Inner Guidance (18 page)

“You will teach for ten years, and then you will teach no longer.”

With a sinking heart, I reflected on the significance of what was occurring here. Avon High School was where I had started my career, and the Nova program might somehow mark the end—my
last
school, if this insight into my future were to come to pass.

Despite my conflict and confusion, deep inside I felt the reassurance of inner guidance. I felt the prophecy would come true in my life and somehow work out for the best—just as so many other inner messages had in the past.

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C
hecking the validity of our inner guidance both inwardly and outwardly is essential. I decided I would just lightly hold on to the message and see what might come of it. If this were to be my last year of teaching, I knew something even better would be waiting for me.

Perhaps some sort of a karmic release would happen. As I looked at my inner guidance on this potentially impending change in my life, I sensed that behind it were forces set in motion long ago, all designed to lead me to my highest potential as Soul. Although I did not know what these ancient forces were, I prepared myself inwardly for whatever might come my way.

I would simply expect the best and put my attention on the present, trusting in the benevolent hand of God in my life. That is the way it is when we allow ourselves to be watched over and guided in the direction of our greatest good. The outcome, when it turned up, would certainly be most amazing.

I loved the school, contributed much to the program, and took the next step in my career as an educator. Yet this was also the year of my near-death accident: Sarah and I would be hit by a drunk driver. Sarah would remain unharmed, while I would be seriously injured.

It was also at the end of this tenth year of teaching, while recuperating from the accident, that I would hear about a new opportunity.

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16

Letting Go of Anger,

Accepting Grace:

Inner Guidance through

a Waking Dream

The daily struggles that life presents are
opportunities to cultivate spiritual grace.

—Harold Klemp

Wisdom of the Heart
, Book 122

S
arah and I were really enjoying Cincinnati. We had moved into an apartment in a very beautiful part of the city. Living near historic Mount Adams allowed us to enjoy nature and play together at the spacious, well-manicured park. There was a wonderful fine-arts museum just a short walk from my front door. I immediately felt at home in this bustling area.

A brilliant autumn was already at its peak when we arrived in late September.

I liked this area of the country, and I enjoyed where I lived and where I worked. However, the distance from our uptown home to the suburban high school where I was employed was another matter altogether! It was quite a long drive, and to arrive on time for my first class 149

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each morning, I had to leave very early and fight the traffic. Still, it was a price I was willing to pay to live near the heart of the city.

As a single mother, I found it a major undertaking to get my sleepy daughter up, dressed, fed, and ready to go out the door with her lunch, toys, and other para-phernalia. Then, after loading all my school papers and books into the car, to drive us safely in the early morning darkness to our destinations. Five days a week, I would drop Sarah off at preschool and then try to get to work early enough to prepare for a busy day of teaching. By the time I arrived in my classroom, just before 7:15, I was already stressed by the hassles of the commute.

Daily pressures were permeating my heart and mind.

I felt I was doing the best I could outwardly with the demands of life, but I clearly needed a new spiritual perspective.

As a student of Eckankar, I enjoyed my daily spiritual exercises, especially singing HU. HU allowed me to stay in a calm and untroubled state of mind, most of the time. The spiritual exercises also helped me create a greater inner awareness and mastery over my life.

One particular morning, I decided to ask a specific question during my spiritual exercise. “How can I live in a greater state of peace, harmony, and happiness,” I asked the Inner Master, “while being less affected by the stress and strain of everyday events?”

After posing this question, I continued to contemplate, and I sang HU several times. While I softly chanted this ancient name for God, I felt a strong stirring of love.

I almost immediately moved into a deep and expansive awareness. A simple question floated through my mind and heart:

If there were one simple thing that I could keep in
mind that would help me throughout this entire lifetime,
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what would it be?

The answer, the briefest inner guidance, came immediately. It came as one word:
grace
. I wondered about that word. My mind could not wrap itself around
grace
as my answer. The word
grace
just didn’t have any special meaning for me, and it was not anything I expected. I thought I might be given a word that had more immediate spiritual meaning for me—like
love
or
harmony
or
perseverance
.

What might the word
grace
actually mean in my busy, modern life?

The word stuck in my thoughts as I prepared to make my daily dash out of the house with Sarah. What did this word have to do with me—a hardworking, single mom who was struggling to make her way in a demanding world?

I decided to contemplate on this later. Right now I needed to gather up Sarah and our things and head out into the day. I made a mental note to look up the word
grace
in the dictionary as soon as I possibly could.

I snapped the seat belt around Sarah and dragged myself into the car. As I pulled out into traffic, I listened to my daughter singing a little song in the backseat, and I relaxed a bit just hearing the sweetness in her voice.

I
was about to experience a unique form of spiritual guidance called a waking dream. Harold Klemp writes, “Sometimes the Holy Spirit will arrange for an outer confirmation of what was revealed in your inner worlds, in your heart. This connection between the inner and the outer is what we call the waking dream.”23

Making my way easily through the downtown area, I headed north. When I entered the on-ramp, I could see Inner Guidance_CH 16-21.p65

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that the major highway was already busy with traffic.

I gathered speed to merge smoothly and signaled my move into the open lane.

Glancing into the rearview mirror, I was shocked to see a huge white truck coming up rapidly behind me.

