist holding my stomach. He finished first and as I put my toothbrush back in its holder I caught his eye in the mirror. He was looking at my neck bruises. He slowly lifted his hand and brought it closer to my throat and I automatically tensed up. He looked at me with a pained expression as he dropped his hand. I shook my head, grabbed his hand again and placed it on my breast bone, just below my neck.

‘Please, I want you to hold me there, you often held me there during sex and I don’t want to be scared if you want to do it again.’

‘You’re shaking.’

‘I know, I keep remembering how I felt as he was choking me but I don’t want to remember that every time someone touches my neck. Please Gabe, it’s
you.
I trust you.’

‘Ok,’ he nodded. ‘You tell me the minute it gets too much and I’m not going to squeeze, just gently hold until you tell me to pull away, ok?’

‘Yes,’ I nodded.

‘Watch my eyes all the time Mia, not my hand. I want you to see in my face that I’m not going to hurt you,’ he ordered. I nodded and took a hard swallow as I watched his eyes and felt his hand gently sweep back and forth over the top of my chest, his fingers edging closer and closer until they were caressing my collar bones and the base of my throat. I bit my lip and took some deep breaths as I focussed on his face. This was Gabe, my Gabe who’d never hurt me, I was safe with him. It didn’t stop me tensing and holding my breath as he moved his fingers up and ran them under my jaw. ‘You’re doing so well baby, I’m so proud of you. Eyes, Mia,’ he reminded as I looked down at his hand. I looked back up and my eyes started to sting as he gently palmed my neck and let his fingers follow the natural curve around.

‘Gabe, I … I’m not sure I can do this,’ I whimpered.

‘Yes you can, you’re strong, ok?’ he smiled at me as he let the full weight of his hand rest against my throat and I gulped as I my breathing became more erratic. Flashes of Milo’s street, that silver car and the box hedge ran in front of my eyes and I quickly shut them. ‘Mia it’s me, you’re here with
me
baby, open your eyes, you’re safe here.’

‘Gabe, I don’t like it,’ I moaned.

‘I know baby, but look at me, no one’s hurting you this time, no one’s ever hurting you again. Look at my eyes and take long, slow, deep breaths and relax. It’s just you and me,’ he coaxed. I did as I was told and with each deep breath I started to calm down a little as I relaxed against him. ‘What was going through your mind when he held you like this?’

‘That I was going to die, that I’d never see you again. I felt … It was like a fast movie of my life. Snippets of happy times until I started to pass out and … then it was just you. I kept thinking about you until …
nothing.’
I nodded my head as some tears started to roll and he automatically released his hold on my neck, spun me around and pulled me against him, running his lips over my hair.

‘I’m so proud of you baby, you did so well. We’re going to do that a couple of times a day until we chase those horrible memories away, ok?’

‘Ok,’ I nodded against his chest. ‘Gabe?’

‘Yes?’

‘I need to tell you something.’

‘What?’

‘Can we go and sit down in the bedroom?’

‘Sure, come on.’ He helped me undress and got me into bed as he sat at the edge and gently pushed my hair off my face and over my shoulder before palming my cheek.

‘I don’t want to wait, Gabe.’

‘Wait for what?’

‘To get married. I was thinking of you when I thought I was … I was thinking of you and that life’s too short. I don’t care anymore about anything else, I just want to be with you, I want to get married.’

‘You do?’ He looked at me confused. ‘Is this a shock thing?’

‘No. I really mean it. I want to get married Gabe, and I stopped taking my pill yesterday. I want to see the fertility specialist and try the IVF, sooner than later.’ I held his gaze to let him see I was serious. He dropped his hand as his eyes went wide and looked at me stunned.

‘I don’t understand, you were so adamant that you weren’t ready.’

‘I wasn’t, but after …
that
, I am
.
You treat me so well Gabe, you love me so well that I’ve realised that I have nothing to be afraid of anymore when I’m with you, not when it comes to my fears of being abandoned or my children being raised without a father figure who loves them.’

‘You
hate
babies,’ he laughed as he grabbed my hands and his eyes filled up.

‘I do,’ I smiled with a nod. ‘I hate other people’s babies, but I’m sure I’d love ours, Gabe. It’s like someone turned on a light switch as I thought I was dying. I have so much love in my heart for you, something I never thought I’d have and I know that you’d do everything in your power to give that much love to our children. I want to try, for you,
for us
.’

