Inner Guidance (14 page)

The decision to follow the path of Eckankar is always left to the individual; it is personal and private.

Only you can decide what meaning and purpose the teachings have and how they fit into your life. So it seemed a reasonable approach to my spiritual study to just take a breather—a little break.

Quitting Satsang and not renewing my member-

ship in Eckankar and its study program was a decision I made perhaps a bit too lightly. I intended to reread my ECK discourses on my own, and mostly I felt fine about my decision, yet some part of me was a little hesitant, a little saddened.

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But on a practical level it seemed like a good decision. After all, my life was so busy. It would free up much needed time and energy.

S
urprisingly, life began to change all at once.

Very abruptly, it lost its glow.

Perhaps this is not always the case, but for me, there was no doubt. Life was on a downhill spiral in every arena.

I was suddenly having trouble keeping up with my work.

I felt exhausted. Everyone seemed more demanding. My days became more stressful and frustrating.

My classes at the university were no longer going well either. A big grant that would have funded my work with the university was being reassessed, and my salary was cut. Unexpectedly, my prospects were not looking good. Worse yet, an important program that I had applied for with the university was canceled. I was disheart-ened.

A general malaise was coming over me, and I did not like it. How could all of this have happened in such a short period?

What had happened? Only a short time ago, my life seemed so charmed, so exciting.

At first, I did not link the changes in my life with my change of heart regarding Eckankar and my commitment to spiritual study. I only wondered if there was something I could do, inwardly or outwardly, to escape this difficult place I found myself in and bring things back to their formerly wonderful state.

Eckankar had introduced me to a simple spiritual exercise, singing HU. By now, I was quite accustomed to singing HU daily as an unconditional song of love to God. Often I focused on love or God during my daily spiritual exercise; now I decided that it would be best Inner Guidance_CH 11-15.p65

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Inner Guidance: Our Divine Birthright

to contemplate deeply on my life and see if I could find any insights or clarity. I simply surrendered all the issues to Divine Spirit and asked for guidance.

So one morning before work, I sat with my eyes closed and sang HU several times: “HU-U-U-U, HU-U-U-U, HU-U-U-U.” I took a deep breath and, following an inner nudge, stopped chanting and sat quietly in contemplation.

Then I began to chant again: “HU-U-U-U, HU-U-U-U, HU-U-U-U.” I could feel the Sound Current, the Voice of God, filling me and flowing through me, like a wave of love washing away the problems of the day.

All of a sudden, clear inner guidance flooded my consciousness.

There
was
a time when all these changes had begun!

In a flash I could see when that was. It started with my decision to stop receiving the ECK discourses and to no longer be in Satsang. Eckankar classes and my Eckankar membership—could something so simple be so important?

In my inner vision, I could see it clearly: I had stepped off the fast track and onto a long, slow, dreary road where life was much more difficult and demanding.

Previously I had felt like an electric lamp burning brightly. Now I felt unplugged, with no energy in my life to help illuminate me and give the spark that once brought such high motivation and vitality.

How could Eckankar membership really matter
so
much? I still loved the teachings, still sang the HU.

Taking a moment, I considered what it represented.

My Eckankar membership seemed to correspond to a commitment to the Divine. I had simply changed my level of commitment, and my spiritual linkup had changed accordingly.

Eckankar is said to be a direct path to God. I defi-Inner Guidance_CH 11-15.p65

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nitely felt the presence of God more strongly than ever once Eckankar came into my life. When I made my initial decision to study the teachings, I sensed that I had connected with a source of great, momentous energy. Outstanding synchronicity marked my days.

But at the moment, that was gone. Instead, I now saw an image that I did not like: The flow of life, like a great river, had been diverted, and I was left in a barren land. By my own choice, I had cut myself off from that current. Standing out in a desert—hot, dry, and deserted—I was alone. How others might live like this, I did not know, but I could hardly bear it.

I had to do something about this at once.

I
wrote a small donation check to Eckankar and enclosed it with a request to renew my membership and resume my study of the ECK discourses. I made a phone call to arrange to join a new Satsang. These were minor, outer things to do, but it felt like a significant inner commitment.

This will be an experiment, I decided. As long as I am still receiving the many benefits I have experienced from this spiritual study—the energy, love, insights, and guidance—I will continue as a member of Eckankar and give it my all.

That was the commitment I made to myself that day.

I took the envelope with my membership renewal request down to the post office and, with a sense of relief, dropped it in the mailbox.

W
hen I returned home that afternoon, the phone was ringing. To my great delight, I learned that the Inner Guidance_CH 11-15.p65

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project at the university was back on. A meeting had just ended; my name had come up, and it had been determined that I was to be part of an important study of education in the United States.

In fact, I had been selected to be in charge of my component of the study. Could I come to meet with the committee tomorrow?

This was a dream come true. Life was back on track!

I would have about two weeks to prepare, and then I’d be off on an exciting adventure, documenting alternative approaches to high-school education in a five-state area.

Although I didn’t know it at the time, that trip would result in an important job offer and opportunities that would put my career in high gear. I would remain out west and work with the public schools on innovative programs.

The message was obvious. Because I had made this spiritual commitment, new doors opened and brought an increased flow of Spirit into my life. I had realigned myself with Divine Spirit’s all-loving guidance. The choice had been mine.