It appeared the driver did not see my car about to enter the lane. He wasn’t moving over or slowing down at all. I was moving too fast to try to stop, but if I proceeded to merge, the truck would surely collide with my car.

There was nowhere else for me to go! Instinctively, I swerved off the road and over the narrow shoulder of the highway. I was forced to drive onto a grassy slope just above an imposing ditch.

As I made these frightening maneuvers, Sarah continued to sing in the backseat. Her little song was in stark contrast to the drama unfolding on the highway.

Somehow, I managed to bring the car safely to a stop, but we were now sitting at a steep and precarious angle. My heart was racing as I assessed the situation, but I forced myself to collect my thoughts. I calculated that if I could get the car moving fast enough along the embankment, I could get back over the shoulder and onto the highway, hopefully without needing emergency assistance.

I first looked around to judge whether I could make the maneuver safely, then took my shot at reentering the highway.

Cautiously, I accelerated and was greatly relieved to find myself moving quite smoothly along the grass.

I steered my car onto the shoulder and proceeded to merge into the flow of traffic. Shaken but determined, I gained speed and moved steadily along the highway.

Now I had the situation under control, yet I lapsed into a state of anger. I imagined the very worst about Inner Guidance_CH 16-21.p65

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the truck driver and his intentions. How dare that truck force us off the road! We could have been killed! The driver didn’t even stop to see if we were OK. How could he be so callous, so reckless? I really wanted to give him a piece of my mind.

Then something happened, a flash of remembered guidance. I recalled the word
grace.

I recalled the peaceful stillness I had experienced while singing HU earlier in the morning. I breathed deeply, and as I motored along, I sang HU quietly a few times. The inner calm began to return.

As this feeling of peace returned, I remembered an important fact of life: in some way, everything that happens is for our own spiritual benefit and growth. My daughter and I were safe and sound, not harmed in a single way. Indeed, we’d clearly been protected from a terrible collision. Gratitude began to seep in and illuminate all the dark corners of my mind and emotions.

And as I drove along, I again pondered how the word
grace
had just popped into my inner awareness that very morning. If I were responding to this incident with grace, I would definitely be thinking about how grateful I was that we were unharmed. I might even stop to consider that the truck driver perhaps never even saw my car. He probably didn’t know that he had nearly run a woman and her child into a ditch. After all, the highway was packed with rush-hour traffic, all vying for the same limited space. His attention was likely elsewhere on the road as he tried to drive safely.

Further, I realized that the truck driver was also Soul, and, like me, he was probably doing his very best in the moment. Taking a few deep breaths, I was able to slip into a calm and comforted state. At last, I felt nothing but a profound sense of gratitude flooding through me.

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M
y car was now effortlessly heading up a long rise. The white truck was likely not that far ahead of me. This incline always slowed down the larger vehicles; I’d probably overtake the truck on the long stretch uphill.

It would be easy to recognize the large semi that had forced me off the road; the truck and trailer were both bright white. I imagined what I would do when I passed him. With my new attitude, I wouldn’t glare at the driver and show anger. Whether he knew what had happened or not didn’t matter to me now. I would smile and nod my head, acknowledging him. We had shared a threatening moment and had all come out of it un-scathed, even if he didn’t realize it.

This was my plan: I would see his truck and look over at him and simply feel love for all life. I would keep a positive attitude, full of gratitude because all of us were safe and sound.

I saw the long white truck as I approached it. With a smile on my face, I took a deep breath and began to pass. As I glanced over to try to see the driver’s face, I could hardly believe my eyes. I couldn’t see the driver yet, but what I did see was a pristine white truck with one word painted on its side, in giant black letters: GRACE! It was a Grace truck, from a manufacturing company with a private trucking line.

When I saw the driver, I was grinning like the Cheshire cat! I was beaming, laughing, and shaking my head. The driver couldn’t help noticing me. He smiled back and nodded in my direction, giving me a little wave.

Of course, he had no idea what had happened. And he would never know how instrumental he’d been in the delivery of a crystal-clear spiritual message—a waking-dream message that it had taken an entire eighteen-wheeler to deliver!

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W
aking dreams are a wonderful way Divine Spirit nudges us to let go of old habits that are limiting our perspective. For me, letting go of anger and accepting grace that day changed everything. I knew from the teachings of Eckankar that my attitude affected every aspect of my existence. When I am in a state of peace and joy, I easily attract experiences of peace and joy.

When tense and full of worry, doubt, or fear, I certainly cut myself off from the guidance and love that are always available.

To receive God’s love and the divine flow of the universe, we have to align ourselves with it.

The Mahanta, the Inner Master, works with us to help disarm any potentially damaging karmic situations. Yet, we are ultimately responsible for obeying spiritual law and working consciously to help create our highest good. This was a liberating revelation.

With this knowledge I could begin to take greater responsibility for creating the life I really desired. I wanted a life that was more in harmony with the spiritual states of grace, love, joy, wisdom, and freedom.

The Grace truck was all about relaxing the tensions of my life. Things became easier and more pleasant for me as I learned to relax more. I trusted that I was receiving help inwardly from the Mahanta, my inner guide, as I consciously sought to also be more responsible for my own life. My appreciation for life’s simple gifts grew, and my heart seemed to gain a greater ca-pacity to express love and gratitude.