‘You really mean it?’ he whispered as he kissed my hands.

‘I do,’ I nodded and laughed as he left go of one of my hands and wiped his eyes.

‘Wow, Sofia and Lexi were right.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘They both told me to give you some time, that one day you’d say yes,’ he nodded.

‘That’s what they whispered?’ I laughed.

‘They said that your head just needed to catch up with your heart.’ He ran his fingers gently down the side of my cheek.

‘Well, it took me some time but I’m all caught up now, Gabe.’ I kissed his wrist.

‘God, you surprise me all the time, Mia Page,’ he uttered as he smiled at me.

‘How soon can we get married?’

‘Well, I’ve sort of already arranged it for Christmas Eve,’ he replied with an apologetic look on his face.

‘What?
You have?
We’re getting married on my birthday?’

‘Yes. I booked the venue and started on the arrangements before I proposed in Paris and then you said you wanted to wait, which really threw me. I figured I was just going to have to convince you to change your mind before the date and maybe spring it on you at the last minute.’

‘Gabe Austin,’ I exclaimed, stunned.

‘You don’t have to worry about anything Mia, except your dress and any for bridesmaids if you’re having any. Everything else is in hand.’

‘But where? What about …’

‘Stop,’ he ordered with his fingers against my lips. ‘Don’t get yourself in a panic. It’s going to be a small elegant wedding in a surprise location. I’ve invited your Mum and Gerry, Nana and Grandpa Page, Georgie and Justin, Lexi plus one, Doug and Sarah and Doug’s parents as well as Dad and Sofia. I’d like to invite Mr. and Mrs. Darby too, as they’ve been around most of my life and have seen me grow up too. They’re as good as family to me.’

‘There’s a Mr. Darby?’ I mumbled against his fingers and he took them away.

‘You know him as Riley,’ he smiled.

‘Riley and Mrs. Darby are married?’ I gasped.

‘Yes,’ he laughed. ‘Would that be ok? Is there anyone else you want there? Lexi said you’d rather have a small intimate day and a party after the honeymoon for everyone else.’

‘That would be perfect for me, Gabe,’ I whispered as I wiped away some of my own tears, happy tears for once. ‘But what about you? Your grandparents? The swim team?’

‘I’m not that close to my grandparents and the swim team are a rowdy bloody bunch. I’m happy to invite them all to a function in January. We can have it in the club, a private night before we officially open. So for the wedding it would only be the eighteen of us if that’s ok?’

‘Perfect.’ I smiled as I felt my heart expand. I looked at his happy face and felt warm all the way to the tips of my extremities. I was going to get married to the love of my life and I actually wanted to, it wasn’t just to please him, I wanted it as well.

‘What about your dad?’ he asked with a frown.

‘We’re done Gabe, I don’t want or need him there.’ I gave him a big smile to reassure him that I was serious.

‘Ok then. It looks like we’re on,’ he smiled.

‘Nothing over the top,
please
.’

‘Define over the top, as you know we have differing views,’ he laughed as he kissed my hands again.

‘No bloody butterflies, doves or swans or live poultry of any kind, no horse and carriages, marching bands, no horrible wedding march song, or pink girly flowers or caviar, I
hate
caviar. Just a nice personal ceremony and a cosy meal with our loved ones.’

‘I can do that, but you can’t not have caviar at the wedding, I promise not to make you eat any.’

‘Fine,’ I smiled. ‘What can I do to help? It’s only seven weeks away.’

‘Nothing other than finding a dress baby, it’s all in hand.’

‘We’re getting married,’ I giggled.

‘We’re getting married,’ he laughed as the grin reached the corners of his eyes. ‘And no bullshit about female independence, you’ll be Mrs. Austin.’

‘You know I could change my mind on the whole thing if you’re going to be a domineering husband.’

‘What you see is what you get baby, you’re taking me sold as seen.’

‘I’ll take you anyway I can get you because you’re one amazing fiancé, Gabriel Austin.’

‘So are you, Mianna Page. You’ve made me so happy,’ he whispered as he wiped his eyes again. I scrambled out of bed and quickly straddled his lap, my arms around his neck.

‘Make me even happier Gabe, you haven’t kissed me since Thursday, let alone touched me. I’ve missed you.’

‘Are you sure?’ he frowned.

‘I’m with you, I have nothing to be afraid of, but just to be sure can we start really slow, just with kissing and cuddling only for a few days. Deal?’