I marvel at the opportunities we are given for greater awareness—opportunities to look at our lives and use our experiences as a gauge for spiritual progress.

I’ve continued in Satsang ever since, studying un-interruptedly year after year. And I’ve found I am always satisfied, always gaining more and more. The benefits are undeniable. I feel more peace, more love, more joy, and a constantly growing connection with the Divine.

Our inner guidance, the clear channel to God’s gentle voice, always knows the way to help us move into a new and higher state of consciousness. The guidance is always there, if only we ask and listen for the unique ways God speaks to us.

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Life was about to give me another gift, completely unexpected although definitely previewed by inner guidance. It would show me how abundant the blessings of God are for all of us, at all times.

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The Gift Has

Already Been Given:

Inner Guidance to Accept

Our Abundant Blessings

We must know that the gift is made even

before we see it. Consciousness must receive the
gift before it comes into manifestation on this
physical plane.

—Paul Twitchell

The Flute of God
16

T
he communication began, “You will teach for ten years . . .”

I waited to hear about the wonderful things

that would happen to me during those ten years! But the message continued in a completely different vein, in a direction that caused me confusion and some concern: “and then you will teach no longer.”

At times, we may not like the inner guidance we receive, but as we recognize the truth it brings, we can learn to trust it and ourselves. Our guidance should prove itself over time as our lives unfold. Guidance is not always crystal clear, nor is it something we follow 115

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blindly. Yet occasionally, incredibly lucid inner messages do come through. In those moments, it is obvious that Divine Spirit is answering a question or telling us something important.

So, like it or not, I knew I had to pay attention.

I have to admit, I was taken aback. Ten years! Before receiving this message, I felt absolutely certain that teaching would be my lifelong career. I could not imagine anything I’d rather do than teach high school. And what would cause me to stop teaching after ten years? I did not care at all to embrace this message.

I made an effort to calm myself. Perhaps this was only a
symbolic
message, like the one about having a baby. Besides, ten years was a long time. Still, I loved teaching! I was gaining national recognition for programs I was implementing, and my students were winning acclaim for their achievements.

Typically, when going into contemplation, I began my inner conversations by chatting happily, with no intention of being demanding or impertinent. Contemplation was a time for trying to quietly discover how to strengthen my relationship with the Divine. But this time I was uncertain how to proceed. Bumbling along and trusting that any errors I made would be tolerated, I now begged for clarity.

“But why?” I pleaded silently.

My questions were endless. Were all my plans and dreams to be suddenly turned to dust? After ten years, I would simply leave teaching completely? Would I not have a chance to reconsider the wisdom of this decision?

Would something happen that would cause me to
want
to make such a change?

Then I heard the message repeated very clearly.

“You will teach for ten years, and then you will teach no longer.”

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My inner guidance had shown me long ago that Divine Spirit was tolerant, at least to a certain extent.

In turn, I was willing to trust in this guidance and consider that whatever the outcome, it would be for my greatest good. Teaching was my passion, however, and I told myself that I would stay right where I was as long as it remained for the greatest good of my students and me.

I whispered inwardly, “I release all my concerns to Divine Spirit.” I would continue teaching—with confidence and love. Yet, if there were something even greater than this, I wanted to remain open to it, to experience the fullness of my life. I surrendered my concerns by simply saying, “If not this, then something greater!”

I
t was a time of change and growth. I was learning to do the Spiritual Exercises of ECK faithfully to stay in tune with the wonderful inner help and guidance that is always there. My commitment to the teachings of ECK was strong.

And my outer life was reflecting the abundance of my inner spiritual life.

I wanted career help, as I sought to move into the higher echelons of secondary alternative education. I was grateful for the invitation from Indiana University to go out west and supervise an educational project.

Once there, true to my guidance, I was offered a position, and I felt the gentle inner nudge to say yes and stay.

It would be months before my husband, Jon, could join me in Utah. He was a builder, and he had just contracted to build a house back in Indiana. I was getting used to my new teaching and administrative position, and there were plenty of things to occupy my time. I was enjoying the new challenges.

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The friends with whom I was temporarily staying were expecting a baby. I watched the process of preparing for the birth and attended educational sessions with my friend and her midwife. In Utah, natural childbirth was encouraged and considered the most desirable choice.

By sharing this process with my friend, I began to connect deeply with the concept of being a mother and to vicari-ously experience this special aspect of being a woman.

During that time of change, my dreams became exceptionally vivid. They included a series of visions that revealed how profoundly I wanted a baby. I remembered the message that had come through, loud and clear, as I sat at that stoplight back in Indiana not so long ago.

The timing seemed terrible, and the likelihood poor, but the longing was earnest and inescapable.

Susanna’s baby arrived. I assisted with the birthing process. Even though the delivery took many hours, it was a wonderful experience. Baby Bart could not have been more precious, and the midwife was remarkable.

I appreciated every moment.

Holding the baby right after he was born, I cried tears of both joy and sorrow. The feelings I was having were almost unbearable. I had to leave the house and go for a walk. Meandering through the woods, I wept in longing for the baby that the doctors had told me I could never have. As I cried, I questioned whether there could have been any truth to that inner message I had heard while waiting in my car for the light to change: