Inspiration Point (13 page)

“We had better do some packing or Emin won’t let me
hang around to see you later.”

“If we must,” I complained light heartedly.

I grabbed a suitcase and started packing.  Zeke
lay on my bed, content to watch me, asking questions about my favorite things
like movies, music and food.  The only thing we didn’t talk about is what
would happen after today, and I certainly wasn’t going to bring it up – I would
deal with that later.  I had packed most of my clothes when I realized I
was missing something.

“Oh, there’s something I need in washing,” I said
quickly as I ducked out of the room.

I found what I wanted straight away – my emerald green
tank top, it would be a perfect way to remember my first kiss with Zeke. 
When I took it back to my room, he smiled remembering that night too. 

“Something to remember me by?” He asked.

I smiled and nodded not quite knowing what else to say
and not wanting the mood to change yet.  I folded the shirt carefully and
placed it in my bag.  I then went to my dresser and started to get my
pajamas and some underwear – this peaked his attention again so I quickly tried
to pack them away without him seeing, this didn’t work.  He reached over
and snatched my favorite yellow bra away from me.  It was pretty with
ribbon and lace and he held it approvingly between his fingers, smiling at me.

“Well, it’s a shame I won’t get to see you wear this
isn’t it?”

I quickly took it out of his hands feeling myself
blush and responded “Well, it will be something for you to think about while I
am away won't it.  Maybe it will help you remember me when you have all
those girls hanging around you.”

I didn’t mean to voice one of my fears just yet.
 I wanted to keep the playful mood we had shared all morning a little
longer, but it just slipped out.  I looked at his face and regretted it
instantly, he seemed so disappointed in me.

“Do you really think my feelings for you will change
while you're away?” He asked, saddened by what I had just said.  “That I
could feel this way about some other girl?”

“We don’t know when I will be back though – we don’t
know if I can come back,” I said letting all my fears surface now.  I
suppose we had to deal with this sooner or later.

“Well I will come to you then Hayln – I will find a
way, I won’t let you go now,” he said confidently.

“We don’t even know where we are going, Dad won’t tell
us, so how will you be able to find me? I asked, getting more upset by the
minute.

“When the time is right you can let me know, your
brilliant remember, I know you will find a way,” he smiled and brought me over
to sit on his lap. 

I buried my face close to his neck fighting back the
sudden urge to cry. 

“And if you can’t reach me, I will just search every
inch of the planet until I find you.”  

We sat like this for a while, neither of us saying
anything.  I listened to his heartbeat and breathed in his scent wanting
to remember everything about him.

“Is there anything else you would like to take?” He
asked.

“You,” I answered simply.

He smiled playfully. “I was thinking more along the
lines of photos or something like that.”

“That’s a good idea actually,” I said as I grabbed my
photo album. 

There wasn’t enough room for the whole book so I
flicked through grabbing the ones I wanted, one of our house and one of Tyler
and me at school.  I kept searching looking for one of Zeke, but the most
recent one was taken at least five years ago.

“I can’t believe I don’t have a more recent photo of
you,” I said a little upset.

“I can have a look for one at home if you like while
you are at the shops with your Mum,” he said reassuringly.

“Thank you,” I said, but that wasn't right I needed to
say more.  “For everything, you have made today perfect.  The last
couple of days actually, I'll miss you.”

My hands followed the lines of his face trying to
memorize every last part of him.  His olive skin, his strong jaw, and his
soft, dark hair that always seemed to be in the way of those amazing eyes.

“No thank you Hayln, for choosing me, these last few
days are the happiest I can remember.  I’ll miss you too, but it's not forever,
you have to remember that.”

I kissed him again letting my hands drift down over
his chest, etching this moment in my memory.  We were suddenly interrupted
by Emin walking past my room shouting out that he and Mum had returned,
obviously to interrupt us.  We both smiled at each other, finding his
awkwardness with our relationship amusing.

I packed the photos in a side pocket of my bag, just
as my Mum knocked on the door.

“How did you go, all packed? She asked before she was
in the room, giving us a warning that she was coming in.

“Pretty much,” I answered. “I just have to throw in
some toiletries once I get ready for the benefit.”  She didn't seem
surprised to see Zeke and I in each other’s arms.

“Well we probably should go shopping then, if you’re
ready?”

“I suppose,” I said looking at Zeke not wanting to
leave him. 

“I’ll be here when you get home,” he said smiling.

“What about Emin, he might have something to say about
that?” I queried.

“Leave Emin to me, anyway I want to spend some time
with him too,” he said as we got up.

I realized then he would be losing a best friend as
well when we disappeared tonight. 

We all left my room and went downstairs to where Dad
and Emin were.  I left Zeke there with them, he kissed me on the cheek
before he let go of my hand.  Mum and I went to the car and headed to
town.  It felt different, as if she was looking forward to spending time
with me, rather than being tied down by a responsibility.  I decided to
ask her something I had been thinking about since breakfast.

“You didn’t seem particularly surprised to find out
about Zeke and me this morning?

“No I wasn’t, I'd been wondering about it for a while
actually,” she replied.

“Really – how come I had no idea then,” I thought
speaking out loud.

“Well in your defense he did a pretty convincing job
of keeping it to himself, for your brother’s benefit I suppose.  I tried
explaining that to him this morning, but he doesn’t want to listen at the
moment, but he will come around.” She smiled at me before she continued.