‘Deal,’ he grinned and gently clasped the back of my head as our lips joined and I melted in his strong arms.

‘
Stop
, you can’t love every single dress you guys,’ I moaned as I stood in yet another wedding shop, dressed in something that just didn’t feel like me at all, as Mum and Sofia started crying again, with Lexi rolling her eyes in despair. They’d convinced me to stay with them at the luxury spa I’d stayed at with Lexi, and had booked appointments for me in various wedding dress shops today. Being away from the apartment was actually quite nice, unfortunately much as I wanted to venture outside I didn’t dare, because of all of the journalists still hanging around outside wanting the exclusive from “
The one that got away
” and it was just too much for me to deal with. It was only three weeks today that I’d woken up in the hospital and we’d only just had Milo’s funeral on Wednesday and the press attention there had been awful.

Initially I’d decided to stay away from the funeral to make it easier for Milo’s parents, as I was sure that they would hold me responsible for the loss of their son. Gabe had insisted I wouldn’t forgive myself for missing it, so he’d arranged for me to meet them the day before the service, to test the water. He was right, of course. They’d been so forgiving, telling me that he’d spoken so highly of me and that if they had to lose him, they were proud that he did it while he was following his heart, trying to ensure my safety, which made me cry even more. Doug and Lexi came to the funeral as well as Robert, Sofia, Mum and Dad and Mason too, they all wanted to pay their respects. If it wasn’t for Milo and Mason, I probably wouldn’t still be alive.

Jenny, Milo’s long term girlfriend, wasn’t quite as forgiving. She waited until after the service before cornering me and slapping me in front of everyone as she screamed hysterically that I’d ruined their relationship and it was my fault that he’d died. Milo’s parents had intervened and led her away with an apologetic look over their shoulders. I’d been so shaken up and humiliated that Gabe had bundled me into his car and whisked me back to the hotel we were stayed at, where I’d spent the afternoon crying. We’d missed the burial that afternoon as I was too upset to go, but Gabe had taken me to the cemetery to lay some flowers the next day and waited in the car as I had some time alone at Milo’s grave to say a few words of thanks for trying to protect me. I couldn’t have been prouder of the way Gabe handled the situation. He never liked Milo from the start, he’d seen what was right in front of me the whole time, yet Gabe could no longer deny that Milo
had
been a good friend to me, that he’d done everything in his power to try and keep me safe. Gabe even accepted now that I had brotherly feelings towards Milo and wanted to grieve for him.

Even though I’d begged Gabe not to leave me this weekend, he’d insisted it would do us good to have a bit of time apart, for me to go and have a few days with the girls and have fun while he, Doug and Robert made use of their Silverstone vouchers and had a weekend away themselves. I was really upset Thursday night as we’d checked into the spa without him, I felt so safe when he was by my side, but by the time the four of us had cocktails with our meal, they soon had me laughing again. I realised that I needed to stop being so clingy with Gabe. What had happened to me was a one in a …
million
or so. The odds of something like that ever occurring again were miniscule and I was trying desperately hard to accept that so I could try and get back to a normal life.

‘These aren’t Mia at all,’ said Lexi firmly as I tried on yet another dress and sighed with a
help
look in her direction.

‘But she looks so beautiful,’ sighed Mum as she wiped away more tears with a handkerchief.

‘Mum, if I was in a white baggy sack you’d say I looked beautiful,’ I laughed.

‘Well you would,’ she moaned. ‘You’re my beautiful baby.’

‘Tell us what you want, Mia? Describe your perfect dress,’ suggested Sofia.

‘I don’t want sleeves, or high necks. I’d love a sweetheart neckline and tight fitted bodice and a simple skirt. I hate all these big meringue looking ones,’ I sighed as I looked down at the one I was wearing. ‘And no trains, I don’t want anything dragging behind me so I can’t walk normally.’

‘Well, I have a personal stylist in New York and we have connections in some designer stores from when my sister got married last year, so I’ll make some calls.’

‘I don’t need a designer dress Sofia, it’s for one day and I can’t exactly fly to New York to try them on.’

‘Why not? We need to organise a hen party for you. Why don’t we go to New York for a long weekend? Invite Georgie too, the five of us plus any of your other girlfriends you want to invite.’

‘But the wedding’s in less than five weeks, we don’t have time.’

‘Nonsense. Other than finding a dress you have nothing to do, Gabe is in perfect control. He is organised perfection. Now I know what you are looking for, I will make some calls and we will have an array of them waiting when we go over,’ she clapped excitedly. ‘I also have a seamstress who can alter one to fit you perfectly within forty-eight hours.’

‘What about Gabe? He’s not going to be happy me going …’

‘Mia, let me handle Gabe,’ she interrupted. ‘I know he won’t want you too far away from him. So as he will want a stag night, they can come to New York as well. You can all come and stay at my house. Sorted,’ she smiled with another clap. I laughed, her enthusiasm was infectious.

‘You’re freakin’ joking, right?’ exclaimed Lexi as she looked at Sofia stunned.

‘I freakin’ joke you not,’ she smiled which made me laugh even harder. Sofia, her posh American Italian accent and the word “freakin’” did not go together at all.

‘We’re going to New York?’ Lexi asked as she looked at me all hopefully.

‘Yes, we are,’ I giggled, it was a perfect plan. Lexi screamed and ran to hug Sofia who laughed and Mum started crying again as she looked up at me on the podium in a bloody awful over the top dress with a six foot train. ‘Now
please,
can I put my jeans back on and can we go and have some
fun
? I’m all dressed out.’

‘One more stop,’ replied Sofia as she checked her watch.

‘What now?’ I groaned.

‘We have an appointment for some sexy underwear for all of us. We’ll all want to look our best on the day,’ she smiled.

One week later, the second week of December, and I was back at Riverdale private hospital, sitting with Gabe in the waiting room of their top fertility specialist Dr. Walker. Gabe had wanted to go to the top one in the UK, who was based in London, but I’d done my research into the amount of appointments I was going to need for repeat tests and scans and I wasn’t prepared to do a two hour commute every few days. Dr. Walker had an excellent reputation and Gabe had finally relented. I twisted my engagement ring nervously until Gabe put his hand over mine.

‘Stop, you’re going to be fine,’ he advised in a reassuring voice. I looked up at his gently smiling face and frowned.

‘I’m just worried that after everything she told us at our initial meeting she won’t be able to help, Gabe.’

‘If they can’t we’ll deal with it.’

‘But you said that you weren’t sure if you’d stay with me if I couldn’t give you your own child,’ I reminded him as I bit my lip.

‘That was then baby, this is now. We’re getting married, I love you, I’m not leaving you.’

‘Miss Page and Mr. Austin?’

‘Yes,’ I smiled as Dr. Walker called our names. Gabe stood up and took my hand as we followed her into her private room.

‘Good morning Mia and Gabe, lovely to see you again, please take a seat.’ Dr. Walker was in her mid-forties I reckoned, with a serious looking face, but somehow it seemed reassuring given the nature of our visits. ‘So Mia, since our initial appointment I have read Dr. Well’s extensive notes and had a discussion with her surrounding your diagnosis of fertility issues. I’m very clear on the internal work you’ve had done and the damage caused to your reproductive system. I whole heartedly agree that IVF is the only option open to us. You’re on the third day of your menstrual cycle?’

‘Yes, I am.’

‘Then we’ll perform a scan  on you Mia, run blood tests on of each of you and collect a sample of sperm from you Gabe so that we can run the necessary basic tests. Are you still sure that you don’t wish to begin treatment with this cycle?’

‘No, we’re getting married in a couple of weeks and then we’ll be away on honeymoon, so we’d prefer to start with Mia’s January cycle,’ advised Gabe with a look in my direction to confirm this was still ok. I nodded and smiled.

‘Very well, you’ll need to ring the clinic on day one of your period in January and be prepared to come in to see me within three days, we’ll run more blood tests on you Mia, and another ultrasound and if all is in order then we’ll start you on the fertility drugs. Given that you haven’t had periods in over a year, I would hope that your ovaries have been sufficiently rested to give us some good results when we stimulate them to produce. You’ll need another vaginal ultrasound and regular blood tests to check that you’re follicles are developing and so that I can time the injection of the stimulant.’

‘Ok,’ I nodded.

‘You’ve had a chance to review all of the paperwork and considered the financial implications, statistics of success, and the risks?’

‘We have,’ I confirmed. I’d been so shocked at the cost, but, naturally, Gabe didn’t care. Even so, it seemed a lot of money for something that may not even work.

‘Do you have any additional questions at this stage?’