“A few months ago when you were spending the weekend
with me, you were studying in the lounge room while the boys were watching
television.  I noticed he kept looking over to you, smiling to
himself.  At first I thought he was about to tease you again, but then I
stopped and actually looked at him.  He was mesmerized, as if he was
seeing you for the first time.  Then he noticed me watching him, watch
you, and he stopped.  He didn’t come over while you were there after that,
so I assumed he had feelings for you.  But I didn’t realize you had
feelings for him until you wanted him to stay so badly after your father was
home.”

“The whole thing took me by surprise actually,
especially how much I care for him after such a short time,” I said honestly.

“I think that is understandable considering how long
you have known each other, he’s always been a part of your life Hayln.”

“That’s true,” I thought to myself.

We were talking to each other so freely it felt as if
a door had been open between us that had been closed and locked for
years.  So I made my mind up to ask her a few more questions while she was
in this frame of mind.

“It seems to have made a significant difference to
you,” I started. “Having me know the truth about the past.”

“Yes, and I am sorry about that, but it truly has made
a difference.  As if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.” She did
look relieved, even younger I thought to myself.

“It was horrible seeing you and Emin look at me,
wondering why I wouldn’t try to work things out with your father.  I could
never explain to either of you my reasons why.  I had come to terms with
the fact that you would never understand the cause of it, and I would always be
to blame.”

“I do understand Mum.” I reassured her. “You were
never given the chance to grieve the child you lost, you weren’t asked whether
you wanted to be a part of Dad’s experiment, and you were tricked into loving
me for five years before you knew the truth – that I wasn’t your child.”

I could see she was going to say something, but I
continued before she could, I wanted to get this all out.

“I don’t blame you for leaving Dad after what he did.
 I'm still not sure how I feel about it either, but I will worry about
that once we are safely out of here.  I guess what I am trying to say is
you shouldn’t feel guilty about any of it.”

She sighed shaking her head. “Thank you for being so
understanding Hayln, but you’re wrong, I have plenty to feel guilty
about.  Mostly with how I treated you after I knew the truth.”  She
paused before she continued as if to get her thoughts together.

“There is no straightforward explanation for it,
because I have tried to make sense of my behavior for years and couldn’t. 
At first I put all the blame on you, thinking that if you weren’t born we would
all still be together, and your father I could have tried for another
child.  But after a few months I saw the flaws in that theory.  It
was your father, and not you, who betrayed me.  But you were the result of
his betrayal, and seeing you was a constant reminder of that.  This was
how I made sense of what happened for years after the divorce, until one day
you didn’t call me Mum anymore, do you remember that?”

“Yes”, I whispered as she found a park near some small
shops.

“That was when I knew I had been fooling myself, to
think I didn’t love you. No matter what your father did you
were
still
my daughter, and I treated you horribly.  I did try to change, believe
me.  But I couldn’t get around the fact, that without you knowing the
truth, you would never be able to forgive me.  I begged your father a
number of times to tell you both, but he refused, which only made the situation
worse I guess.”

She took a deep breath and looked at me, commanding my
attention.

“But that is in the past now, we all know the truth,
and I’m going to use every day to make this right again Hayln.  You are my
daughter, and I love you.  I never should've made you feel as if you were
the one to blame.”

We hugged each other tightly, and I could hear her
starting to cry as the tears started to well in my eyes too.  Before the
tears took over, she sat back wiping mine away, and then hers before grabbing
her handbag.

“Let’s go find you something amazing,” she said
sounding excited. 

I rolled my eyes at her enthusiasm to find me a dress
to wear, to an event we were going disappear from, but I didn’t argue, I was
enjoying her attention.  We went into a little boutique not far from where
we parked.  It had beautiful clothes, although nothing I would normally
wear.  The lady behind the counter greeted my mother by her first name,
she must come here often I thought to myself.  We headed over to the
evening wear section looking though the dresses.

“What about this one?” Mum said holding up a red dress
with a halter neck.

I screwed my nose up.

“Well do you have a favorite color?” She asked

“Green,” I answered without thinking.  “Emerald
green.”

She nodded at me approvingly and went to look over the
dresses again before getting the saleslady’s attention.

“Nicole, do you have anything in emerald green?” She
asked

“Actually Evelyn I do, I got a delivery this morning,
just let me have a look for you,” she said politely.

Mum smiled and rubbed her hands together, excited at
this prospect.  I held back my urge to laugh, because this seemed
ridiculous to me, but I humored her. When Nicole returned she held the most
beautiful emerald green satin dress in her hands, which looked just my size.

“What do you think of this one?” She said, holding it
up for us to look at.

Mum looked at me waiting to hear what I thought of it.

“I’ll try it on.” I said, not wanting to sound too
excited about wearing a dress like that.  But it certainly was lovely, I
just hoped it looked nice on.

I stepped into the gown, the fabric was quite thick
but felt smooth on my skin.  It was strapless and hugged my figure all the
way down to the top of my knees where it swept out into a bell shape.  It
fitted perfectly, and I felt beautiful in it.  I opened the curtain to the
fitting room to show my mother, and when she saw me, she took a quick breath in
while I spun around to give her the full effect.

“It’s perfect,” she crooned.  “You look
beautiful.”

“The color is lovely on you,” Nicole added.

I looked in the mirror, the color was perfect, and the
dress was perfect.

“I think we’ll take it,” Mum said while she watched me
turn in the mirror.  I nodded, and went into the dressing room, to change
back into my own clothes.  I took the dress over to the counter where my
mother was talking to Nicole about the weather.  When I joined them, she
smiled at me and casually asked my mother.  “And who are you shopping with
today Evelyn?”