‘I don’t, thank you,’ I replied with a nod and looked at Gabe who confirmed he was happy.

After the tests I waited outside the private room that Gabe was in, “preparing” his sample. After a few minutes, the door opened and I looked up to see his blue eyes peering around the frame.

‘It’s not happening,’ he whispered.

‘You can’t …
you know
?’

‘No.’

‘O,’ I uttered, surprised. We’d still not had sex. I’d tried to initiate it last week but had frozen when he’d climbed on top of me, flashbacks of Adam pressing down on top of me came flooding back and I’d started having a panic attack. Gabe had refused to allow us to try again since, saying that I wasn’t ready. I’d assumed he’d be ready to blow as he wouldn’t let me help him out and didn’t seem to be masturbating either.

‘Will you come in here? Maybe looking at you instead of these magazines will help.’

‘Thanks,’ I laughed. ‘I’ve always dreamed of being wank fodder.’

‘You’ve been that to me since I saw you in that bar over a year ago,’ he laughed with a cheeky wink. ‘Get in here now or this isn’t happening,’ he ordered. I looked around to make sure no one was watching and quickly slipped inside with him.
No wonder he was having trouble
, I thought as I scanned the room, it really wasn’t a conducive environment. They should make it into a boys den, a home cinema type room, with a comfy recliner and porn on a big screen. That would do the job.

‘Ok, do you want me to help you?’ I asked.

‘No, but I sort of had an image in mind when I was trying, which I’m amazed didn’t get me off.’

‘Go on,’ I nodded with a roll of my eyes. ‘But if it involves me getting it on with a hot nurse you have another think coming.’

‘Wow, that’s helped already,’ he grinned as he unzipped himself to reveal his beautiful erection. I involuntarily licked my lips as I looked at it while he sat down and grasped it in one hand with the collection pot in the other. I giggled at the “collection pot” like he was a Vicar doing the rounds after a sermon. ‘What’s so funny?’

‘Nothing,’ I smiled, sure that the thought of church, Vicars or Nuns would make him lose it as quickly as he’d got it. ‘So how do you want me?’

‘O baby, I dream of you asking me that question multiple times a day,’ he sighed.

‘You dream it multiple times, or you wish I’d ask it multiple times?’

‘Both,’ he laughed. ‘Stop stalling in case we scare him off. Action.’

‘Well, you need to tell me what you want first?’ I laughed.

‘Go and face the door,’ he advised with a flick of his head.

‘Ok,’ I frowned. I dropped my handbag and turned around.

‘Take off your knickers, then hitch up that tiny skirt so I can see your fantastic arse.’

‘I’m on, I have a string,’ I moaned.

‘Told you before it didn’t bother me,’ he reminded me, making me think of that time in the shower in my old apartment.

‘Kinky sod,’ I giggled and I did as I was told. Those few words were the raunchiest we’d managed to get with each other in weeks, other than kissing, and I felt my nipples peak at thrill of it.

‘Shit Mia, that backside is just perfect, you’re just perfect,’ he groaned and I looked back over my shoulder at him and watched as he leisurely stroked himself. ‘Face the door,’ he ordered, I frowned and did as I was told.

‘What now?’

‘Just stand there, seeing you in those over the knee socks of yours with no knickers is pretty damn fine,’ he nodded.

‘O no, I think as you’re having all the fun here, I think I should be allowed to have some too,’ I advised. I leaned forward, bending at the waist and spread my legs, smiling as I heard him groan and swear to see me exposed. I palmed the door with my left hand as I reached down between my legs with my right hand and hovered over my clit. ‘Would you like me to touch myself, thinking of you?’

‘Hell yeah,’ he nodded as he tightened his grip on himself. I bit my lip as I heard his breaths of excitement, and gently placed my index and middle finger onto my clit and hissed in a breath as my body shivered and jaw dropped.

‘O God,’ I groaned. It had been so long, I was hypersensitive. I looked back at him over my shoulder.

‘Eyes on the door, Mia,’ he growled. His voice had taken on that low deep tone it always did when he was turned on. I ground my hips in a circle as my fingers worked on my sensitive nub. ‘And what do you mean while you think about me? Who else would you be thinking about?’

‘That hot male nurse that did my blood tests,’ I teased and winked at him over my shoulder. He narrowed his eyes at me and stood up, his hand still working his cock before he switched to stroke with his left hand.